Why friend trying to hurt relationship!?

Parent Cafe
1

Hello, I want to ask parents, because they are MATURE and know everything!!

So, I am in college and I REALLY like a girl. I think she likes me back. We just got to know each other for a few weeks and have only studies together.

Today in class, the professor puts all the tests up front and we have to get them ourselves. I got her test and handed it to her, (I do to all my friends), and she was like, ‘aawww, thanks’.

Anyways she has a friend who I am not attracted to! But this friend is ALWAYS by her, and this friend always smiles at me! Does she like me? I don’t know (nor care).

So, today I texted the girl I like:

Me: “Have you seen that new movie Inside Out?”
Her: a few SECONDS later: "I really want to! My nice told me it was really cute!’
Me: “I have read a few reviews and apparently it is really good”
Me: ‘I was wanting to watch it as well, would you care to join me?’

Her: Few MINUTES later: “Well, this weekend is definitely way too crazy. Maybe when the semester ends we could get a few people and make an event out of it.”

So, does this mean that someone is preventing our relationship? Her friend is ALWAYS by her. Was I an IDIOT for not asking her personally? I think the friend told her no. I have heard the friend tell her, never date guys you are friends with, etc.

2

Or maybe I am just imagining? Maybe she does not like me? But why does she look at me in class, glance, etc? Maybe I am wacko?

3

Based on what you have said, there is no evidence whatsoever that the friend is “hurting” anything.

The most likely scenario is that the friend likes you, which would account for both the smiling and the fact that the primary target sidestepped your attempt at a date.

4

What do you mean? You think the girl I like wanted to help her friend? But it is obvious that I have no interest for the friend.

Also, how-come someone would say, I would love to see the movie, and then say, maybe we can see it a few weeks later? Makes no sense? Or does it? should I go up to her and ask her again?

5

If you look carefully, she very clearly mentioned inviting a group and making it an ‘event’. That is a date turn-down. Sorry.

6

Maybe she’s actually busy?? Why does everything have to be a conspiracy against your amorous intentions?

7

Is English your first language? I ask because your post reads like someone whose primary language is not English and if you’re not a native speaker then you might be misinterpreting some things.

(That or there’s a bridge nearby… but I’m giving the benefit of the doubt here, against my better judgment)

8

She may like you as a friend, but she doesn’t want to be alone with you, or for you to get the wrong idea.

9

Sounds like she doesn’t want to go on a date with you. You will never know if the friend had any influence but move on.

10

Maybe she doesn’t want to enter the date phase yet with you. She wants to focus on school unless it’s an event with more people.

11

It sounds as if you are habitually cold to her friend. Presumably her friend is with her because they like each other. Woman can be turned off by guys who treat their women friends like annoyances.

In any case, she made it clear that she doesn’t want to be alone with you on a date, at least at this time.

12

It sounds like she’s saying “woah, slow down there sparky”. She’s tentatively interested but would like to see if you can relax in a group of people and have fun being you. It lets you see her more as a person and not just the object of your affection. Breakfast dates, and group outings are nice lower pressure ways to get to know people.

13

Maybe she has a BF already or someone else that she’s interested in.

I’ll be frank with you since that’s why you’re asking parents. If the girl was interested in “more than friendship” with you, she wouldn’t have suggested waiting until the semester ends and making it a “group” function. The last thing that a girl wants when she’s interested in a guy is an entourage.

14

My daughter and her friends go out in hoardes.

Why does she and her group do this? because they don’t know the new person and can’t feel safe yet. A lot of it is also “meet ups”. “I’ll meet you there with my friends”.

Dating one-to-one is not considered safe if you’ve just met. If you “pass” the group outings, you might become a familiar friend and that might feel safer.

If you are an international, you don’t know the cultural environment. Sexual assault is a real threat on campuses across the U.S. Unless they live in your dorm and you’ve known them for a while, you can’t ask for a one to one date because it’s not comfortable. If you really want to date tweedledee or tweedledum you are going to have to wait or move on. Focus on your studies.

15

Thanks everyone for your input, although I could do without the suicide jab :slight_smile:

She doesn’t have a boyfriend. When we first met, they both told me, we just broke up with our boyfriends, and we really want to change that. It was in a friendly manner.

We are all taking organic chemistry in the summer, and the semester is almost over. I think they feel safe with me, as I don’t drink or smoke and get very good grades (among the hightest in the class; they both know).

They both smoke about a pack a day and get drunk basically everyday, so I am not really sure about felling unsafe.

We study in the library, and I went to their table to ask a question, which was how we first met. They offered to give both their phone numbers to me within a few minutes of meeting me, and have told me where they live, etc.

But at the same time, they never want to hang out? I don;t know why? I have a problem where I am really good friends in class, but no one (men AND women) NEVER want to hang out?

In class, people pick up their stuff and move to sit by me. But they NEVER want to hang out?!

For example, these two girls and their guy friends always sit by me in class and in the library, and they text me to join them to study. But they NEVER want to do anything else with me? Why is this? They both offer to drive me home, though.

My study group share notes with me, stop their studies to help me with something, tell me all their test grades. In fact, they don’t even tell each other their test grades, but they will all share it with me.

At the same time, they will openly plan a party without even asking me to join? They will pick the location, time, etc, and never once did they say, ‘you want to join us’?

They have asked me, do you drink? And I say, no. And they ask, what do you do on the weekends. And I just say, I am new here (transfer) so I just study (for MCAT and class). And they say, ‘that’s cool’. But never ask me. I wonder what I am doing so wrong?

16

I am going to ask the friend about this this weekend when we study. they take lots of cigaret breaks, and the friend has told me all about her own abusive relationship, her doing drugs and being beaten, so we are really close so I’ll ask her about why the girl rejected me.

The friend has had an abusive relationship, not the girl I like,

17

Maybe they do not invite you to their parties because you do not “party.”

18

If you are going to ask a girl out for the first time, do it face to face, not via text.

19

Oh come on. So they are daily drunks and smoke like chimneys and you really want to date her?

Not believable. Or else your motives are suspect and they are right to distrust you.

20

“They both smoke about a pack a day and get drunk basically everyday, so I am not really sure about felling unsafe.” Drinking and smoking have nothing to do with how safe they may feel going out on a single date. In fact, most rapes happen when alcohol is involved, and that may likely be a past experience.

What you should have immediately suggested was that the three of you go out to the movies. Sounds to me like she’s not into you.

Instead of waiting to be invited, speak up. Make a joke of it, “hey, I’m free that night! I’ll bring some_____!”