<p>Everyone-
This is by far the best and most helpful thread that I’ve seen on this site.
Kudos to all who have commented.</p>
<p>I love this thread. I just wanted to say to Janesmom that you can be even prouder of your son for finishing his college degree than you might be of a child who had more intrinsic academic motivation. It’s hard enough for hyper-success oriented kids to learn time management, buckle down, and juggle the many demands of first time independence with academic demands. Your son did all that without the dangling carrot of some future academic prize before his eyes to keep him on track; what does that tell you about his character and his values vis a vis work – whether or not he adores that work – and honoring his commitments? This sounds like a great kid who, when he finds work he truly enjoys, will really soar.</p>
<p>Janesmom</p>
<p>I too have two children that are night-and-day from each other. I am on here researching colleges for the youngest, but the eldest has given me many more sleepless nights than I wish to count.</p>
<p>Remember, while society values academics, athletics, and artistic talent among its teenagers, WORK is what matters for an adult. I myself was an indifferent student, but have been a great worker all my life.</p>
<p>Today while driving my eldest home from his “less selective” college, I was amazed to hear my usually vapid, one-syllable son negotiate a booking for his band on the phone in the voice and manner of a 30-year old. You never know what brings out the best in them! </p>
<p>Take heart! My brother, the flunk-out-of-school in freshman year guy, now owns his own business and can buy and sell me. And I can name you any number of so-called “professional students” that are still home with Mom.</p>
<p>Chiming in. We can always find something to worry about. You can have a kid at HYPSM and worry he/she doesn’t have a GF/BF. You can have the sweetest high school kid in the universe, great grades, great test scores, no world-beating ECS, acck they will never amount to anything.</p>
<p>I think that’s our job.</p>
<p>To this day my mother and father, long since divorced, worry about their four kids. One never got married, two got divorced, one adopted a child - oh no will that be OK!!! How are the grandkids, worry worry worry. Did you get the document I sent you? Worry, worry, worry. I know it’s because they love us. I always used to wonder why my dad would go on and on about certain things. Why they send us itineraries when they travel. Not because they are worried about themselves. They are worrying that IF anything happened to us they want to make sure they can be found so they can help. If possible. At ages 73 and 76.</p>
<p>So there you go. We love them. We worry. Luckily for those of us here with teens and early 20’s kids, it’s really hard for them to make any mistakes they can’t recover from. As long as they stay safe. And we are doomed for the rest of our lives to worry about their safety, aren’t we.</p>
<p>Yup…Packmom…18 to 21 year old boys may still be immature but their female counterparts can be frighteningly driven.</p>
<p>One of my son’s friends is a star athlete that MY friends adore but he couldn’t get a second look in high school. The girls treated him like a big 6’-4" dumb lug. His mother worried herself sick. I wrote his reocmmendation letter and he got a scholarship to a state college.</p>
<p>Week one. He stopped by the house to say hello. Right on his heels? A 5’-11" beauty with the word ‘DRIVEN’ invisibly plastered on her forehead. Scholar athlete. Has the so-called dumb lug “in her sights” as my mom would say. He looks like he doesn’t know WHAT hit him.</p>
<p>^^^LOL, a tall girl has to keep her eyes open for a tall guy. </p>
<p>My beautiful 5’-10" volleyball player niece never dated in high school until her senior year when a 6"-6’ junior football player asked her out. Three years later, still dating. Among all the usual reasons for dating, she likes that she feels short standing beside him.</p>
<p>As for my S, he says the smart girls don’t care if his group is not the “A-Team” because they all just have fun hanging out.</p>
<p>Hey, the world is run by C students! All the A students are working for THEM!</p>
<p>ha, hope you’re right hmk. Was out shopping yesterday and found a t-shirt mixed in with lots of college logo t-shirts that said “C Student”,lol</p>
<p>Is HE happy and isn’t that really all that matters? To be disappointed by anything beyond that seems to me to want to live his life for him or to be trying to live vicariously through him.</p>
<p>“Hey, the world is run by C students! All the A students are working for THEM!”</p>
<p>Gosh, I thought you were talking about our president and government but then I saw the “C student” thing, and realized it was a bit too generous. (hope I have offended anyone here)</p>
<p>wharfrat2–well, I think my s. is about as happy as any one his age is who is about to graduate from college–happiness mixed with feelings of anxiety about the future. I have realized the problem is with me and not him. I can only be patient with him and give him moral support, and will only interfere when he asks for help. But honestly, I have not interfered as much but to ask how things were going and how he was doing in his classes etc. I just feel that given the opportunities that he has had, he could have done a lot more while in college. He will soon find out when reality sets in and some bills will be due.</p>
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<p>Yeah, but I’m betting that when that happens he’ll rise to the occasion. Believe me no one squandered more opportunities than I did in my adolescence. I was all about partying and having a good time. My life’s ambition in high school was to be outrageously happy. I went into the Navy out of high school because I fooled around so much in school that college wasn’t a realistic option for me. As much as I hated the Navy it was an invaluable life experience.</p>
<p>But you know what. I’m in my twenty-first year of teaching, I have a wife and three great kids, a nice house with a pool, go on vacation every year.
I’m Chair of the Social Studies Department at my school and all I can ever think is that I’ve achieved my life’s ambition from high school. Absolutely I made things harder on myself than they had to be, but somehow I think that makes me appreciate it more.</p>
<p>janesmom1. I think you should find the answer about “why can’t i be happy for myself?”. </p>
<p>You got three great kids and two of them will be finishing college soon. You can come here around noon suggests to me you don’t have to work to pay bills. </p>
<p>Be happy for yourself and provide this son with love and guidance as much as can. As many people on this forum reminded me over and over again, it is his life not yours. So, will you be heart broken again if he does not get married by 30?</p>
<p>laserbrother in the cafe? Will wonders never cease? With your sense of humor we need you in Sinner’s Alley:).</p>