Why can't there be room for everyone?

Parent Cafe
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<p>To all~</p>

<p>Recently, on another thread, the subject of the purpose of CC was broached by several posters. One poster very accurately (and obviously) pointed out that people come to this forum for a wide variety of reasons. And they STAY on this forum for a wide variety of reasons. My own purpose for being on CC has, predictably, evolved over the period of time since I was first researching colleges for my oldest son and asking detailed questions about the application process until now, when he is safely ensconced at his “dream school.”</p>

<p>Even as I was intensely involved in the nuts and bolts of the “college operation,” I noted that there were others on the forum whose posts rarely, if ever, touched on the subject of “real information about college admissions.” The addition of the Parent Café addressed that very issue. Obviously there were many parents who, already having completed the arduous college application process, had forged enough connections with others on the site that they had an interest in sticking around to socialize. What a fabulous testimony for a most informative and socially cohesive site. </p>

<p>Today, someone took a thinly veiled pot shot at me on another thread. My crime? Some of my posts are not about “real information.” One of my recent posts asked for “sympathy and hugs.” Wow. See, the thing is, I am absolutely, totally, completely and UNAPOLOGETICALLY a “heart person.” I am emotionally driven and given to intense feelings. I love deeply and give my love freely. I share openly with others, both IRL and on this forum. I am not afraid to feel….to the contrary, I am deathly afraid NOT to feel. Sorry, y’all, but this is just who I am.</p>

<p>There are many, many discussions on this forum that do not appeal to me or interest me I am not much of one for discussing politics publicly….I don’t eat out in New York City, and I do not have the budget to travel overseas. But, I am pleased that those threads exist for those who DO enjoy those things and/or need that information. One can easily skip over posts that do not interest or appeal to him. It’s quite easy really. I do it all the time. </p>

<p>One thing that I think many of the CC posters miss is that there is more to the college experience than just the essentials of college selection and application. Missing one’s oldest child’s first birthday EVER <em>IS</em> a big deal and <em>IS</em> part of the college experience for both parents and child. This IS a college-oriented subject, though it admittedly is a qualitative one versus a quantitative one—there are no statistics to quote or ideologies to argue, rendering it, in the eyes of some, “fluffy” and “unworthy.” To those people I would simply say this….you have my sympathy—‘cause maybe, just maybe, you simply lack the ability to feel as deeply as I do.</p>

<p>Apparently, some of you also lack tolerance for “warm, fuzzy” sentiments and colorful, expressive posts, but please remember this: In exchange for the three seconds of pleasure that that particular pot shot brought the poster, he garnered my hurt feelings in return—and ill will where there was absolutely NONE before. Live and let live—it’s really an astonishingly beautiful and profound notion.</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>I still haven’t missed any of my kids birthdays- they were born late spring- so D in college was always home ( well once she was on a school field trip)- but I certainly acknowlege that it is a rite of passage not to celebrate anniversaries with people that you share it with.</p>

<p>I try and keep in perspective the same thing I try and keep in mind with my mother in law who isn’t a happy person.
People who lash out or are hurtful in someway, really aren’t centered and feeling good about themselves. I just tell myself- it isn’t about me it is about whatever is going on for * them*.
this isn’t to say that I am never snarky or rude- because I certainly am.
I can be a big b**** and my aspergery like traits also impact my general politeness skills.
When my MIL is rude- my first reaction comes from my lower brain stem, it is only when I am back home and in my place- that I can take it for what it is-
I find much on CC to be very helpful, and I try to jsut take what I need and leave the rest- kind of like life :)</p>

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<p>Gems of wisdom from 2 posters who have helped many , many students and parents!!</p>

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<p>Unless Roger_Dooley or a forum moderator informs you that your message is off-topic or inappropriate, just ignore anyone else who challenges what feelings (or anything else) you choose to communicate with us. </p>

<p>In a free society and here on CC, there is room for you to share your feelings and room for others to challenge what you choose to communicate. And there is freedom for all of us here on CC to share our opinions. But remember, that’s all it is…just our opinion !!!</p>

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<p>This country would be a better place of late if follks had a more open and accepting approach to things.</p>

<p>Regarding the parents forum and parent cafe at CC: it’s all good.</p>

<p>The things that are a little less good, I just tend to skip or skim.</p>

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<p>There is indeed room for everyone on College Confidential. As the community keeps on growing, the site has also grown in different directions. I believe that the owners of the site have done an excellent job in creating categories and subcategories to channel the contributions, all the while REMEMBERING the original purpose of the site. </p>

<p>I believe that the voices asking for a place to express emotions of all kinds HAVE been heard. I also believe that people express emotions in very different ways. Some cultures mourn their losses with weeks of public and vey vocal chagrin while others do it through celebrations. Some people are effusive; others prefer to be extremely reserved. Questioning the depth of one’s feelings by attempting to measure the extent of public displays is not exactly a sign of tolerance or open-mindness. </p>

<p>The Parents’ Caf</p>

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<p>

xiggi~
I have not suggested an additional forum, nor, to my knowledge, has anyone else. </p>

<p>My post was made in what I thought was an appropriate forum–the Parent Cafe. My point was simply that it has as much right to be there as any other “non-real-information” post. </p>

<p>

I have <em>never</em> gauged the depth of another’s feelings by the standard of public display or lack thereof, though in fact <em>I</em> HAVE been judged on this very basis, not to mention font size, color, and exclamation points. What I DID say was this: that those who did not consider the content of my post to be college related were mistaken. It WAS, in fact, college related, though on a different plane than hard and fast facts. To try to invert the situation and accuse me of being intolerant just won’t fly here. In fact, it was someone ELSE who displayed the intolerance, not I.</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>Berurah, it is obvious that I do NOT seem to understand the nature of the problem! </p>

<p>If this is an issue about what is permitted in the Caf</p>

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<p>xiggi~</p>

<p>I tend to be a very clear and concise writer…voted that many times over by many professors. If you do not understand what I was saying, please reread my original post. </p>

<p>I <em>definitely</em> do not understand what you are trying to say. I apologize…I’m really not trying to be obtuse. </p>

<p>This, in particular, baffles me:

</p>

<p>I am at a real loss here to understand the above. Where in my post did you see a reference to ANYTHING like that? To me, this simply says that you are bringing something of your own, some “baggage” into the interpretation of my post. It certainly did not come from anything I said. </p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>Anyone who can think the following is a pot shot, or impute someone is “taking pleasure” in some sadistic way, and suffers hurt feelings as a result:

needs to get a thicker skin. And a life. A real life.</p>

<p>It’s true that if I’m gonna get a group hug, it’ll be in the real world, not in cyberspace. But then some folks get their jollies from on-line porno, too. And with that, I’m outta here.</p>

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<p>TheDad~</p>

<p>Well, maybe everyone else here is afraid to say this to you, but I’m sure as heck not:</p>

<p>What’s the matter with you? You are shameful. </p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>

</p>

<p>As opposed to what, radio porno? :p</p>

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<p>Berurah, I wrote that I obviously did NOT understand what the problem is. </p>

<p>I guess that your “Apparently, some of you also lack tolerance for “warm, fuzzy” sentiments and colorful, expressive posts” does not constiture THE problem then. I really do not know how to spell it any more clearly that in the way I posted. </p>

<p>So, here it is again. </p>

<ol>
<li><p>Do you want the right to post warm and fuzzy messages that are not relevant to the purpose of this board? My answer: please go ahead as long as it is in the place dedicated to it. </p></li>
<li><p>Do you want to post warm and fuzzy messages outside the areas dedicated to such contributions and resent that such posts are moved to the appropriate spots? My answer: tough luck! </p></li>
</ol>

<p>I think there is little doubt that you know that it means that no such posts should clutter the main board, except for the thread where such displays were explicitly approved. To be clear, that place IS styled “College Acceptances: celebrate here!” </p>

<p>Short of that, I really, really do not understand what the problem is! Again, what changes would you like to see? Specifically!</p>

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<p>I’ve not noticed that anyone has been afraid to say anything to me.<br>
But it is extremely misguided to confuse “having a grip” with “a lack to feel as deeply as I do.”</p>

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<p>The “problem,” xiggi, if one can call it a “problem,” is that I am at a loss to understand the animosity demonstrated toward me by others against whom I have no animosity. </p>

<p>Truthfully, my above post was never intended to suggest changes. It would more appropriately fall under the category of “musings.” I’ve seen many other posts of this type, so it is not all that unusual. Maybe that is where you and I are in “disconnect” regarding this subject. You are looking for a specific answer to a specific problem. I was merely “musing”… </p>

<p>The “changes” that I would like to see will NEVER come about on this site. On this site, it is much, much easier and more convenient and perfectly acceptable to suggest that <em>I</em> “get a life” or “get a thicker skin”–in other words, that there is something wrong with ME-- than it is to hold oneself to a decent standard of online behavior. It is somehow bizarrely acceptable to equate my desire for emotional support to “getting jollies from online porno.” I would obviously vehemently disagree. I think others would too, except they are terrified to say it, especially when the questionable behavior comes from such a “valued” poster. </p>

<p>I fail to understand how my tackling of emotional subjects in the appropriate forum in any way disrupts the focus of this site. The truth is, it doesn’t. But apparently it DOES aggravate, perturb, and generally annoy certain people. THAT is what my musing was about. Simple as that.</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>

<em>lol</em> Of course you haven’t…but <em>I</em> have, 'cause it’s been said to ME in other venues. </p>

<p>And anyway, I thought you were

</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>I am not sure what happened, but I am sorry berurah</p>

<p>If someone doesn’t like a topic, ignore it. I have gotten into many battles here, I will argue with someone on one thread, while getting advice from that same person on another, which I find wonderful</p>

<p>I understand what the OP is saying, she felt comforatable sharing what she is going through with this group, and felt it hurtful that another poster decided to deride her for that, instead of just ignoring what they weren’t interested in</p>

<p>I find lots of thread annoying and lots helpful, those I find annoying I read and move on, but I wouldn’t tell someone they shouldn’t post it</p>

<p>Berurah is just trying to say, there is more to college than woohoo I got accepted 20 places and its SOOO hard to pick, my life is in shambles, or I only have 25 aps, what am I gonna do- there are real emotions, real letting go, real missing things that are changing and disappearing</p>

<p>our school has mother daughter dances, and I only have one left with my oldest, that is going to be sad, so its nice to share with people going through similar changes, and I get it, Berurah, I really do ;)</p>

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<p>Berurah, Coureur (if that is the post you are referring to) made a remark which didn’t seem to me to be particulary offensive, though I guess we all have our <em>sore spots</em>–and I thought your original response was very appropriate, pretty funny, even. Heck, you know that in addition to all the ((((((hugs))))) you have offered plenty of “real info.” Just ignore it. It bothers me that you feel the need to go so far as to say you have “ill will” toward a poster because of ONE remark, esp. a poster that I have found to be pretty friendly and helpful over the past couple of years. “Ill will” seems harsher to me than Coureur’s comment. </p>

<p>Having said that, I am sensing that this thread is likely to go “poof” soon. . .</p>

<p>Good God. What am I doing here. It is 1:30 am!!!</p>

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<p><a href=“To%20TheDad”>quote=berurah</a>:What’s the matter with you? You are shameful.

[/quote]
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<p>Hint: what goes around comes around. If you scold and berate those who disagree with you, some will respond in kind.</p>

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<p>

b - Don’t you really want to take that one back? Take a mulligan. That one hit the water.</p>