<p>I mean, it’s not like the parents would not expect there won’t be any kind of sexual activities going on in the dorm. The parents always say “wait till you are in college”, and when their son/daughter really get to college, they say “wait till you graduate”, and eventually it goes all the way to marriage. Why do they have to be so uber-conservative?</p>
<p>All parents aren’t like that.
Still, any parent – or student for that matter – who has good sense would be concerned about STDs, pregnancy, and other potential problems related to sex.</p>
<p>Yes, Northstar!
lazyguy, We told our girls to wait for true love, not infatuation and that it should be a beautiful experience, not some drunken hook up in some stairwell or random dorm room. Sex should be part of a healthy interpersonal relationship and few kids under the age of 18 are capable of recognizing that kind of relationship. Are college kids going to have sex? Yes. Should they be responsible and avoid turning it into something akin to using the restroom, absolutely.</p>
<p>I agree with Sarahsmom and told my sons the same thing.</p>
<p>Good luck with THAT! In this day and age of lipstick parties…</p>
<p>Lipstick parties? Do I want to know?</p>
<p>No, you don’t. It also may be something of an urban legend, at least as far as how common it is: <a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow_party_(sexuality)[/url]”>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow_party_(sexuality)</a></p>
<p>My girls call them “rainbow parties”.
Momofwildchild, we’ve had very good luck, thank you. Sorry if that’s hard for you to deal with.</p>
<p>Also some people have conservative morals as far as casual sex is concerned and actively teach that to their kids. Not EVERYONE thinks its just great to be sexual with any Joe who walks down the road.</p>
<p>It’s only hard for me to deal with self-righteous parents who think their limited world is reflective of the greater universe.</p>
<p>I am not condoning casual sex and I am not happy at what I am seeing going on, because I truly feel it doesn’t lead to healthy intimacy.</p>
<p>I have taken the position that the decision on when to have sex is my daughter’s decision to make not mine, but I have remained open and supportive with her and I know as a result of this she has been able to discuss things with me that many other kids are not discussing with their parents. My husband has taken the position that by not taking a hard line approach to the subject of sex, I am actually encouraging her to engage in casual sex. Let me make this perfectly clear to the young man who is the OP, I do not feel that casual sex is in the best interest of my child. I believe strongly that most young women invest themselves emotionally with their partners even if their intent was to “keep it light”. It is not the way most of us work on an emotional level and it is certainly not the way my daughter’s emotional center works. Too often, casual sex leaves young women with a feeling of emptiness and undermines their self-esteem. Perhaps not in the heat of the moment “fueled” by performance enhancers such us alcohol, drugs, and peer pressure; but most will be struck with negative feelings at some point and will find that the casualness of it all negatively impacts the ability of both young men and young women to engage in committed caring relationships. So in answer to your question; this parent is not against sex for her college age daughter just sex with a partner who doesn’t have her best interest at heart.</p>
<p>I believe that we choose our “universe.” It’s not really easy to admit, but we all choose the lives we lead and that has been my parenting philosophy. If we do not have consequences for the choices we make as children, we will have them as adults to be sure.</p>
<p>Well said unsoccer, I had to answer the phone and did not see your post before I posted.</p>
<p>As it was in 1975, even true love sex at 18,20 is a wonderful but double edged experience.</p>
<p>It’s wonderful because it’s wonderful to discover that love with another human being. It’s double edged because women are biologically programmed to take that intimacy to it’s natural conclusion–procreation. That’s why you see so many quasi-marriages on campus. However, young men aren’t interested in marriage/procreating and a natural conflict is built into those quasi-marriages.</p>
<p>Thus the inevitable drama–and casual sex. Girls hope those ‘jobs’ will turn into permanent positions but the opposite is more likely.</p>
<p>Both my children are more conservative in their behavior than I was. I came of age in the late sixties; “sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll” wasn’t an empty slogan. In contrast my children are serious, cautious and self-respecting young people.</p>
<p>I told both of them that having sex before they were sixteen was foolish in that they would not be old enough to make this kind of decision, but after that I would respect any choice they made as long as they protected their health. </p>
<p>My daughter came to me when she was sixteen and said sixteen was way too young, too.</p>
<p>I’m with unsoccer-mom. I was raised with the idea that virginity was the most important thing in the world; I would even say that my mother had an obsession with it. I raised my kids with openness, acceptance and without an emphasis on avoiding sex. I turned out much wilder (though I am happy to say that no harm came of it) than either of my kids.</p>
<p>I refused to make this a big issue; the issue is safety IMO.</p>
<p>No one in my family, who dispaired of me, can understand why my children are the most polite, refined and achieving of their generation. Either I just got completely lucky, destiny has an incredible sense of humor, or raising kids with trust and openness really is a good policy.</p>
<p>I did have to LOL when one of my students (college) after listening to me all semester wrote the most important thing she learned all semester was the “not all parents think refraining from sex is the most important thing.” Gee, I was hoping it was where to put a comma or something like that.</p>
<p>Just noting: Guys, too, can be hurt by being played by romantic partners who wanted casual sex only. I saw this happen when I taught college and when I was a college student. There really are some kind, sensitive guys who equate sex with love.</p>
<p>However, my daughter keeps telling me that is not the climate in college these days. I think with graduate schools and multiple moves on their minds kids just don’t think it sensible to make those kind of commitments. Unfortunately, nature is on a different time clock. It is difficult.</p>
<p>Still, I like my daughter’s attitude. A direct quote: “If I’m hurt, so what. That’s the price of experience. I can’t stand that everyone is trying to protect me. Protect me from what? Life?”</p>
<p>I don’t view any of the above posts to reflect “self righteousness” by parents but at least 1 of the posts reflects an unfortunate cynicism about the success we can have as parents at influencing our children to develop a healthy set of values built on respect for themselves and others. It’s far too easy and an abandonment of parental responsibility and diligence to throw up your hands and blame the “universe” for a failure to effectively parent. Are there many influences in todays world of marketing, tv, music and electronic media that make the job tougher, sure there are. Buts studies still show that consistent and principled parenting still has the most significant impact on the development of a child’s values and sense of self.</p>
<p>The key in my view is to have open, honest and non-judgmental communication. We have made our relationship with our daughter a safe haven where any topic, issue or concern can be raised (from relationships and sex to piercings and tattoos and back again) without fear because she knows we love her unequivocally. We have always made it clear to our daughter that it is her responsibility to make sound choices for herself. We have communicated clearly reasonable rules and limits but have also enabled her to make mistakes resulting in natural consequences and to learn from them while earning our trust in her judgment by the good decisions she makes. Along the way, we have supported her in her endeavors, celebrated her successes and comforted her when she is down. </p>
<p>The net result is that we know with positive assurance that we have a daughter filled with confidence about her inner core. She knows who she is and what her values are. She owns them intrinsically and they are not dependent on peer approval or social acceptability. If she chooses to be sexually active, it will be within the confines of a committed relationship and not a drunken 1 night stand. If she chooses to drink, it will be responsibly and in a safe environment, not part of an episode of “Girls Gone Wild”. We can say this with confidence because of the countless hours we invested in our relationship with her and in teaching her to value and trust herself.</p>
<p>So please, don’t tell me about “this day and age”. I’ve been too busy being a parent to buy into that excuse.</p>
<p>I tell my kids that sex is not recreation. Luckily, we took the parental approach of “no free time” which took care of the subject for their high school years. </p>
<p>I feel sorry for those kids who are having stairwell sex, or sex with multiple partners. What a gift to treat with such - disregard. </p>
<p>Of course, we are a Catholic family so there is a lot of guilt involved, no matter what one is doing. ha!</p>
<p>To answer the OP’s question: conservative? I think most parents just want their children to have the smallest amount of pain possible in their lives. And making bad decisions often leads to considerable pain.</p>
<p>Well, Michael- look at the families that have more than one child and, presumably, raise them similarly. You can have VERY different results from one kid to another. The best parenting in the world is still no guarantee. There is a lot of genetics and luck involved.</p>