Who's Going to Help with Grad School Apps?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Or perhaps I should phrase it another way - who’s going to get shanghaied and end up chained to the oars?</p>

<p>Are you planning to assist your undergrad to research graduate or professional programs, and/or will you be willing to provide administrative assistance to put together grad school applications - transcripts, test registrations, etc?</p>

<p>I know I’ll be stuck with a more-than-trivial share of the load again, though I will INSIST that he conduct all of the in-depth research for individual programs. Must draw the line somewhere (sounds pitiful, I know).</p>

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<p>No way do I plan to help with grad school applications. I did all of mine completely on my own back in those preInternet days. This included my finding out about fellowships and other opportunities.</p>

<p>When I flew to start grad school at Stanford, I had never been west of Detroit, and had only been that far west for a Thanksgiving weekend with a roommate. I had also had to figure out on my own how to get from the SF airport to Stanford.</p>

<p>IMO if a young adult is not capable of researching grad schools and doing their applications, they aren’t mature enough to be heading to grad school.</p>

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<p>IMO if a young adult is not capable of researching grad schools and doing their applications, they aren’t mature enough to be heading to grad school.</p>

<p>Exactly. I mean, really…</p>

4

<p>I will be happy to do logistical things, from time to time, from my office- like fax or email forms when my UG student is out & about, not near office equipment, but the rest is up to her.</p>

<p>Oh, I would also be more than happy to talk over the various options and schools with her along the way, as a sounding board.</p>

5

<p>I really didn’t intend to put on a “kick me” sign. If you ain’t gonna do it, you ain’t, good for you. And hey, nix on the “immature” implications too - them’s fightin’ words. Geez.</p>

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<p>Ditto. The only help I got from my parents was that my father advanced me some money so I could put down a month’s rent in advance to live with four other people in grad student squalor. After that I was on my own.</p>

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<p>*And hey, nix on the “immature” implications too - them’s fightin’ words. *</p>

<p>Or reality. Take your pcik.</p>

8

<p>well
when I got done researching and touring middle schools, when D was going into 9th grade, I sighed that at least she would take care of college applications and touring by herself

  • or not*
    BUt now that she has graduated college, is registered to vote and licensed to drive in another state, and I can’t remember the last time she asked me for money, I think she can probably handle graduate school on her own.
    I mean, why would I want to get involved with that stuff for?
    I really can’t imagine butting in.</p>

<p>* when I was her age*… I was married, had given birth to a baby who had to stay in intensive care for 8 weeks, and just had the support of my husband who was practically as young, and not good at all with drs & emotional support from my employer ( I was the nanny)</p>

<p>I think that even if I wanted to advise her about next steps that unless she asks for help, it would be butting in.</p>

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<p>

Not planning on doing it, but if asked to assist with some of the drudge work or proofreading (which she won’t) I would not refuse.</p>

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<p>Snappy, if you knew a bit more about my son, you would laugh at yourself for suggesting (twice now) that he is immature. But you don’t, so you should take a powder. </p>

<p>I applied to one program at four different universities, and took the one that offered the most money. He’s going to apply to at least three different types of programs, which have varying requirements, and will probably submit a fair number of apps. He is overseas, therefore logistics are tougher. He often asks my opinion about course selection, it is not surprising that he’d appreciate assistance with graduate school planning and applications.</p>

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<p>“Or perhaps I should phrase it another way - who’s going to get shanghaied and end up chained to the oars?..I know I’ll be stuck with a more-than-trivial share of the load again”</p>

<p>Yulsie,
Look at how you phrased your post. It didn’t sound like you were imagining yourself as a sounding board, but that you imagined yourself being dragged into doing most of the work for your s’s applying to grad school. </p>

<p>I do believe that anyone who would need to either be shanghaied or chained to oars to do their graduate applications is too immature to be going to grad school. Anyone who’d shanghai their parents into helping them with graduate school applications is too immature for college.</p>

<p>Whether those things describe your S is between you and him. I don’t know him, so can’t comment about his character.</p>

<p>I can, though, answer your question: I don’t plan to be doing lots to help my sons apply to grad school. If they need lots of help from me, IMO they won’t be ready for grad school. Either they will lack a real interest in grad school or they will be too immature for grad school.</p>

<p>I have a friend who’s in her early 50s who traveled by herself throughout Africa on her own dime after senior year in h.s. In those preInternet days, she still managed to apply to college without much if any help from her parents (who didn’t even know where she was in Africa most of the time). </p>

<p>Now, it’s even easier to research colleges and graduate programs and to get one’s application in with the click of a computer key. Other than being a sounding board if one’s offspring wishes to use one for that purpose, I don’t see any reason why parents would need to be heavily involved in that process.</p>

<p>I also think that when parents are doing the lion’s share of the work for a kid’s applying to college, the kid probably isn’t ready for college. I learned that the hard way with my older S. I was the one structuring him and chaining him to the oars, so to speak, for him to apply to the colleges that he said he wanted to go to.</p>

<p>I learned my lesson with that S, and did not structure younger S when it was time for him to apply to college. I was willing to be a sounding board, I also had taken him to see some colleges, but I didn’t structure his time or lean on him to make deadlines.</p>

<p>So, he didn’t get apps in, and ended up, however, on his own getting an application in for an Americorps job, which he got and enjoyed. He also has gotten two college apps in without my chaining him to the oars or playing the heavy.</p>

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<p>Mine did ask me to proof read her essays - I read one, then decided I would not read any more. I even posted here for some guidance, but decided I should not be involved. She seemed hurt, but, I explained that I did not want my opinion to influence her essays in any way. I had differing opinions on some points, which I kept to myself. I just strongly felt that her essays should be 100% “her”, with no influence of any kind from me. And, given the now huge difference between the levels of our respective formal educations, she should be 500% better at grammar and writing expression, so, my input might actually hurt the quality of her work, I reasoned. I shouldn’t be the filter between her and her evolving life. </p>

<p>So, I am demoted back to the position of provider of funds. Happily I’m very good at it and this is where I can best be of some use to her.</p>

13

<p>We’re in the process now. We found that my daughter had plenty of suggestions from her advisers in her department at school - she didn’t ask for any help from us, except for information that needs to go on the fafsa forms. </p>

<p>There really wasn’t anything for us to do. She had to get the recommendations, the transcripts, supply a writing sample, fill out the app and write the personal statement online. There isn’t even any mailing to do with the online apps these days. She had most of it done before she came home for winter break. Even if we’d wanted to help, it just wasn’t practical.</p>

<p>Where she has asked for our advice is in trying to choose among the options that open up for her as the results come in. Even there, our advice has been “go with your heart.” She’s in the middle of making a decision that is probably one of the most important she’ll ever make. It will guide her career for the next several years, and maybe for life. It’s a biggie. At this point, our job is to stand back and let her make her choice for herself - after all, it won’t even be our money anymore.</p>

<p>And as far as proofreading -um, I don’t think my D would let me near her writing, and I don’t blame her!</p>

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<p>I will be much much much more removed from advising/guiding/suggesting grad school stuff than I was with undergrad. At this point in my son’s academic career, I hope he knows more about how to go to a grad school program that he wants than I do.</p>

<p>However, I will be hovering and asking questions.</p>

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<p>You may be surprised. You may not have that opportunity. Happily, of course! Although we can always ask questions, it’s the hovering I doubt will occur.</p>

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<p>Some tips about applying to grad school.</p>

<p>Research individual programs and individual faculty. Some departments may be very strong in general but may lack a faculty working in the specific area of interest of the applicant. A student applying to study, say, Indonesian politics in a department that has no one working in that area would come across badly. Many departments have websites that list members of the faculty, their publications and their current research interest.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Make sure to take the GRE, MCAT, LSAT, or whatever tests are required for grad school in time for applications to be reviewed. For grad school, this tends to be January, whcih means that the GRE should be taken in December.</p></li>
<li><p>Get profs to write recommendations. Remind the profs of the course you took, how you did, what you wrote on (perhaps bring a copy of the paper) so that the prof can refresh his/her memory of your performance.</p></li>
<li><p>Include a writing sample if you are applying for humanities/social sciences departments. This can be part of a senior thesis or a term paper that showcases your research and writing abilities.</p></li>
<li><p>Work hard on the statement. This should not be a list of the courses you’ve taken but a description of your interests as a prospective graduate student (e.g., I’m interested in the social and religious history of France and want to focus in particular on the monastic community of Port-Royal…)</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Looking at this list, there is not a lot of space for a parent to be involved, unlike the college application process.</p>

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<p>I can happily report that my S applied to 8 universities for Ph.D programs and never asked for a shred of help. (Of course, he didn’t ask first before he used our credit card to send in the application fees ;)) He seems to have received all the advice he needed from his college professors. With his first acceptance he did call to solicit my advice as to how to handle his travel plans to visit the university. I was happy to provide assistance in this regard.</p>

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<p>

Or earlier! ETS is no more competent for graduate school applicants than it is for undergrad applicants. I took the test over the summer and was very glad to have it out of the way before the semester started and also to have early warning when ETS failed to send scores to one of my programs.</p>

<p>If your kid has to take a subject test (and plans to take the Nov or Dec test; most are offered only in April, Nov, and Dec), it might be good to send a friendly registration reminder in August, when November/December registration will be available. The seats fill up pretty quickly in some test centers.</p>

<p>One place I would have appreciated my parents being involved was the monetary place. :wink: I spent over $1000 applying to grad schools last year, between test fees, score-sending fees, application fees, mailing fees, and I’m-bored-in-the-airport-on-my-eighty-fifth-interview-and-need-a-new-book fees.</p>

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<p>* For grad school, this tends to be January, whcih means that the GRE should be taken in December.*</p>

<p>I agree with mollie in that they should be taken earlier than December. Heck, half of my apps were due Dec. 15th.</p>

20

<p>Yes. I should have written that GREs should be taken by December at the latest.</p>

<p>However, GRE scores can be added to applications (like SAT scores) so all is not lost.</p>