<p>Thing is…children do not know anything about good looks or ugliness until another child calls them that; then it is a shock to find out you’re ugly or not good looking. I wish looks were not important to society but they are. Walk around with a pretty/beautiful person if you are not one and note the difference in the treatment you will likely receive.</p>
<p>To the OP – because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Your family is doing the beholding and, to them, you are beautiful. I notice that my youngest son has no dearth of female friends and a lot of girls who are older than him enjoy hanging out with him. While he’s attractive enough, I don’t think it’s his looks that are making him popular with girls. He’s a really great conversationalist (and a lot of boys his age are not) and he knows how to look a girl in the eye and listen to her – a skill many males never actually acquire. I think a lot of women on this thread have confirmed that it isn’t the best-looking guy that they are looking for – it’s the one who is personable, nice and kind. Best advice I ever heard a mom give her daughter - “Marry a man who is kind.” That’s going to make a girl a lot happier in the end. But…I notice we’ve mostly heard from women here that looks aren’t that important. I want to hear from the guys – how important are looks in a woman? Because women sure spend a lot of time and money and energy worrying about it.</p>
<p>Oh, and on the baby front. One of my boys had hair that stuck out in every direction as an infant – like he’d stuck his finger in a light socket! My mother-in-law said something really mean about it once and it still bothers me to think about it – 18 years later. You know the old adage…if you don’t have anything nice to say…</p>
<p>I sometimes wonder what my son looks like to other people. He is the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen or known. Before he was born, I thought newborns were not that interesting or attractive. Now I think they are all beautiful, so beautiful that I cannot put it into words and I find few things as captivating as watching a little one learn about themselves and the world around them. </p>
<p>I like what Miss Manners said about brides and babies. It is a fact that all babies and all brides are beautiful. If you believe otherwise, you are mistaken and so best to keep it to yourself.</p>
<p>mimk6…I love what you said you heard the mom tell her daughter…to marry someone kind. But it made me think of something my Irish grandma told all the girls in the family…and don’t take offense anyone, lol…this was one lady who said things just as they popped into her head…She had no filter!! She would say…it doesn’t matter if you marry an ugly man, a mean man or a short man…They’ll all look perfect standing on a big stack of money!! haha…ok, in her defense, she was a young widow with 7 kids to raise on her own…the idea of someone to help must have seemed very important to her. She died at 93, 7 yrs ago…so, she was from a different time and place I guess…or, maybe not, now that I think of the current state of our economy. Seems like alot of people started to think that stack of money what was most important.</p>
<p>According to my daughter, the most appealing boys are the ones who can listen and carry on a conversation. Apparently, this is a very rare trait in American boys, who she says mostly grunt. Whenever she meets someone she likes, it’s all about what an interesting person he is, how creative, how much fun it is to talk to him. Not a peep about his looks. the OP might want to keep that in mind if he’s worried about meeting girls.</p>
<p>My daughter dated a very good looking young man - kind of stunning movie star looks - for 2 years. When we first met him his smile was quite dazzling. But it was not something we saw a lot. He really was the most horrible human being I have met and treated her (and everyone else in his life) like garbage. She was so unhappy. Now she is dating a young man who is really kind and supportive and makes her so happy. That is soooo much more important than looks.</p>
<p>The not so nice young man made me think of all the ‘romanticized’ handsome, dark and moody characters in books - you know -‘a la Heathcliff’. I tell my daughter that dark and moody and mysterious may be romantic in a novel or a movie. In real life they are just miserable SOBs.</p>
<p>As for the pretty babies. My lovely daughter was not a pretty baby. She was 10 pounds 2 oz and had a really fat face and folds of fat where a neck should be and no hair. By the time she was a few month old she was gorgeous. I had a friend when my daughter was a toddler who commented that she must have been a lovely baby because she was so pretty. When I told her she had not been she did not believe me. So I showed her a picture. My friend, who was exceptionally polite and well mannered, looked at the picture and just said “Oh”.</p>
<p>Because you have their genes.</p>
<p>Hmmm… more than once, when I was pretty frustrated, I’ve looked at my son, then felt what I guess was compassion. I meant it when I said “it’s a good thing you’re so handsome!” He says no one else says that.</p>
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<p>There should be a sticker with this quote slapped on every book that perpetuates this nonsense about dark and moody being “manly.”</p>
<p>My 17 year old D is a very beautiful girl although not in the traditional SoCal (blonde, blue eyed, tan) way. She is medium height (5’6"), but she seems to attract many guys that are either shorter than her or just as tall as her. Her last boyfriend was shorter than her, but she didn’t care and would wear heals around him no problem. She is a kid who does her own thing and doesn’t care what others think of her! </p>
<p>She recently broke up with shorter boyfriend and younger D (14) told me that there is now a tall guy my older D is interested in. That will be a first!</p>
<p>If it makes you feel any better, my parents have been telling me I’m short, fat and ugly for my whole life, and they’re right!</p>
<p>" If it makes you feel any better, my parents have been telling me I’m short, fat and ugly for my whole life, and they’re right! "</p>
<p>I really hope that you are joking about that.</p>
<p>swimcat, your description of your daughter’s newborn look made me laugh !</p>
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<p>That made me sad. </p>
<p>Beauty, true beauty is really more than skin deep. Ugly is a subjective word. A tall slim blonde can be very ugly - because her/his personality and character are ugly.</p>
<p>What women look for in guys – humor:</p>
<p>"According to new research, women rate funny guys as more intelligent than guys who are not so funny. The research was presented this week at the British Psychological Society Annual Conference in Brighton, England.</p>
<p>“Over the course of history, women actively look for signs that their man is intelligent, and I believe the ability to actively judge the situation and pull off a joke and make you laugh is an intelligent feat,” said Kristofor McCarty, a researcher at Northumbria University in Newcastle, England, and author of the study, in an e-mail."
[Why</a> funny guys get the babes - CNN.com](<a href=“http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/02/women.funny.men.intelligent/index.html]Why”>Why funny guys get the babes - CNN.com)</p>
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No it isn’t! This is the kind of lie they tell you in elementary school when you’re ugly. In real life, no-one will ever give you a chance to even find out about your personality if you’re ugly. Believe me, I should know. I know exactly why my parents encouraged me to study hard and aim high for college from a very young age - I have no option. I will never be married or have a family of my own. No-one will ever care for me (other than my parents and siblings, and they will die/have families of their own). I have to survive all by myself, which means getting a good education followed by a very good job. I have to be twice as good at my job and twice as educated as everyone else, because people will always judge me poorly for being ugly. That’s just my reality.</p>
<p>Ugly is just the opposite of beautiful. Fat is just the opposite of thin. Short is just the opposite of tall (and I am soooo very much shorter than 5’6 which has been described as short in this thread. In my family 5’6 would be a giant. My mother is 4’10!). I am not offended by these descriptions because they are true. I am sure you are nice parents, but if your son came home with a girl like me, you’d be horrified. That is just the way life is.</p>
<p>cupcake, that was a sad post. I’m sorry you feel so bad about yourself.</p>
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Seems like it might not be a self-esteem issue but just reality…</p>
<p>Simply, humans have been ‘rated’ on physical characteristics by the opposite sex since our existence. For women it is far more important than men, this is also reality.</p>
<p>All I would say to cupcake is aim realistically and I’m sure someone will perceive you as a possible gf/wife/etc.</p>
<p>Cupcake, I am sorry that your family told you such awful things about yourself.</p>
<p>I have no idea whether you are what others would consider attractive. However, take a look around, and when it comes to adults, you’ll find many unattractive, overweight, short, etc. people who are married and/or have romantic partners. Don’t judge your own possibilities by what your parents told you or by movie stars’ lives.</p>
<p>While many high school students lack the wisdom to judge people by their inner beauty, the older people get, the more they are likely to weigh personality and other factors as they choose a partner. </p>
<p>One of the apparently happiest couples I know have been married for at least 20 years. The wife, a college prof, was what her family regarded as the homely, but smart daughter. Her sister especially delighted in taunting her that she’d never find a man who’d care for her. Her husband, also a college prof, happens to be drop dead handsome – inside and out – and clearly adores her. It’s her beautiful older sister who has had the problems finding a mate.</p>
<p>I have sons. I want them to choose romantic partners who are of good character, and are nice people, and share their interests. Whether or not the women are good looking or homely isn’t important to me. I remember asking my younger S what he thinks are desireable traits in romantic partners. He said: kindness, good sense of humor, intelligence. He never mentioned anything about looks.</p>
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<p>You are so wrong and I say this with conviction. As I posted before I think my son is handsome. I would never care if he would marry a homely girl, all I need to know is that she is kind, honest and loves him. </p>
<p>Conversely, my handsome son, well, I think he’s no catch, because of his immaturity. </p>
<p>You sound like as if you are a hard worker and I see that one day you will be an accomplished individual. There is beauty in accomplishment and hard work…</p>
<p>Cupcake,
Short girls have an advantage when it comes to dating. They are more likely to get dating partners than are taller girls. That’s because most men want to date a woman who’s shorter than they are. Many men also link shortness with femininity.</p>