I would like a happy medium between the “blunt and harsh” of the Northeast and “Southern charm” of the South, but if I had to choose, give me blunt and harsh when dealing with college applications and choice.
I try very hard to be positive but sometimes, after the twelfth thread by the same child or parent asking for top 20-25 schools that accept students with low-ish GPAs, it’s tempting tI write “Look, assume you have (your child has) absolutely no chance of admittance at any of these schools and move on. The snowflake has melted.”
@moooop FYI I don’t see any of the “northeasterners” using symbols denoting curse words while I see it in two of your posts so I don’t think you can claim a monopoly on good manners! Rather than rudeness, it is likely a question of how people express themselves – admittedly people who feel pressed for time can be quicker to the point which may be off-putting for those not used to it.
I do think people here genuinely want to help although they may not choose to coddle, do simple research, or indulge people choose to wallow in self-pity and plan on making the same mistakes the following year expecting different results.
From a native of the original land of the fruit and nuts and surf speak, the sun doesn’t lessen our use of being blunt and harsh. We just choose to, like, speak Californian, like, ya know all of that narley stuff.
Love post 31!
Having lived all over the country, including the northeast, the only regional stereotype that I’ve found to have some truth to it is that southerners are more polite than other Americans. I can’t think of any other regional stereotypes like “Californians are laid-back,” “New Yorkers are hard-charging,” “Texans are gun-nuts,” or “people from Arizona are racists” that square with what I’ve experienced.
I agree, some are mean but many students have really unrealistic expectations. They’re counting on ivy league schools that may or may not give them a second look. Comments on here could be a little nicer. If a students scores fall in the middle 50% range for a school there is absolutely no reason they should not apply and think they have at least a chance. Not every kid at harvard has a 5.0. Some comments are too definite. Tell a kid that a school is a very big reach is one thing, but telling them they have no chance is harsh and there’s no way for someone to tell. Instead they could say “— would really improve your chances” or “it would help if you could get ---- up” These kids are looking for help not dream crushers.
@lalalemma EXACTLY I’m 16 and girls in my grade say all the time “you could get into yale” or ivy league schools and I continuously tell they they are out of their mind if they think it’s that easy. They obviously know nothing about how selective and competitive these school are. I’d be lucky to make the wait list at some tbh.
@JustOneDad It also goes the other way around, people post that they have a 2400 and a 4.0 and everyone comment that they “couldn’t see harvard denying them”. People with lower scores can have a lot more passion, substance, and personality.
Three quarters of the freshman class at Harvard and Stanford have 4.0s. Students who don’t have other significant attributes. In fact, this is so marked that I am often much more interested when a new admit says they didn’t have a 4.0 because I know there is something else there.
I will also point out that there are good CC “chancers” and poor ones. Quite a few more of the latter, to be more specific.
As someone who has lurked for a long time and been a member for some time, I’ve noticed that in most cases, the advice given by senior members is great, it’s just that the tone is sometimes condescending, off-putting, unnecessarily blunt, or it sometimes turns into a pile on. The posters who are able to deliver honest advice in a kind yet direct way are the ones whose comments I often find myself liking.
Occasionally there are threads where I think people become antagonistic (I’m reminded of the thread from a few weeks ago of a girl looking for an asexual-friendly college, or how about that crazy shotgunning thread from a few months ago), but those are the exception rather than the rule.
I also don’t understand the argument that “other people on the Internet are mean, so why can’t we be mean?” I mean, why can’t we try to create a mini oasis of kindness and good advice and camaraderie? Just because everyone else around you is doing wrong, that doesn’t mean you should also do wrong, or that your wrong behavior is justified.
Just to state the other side here, some of the posts on CC are kind of tiring. I can see how assuring yet another student that a B+ in Multivariable Calculus won’t knock them out of the running at HYPSM can be exhausting, or telling the umpteenth kid that they need to contact their school to ask about whether or not they are going to be rescinded for their senioritis can get old.
Agree with other people that the “askholes” are irritating. They usually make for some good reading though!
Idk, just my 2 cents. I’m sure others will disagree.
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admittedly people who feel pressed for time can be quicker to the point which may be off-putting for those not used to it.
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this is often the issue. In a Face to Face conversation, it’s much easier to couch a response with a longer response that softens the “bad news”. Here, where it all has to be typed up, much slower than talking, people are more likely going to be quicker to the point.
And, yes, there are people who aren’t used to hearing “bad news” without several additional “soft sentences” to cushion the bad news.
@a20171 Some students have no chance of getting into elite schools and to allow them to continue that dream is cruel. No way a 1900 SAT and 3.5 GPA and no hook will get into an Ivy. Some “kids” are looking for enablers to allow them to continue a fantasy.
Do you know how long some of the posters have been on these boards writing the same responses year after year? Particularly to “I intend to apply to all the Ivies but my family won’t qualify for any FA. How do you borrow $250K for school?”
A lot of h/s aged kids also don’t know the difference between being in disagreement about something and being attacked. They seem to interpret it as the same thing. I once replied to an OP who was so angry with the answers I was giving - mostly factual stuff like, the number of athletes on campus - that she called her father over in the middle of posting.
It’s particularly sad when a kid posts that they did not get into an Ivy and now their parent(s) are putting them down (I remember at least 2 threads this season). In those threads CC posters tried really hard to reassure the kid that they don’t deserve that.
If only the parents realized how much of a reach the Ivy was to their great stats but unhooked non superstar kid! Much better anonymous internet users are harsh in trying to wake you up than your own family being harsh by believing in a fake dream.
I find the “ask-h—” amusing too. What I have found a bit annoying, to be honest, is when an applicant or admitted student will ask a question, such as a comparison, and then either: doesn’t report back; goes off-tangent; or doesn’t do some basic homework. That usually represents the minority of posters, but can eat up a majority of time and energy for those who are more knowledgeable about academia and wish to help.
But many posters will ask earnest questions with earnest motivations, and those are often a pleasure to guide and assist. A dose of sober reality can truthfully also be helpful, both for younger and older, as in, “no, your chances are poor for that school,”; or what I’ve seen since this past April 1st, “yes, choice A is a very nice school you were accepted to, but it is truthfully not $100,000 better than choice B.” I don’t consider these responses mean – I consider them responsible.
@TomSrOfBoston - Even more tiresome are the kids with near-perfect stats asking their chances for “HYPS,” and then bumping the threads to see whether anyone will tell them something different from the basic “you have a chance, but that’s it.”
Here is my credential, 10 plus years on/off on CC, do I get $200 an hour? But seriously I wouldn’t say half the things I said in real life, there is comfort hiding behind an avatar and get called a Dr to boot. But I’m sometimes having fun on CC so don’t read it literally.
Post #58, it was more annoying regarding one chance thread about Stanford than HYPS. I’ve been trying to see if that person got into Stanford.