<p>My parents, grandparents, relatives always tell me I’m “extremely handsome,” but this doesn’t seem to be the case, as it doesn’t seem girls think so at all, and I mean girls NOT RELATED TO ME. Why do parents lie to their kids about this, even when they’re old enough not to need self esteem coaching? Girls on CC have rated me between 5-6 out of 10, while my family acts like I’m an 11. Why do parents lie about this? I ask because I’m scared my looks kill me at colllege.</p>
<p>Because parents see the whole kid as part of the looks–just as a woman who wants to be with you will. For females looks are just not that big of a deal–but how you treat her, if you have a sense of humor, if you are kind to animals, your mother, and little kids–that is what will make her think you are handsome enough for her.</p>
<p>Oh–and I told my DD that often the really good looking guys are NOT the ones to catch and that the regular guys generally make the best husbands.</p>
<p>Looks are very subjective. Folks we love generally look more attractive to us. When we get to know folks, their appearance is colored by our feelings for them. We all know people who are very attractive who are extremely unpopular due to their obnoxious/toxic personality and also people who are “not much to look at” objectively who are extremely popular because they take an active interest in others and have a warm and inviting personality.</p>
<p>Honestly, outward appearance is one factor, but many other issues weigh in friendships and personality. Counselors can help with this, as can groups of people who share your interests. As they always say, the best way to make friends is to be a friend. Talk with people whom you admire who are in your circle of friends (or trusted family members who are objective) and ask them for thoughts and suggestions.</p>
<p>My kids, hubby and I aren’t THE most attractive but have learned over the years how to make good and lasting friends, including in new settings. These skills are much more valuable than looks, which change over time. Juding yourself and others on appearance can be very off-putting to others, including “rating” yourself and others. </p>
<p>Folks generally don’t make an entire group of friends all at once, it’s generally one at a time and each relationship is cultivated. Life is NOT a huge episode of sitcoms like “Cheers,” “Seinfield,” "“Sex in the City,” and other shows, where so many people are just having great times with an instant happy & gorgeous group of folks.</p>
<p>It’s much easier to find like-minded folks if you figure out what interests YOU and look for places where you are likely to meet others who share those interests, by joining a club or taking a course in that area.</p>
<p>Because your family subconsciously sees the family resemblance and is likely to see that as appealing and because you are beautiful/handsome to your family. They may not lie, but they may be prejudiced 
They also know your attractive on the inside characteristics and ‘see’ that, too.</p>
<p>We parents just cannot help it!</p>
<p>Looks are totally subjective! Best thing: know yourself, your strengths and your weaknesses. And then get on with it. Shakespeare had it right when he stuck so often to the theme of appearance versus reality. The sooner you grasp what that means, the happier you will be. And love from your family and friends trumps all. Count your blessings to have such a lovely love-blind family. :)</p>
<h2>This is not a direct answer to your question. But it does put some humor into the reality that what seems “attractive” at 18 is really different than what is attractive later in life! This comes from the Onion:</h2>
<p>Your High School Boyfriend Still Smoking Cigarettes In The Field Behind School</p>
<p>THE BALL FIELDS—According to witnesses at your old high school, the guy you let touch your boobs after the Queensrÿche concert still takes off shortly before lunch every day to sneak a smoke behind the dugouts. Although he can no longer fit into the filthy army jacket that used to impress you, sources confirmed that the paunchy, middle-aged man clumsily rolling his own Bali Shag cigarettes and hassling passing freshman is in fact the same boyfriend you defended to your mother almost two decades ago. It was not immediately apparent whether the 40-year-old claims adjuster is still trying to cheat on you with Jessica Ruffino</p>
<p>How do girls on CC know what you look like? Photos? Some people just aren’t photogenic and their spirit, style, or movement brings them to life! My son’s photos make him look goofy but in real life he’s a “chick magnet”, lol! Personality and an air of confidence have alot to do with it, I’m sure!</p>
<p>Fwiw, I was considered very beautiful back in the day. For some reason, outer looks were never important to me and most of the men I went out with would not have been rated above a 6 on the looks scale. But they were very attractive on the personality scale - smart, kind, funny, whatever - AND had the confidence to talk to me, get to know me, and ask me out! Believe it or not, many smart, pretty, nice girls (my D included) don’t get asked out alot because guys don’t think they have a chance. Be confident and don’t be afraid to talk to them (not in a creepy way, but you know just make a joke or chat when you’re sitting next to them, open a door for them, etc.) and give yourself a chance.</p>
<p>What a nice change of threads from the usual “I’ve been accepted at my safety school and rejected everywhere else, my life is now over”.</p>
<p>I will echo what sk8rmom said. I’m not going to be falsely modest - I was a beauty. I was also adopted, and my father has since told me that he worried that I would get a big head from all the people who would come up and ooh and ah at me, so he compensated by not talking much about looks. By and large the men I dated were far from gorgeous, although I liked men (boys) who were athletic and intelligent. Big plus to anyone who could make me laugh - or appreciate my sense of humor - or recognize that I was intelligent. My husband was not, as he puts it, “one of the beautiful people” in HS, but I have lost count of the number of people who tell him how good he looks lately. He stays active and in shape. To me, he looks amazing.</p>
<p>I feel sorry for people of my generation who still make looks a priority. Hopefully it is something you outgrow as you age. I have one friend who needs two hands to count the number of plastic surgeries she has had. </p>
<p>I tell my children how good they look, and I mean it, and I’m sure your family means it too. But I am most proud of them for the things they have accomplished and the content of their character. I am sure that colors my view of their appearance. </p>
<p>While it’s natural at your age to be concerned about your appearance, please don’t get hung up on looks or on people who make looks a huge priority in their lives - you don’t need to be surrounded by shallowness. Sure, be clean and presentable. Stay in shape. Have interesting things to talk about. The rest will come.</p>
<p>They’re not lying! To them, you are incredibly handsome. You have traits of each of them, and they must have good self-esteem because that family resemblance is part of what endears you to them. I come from a family of olive-skinned brunettes. Is it a surprise I ended up with an olive-skinned brunette?</p>
<p>I remember a boy from high school. He was sort of awkward in the looks department. He always reminded me of Goofy…funny and as nice as could be. He had a big crush on me and followed me everywhere. He drove me nuts and I was too immature to just come out and tell him that we would only be friends.
Before too long, other girls began to notice how funny he was. They were all over him and he no longer had any issues with getting dates.
I agree with the other posters who say that looks don’t really matter. Personality and kindness are what works best. I am guessing you are shy ? Confidence can make you more attractive too.</p>
<p>I just wish parents wouldn’t ask people if they think their baby is cute/beautiful if they aren’t prepared to hear an honest answer.</p>
<p>I suspect your parents know you aren’t traditionally handsome. Parents aren’t blind. But there are two things at work here.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>They love and adore you. They are compelled to say nice things to and about you because they are so infatuated with you. Objectively they know you aren’t a “10” but they wouldn’t tell you that because they wouldn’t hurt your feelings.</p></li>
<li><p>They see the “whole” you and they focus on the beautiful parts at the same time! So they see that you are interesting or funny or smart AND they see your beautiful smile or big eyes or curly hair and they find that very attractive.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I think, objectively, my son is better than average looking but not “10”. However, when my son smiles and laughs he is truly beautiful. It just transforms him. I think he is beautiful for many reasons and tell him. Am I ACTUALLY saying he is a “10”? No, but he IS gorgeous to me.</p>
<p>^^^ A little white lie is in order in that case! :D</p>
<p>My post was in reference to ugly babies. One above.</p>
<p>I can relate to the OP. </p>
<p>My mother used to tell me I was beautiful and should try out for the local Miss_____ contest (leading to Miss America)! And honestly, though I have some talents, and I eventually developed a personality, I’ve never been anything but homely in the looks department. As a teen I thought she was being weird & even…mocking?, but I guess she was just being a mother. </p>
<p>Other posters have given good answers–it’s inner beauty that wins friends anyway!</p>
<p>And boys develop later than girls (physically as well as emotionally) so you can be sure the body you have in HS will continue to improve in college!</p>
<p>Unrelated, but since this may be an April Fools ■■■■■ anyway, I’ll pose this question: Say a parent had costmetic surgery to fix a feature they didn’t like - a nose perhaps. What do they say to their kid when she turns up with the same nose that the parent thought was undesirable? Do they admit it? Do they say, “That nose didn’t suit my face, but it looks great on you?” Do do they say, “When you’re 17, we’ll get yours fixed, too”?</p>
<p>A story: A friend of mine is really beautiful. Her first marriage was to an incredibly handsome air force pilot - a real cocky great looking “Top Gun” kind of guy. Terrible husband. Years passed and second marriage was to a guy who is probably a 3 or 4 on the looks scale, but is bright, funny, and a great husband and father.</p>
<p>Count your blessings. Parents do not always tell their kids they are handsome. You are lucky that your parents probably do think that you are good looking. My mom never told me I was good looking, but did discuss the methods she was using to correct my flaws – such as enrolling me in dance lessons. She also used to worry aloud about my brother’s flaws, such as his being in her eyes “too short.”</p>
<p>As for you, guys don’t have to be drop dead handsome to get dates with women. Personality, sense of humor, physique, sophistication, confidence, articulateness, intelligence, all count for a lot. Women are less superficial than are men when it comes to selecting dating partners.</p>
<p>I have to confess. When the son was a baby, I used to hold a mirror in front of him and say “handsome”. He thought his name was “handsome” for the longest time. </p>
<p>When he was in high school I routinely tell him he is handsome and IMO he is. Objectively, well, maybe a 7 or 8. Other people had commented to me he is good looking (no, I didn’t ask) but maybe they are being polite. Looks aren’t everything. My son is a dork and not that popular though he had no trouble getting dates. He attended prom alone by choice. I wish he treats his friends of the opposite sex better but that is story for another day.</p>
<p>I’m with NSM. A friend of mine died a couple of years ago. She wasn’t pretty in a conventional sense, but she was genuinely striking. If you entered a room with 100 people, she was the one you’d be able to describe later. She came from a wealthy family and her mom (who came from a poor family and married into wealth) had been a great beauty. According to my friend, from age 11, her mom would tell her “If any man tells you that you are pretty, he is after your money. You are not pretty; you are homely. I am your mother and even I see how homely you are. Remember, any man who says otherwise is lying to you.” </p>
<p>So, not everyone tells their kids they are good looking.</p>