My son is a Freshman in college. When he comes home,he always stays at his dads house. We live 10 miles apart. He says his dads house is more centrally located to all his friends. He has me call him every day in college for a wake up call, and only contacts me when he needs money. My feelings are hurt because he never makes any effort to see me.
Really?
Let him wake himself up and ask his father for money.
Are you saying your son doesn’t SEE you when he is at home? Or are you just saying that he doesn’t STAY with you?
Please clarify.
Welcome to CC.
What is your question?
He does not stay here,he occasionally drops by my work,maybe, to see me, will go out to eat if I invite him, just does’nt stay the night, has his friends over alotat his dads, his fathers house bigger than mine
How can we help you?
My mom lived in a one bedroom apartment. I NEVER stayed at her house after I graduated from high school. There just wasn’t room. I wasn’t interested in sleeping on a couch or whatever. I had my dad’s home, and lots of friends…and that’s where I stayed.
I never was in town for extended times. But I did see my mom for dinners, and would also take her out to places she liked.
For 10 $, your son can buy himself an alarm clock at Walmart.
Why are you waking up a college kid every day?
First, quit waking him up at college. Is there a reason why he wants you to do that? I do think it a little odd he doesn’t see you more, but kids this age can be very self centered. If he stays with his Dad, then so be it. That is one you’ll have to just come to grips with. My parents were masters of guilt, so was my FIL with my husband. This is what I learned from that…laying on guilt to see you will only push them away. It’s such a drag to listen to. If you want to see your son, then make arrangements with him to see him. Don’t wait around for the call. Keep it fun and light and let him know you are just happy to see him. No guilt comments.
Who lives closer to the marital house? At his age being close to old friends and memories is important . Does he hold either of you responsible for the split? You call him every morning; does he talk with dad at all other than when he stays with him?
There are lots of aspects to consider.
My feelings would be hurt too @01togo. I would make some changes along the lines of what has been suggested by other posters. Don’t keep doing what you are doing for him as it doesn’t appear to be appreciated. I would also think about letting your son know how you are feeling.
We’ve been apart since 2005, growing up they were at dads more, as I have always worked crazy hours. He talks to dad a lot, as dad is chief financial contributor. He runs to me when dad mad at him. He really dislikes who his father is and hates step mom, but continues to stay there.
I suggest being upfront and honest. Tell your son you’d like to see more of him when he is home and make arrangements to do so.
Are you expecting a change to happen now…in 2018…when this apparently has been the way it has been since 2005? That’s 13 years.
Keep making dates with him to have dinner, or come to visit. Why does he need to stay with you for him to be an active part of your life…when that seems to have not been the case…for years?
Wow… 13 years is a very long time to be “apart.” If he’s a college freshman, it represents the vast majority of his memories.
My guess is that he’s taking the devil he knows-- his dad and stepmom-- over someone he really doesn’t know as well as you would hope: you.
I think you need to start to build a relationship slowly and not force it.
A tough situation. Lots of good advice.
Should you stop waking him up at college? Normally I would say absolutely. But…if that is his way of maintaining a connection to you? Of you proving to him that you are there for him? Difficult.
I don’t want to be mean, but if you chose long ago to work crazy hours rather than spend time with him starting at age 5 or 6…that may be something you have to work at repairing. You could have a long, honest talk about your feelings and his, but you may not like some of what you hear. Your feelings are hurt, and I feel for you. How did he feel back then?
You said “they.” Are their other kids? If so, how is your relationship with them?