I admit that I had no idea that “what do you do” was anything but small talk. I have asked people that in the past and have found most people seem happy to talk about what they do. I have ended up in some really interesting conversations with people who have unusual or interesting jobs, or are stay at home parents, early retirees, etc. using that opener. I have asked people how about what hobbies they enjoy and been told they have no time/too busy. And I steer clear from asking about current events in this political climate.
People are way too sensitive these days. “What do you do?” or “Where you from?” is nothing more than a conversation starter. When I am asked “Where am I from?” I ask them “state or country?” because I am an Asian-American immigrant. But I always ask them also which state they came from and where did their parents or grandparents come from? They just emigrated earlier than me; and this reminds us that USA is a nation of immigrants.
As long as they don’t tell me to go back where I came from, it’s interesting to find out where someone came from. If you judge the person answering based on their profession, it’s on you. As for me, I generally have more respect for someone who is social worker, minister, teacher, plumber or nurse etc than someone who is CEO, attorney, doctor or politician.
When I answer “I am retired.” I can see people thinking I must be super rich, which can put up a barrier, so I say I might have to get a job soon now. Or I just tell them I work from home.
I don’t know anyone quite so lucky, however, graduating with under a 2.5 gpa in computer science at certain schools can be harder than graduating with a 4.0 elsewhere. So I don’t know if you’re trying to say your bro was a slacker, but I wouldn’t make that assumption, not knowing him.
I hear about some of these good luck stories, but I can’t think of anyone first hand that has been so lucky. My parents seem to think that I won the lottery in my job, however, they don’t see the effort and sometimes the misery it entails.
What do you do is kinda like where are you applying … don’t you know when someone is just trying to make conversation vs really digging?
I’ve been a SAHM for 20 years - good answer if you want to get rid of someone … especially after you tell them, “no, it really is not the hardest job in the world.” 
My friend told me that she is worried about her adult son, who owns his own business, having lots of money, just paid cash for a $100-k car! He was very stressed, working all hours/overseas traveling, not sleeping nor interacting with his kids enough. I don’t know whether he feels rich or not, but I bet his happiness index is lower than that of people who would never (able to or want to) buy that car.
I was a SAHM for 10+ years and NEVER (not once) had anyone stop a conversation with me or walk away.And I live in the DC area! I did get the “you have the hardest job…” line which I hated and corrected them. That didn’t seem to chase anyone away either.
I have worked a lot of different jobs, and I found being a SAHM to be the hardest job I’ve ever had.
Maybe that’s because D1 cried constantly for the first 2 years of her life and refused to take naps.
Back a little to the topic of why 1%'ers don’t feel rich. This from that noted research organization Yahoo, which cites other sources including Federal Reserve and FDIC. But of interest is that both the average and median ASSET levels of those with 1% INCOME are well below the asset threshold for top 1% of wealth. Could be because they appear to just count banking and retirement accounts, not real estate or business ownership. But probably supports the idea that many people move through the top 1% income level, stay there for a few years, but don’t always collect a lot of assets. So they know their time is limited in the top 1%, and don’t feel wealthy. Or maybe they just got to the top 1%, and don’t know how long they will stay.
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/apos-much-money-top-1-141200348.html
I too had a difficult child (s).
But…my first professional job was as a Medical Technologist in a 400 bed hospital and I was the only tech on the night shift. I literally had no time to eat, drink or use the bathroom in my 8 hour shift (ever). My definition of stress was the night I was running Arterial Blood gases on 2 different code blues and at the same time crossmatching blood for an emergency open heart (you can kill someone if you mess that up). There was another tech on call but I had no time to call and anyway by the time she got there it would be too late. And then the power went out. The instruments were on backup but I was working by flashlight. With tears running down my face praying I didn’t kill anyone.(I didn’t). I was 23 years old I had other tough nights but that one stands out.
Yes, I changed professions.
But for me being a SAHM was NOT the hardest job I ever had, even with a difficult child who did not sleep.
@Fallgirl, as a nurse, I’ve had shifts like that. I told my DH it was 12 hours of trying not to have a nervous breakdown or kill anyone in the process. One thing it trained me to do was to be able to go over 12 hours without going to the bathroom, lol. And I was intermittent fasting before that ever became a thing.
D1 cried nonstop one day, probably for over 12 hours. DH had put in a very long day at the office and didn’t get home until after 9 pm. I felt so overwhelmed that I started crying. DH got home and held D1 in one arm and put his other arm around me while I sobbed. I know he was probably sitting there remembering his carefree bachelor days, wondering how the hell he had gotten to that place.
Good times. 
I get that @Nrdsb4. It varies for everyone. But I disliked having people make assumptions, and it made me feel as if I was getting a pat on the head. Also it made me feel as if I was supposed feel bad about my decision, and I didn’t .
FWIW, I would at home I would put the baby down in the crib for 5 minutes and use the bathroom.
But we have drifted off topic
People are offended by everything these days. I don’t think asking someone what they do is rude. Though I never ask it that way. I ask them, “What field are you in?” That way they can tell me as much or as little as they want. Many will tell you their job title right away and others will talk about their field and what it involves. I also never start by telling people my title.
I have found many people who are unable to talk about anything except themselves. And others who love to learn about a new field/subject or book. I have also found that 1% often do unusual things in unusual fields. They often have/had a unique approach to something which proved very profitable. Very few (though some) are wealthy through inheritance. Though many do seem to come from upper middle class lives where they got a great education. The second most common thing I have seen is people who were born outside the US. They came here for a better life and had valued which propelled them into the top 1%. I think a lot of it is/was deferring spending until they amassed money and had a solid education. Many are also entrepeneurial and have taken large risks.
The top 1% earners are mainly doctors, lawyers and highky skilled practitioners. The top 1% in terms of assets are business owners who sold, high tech folks who got in early and old money, IMHO>
I was a SAHM for many years and loved it. It was definately not harder then my previous job of corporate lawyer! I did get a few negative responses when people asked what I do. The worst were, “Aren’t you bored?” and “Don’t you feel like you wasted your education?”
I now have a job I really enjoy, but recently my 7 year old said, “Mommy what is your job?” and after I told her, she said, “Well that seems really boring!” Ah well, can’t win!
@Happytimes2001 Perhaps if that was not always the very first question. I’m not easily offended yet I know when someone is asking what we do because internally they are deciding whether we belong, or whether we had to get a leg up, or as I said insert whatever inane reason they’ve formulated.
It’s no different than flying first class. My husband constantly has people step in front of him, or even tapping him saying “ this is for first class”, as if he had to be mistaken.
Everything is different when navigating the world as a person of color. So yes, even asking what do you do, can be fraught with issues depending on the circumstances.
After reading some of these posts, I’m going to stop whining when I have to work all night and am irritated and tired. That’s nothing compared to some of the experiences you all in the medical field have gone through. 
I know one guy who is around 47, unmarried, who inherited around 10 million in real estate and money, and everything he earns as an attorney, he spends on consumption. He can afford to because his real estate building brings money to support one family. He just eats what he kills. He says he’s been trying to marry for the last 15 years. Lol
I’ve never been offended by people asking what I do. My first degree was in broadcasting. I quit working to homeschool my children with the intention of taking freelance jobs as they got older. When people asked what I did I told them I was a broadcaster. The husband of one of my (also) college educated friends used to delight in telling us we were wrong – no matter what degree we held we were SAHMs. He quit when I pointed out that when he and his construction worker friends were between jobs they still considered themselves electricians and plumbers, etc. They networked by talking about their line of work, so maybe people taking offense to the question is career related. Those who depend on networking to find jobs probably won’t be offended by it.
I’ve never been offended by being asked what I do, but it gets complicated. I was a trial attorney, deputy AG, SAHM, PTA & soccer parent, special Ed hearing officer, judge, and now running a nonprofit. I’ve enjoyed all the different roles and found different challenges and rewards with each.
H is happy to say he’s retired — he had a 45 year career and his job was constantly changing and morphing. He loved his job and just said he works/worked with computers and phones.
I am also not offended, but I have also worn many hats. I was a non profit fundraiser, youth counselor, civil rights attorney, corporate attorney, elementary school teacher, high school math teacher, president of collective bargaining unit for teachers, and I am now retired. Take your pick.
https://www.washingtonian.com/2016/01/15/how-to-ask-someone-in-a-courteous-way-what-do-you-do/
“What do you do?” was considered a rude question in some social circles in the past. Maybe everyone reading and posting here already knew that?