<p>Sorry to be a downer, but I have agreed to cook for my husband’s family which includes a father-in-law who, when he sees me in the kitchen for hours, says, “Do you do windows?” (Every year, I try and laugh, thinking that he’s trying to be funny, but it gets tougher each year). A sister-in-law who asks me the same question every time she sees me (how’s your Mom? how’s your brother? You have 2 brothers, right? How’s your sister? How many sisters do you have?) and I have known her since 1986. And her boyfriend, who is (because of Parkinson’s) unintelligible. I try to make out what he’s saying, and he has a dry sense of humor (I think) but it’s a struggle. </p>
<p>I could have said “no” to doing it at our house this year, but I already offered. And I’m glad they have a place to come to. And it’s nice for the kids to see family.</p>
<p>Everyone seems to have some of these types of relatives. Our particular burden is the spouse’s parents. We deal with it by having a big Thanksgiving dinner, with family and friends. Having lots of other people around–especially people who aren’t family–effectively shuts down my FIL’s bad behavior. He and my MIL tend to get antsy when sitting around for a long time, so if we eat at a leisurely pace and take a break before dessert, we don’t have them around for the entire evening. </p>
<p>Here’s to hoping that I turn into the kind of older relative who doesn’t have to be stage-managed. :)</p>
<p>That is a great idea! I’ve also heard you can offer to have a nearby college student (who can’t get home for the holiday) over for dinner. That way, everyone would be marginally more behaved…</p>
<p>That is always a drag, Class, when you are the one doing all the work. Then again, just think, you can escape from boring conversation because you’ll be busy. It sounds better than some family get togethers, where people just fight. I have mixed emotions. I’m really glad to see everyone (husband’s side of the family, we all meet up in a central location), but dread when people start drinking and arguing. There are very diverse points of view in his family, I don’t know how they do it, but I try not to get sucked into it if I can. People will hold grudges for years if you say the wrong thing.</p>
<p>I’m happy that my kids are coming home but do dread all the cooking. It’s just the four of us but still have to cook all the assorted requisite dishes as if it were a crowd. Since I’m the only female in the house, I do all the shopping, all the cooking, all the clean up and the guys just come plop down at the table, woof it down in record time and then disappear. Makes me feel like all the work is not really worth it.<br>
I keep hoping someday DH will say “let’s go out to eat”. But my boys want me to cook since living the college student/bachelor life doesn’t provide many good meals. So I cook.</p>
<p>Check back at Christmas when I’ll really be pulling my hair out. I have to cook for my extended family (9 of us) on the 22nd. We leave on the 23rd to travel five hours to our vacation home where I’ll have to cook for DH’s family (10 of us) on Christmas day. Dread is not even the word to describe it.</p>
<p>Dreading it? A little bit.
Two of four of my kids will be home and my ex-husband is coming. again. second year in a row - when can I start uninviting him???
The upside - I leave for Florida the day after to spend 6 days with my Dad! Golf and sun and pool!!</p>
<p>PackMom - that does not sound fun to me. We are in the car tomorrow for 7 hours to my brother’s house. There will be about 25 for lunch and my SIL and I do the majority of the cooking. We’ve done it for years and we have it down to a science. The best part is that my step-mom and aunt do all the dishes AND because we cooked the BIG meal we get out of doing most everything else the rest of the weekend. My divorced parents come with their spouses and everyone behaves - quite refreshing actually! I will say that there is usually enough (not too much) wine/sangria/martinis to keep the in-between generation smiling.</p>
<p>We do not travel at Christmas. H’s family is here and because we are the only one’s with kids we always host Christmas Eve. I got tired of rushing to cook and keep everything warm while we went to church, so now I put on 2 big pots of chili/soup and dinner is served.</p>
<p>This is our first Thanksgiving without my mom, who is now too frail from dementia to leave the nursing home. I’m over grieving about that, though. It’s too dangerous for her and too stressful for us. Instead, I’m looking forward to the musical duo they’re having during TG lunch because they play great Motown! We’ll dash over there, eat lightly, then come home for our own TG dinner.</p>
<p>Here’s the part I dread. We invited a friend–a single guy who has been on a search for the perfect mate for about 15 years, hasn’t found her yet, and can take up a lot of air time lamenting this fact if you let him. Then he asked my H if he could bring a neighbor who’s going through a nasty divorce, is depressed, and didn’t want to be alone. Don’t they sound like fun guests? My S, who sees a silver lining in just about everything, convinced me that we might have some great stories to tell after this Thanksgiving: first a Motown lunch at the nursing home, then “entertaining” two lonely and cranky middle-aged men. Sheesh.</p>
<p>Geezermom - so sorry to hear about your mom. I think your S has it right. Believe me every family gathering we have is a potential story - every one is/can be kooky, quirky, downright crazy. We go into it knowing that we have to laugh.</p>
<p>Please believe that I am not trying to be insulting towards you or trying to be demeaning or anything, but…</p>
<p>If you act like a doormat, you shouldn’t be surprised when people step all over you.</p>
<p>I think you need to assert yourself in a serious way, or even go on strike.</p>
<p>1) Tell your sons and husband, after dinner is over, “I cooked, now you guys have to clean up!”, walk away, and leave it to them. Who knows, you might be surprised. At worst they crassly do nothing, and you are no worse off.</p>
<p>And tell them next year you want a break, and either they have to do the shopping and cooking, or you’re going out.</p>
<p>2) Tell DH it’s too much to cook for 9 people on the 22nd, then travel for hours to cook for 10 more (I’ll go out on a limb here and guess you do all the gift shopping and decorating, too). Either he has to arrange for his family to pot luck it and bring the food, or he has to arrange for it to be catered.</p>
<p>I mean, come on! Enough is enough. Put your foot down. (I’d say “man up”, but… )</p>
<p>PackMom, can I make a gentle suggestion? Could you perhaps ease your sons into the idea of helping with Thanksgiving by giving each one a single responsibility? You could explain that you’d appreciate both the help and their company and then let each one choose amongst a small number of options. Hand them the recipe and point out the ingredients. Mashed potatoes is an obvious choice since the mashing is so manly. Salad is pretty easy too. If shopping assistance would be more useful, get one of them to buy the pies and ice cream. If you can get your boys to help you you’ll be happier and you’ll also better prepare them to fend for themselves and/or share in household responsibilities with a future partner.</p>
<p>I did that one year too. All the women went on a long walk after dinner and the men cleaned up and then watched more football. The bad news is my dad put dish soap in BOTH dishwashers, and either my husband or my MIL’s husband threw the turkey carcass in an uncovered trash bin. We women came back to rivers of suds pouring out of both dishwashers, and the dogs having a tug of war with the turkey, skidding through the soapy wonderland! The men were oblivious to the havoc they created.</p>
<p>I must admit I have a love/hate relationship with Thanksgiving. Love having my family around. Do not exactly hate all the work on Wed/Thu, but by the time we all sit down to eat, I’m ready to pass out or throw up. My family has a wonderful “turkey bowl” tradition (post-meal trip to the bowling alley) but most years I’m honestly too tired to go.</p>
<p>For many years I’ve held Friday out as my holiday–I do not get out of bed except to get the paper, a cup of tea, . . .</p>
<p>Thanksgiving was major drama in our family for a long time. It is a battle of the sexes. The women are expected to be on their feet the entire day, except to eat dinner, and do ALL of the work while the men are indignant if anybody even suggests they lift a finger. The men love thanksgiving, the women hate it. They are literally on their feet from 8am to 11pm without a break besides dinner. When I came of age and it came time for me to join the kitchen forces I refused unless they would make one of the boys help too, and they wouldn’t, so I still don’t work in the kitchen. I do invariably end up child-minding though no matter what the occasion, because for whatever reason my sister does not feel responsible for her own brood if I am around. So I spend the entire holiday chasing after 5 kids, three of which with special needs.</p>
<p>My mom had had quite enough of that arrangement last year and now Thanksgiving is an immediate-family-only occasion. My fiance and my younger sister’s boyfriend are welcome but that’s it, not even my older sister is invited. We’ll see everyone at xmas eve, which is a much more laid back holiday for us anyway.</p>
<p>Put me in the “dread” camp.
My brother-in-law has two boys that are wild. Two years ago, one boy climbed up the back of our outdoor fireplace and jumped in, getting stuck up to his shoulders (rescued, no permanent damage). The second boy, during the same dinner, climbed on a closet rod and walked up the back closet wall with muddy feet (still need to repaint, and I get mad every time I see that wall).
I have only daughters, so this makes me crazy.</p>
<p>I am feeling very blessed We had Thanksgiving this weekend. 30 people- great time. Everyone brought several dishes. Everyone pitches in to clean up- except the seniors in the group. We are very fortunate.</p>