Why can't this supposed bastion of higher education get my name right?

Parent Cafe
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<p>For those of you who are even a little bit interested, here’s current usage:</p>

<p>Married, uses H’s name:</p>

<p>Mrs. John Doe OR
Mrs. Jane Doe (used to be incorrect, referred to a divorced woman only) OR
Ms. Jane Doe OR
Mrs. Jane Doe-Smith or Mrs. Jane Smith-Doe</p>

<p>Divorced:</p>

<p>Mrs. Jane Doe OR
Ms. Jane Doe OR
Mrs. Jane Doe Smith OR
Ms. Jane Smith (resumes maiden name)</p>

<p>Widowed:</p>

<p>Mrs. John Doe (in the way of a possible explanation for the incident that happened to paying3tuitions - this is the traditional and preferred form for someone who always went by H’s last name. Supposedly unless the widow tells you her preference is otherwise it’s the default) OR</p>

<p>Mrs. Jane Kelly OR
Ms. Jane Kelly</p>

<p>When the H is a doctor, wife takes H’s name </p>

<p>Dr. and Mrs. John Doe</p>

<p>Both are doctors with same last name:</p>

<p>The Doctors Doe OR</p>

<p>Doctor Jane Doe
and Doctor John Doe</p>

<p>Woman is the doctor - same last name:</p>

<p>Mr. and Mrs. John Doe (where title is not used professionally ) OR</p>

<p>Dr. Jane and Mr.John Smith or </p>

<p>Doctor Jane Doe
and Mr. John Doe</p>

<p>But NOT Mr. and Dr. John Doe</p>

<p>Wife is the doctor, both have different last names:</p>

<p>Dr. Jane Doe (person with title comes first - I never knew this)
and Mr. John Smith</p>

<p>but NOT Mr. and Dr. John Smith</p>

<p>As another poster says, I can’t imagine being judgmental about someone else’s choice, no matter what name a woman (or man) chooses to use. I have to agree with those who think that it’s really no more than a nuisance in the case of an institutional mailing list. After all, it’s not like you are NOT receiving the mail because of the glitch. Still, call or write to correct if it bothers you or you have any concerns over misplaced communications.</p>

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<p>Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought the OP’s beef was NOT the fact that the college didn’t call her “Dr.”, but that they got her last name wrong and then addressed the correspondence separately to her and her husband in duplicate letters. She’s Dr. Smith, her husband is Mr. Jones, but the college mailed one letter to Dr. Jones and another one to Mr. Jones. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>It sounded to me from the original post that she had tried to get them to correct the names but that each attempt at correction merely compounded the problem and she was frustrated by the college’s inability to understand a simple request.</p>

<p>How is it that so many posters misread her OP as a complaint that the college wasn’t using her correct title? All she wants is to receive single mailings, not duplicate ones, addressed to her and her husband with their individual surnames, Smith and Jones.</p>

<p>Unless I misunderstood, too ;)</p>

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<p>jym626: post#60: Thank you for your wise and balanced comments. I must confess, I was one of those who immediately developed a negative reaction from the title of the thread and the first line:</p>

<br>

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<p>As some pointed out, MD could mean Maryland. And really, truly, nobody today thinks that MD after a name automatically implies male. It created in my mind the impression of someone who is too full of herself for being a female physician.</p>

<p>Your suggested opening would have generated a much more positive response:</p>

<br>

<br>

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<p>Well, this post strikes a chord w/ me, too. I did not change my name when H & I got married. He’s fine w/ it, although once in a while he’ll teasingly ask me when I’m “going to change my name.” He felt strongly about not having “hyphenated kids” for the simple reason that it would be pretty cumbersome on forms, etc. Accordingly, both D & S have my last name as a middle name, and H’s last name as theirs. </p>

<p>As the years go by, I’m often quite annoyed at the inability of some organizations to deal w/ 2 last names. Usually the worst offenders are non-profits/charities to which we contribute. If there isn’t a form where I can write in both our names, I make a point of including a note giving both names, and saying the “enclosed contribution is from both of us and should be credited and acknowledged as such.” Usually this does the trick. In the cases where it hasn’t, and the thank you letter and/or printed list of donors only includes my husband’s name, I send another letter or email telling them if they are unable to acknowledge our contribution properly, we will not send any additional donations. Needless to say, they have all managed to straighten out their data bases.</p>

<p>As with so much in life, different things bother some people more than others. OP was bothered by this – I am, too. Others here on CC say “it’s no big deal – get over it.” That’s fine – that’s your opinion. I’m sure there’s something that annoys you to which I would say the same thing – “get over it!” In the scheme of life, this isn’t a huge concern to me, but it is annoying.</p>

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<p>

Great plan, CBBBlinker. The almighty dollar usually speaks volumes.</p>

<p>And thanks for your kind words, vicariousparent. We do sometimes lose sight of the content of what is said because of the process of how it is said.</p>

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<p>CBBB: the next time your husband asks when you’re going to change your name, ask him when he’s changing his.</p>

<p>;)</p>

67

<p>LOL, dmd77! I was very active w/ my GS council (on the Board, President of the Board, etc) for 10 years. Everyone is the GS world knows me by my last name. When I first started taking H to various GS dinners, etc., everyone assumed he was Mr. “my last name.” He took it all in stride. </p>

<p>I have to say that the last name mix-up can be used to our advantage – especially when telemarketers call – “Is Mrs. ‘H’s last name’ there?” “No, there’s no one here by that name.”</p>

68

<p>I am a female medical sales rep and I have made the mistake of thinking that the female I am speaking to is the nurse. Now I realize that the man over there is the nurse and the female is the doctor. I call everyone doctor now that is dressed in scrubs.</p>

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<p>LOL. I’ve been known to do the same thing. No Mrs. His Last Name at this house either. It’s been a minor irritation that so many people just make assumptions about last names. It’s not that hard to ask. I’m pretty sure that CMU just sends everything to the parents of Mathson.</p>

70

<p>We occasionally get cold calls from stock brokers, who act like they are returning a call to my H and/or that they know him personally (like dishonesty is really going to ingratiate me to them and want me to give them my money-- good plan). Anyway, they commonly ask for my H by his first name, but they shorten it to a common nickmane for his name (eg “Dick” for “Richard”). Thing is, he NEVER goes by that nickname, so I know they don’t know him and are not “returning his call”. When I tell the caller he’s not available, ask what the call is in regard to, or to please leave a number and I’ll have him return their call, they usually rudely hang up in my ear (any of you stockbrokers out there?? Please don’t handle cold calls this way-- makes your whole profession look bad). My point is, lots of people make assumptions about names in lots of contexts. </p>

<p>Our last name happens to be a name that is also a male first name (eg “Louis”). I cannot tell you the number of times my s’s coaches, teachers, friends parents etc call the boys “Louis” instead of their first name. I will sometimes correct them or use their name in my response to the question (eg “Can Louis be at baseball practice at 6?” I might respond "Do you mean “Sam”? or I might say “Yes, Sam will be there at 6”. Typically I correct them when it is someone just getting to know my s, like at the beginning of the school year or the beginning of a sports season. Most appreciate it when they get the name snafoo’ed, so they learn it correctly. I don’t do it to embarass anyone. I do it to correct the error and help them get it right. Also, because we have this kind of last name, sometimes new patients think that when thery are referred to “Dr. Louis” they are coming to see a male doctor. It catches a few people off guard when I come out to greet them in the waiting room! So, lots of assumptions can me made about names. Lets not rail against the OP (who I hope hasn’t felt that she was run off her own thread) for having a desire to get her name right. </p>

<p>Lastly, I too grew up in the 70’s when keeping a given last name or hyphenating a last name was common. However, my “given” last name is hard to pronounce, and many people get it wrong and/or spell it wrong. My h’s last name is much easier to deal with. I was happy to ditch my “given” last name and take his, even though I had already been working professionally with my “given” last name. I transitioned slowly. I use my Maiden name as my middle name, but rarely mention it now.</p>

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<p>jym – I thought you were headed into the whole gender thing w/ the stockbroker calls. Since registering our phones on the “Do Not Call” list we don’t get many calls these days, but when we did, the caller (almost always male) would ask for H. When I asked what the call was in reference to, and he would say “investments” or some such, I would tell him he could speak to me about that. Invariably I would get a response along the lines of “I’ll call another time to speak to your husband.” So, my respone to that was “Well, I make all the investment decisions, and with that attitude, you’ve just made sure that we will never invest w/ your firm.” And then I hung up.</p>

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<p>CBBBlinker-
Great response! But I am amazed that you were even able to get that much said before they hung up on you! I have tried that as well- to say they could talk to me (or I’d relay the info). They either try that line that you get (“I’ll call back later”) or they just hang up! Also invariably they use a phone # that doesn’t show up on caller ID or cant be auto-returned (by hitting whatever the code is on the phone to return the last call or identify the last incoming phone #). So annoying!</p>

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<p>And then there are those callers who ask for “the man of the house”. LOL. How about simply “the person who wears the pants”??</p>