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<p>It’s what’s known as a rhetorical question. To give an “honest” answer is just plain cruel. Besides, there is really no such thing as an ugly baby.</p>
<p>When you encounter a baby who is less than beautiful, you’ve got to be the one to comment first, and the comment can come from the heart. With a baby, it’s always easy to come up with a sincere positive comment…“Just look at that smile!” “Aren’t babies just adorable when they’re sleeping?” “I just can’t get enough of those tiny feet - they’re so soft!”</p>
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<p>Perhaps BECAUSE no one else agrees.</p>
<p>If parents aren’t there to bolster their children, who will be? So much of attractiveness comes from self-confidence. A parent who suspects their child may be deficient in confidence may go all out to build it up. A proper response to a compliment that you don’t believe you deserve is, “Thank you. I’m glad you think so.” </p>
<p>I personally do not like praising someone for something they have no control over. I try to focus on aspects they do have choices about - chosing a flattering wardrobe, for example, or a nice haircut. I have a negative trait of being brutally honest (which I really do try to curb), but the flip side is that when I praise my kids, they know I mean it.</p>
<p>I am good looking. I used to think that mattered a lot with women (as it does with men), I’ve corrected my ways and put a lot more effort into being more confident/funny. Seems to be working out alright.</p>
<p>From Miss Manners (Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, by Judith Martin):</p>
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<p>To that I would add - and one’s children. </p>
<p>[Miss</a> Manners’ guide to … - Google Book Search](<a href=“Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (Freshly Updated) - Judith Martin - Google Books”>Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (Freshly Updated) - Judith Martin - Google Books)</p>
<p>To be honest, I think very few babies are beautiful . . . I am just not a baby person. I usually go with “He/she looks just like you!” or a generic “Wow!”</p>
<p>NSM, that must have been so heart-rending. :(</p>
<p>" just wish parents wouldn’t ask people if they think their baby is cute/beautiful if they aren’t prepared to hear an honest answer."</p>
<p>Why would anyone want to hurt anyone’s feelings by telling them their baby is ugly? It’s so easy to avoid answering the question by saying something like, “What soft skin” or “What cute little feet” or “Looks just like you!”</p>
<p>I had a neighbor once whose baby was a little odd looking. She asked everyone in the playgroup whether or not mothers with ugly babies know they are ugly…to me the answer was no. All mothers think their children are beautiful.
My sister told me when she saw my now 19 year old daughter for the first time that she looked like a ■■■■■…thanks</p>
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<p>That is precisely why they should not be putting people on the spot with such questions. Most people neither want to lie nor hurt feelings. Also, most people will comment on their own if they think a baby is cute. It is not a question that should ever be asked . . . Just accept praise happily when it comes spontaneously. </p>
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<p>Wow. See, that’s not appropriate either. No one should catch sight of a baby, point, and say, “Whoa, now THAT’S an ugly baby!” That’s just cringingly rude.</p>
<p>"That is precisely why they should not be putting people on the spot with such questions. Most people neither want to lie nor hurt feelings. Also, most people will comment on their own if they think a baby is cute. It is not a question that should ever be asked . . . Just accept praise happily when it comes spontaneously. "</p>
<p>Oh, please. Many people who have babies are delighted to have babies, and want the world to share in their joy and in their feelings that they have a lovely child. Instead of criticizing them, just rejoice with them and look for something to say to add to their joy. I do wonder about the mindset of someone who’d criticize someone for wanting to have their baby complimented. What’s the big deal? They aren’t hurting anyone. They love their kid, and if their baby happens to look like a ■■■■■, it’s lucky to have parents who think it’s a beauty.</p>
<p>“To be honest, I think very few babies are beautiful . . . I am just not a baby person.”</p>
<p>But, in this situation it’s really not about you, it’s about the feelings of the parents. Answering a direct question with an answer designed to distract from the Q, no matter how artfully done, is IMO just all too obvious, especially if it’s the very first time you are laying eyes on the baby. Even if the parents don’t ask, I think it’s always appropriate to say. Also- the parents may very well notice and take offense that you didn’t compliment the baby - even if you think you were quite tactful. Is that what you really want? if you simply must justify your comments, even to yourself, you could remind yourself that it’s not just about physical beauty.</p>
<p>I had a student who was the ugliest person I’ve ever met. She literally weighed about 400 pounds, and it was obvious that she also had to shave her face. However, she carried herself like a queen, had a lovely personality, and I’m convinced that her confidence must have been because she had the good fortune to have parents who thought she was gorgeous just the way she was. She also had boyfriends.</p>
<p>So, people – including homely ones – are fortunate if their parents think they are attractive. And one is being a real killjoy if one really wants to tell parents the truth about their babies who are less than gorgeous.</p>
<p>I have a story related to what poster #16 mentioned. There is a couple I’ve known for years and years. The wife had a very large nose…so ultimately ended up having it worked on…her husband had broken his nose, so it was crooked…and never that small to start with…so, he got his nose “fixed” too…and it ended up smaller and straighter. Well, they ended up with 2 daughters…lol, the kids never could figure out where they got their noses, and for some weird reason the parents didn’t fess up. Well I guess as they got older and realized what the parents noses looked like in older pictures, the gig was up…thus, the two girls also had nose jobs! I have to say, the group of friends we’re in often wonder whats gonna happen when these girls meet the men they’ll marry?? Will the fess up, or is this just going to go on and on!</p>
<p>I went to HS, with a guy…who was actually unattractive, but very sweet and funny. He was skinny, pimply and gangly looking…I don’t think he ever had a date in High School. Well, he is now one of the tallest, handsomest guys ever, lol. Well educated, still funny. I’m pretty sure there are tons of girls from those days who wish they paid more attention to him! </p>
<p>And on the last note…I used to have this discussion with my mom when my kids were little…I’d say, do all parents think they’re kids are beautiful? Is it something thats part of that maternal bond? Would a parent know if they have an unattractive kid? She would always say…all parents think they’re children are beautiful/handsome, because they know the whole person…No one is blind when they look a their kids, but when you see your husband, or a feature of your own parent on your child…how can that not be beautiful? I look at my kids and see awesome kids…Focusing on thier looks does no one any good…Looks fade, lol. I was always told I was pretty, blah blah…but, unless I get some plastic surgery…I’m sure not looking like I did 20 yrs ago…but, to me thats not a bad thing. Every line around my eyes…are part of my life…from laughter, tears, sunburns…etc…when I look in the mirror, I see the young girl in there still…but, she’s changed…and Thank God for that!! There is nothing freakier then a mom who’s face is so stretched and tight, with plumped lips…(for some reason Nadya just came to mind)…a mom who actually doesn’t look like herself anymore. Its not to say, I don’t use every cream, serum and moisturizer that promises to stop time!! 
I still have some level of vanity left!!!</p>
<p>My point is…looks can be fleeting…a good, strong, loving personality can last forever.</p>
<p>Geez, Lakrosse, man up! Your insecurity and need for approval will kill you in college not your sub par looks. Family resemblance is why they say you are handsome. Get over yourself.</p>
<p>On less then pretty babies…when I think about the babies that I knew that weren’t that cute, it is interesting how they’ve all turned into very striking & attractive teens/young adults.</p>
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<p>When H and I went to his 20th HS reunion, a guy walked in and every woman in the place turned to gape - he was that handsome. Turns out he had been a pudgy, pimply kid in HS who never had a date. One woman said “My mother always told me you’d turn out handsome - why didn’t I listen to her???”</p>
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<p>I have another confession. I used to secretly feel a tinge of regret that my daughter is not as good looking as her brother. I love her just as much but I always thought how unfortunate that the son has the looks. Of course I never said anything to her. I did however, emphasize how beauty is always skin deep and probably more protective of her. She has a beautiful personality and always has many friends/playmates.</p>
<p>As she grew older people we just met would compliment on her looks and once she was asked to model/test shoot from some rep from some well known/reputable agency when she was in some random mall. (She was only 14 then and I nixed the idea of going for the test shoot so that was that.) </p>
<p>I figure that other people see my daughter as better looking than I do. I am one of those moms who don’t automatically think their off-springs are gorgeous. My husband on the other hand thinks his d is Miss Universe. :o</p>
<p>Our daughter is better looking than either her father or me. We’re “attractive” in a completely normal way, but she’s gorgeous. When I’m walking down the street with her, all eyes are on her. I’ve never felt so invisible in my life! (It’s kind of funny, although it can also be creepy how many middle aged men check her out, even when she was 15.) Having been ok looking my whole life, it’s been fun, and also revealing, to see life from the perspective of someone who is beautiful. Interestingly, she is much less influenced by others’ looks than I am. To put it another way, I am more shallow than she is! She has consistently gone for the average looking but interesting, smart, funny guy, even though she generally has her pick. I’ve never talked to her much about her looks, but when I tell her she is “beautiful”, I mean she, the whole person, is beautiful to me. I would tell her that no matter what she looked like and completely, sincerely mean it. When a parent says, “You’re beautiful/handsome” to their child, what they really mean is, “You are a miracle to me and I am so lucky to have you!” </p>
<p>On the ugly baby question, what is the big deal about telling a white lie? I mean, why such scruples over telling someone that their homely baby is cute? It makes me wonder if some people secretly want to tell the “truth”. (and there’s probably nothing more relative than beauty.)</p>
<p>I loved the Seinfeld episode where they went to a house in the Hamptons where a couple just had a baby. The baby was so ugly, Elaine would have to take breath or wince whenever she looked at the baby. When the parents asked if the baby was cute, they would say, “He is breathless.”</p>
<p>I for one, do not think all babies are cute. I saw a friend’s baby with very large fish ball eyes and thick (frog like) lips, ugh. Well, she grew up to be a beautiful girl, sexy, as a matter of fact, because of those lips.</p>
<p>" Wow. See, that’s not appropriate either. No one should catch sight of a baby, point, and say, “Whoa, now THAT’S an ugly baby!” That’s just cringingly rude. '</p>
<p>That pretty much sums up my sisters tact ( or lack of it )</p>
<p>The thing is, my daughter wasn’t the prettiest baby, but she is really very pretty now and has no lack of suiters.</p>
<p>This may seem cruel, but sometimes I wonder how unattractive parents have such beautiful babies and vice versa. We had family friends who are both very good looking, but their daughter just didn’t get the looks…unfortunately, he two brothers did and she grew up in their shadows:(</p>