The saddest thread was by a self identified Asian American applicant who was rejected by Harvard and his parents told him that he brought shame to the family. The fact that he was accepted to MIT did not assuage the parents’ disappointment.
I know I have the urge to be short with questions that have been asked repeatedly or situations that seem like déjà vu all over again. I try to remember for most it is a new question and if I wish to respond I should do it politely. I do get annoyed with chance me threads in the wrong forums. There is a forum for that. I have been tempted to give a snarky reply when I’ve seen those. So far I think I’ve avoided doing so.
I think @chris17mom hit it on the head (#30). I’ve read some posts that while I realize people were trying to help, I can understand why an OP would feel ganged up on. The first thread that comes to mind is the woman who’s daughter was indecisive— suddenly everyone was asking her a thousand questions and telling her how she was doing things wrong (it was pretty intense). While I agreed that she was on the wrong track, I could totally understand why she would feel attacked and why she never came back.
I have found the general tone here to be much more biting and less helpful than it was a few years ago. I remember asking a question recently about a friend’s kid, and the first response was something like, “…and why do you care?” I also recently responded to someone’s college search post where there were some very biting comments. The same poster had asked an identical question about another kid a few years ago and the responses were much kinder and more helpful. I often find that when someone asks a question, invariably one or two posters bring up something not necessarily relevant to the question and designed to add an element of stress to the conversation. For instance, a poster asked recently about how to decide which subject tests to take, and someone started asking about whether they needed to take them at all, whether they could actually afford the school they were shooting for, etc.
I started a thread a couple of months ago about where a kid with a certain ACT level has gotten in and someone relayed a story about getting to their target score after three tries. The story was meant to be encouraging, but some other poster came back and said something to that poster like, “You do know how much it’s frowned upon to take the ACT so many times, don’t you?” It was pretty irrelevant since you don’t have to send all your scores to most schools at this level - but they could have just as easily said something like, “If you’re applying to a school which requires you to send all scores, it may not look great to have taken the ACT three times.” I’m not even sure if that’s true, but it would have been a nice way to say it rather than…“You do know that…”
I’m not sure why the environment here has changed so much but I don’t find it nearly as supportive as it used to be.
It is too much “supportive” advice that contributes to the single digit acceptance rates at the Ivies and sub 30% acceptance rates at most top 50 private universities.
@tomsrofboston I’m new to this website and I get telling a kid their chances are really poor but nonexistent? I don’t see how a person on the internet can make that distinction. People applying to every ivy with 3.7s and 21-2200s need to realize that their chances are poor. My advice to them would be to cut it down to one or too and keep in mind that they’re most likely not gonna get it. But saying they shouldn’t try for at least one? If their families can afford it they should give it a shot.
I usually find the responses here pretty circumspect, realistic and as kind as they need to be. Some individuals really need a wake up call, and an informative, if slightly biting response from one of CC’s super users I find is often just what is needed. I especially don’t see any issue being blunt with older posters, particularly parents who have unrealistic expectations, or older teens who charge in making unilaterally silly or entitled statements.
However, I have found occasionally that some CC-ers respond… overly harshly to young teenagers. Sometimes it’s adults, but honestly often I’ve found it is teenage posters who can be super, duper harsh to a fellow teen–I’ve seen teen posters call others stupid more than once, or chastised them for their scores. I’ve stepped in and tried to leave an encouraging but also realistic comment on a few posts because I saw some 15 or 16-year-old experiencing a pile-on. Or, if I started out biting but then realized the person I had responded to was really sensitive, I might come back in and lighten my messaging a bit. Teens need reality checks, but also a little bit of kindness, IMO. It’s easier for an adult to view things rationally and keep their emotions in check (or, it should be!); whereas everything is very BIG for a teenager and they can easily become overwhelmed. That said, woah Nellie, so some of them LOSE THEIR MINDS defending themselves on here–get very rude, entitled, etc. I can see why commenters get impatient. It goes both ways. (and if OP is referring to issues in an international student thread, I’ve seen international individuals act in a very brash, dismissive way about the U.S., so it’s only natural to be more defensive. Sometimes you need to set someone right who has snobby/ill-informed views about another culture/system)
Re: geography, LOL! I’m a born & bred Northeasterner that lived 8 years in the South and now almost 5 years in Cali. I miss my blunter-than-average Northeastern compatriots! I like living in a world with a little less bs 
I also take exception to posts (often from regular CC users, sometimes from those I usually admire) challenging people who say money isn’t an issue. For many elite students’ families it isn’t. If someone dismisses inquiries about their financial circumstances, that should be enough. Many people were raised not to discuss money at all, much less around strangers (I was, to some extent). They may be in for some unpleasant surprises, but that’s not my business or anyone else’s here. I agree that it’s rude to push this point in any thread if someone chooses not to discuss financial matters.
I think there are three types of people who directly cause / feel very impacted by this issue:
- The well-intentioned, blunt responder. Imagine that you’ve been on CC for a few months, years, whatever. You start off so excited to use this humble forum to impact the next generation! Maybe you even get a direct-reply “Thank You!” :x Makes it all worth it. But then your post count increases. You start seeing the same things over and over. “Can I get into HYPSM with…?” “Went on summer trip to Kenya. Can I put African-American on Common App?” “Can someone tell me where Harvard is located?” You endure for as long as you can, being patient with the clearly naive posters and neurotic parents.
But this isn’t what you signed up for, and it starts to get to you. I gave such a long, complete, and considerate response, and they still bumped the thread?! =(( What social factors could have possibly made these people so entitled? Haven’t they heard of Google? THE STICKIES ARE AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE, MA’AM. READ THEM, PLEASE. And, maybe unconsciously, the frustration and disappointment seeps into your replies. They become blunter, and more visibly annoyed-sounding. Take that, stupid “Trying to get into Ivies with a 3.0/2000.” You just can’t keep up this professional demeanor; you have to ration your love and care to the people who actually need it. But you forget that from OP’s perspective, it’s like you just decided to spit wrath upon the outpourings of her heart.
[]The tactless responder. There’s not much to say. They just don’t care what they say or how they sound. Can’t handle unhindered, no consequence freedom of speech.
[]The OPs who internalize and respond with dramatic indignation to honest comments. Plot twist: They didn’t actually want answers; they just wanted validation.
Anyway, bad humor aside, I think that Internet forums are a good chance to practice compassion towards the [entitled, ignorant, shallow] OPs and [tactless, unhelpful, hateful] responders. I always strive to be gracious to my fellow CC users (though I’m sure I’m not perfect). That might mean not responding at all, a gentle “FYI, that was rude, but I get what you’re trying to say,” or humbling myself enough to apologize for a comment, no matter what my opinion is on it.
@“Erin’s Dad” said
No. To be blunt (and harsh), it doesn’t matter and the new posters needn’t care. I agree that new CC’ers should make use of the Search engine but they’re new, and often very young. As people here continually post, high school students often don’t think things through so they will likely post the question than search. These are honest, if naive, questions for a person to have. If older posters find themselves irritated by these questions, then maybe they need to back off a bit.
Sometimes I am VERY appalled by AMERICAN kids who seem to know even less than I did when I was applying to schools 1 year and 8 months ago…I was like, “THEY GREW UP COMMUNICATING IN ENGLISH!!! Why can’t they do something that even I managed to?”
The search function on CC, while markedly improved since I first joined in 2012, is still extremely poor. I just typed “good debt” into the search function (seems like this would be a common query based on my experience) and the first page only listed either irrelevant results or ones from 2006. The second page returned even less relevant results. While it’s tempting for long time posters to urge prospective students to search CC for answers, many of the returned threads are either irrelevant, outdated, or a combination of both.
Interesting. I searched on $240,000 and didn’t come up with any results. I take off the dollar sign and up pops lots of results showing “$240,000” - usually regarding cost and debt. “240,000 debt” works as well but “$240,000 debt” does not. The search works but in mysterious ways.
The posters that get me are the ones that post things like “2350 SAT, should I retake because my 750 CR is so low” or “790 SAT II, should I retake” or “will two A-'s ruin my chances of getting into [insert selective school]” etc. I sometimes respond to those with sarcasm, like "OMG, you are so doomed… you are surely destined for cc with those scores/grades… not really. Please relax. "
What @SlackerMomMD said. If someone gets tired of helpng bc it is the same thing over and over, then it may be time to ignore those posts! Lots of knowledge can get lost if folks get fed up of answering, and newbies can get turned off if they feel ganged up on or belittled…
^^ Or make one very thoughtful template answer and copy-paste
I try to utilize a couple of guidelines in replying to posts: one, operate from either a factual basis or a real world experience that I’m a party to–not a third party; two, only say things to a post, that I would only do so in person (this actually is quite liberating, as being an AA ex-college football player, a little under 6’4, and weight I won’t disclose because of personal humility–lol. Folks are often a little more reserved around me in person). Finally, I do so with a little introspection that we were all young at one time, and that is frequently accompanied by inexperience, sass, hubris that only youth has, but also innocence, insecurity, and natural curiosity.
“I once replied to a poster who was so angry … she called her father over in the middle of posting.”
Lol. Link, @circuitrider?
Okay, this wasn’t quite how I remembered it: @ariadne was not the OP, but illustrates another common CC stereotype, the thread hijacker. She herself came in fairly aggressively and I think by post#46, we’d all (with one possible exception) taken the gloves off:
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/vassar-college/1567780-will-i-fit-in-p1.html
So I immediately thought of this thread when I read post #25 here: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-admissions/1780393-disadvantage-of-early-action.html#latest
There were so many better ways to handle the question than that: simply ignoring the question, answering the question or even giving a link to the answer. The whole “Let me google that for you…” and “That wasn’t so hard was it” attitude isn’t creating a warm and welcoming environment in my opinion.