^ Assuming the parent could comfortably afford your top choice, I agree with you, ibad96. It becomes an issue when the kid wants to go to a school that costs $250k when there are in-state options that cost less than, say, $100k. If the parents can comfortably afford $250k for college, then sure, the final say should ultimately be up to the kid. If it’s something where the parents need to take out loans, and eat macaroni and cheese until you graduate, then the parents would have far more weight in the final decision.
D was allowed to apply to some schools where we are not sure if the Fin Aid will be enough (i.e. known to gap). Before she applied I asked - what if they accept you but it’s too expensive?
She said in that case she would not go. FWIW she is very anti-debt.
“If the parents can comfortably afford 250K for college, then sure, the final say should ultimately be up to the kid.”
I don’t agree. Being able to pay for something does not mean I think it is worth paying the price being charged. Sorry, part of the reason I can afford to pay $250,000 is that I don’t spend money that I don’t have to and I don’t confuse brand names with quality. Neither do my kids, so I don’t find myself having to veto schools. Doesn’t mean I would not pay $250,000 ever but the fact that I can do it does not take the decision out of my hands.
We often talk about having a balanced list of schools for our kids - super reach, reach,match, safety. I would let my kids have the final say within a certain category(s), like super reach and reach, but not between super reach and safety, especially if the cost would be the same. D1 was accepted to Cornell and Duke. She chose Cornell. She was given a very generous merit scholarship at her safety. We had a hard time turning down over 40K+ a year. It was D1 who asked if she could go to Cornell if she were to contribute to her schooling. I decided if I was prepare to pay the full amount before she applied, I shouldn’t take it away from her. It was the same for D2. She made the final decision where she wanted to apply ED in the top 20 schools range. She had the stats to apply for the top 4-5, but she was happy with Cornell, and I didn’t push. I know this doesn’t sit well with a lot of CC’ers, but with her stats, if she had opted for a school below 20s, I would have objected.
@Hunt: I guess we’ve found the limits of your First Amendment sympathies. 
This gives me an opportunity to harp on something I always harp on. Essentially every student with the academic chops to be a reasonable applicant for Cornell and/or Duke will be able to get a very generous merit scholarship at a nice safety school. This is why parents and students need to talk about what they will do if this happens way, way in advance–ideally before you make the list.
“To the spirit of the question rather than the specifics of the school choices involved, are there any parents on this forum who are paying for their children’s undergrad who would not exercise final veto power on the final decision?”
Yes. There are some schools that I consider off the table - one that several friends of mine attended and had a bad experience at, and one that several relatives attended that I think is just too party school for my taste. However, I wouldn’t let my kid apply there in the first place. It’s one thing to say you can’t apply. It’s another thing to have an acceptance in hand and say no, you can’t go.
I’m generally indifferent in, say, the top 40 range - but to drop a lot lower, let’s say to #80 or so … there would have to be a compelling reason, such as a special program or major not offered elsewhere.
If my son was heading towards med school, I would have pushed for him to apply to U Miami (FL). He would have a free ride there, and 2 relatives went to med school there. Plus, they have a 6 year program.
However, he applied to 3 tech schools, all on direct flight routes.
What is up with the photo accompanying this thread under the “Featured Discussions” section on the main page? It’s showing a handwritten list with the word “Amherst” crossed off and “Alabama” circled?
http://www.collegeconfidential.com/
I actually insisted my son apply to Alabama solely because I knew he was eligible for a full-tuition scholarship, and I wanted to ensure that he would have more than one affordable option (the other being our state flagship) when all the results came in. Should I have pressured him to attend one of the much-better-rated schools he was admitted to over Alabama once we had all the numbers (several of which we could have afforded)?
As suggested in post #226, we made it clear that we’d make a decision after all the results were in, but we discussed every school ahead of time before he applied. For us, cost (unfortunately) was a factor. And I met parents at Alabama whose kids chose it over some pretty hoity-toity schools (Cornell, Notre Dame, Rice, Vanderbilt), and these parents were thrilled because they were full pay at these elites. They didn’t need their arms twisted either.
The original post was discussing Colgate and the University of South Carolina, and there was no mention of merit money; in fact, the claim was that USC was going to cost the family MORE than Colgate.
@bookworm, I thought the full-ride scholarships at Miami were competitive. How do you know your son was guaranteed one if he didn’t apply?
I think there’s something to be said for weather (SAD, for example) and food type or quality. D is adamant that she go to a school that is close to or has in its own food service, soul food. She does not want to spend 4 years+ some place where her comfort food is not available anywhere. She’s familiar with my New England homestate, and has visited her sister there, but the chances of getting good greens, ribs or brisket there are pretty slim, so it’s a no go for her. Now, Panera Bread, she may have to just suck it up if there isn’t one nearby. She also will not attend a school that isn’t within a bus ride of a church in her denomination. I would support that as well.
I always have final say on how MY money gets spent. College is not an entitlement though I certainly want to do what I can to give my kids a fighting chance in today’s economic environment. Having final say does not mean I am going to pick it out or that I won’t agree with their choice, if it has been well-thought out.
And as others have pointed out, agree it’s best to put your heads together and game plan in advance of application.
This is my philosophy as well. I don’t believe a parent has any duty to pay for a college just because the student demands it, so don’t let it get to the point where the kid has an acceptance in hand to a school which is just not acceptable to the parent. Fight the battles early so that the student can get over any disappointments in that regard by the time the acceptance letters arrive.
I think people who insist on having the final say often find themselves finally saying, “Goodbye.”
There is a very simple way for the kid to have the final say. Foot the bill.
To be fair, it caught us by surprise. This school only gave out 10 such scholarships. I know of another student who was accepted to Yale and received a full merit scholarship from Duke. They had a much tougher decision to make. In the end, the parents chose Yale.
@fractalmstr Thanks for agreeing with me, although none of my choices will cost $250k over all four years.
Oh, and it’s LBad96 
Choosing Yale over a free ride at Duke is exactly why parents shouldn’t have the final say in where their kids go to school. I’m biased as a Duke student, but there isn’t a school in the country that can offer what Duke offers. Top 10 academics and unmatched school spirit (especially in support of the world class basketball team). Duke and Yale have equal academics and equal employment prospects in business, law, medicine, and every other field. The parents of this child do not have to attend the school; the student does. These parents sent their kids to live in the ghetto of New Haven for the Yale name and did not consider quality of life or student loan debt/what you can do with $250,000 not spent on college. Poor kid…
Offer the kid half the difference as a graduation present.
Which do you think the kid will choose?
@MidwestDad3 I did not say “Go to Duke because they are the only school with a winning basketball team!” I said that Duke has incredible school spirit that other top 10 schools do not match. I also said that this school spirit at Duke is most apparent during basketball season, especially during the Duke-UNC game. The Princeton student body did not unite behind their women’s team the way that Duke students do every single year behind all their teams.
I’ll add that Stanford comes pretty close to matching Duke in quality of life (and they have beautiful weather), which made my decision between Duke and Stanford very difficult. Ultimately, though, the openness of Duke’s social scene and sincerity Duke’s school spirit helped me choose between two academically equal schools.