Why do cool kids dislike nerds and introverted people?

College Life
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<p>First of all, I agree with previous posters that you are creating some false labeling system/ dichotomy.</p>

<p>There is no “cool crowd” in college. Only people you respect (some who like Star Trek, some who like WoW, some who like football games) - and those you don’t think too highly of (this also cuts across all manner of people). It is not like high school at all.</p>

<p>That being said, of course people will not like you if you have socially repulsive habits. This is not some attempt to “force you to conform” - it’s trying to get you to be able to function in society.</p>

<p>People instinctively will bust on you/ insult you for breaking social norms or having weird social tics sometimes. It’s probably an evolutionary impulse because without such social pressures and ostracization, no one would follow important social norms that probably prevent us from killing each other and working as a team for the greater good.</p>

<p>It’s just like people’s instinctiveness to make fun of fat people, in some vain attempt to get them to stop being fat, regardless of how irrational the logic is.</p>

<p>Similarly, if you’re fly is open, etc., insert weird social tic, people are going to bust on you for it - instinctive impulse.</p>

<p>I also really dislike the whole extrovert/ introvert distinction. Sure, some people are more social than others. But how much of that is learned? How much of that is based on an acquired mindset, attitude, or world view? Indeed, some of it may or may not be genetic.</p>

<p>Sure, researchers have found extraversion to be a component of personality to some extent - but have they studied how changeable it is? And how exactly have they measured “extroversion”? Does their concept of extroversion really have external validity?</p>

<p>Personally, I was certainly born an introvert and continued to be through high school. Now, I’m finding myself to be more and more social, based on several attitude and belief changes.</p>

<p>I think people believe that they are “extroverts” or “introverts” just like they believe that they are a certain sign in the zodiac (which is preposterous) — both categories are cold reads and generalized concepts that can be applied to ANYBODY who believes it is so.</p>

<p>Extroverts: have friends, like socializing, leaving the house (c’mon now)
Introverts: like thinking to themselves, ruminating, having alone time every so often, get nervous in social situations, have some self-doubts and anxieties (this describes EVERYONE).</p>

<p>It’s just like the zodiac and it’s b.s. I think how social you are is based on learned and acquired behaviors and attitudes. At the very least, Introversion to Extraversion is a sliding scale and by no means a dichotomy.</p>

<p>The only annoying part is when someone lables themself as an Introvert (I consider myself more introverted personally) to avoid developing socially or going to talk to girls they want to, etc. It’s like blaming you’re social dysfunction on Asperger’s - a cop out and a dubious diagnosis.</p>

<p>That’s my long rant.</p>

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<p>Being introverted, IMO, is a symptom of having low self-confidence/esteem. It’s a defense mechanism to avoid the sting of social failure. Introversion is a learned behavior that develops in hostile environments, though it can persist into otherwise safe environments, since the perception of hostility is inherently (due to introversion) not resolved (e.g., there is no external discussion about it). Just because introverts have low self-confidence/esteem doesn’t mean they can’t have egos, don’t get me wrong. In fact, the inflated egos of many are probably also a defense mechanism that only aggravates the problem.</p>

<p>For example, one of my closest friends is incredibly introverted. He has a huge ego and is extremely judgmental. Because of this, he is also extremely inhibited. His introversion, in combination with his egotistical and judgmental personality, means he is often boring and unwilling to comply with requests or accept invites in a very condescending manner. His judgmental ego tells him he’s “above” doing said activities, but his non-confrontational mouth says the most immediate, believable excuse that comes to his mind.</p>

<p>Back to you, since it’s not normal (though increasingly acceptable, which is not a good thing) to be a social nerd, it’s possible that socially normal people recognize that something is wrong with you, like how one might recognize mental retardation, and instinctively reject you. But we can only make assumptions, since no one here knows how you act. It’s just as possible that you smell awful or have wretched breath.</p>

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<p>Ehhh…There are decades worth of research backed up by peer reviewed documents, not some crap a whiny dork or a parent who is trying to make an excuse for their weird kid made up.</p>

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<p>They don’t dislike nerds/introverts, they simply don’t have that much in common with them. People generally become friends with people who are similar to them. Cool kids are basically indifferent towards nerds.</p>

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<p>It’s because they envy you, and feel paranoid that you will see them as idiots. </p>

<p>That’s what it is.</p>

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<p>Obviously the OP is having all this trouble because he didn’t take enough ECs.</p>

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<p>What the heck? Lots of the “cool people” at college are introverts. I see it all the time from football players to cheerleaders to crunchy people in every club imaginable. In fact tons of snobs are basically introverted.</p>

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<p>peter_parker, I agree that self-described “introverts” should not blame their lack of sociability on some innate personality flaw. I disagree, however, with your comparison to Asperger’s Syndrome. Asperger’s Syndrome is very real. Asperger’s is more than a “social dysfunction.” It is a disorder that makes it very difficult to understand nonverbal communication. That means that body language, tone, and subtext mean nothing to someone with Asperger’s. Only 7% of communication is actually verbal! It is not that people with Asperger’s (or PDDNOS* or any other form of Autism) do not like other people. It is that interacting with people who often seem irrational to them can be very difficult. Many individuals on the Autism spectrum greatly enjoy social interaction, but are often not capable of communicating in a way that makes sense to everyone else.</p>

<p>I would suggest you not comment on a subject that you have not directly experienced. I make the assumption that you do not know (REALLY know, not just observe) anyone with the syndrome because, if you did, you would probably see that it is a legitimate issue.</p>

<p>-Counselor at a camp for children with special needs, sister to a 20yo with PDDNOS</p>

<p>*Pervasive developmental disorder, not otherwise specified – describes a high-functioning individual who is on the Autism spectrum but does not exhibit some of the characteristics of Asperger’s (high IQ, fixation on one subject matter, etc)</p>

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<p>Introversion is not a defense mechanism. It is natural tendency towards one’s thoughts and feelings, just like how Extroversion is natural tendency towards the outside world.</p>

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<p>There are lots of cool introverts and cool extroverts, IDK what OP is talking about, but personally, the people I tend to run away from the most are nerdy/creepy/weird extroverts.</p>

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<p>Why do you care? It’s not like things will change. It’s always going to be like that. Why stop being a “nerd” because the “cool” kids don’t want to talk to you? If you’re a nerd. embrace it.</p>

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<p>It seems the OP just got out of high school.</p>

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<p>This is totally not in high school.</p>

<p>Forget high school, welcome to college buddy where everyone will not judge you on what group you hang.</p>

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<p>Popularity ends in high school.</p>

<p>There is still cliques and groups anywhere you go in life, but after HS you shouldn’t feel obligated to “fit it” to other social circles.</p>

<p>As long as you can interact at an adult level, and not come off as some creeper, you will be pretty much accepted.</p>

<p>Being a wierdo is the only thing that really gets you picked on, like in a dorm setting.</p>

<p>I had one roommate who walked in, and directly after introducing ourselves asked if I like Japanese animation. I said no, and that I never really paid attention to it, then made a joke, something like, “Pokimon is for kids right?”</p>

<p>He then told me that he watches anime 6 hours a day.</p>

<p>He get picked on, relentlessly.</p>

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<p>Let’s get this completely straight: Introversion and extroversion have nothing to do with how you interact with people, but rather what gives you energy. Extroverts get energy from being with other people, and it is draining for them to be alone. Introverts get energy from being alone, and are drained by other people. Shyness, social ineptitude, hyperactivity, talkativeness do not indicate intro- or extroversion any more than water indicates fish.</p>

<p>Someone said earlier to stop seeing the world in labels. THAT person is cool.</p>

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<p>If you see people as “cool” and “nerds” and have this ranking system in your mind, you WILL feel inadequate/confused/unhappy. There’s no way around it. Sure, maybe you’ll feel superior to some person you have deemed “nerdier” than yourself, but it is not worth feeling inferior to those who you find to be higher on the “scale.” Being so judgemental only hurts you, in the end.</p>

<p>Oh, and NO one, “cool” or “nerdy,” is envious of those who label others. I promise.</p>

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<p>Most colleges are too big to have a cool clique, and at least at my school everyone just hangs out with people they like and don’t pay attention to other groups. The only people with their head up their ass who think they are popular are the soccer teams and some of the football players. Needless to say those are the only people that are really disliked. Basically in college everyones cool with one another unless someones being a tool. </p>

<p>There are plenty of introverted people who have a lot friends and go out. College is different than hs.</p>

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<p>Stop digging old threads</p>

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<p>So - in an effort to actually HELP this person or those who find this thread in the future and badly need it, could we list some specific “social tics” or “socially repulsive habits” as well as how to overcome them? Often, a person isn’t even aware of these things. </p>

<p>If you have some of these habits,it might be a good idea to devote some time to ridding yourself of them. There’s no need to make a big deal out of it or confess them here. Just quietly take note and give yourself a clean slate. Start fresh. You’re old enough now to consciously practice changing bad habits or things you might not even be aware of doing. Things such as staring at people, talking to yourself, humming constantly, picking your nose, not bathing enough, talking about one thing incessantly, constant complaining, being a sore loser, being obnoxious, bragging, always being late, not pulling your weight, being a know-it-all… these things turn people off, but they can be worked on and fixed. You can intellectually learn better ways and practice them like any other skill. </p>

<p>On the other hand, maybe you just have some quirks. Find people who are into these things, and have a blast - but don’t just focus on that forever. If you love a certain TV show, find the TV on campus with a group around it who won’t miss it, and join in. The trick is that after you hang out with them a few times, it isn’t about that anymore. It’s about the shared experience and hanging out with those people. </p>

<p>This is something that seems really obvious, once someone points it out to you. Focus more on the people you’re with than the activity. When you look back on it, what’s important are the funny things that were said or good conversation you had, rather than what you ate, right? </p>

<p>Also, even if you are an introvert and naturally need solitude to recover from social interaction, you might also be the sort of person who needs social interaction to energize yourself and get yourself out of your own head & feel better. Even the dreaded “chit chat” can work this way. It’s the same skill you need to make it through a long sermon, lecture, or presentation at work: if you actually pay attention and focus, it will stop being so boring and the time will pass more quickly.</p>

<p>Ease into socializing by doing things where you’re not forced to interact consciously: going to movies, studying together in the library, throwing a frisbee, playing tennis. Try not to be self-conscious & feel like every word is being judged. Relax and do more listening than talking. If you stutter over a word, it’s not the end of the world, just move on. </p>

<p>As a former high school nerd, I took FOREVER to learn these things. Hopefully you can skip a few painful years and do better.</p>

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<p>^Go away you ■■■■■.</p>