<p>I guess some of our opinions on this have to do with not only our experiences, but what we saw in our parents’ relationship, and what they told us. My parents had TWO dates, were married, lived apart (WW2) for 18 months and did live happily ever after for 40 years. They couldn’t understand why anyone would need to live with someone before marriage and likened it to trying on several pairs of shoes! This is what my sibs and I heard always growing up. None of us tried on alot of pairs of shoes,and we’ve all married our first loves for a combo of 85 married years between the three of us. Will I tell my kids that “you’ll hear bells when the right one comes along”? I don’t think so. But I’m also not going to jade them, either. By the way,interesting article in today’s NY Times about teen reaction to the new show on Wednesday called “Gossip Girls”. They said that its a must for Seniors to have lost their virginity by graduation. I thought that was a sad comment. They said that virginity was like “the elephant in the room”.</p>
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Yeah. I didn’t grow up in your sort of home (fabulous home), and I still can’t understand this. Shoot, the whole “physical unsuitability” thing is part of the adventure as far as I am concerned. I don’t think I was “all that” when I first began, and thank God my wife didn’t have the chance to judge me based on it! LOL</p>
<p>But, you know, a little study, a good deal of experimentation, a lot of questions, openness, laughing and love, – life together – and I have to say, I can’t even remember now when it wasn’t out of this world. That is in part why I have taught my kids that the whole “try ‘em out first” argument is not for us. People in other circumstances, living other lives may need it, but we don’t.</p>
<p>Been a pleasure dealing with this issue. I have learned a lot.</p>
<p>Drosselmeier: I’m pretty sure I went out of my way to say that your actions are out of love and respect, and you didn’t include the rest of my quote.</p>
<p>I agree that the values I have have caused me to lose some things; however, in my opinion I have gained more than I have lost and would NOT like that atmosphere in my relationship. Your women do. Nothing wrong there. I don’t like fish either. My husband and daughter love it. My son doesn’t like it either.</p>
<p>My husband has no head for money. I have to do all our financial planning, even for his business. He is a very talented photography. Business? Not so much. He can’t cook. I’m really good at it, but I hate to go shopping. He likes that; he likes errands, too. In my head that makes him an alien. He loves doing endless loads of laundry. Can’t fold it worth a damn. Guess who does? I have many friends who do the driving in their relationships. I am not one of them because I commute 100 miles a day (round trip) for my job and H commutes 1/2 mile a day (round trip) to his office. If you looked at us , he’d look like the driver, but I really think I’m the driver.</p>
<p>So yes, no doubt about it, there is dimorphism, but I am not sure exactly how much is nature and how much is nurture. Research shows women are more suited to walk shoveling after snow storms (less heart attacks.) H would go off in a snow storm, definitely, mostly because I have asthma. However, with an intruder, I would be fiercer, no doubt about it. I always hail waiters, cabs, check strange noises.</p>
<p>I am in a loving but difficult marriage, mostly because of H’s problems with money. I stand behind him (he is the more troubled person) and have been faithful to him in every way I could be, including the way this phrase is most commonly used. H has been more present for kids during the school day because he worked in our town. Because I’m a college professor I was lucky enough to be able to be with them at all other times.</p>
<p>SBmom: I quite agree with you; this is especially good information to have. But you’re describing me (definitely) but not my D. She has a totally unsentimental view of life and she’s way less emotional than I am. I don['t quite understand how she does it, but that’s why she’s headed for law, whereas I’m a poet.</p>
<p>NYTimes review of the Gossip Girl:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/16/fashion/16gossip.html?ref=fashion[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/16/fashion/16gossip.html?ref=fashion</a></p>
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<p>I don’t know about others, but I feel sad for these girls.</p>
<p>P.S. A word about my S. He is one of the most loving and respectful young men I have ever met. He is not athletic like Drosselmeier’s son. He is extremely bright, witty, and handsome (did some modeling because photographers asked us), but he is only 5’7", his full height I think, but maybe not, he’s not yet 18. He is quite quiet, and not exactly shy but somewhat reserved.</p>
<p>I worried about him and girls until the most beautiful and glamorous girl in his school left him a poem in his locker in French written just for him. Although he is a Latin student, he translated it. When he sheepishly told me about this, I asked him if he had interest in asking this girl out. His answer, “Mission accomplished.” They dated for six months before they broke up. His date for the senior prom was also lovely.</p>
<p>I don’t quite know why these girls are persuing him so avidly but I am sure he is treating them with respect. I am glad roles aren’t rigid because DS is so passive. At least this way he gets to date!</p>
<p>It’s probably a reasonable goal for Seniors to lose their virginity before retirement. ;)</p>
<p>Thanks, mini! You’re really becoming our “elder” statesman!</p>
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<p>Yes, but will they love us in the mourning?</p>
<p>Who said anything about getting up in the morning? ;)</p>
<p>Getting what up in the morning??? ;)</p>
<p>Well, I have to tell you a little story… When I was in school I met a young man who I thought was Mr. Perfect. He was SOOO sweet, kind, respectful and thoughtful. He kept buying me gifts and bringing flowers… He turned out to be a SERIOUS PERVERT, a cross dresser and bisexual. Sometimes the nice guys are not Mr. Right.
AND… although my husband is now a dream, he was not always so wonderful. He was what my sisters used to call “A Gomer.” Although he is truly a very handsome man, when I first met him he was wearing a pocket protector and a short sleeved dress shirt with a tie!
Moral of the story… You have to kiss a few toads before you find your prince charming. BUT you don’t have to have sex with them.</p>
<p>Sarahsmom…love the moral of your story…it’s so…well, moral!</p>
<p>Seriously, I just shared this particular moral with my dear D who is lamenting a recent break up. There are alot of toads and toadettes out there. But you don’t have to have sex with them to know if they are an amphibian or royalty!!</p>
<p>sarashsmom42, that is so true! Who said you have to kiss all of them and frankly, who wants to? I could tell after a couple of dates whether a person was someone I wanted to get to know better or not by just TALKING to them. I always was attracted to very natty dressers, uber preps shall we say, shallow I know, but I was in my 20’s. Along comes a guy with one brown sock and one navy sock and turned out that he was the one. You never know.</p>
<p>Yeah, DH wore polyester suits and Quiana shirts when I met him. He was quite eager for me to revamp his wardrobe (thank goodness)! He also had a moustache when we met, which he shaved off the morning after our wedding. He says the timing was totally coincidental, but it has always struck me as somewhat Samson-esque… ;)</p>
<p>Kissed a few frogs. Didn’t kiss many toads (good internal radar, I guess). Emerged relatively unscathed (but naive).</p>
<p>Have you ever noticed that often the ones that really peaked early often turned out to be less than wonderful? You know, the h/s or college cool people who ended up with no where careers etc.
Geek power!</p>
<p>My parents always talked about people who peaked early, trying to console me, I guess, for being SUCH a late maturer. Its so true, Sarahsmom. Some of the girls I so wanted to be like (more grown up) in high school look pretty long in the tooth at reunions!</p>
<p>Hehehe, Long in the tooth! How about the party animals, especially the smokers! I pulled out some pics. for my kids and said “see what smoking does to your hair, teeth and skin?” My son said, “This one looks like her pores have been screaming for air for the past 25 years!!” (She was also a big sun goddess and could be the poster woman for staying out of the sun! Her skin looked like leather with big pores.)</p>
<p>Was just at the plastic surgeon’s office, getting the stitches out from having my sun damage-caused basal cell carcinoma removed from my face. (4th one removed, btw)…There was a great poster on the wall----obviously a little boy body, with snorkel and mask at the swimming pool—his face was one of a 70-80 yr. old guy. What I didn’t realize was the caption…80% of all sun damage is done before the age of 18. OK, so I don’t know what this has to do with parents being concerned about college kids having sex. I do know that in addition to advocating having established birth control and HIV tests before engaging in serious activity with an “experienced” partner, I also advocate sunscreen. 
OK, back to topic…</p>
<p>Two quotes from Sarahs</p>
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<p>What are girls going to call their brain and their privates??? “Big Sheila” and “Little Sheila” or, perhaps, “Big Destiny” and “Little Destiny.”</p>
<p>I think that girls need to understand that a boy’s “Little Ed” inspires him to suggest/imply all kinds of things that he has no intention of following up with. And, after “Little Ed” has been fed, he likes to try other dishes that are offered at the food court. </p>
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<p>I think that some people think that any voice against serial casual sex is also a voice that thinks kids can/should be virgins on their wedding day. I think that most parents don’t want their kids to be damaged (and they will be) from having 10+ different sex partners each year for 10 years (the approx number of “dating years”). </p>
<p>No one can convince me that many people can emerge unscathed (emotionally and physically) from having that many sex partners. I think many parents feel the same way. Since few college kids will be “settling down” with just one “life partner” any time soon, sexually active college kids are going to probably have a large number of partners by the time they do marry. Hence this thread’s title.</p>
<p>I have a bit of trouble with this post as I think alot are posting what they would like or would have liked to have happened. </p>
<p>The only true statement has been the old kiss alota frogs to find a prince.')</p>
<p>Where sex is involved I don’t think there’s an honest answer as very few tell the truth about their experiences or lack of… makes us look bad…</p>
<p>That’s where it becomes hard for our kids to understand, we give them an “ideal” rather than an actual snapshot of our experiences. </p>
<p>I don’t think we can say too much or too little is going to mess someone up. We all know of people at both ends of the extreme that ARE messed up. </p>
<p>I do know with just about everything in life a little experience helps… as long as we learn from it.</p>