Many posters have told you that in the beginning. She is not interested in you romantically. You kept saying you have no friends. It’s summer nobody is around yet.
Thank you everyone. I asked two of these “friends” if they want to hang out and both make excuses no. I texted one and she said that she was sick, and the other said she was doing something intimate with two other friends of hers. But today they both invited another friend for drinks. But this guy even said he did not like to get drinks, but they said to him, ‘you are welcome to join us.’ they also talked about what they did last night and apparently they had fun with a number of other people.
I was so hurt by this I excused myself from the study group, and they did not even care. so I suppose they do not like me, I think they just invited me to her birthday party because I gave her a gift. I think they just try to be polite but really don’t like me. I think I mistook politeness for interest in being friends. Or maybe they just like to study with me because I tell them stuff. I think it is quite rude; I helped them quite a bit with their notes, practice questions, etc. I think they should at least not talk about how much fun they had in front of my face while not inviting me.
Inviting others for outings in front of you (and excluding you) and talking about social events in which you weren’t included is very rude. You are correct. Unfortunately it is common. We had a thread about it here a while back.
they are taking advantage of you.
they are using you.
they are not good people.
From the time you posted how much they drank and smoked, in this day and age of knowing the harmful effects, I did not wish them to be your friends.
That said, my son spoke of a roommates parents coming to college town for his 21 st b/d. They took his closest friends to dinner. The parents did not order alcoholic beverages, not even for their young adult, so no one else did. Trust me, my son would have ordered if this was the norm.
I wish you the best way n finding GOOD friends, who truly care about you, the person.
You didn’t listen to is parents. We told you to not hang out with them, not to study with them. I don’t think you listened to us. So why complain now? I think they use you because you are smart and studious.
I’m really sorry that happened, Turtle. I know how hurtful it can be to feel left out and not to know whether people like you or not. I think you will find a very good group of friends once school starts. It is hard right now but I truly believe things will get better for you. These kids don’t sound like they are truly “your people,” but it is still hurtful to feel excluded.
If you find that you have a hard time making friends, you might want to check too see if your school has any social skills workshops or group counseling /support services for other kids who feel the same way. Many schools have those kinds of programs. I think it would help you feel less alone and you may learn some helpful tips!
The most important thing is not to let your discouragement with this one group of kids lead to your deciding not to try and make friends with other groups. It is important to keep socializing. It’s hard but I believe that you will soon find friends who truly value you for who you are.
Good luck!
It sounds like your Asperger’s may be keeping you from intuitively seeing what is happening. My son also is on the spectrum and it really took a long time for him to “get” how people work. It sounds like this girl is very socially savvy. She is giving you mixed signals, and for someone who already has trouble reading body language this is really hard. She may be acting this way because it gives her an ego boost to have someone like her, even though she does not return your interest. This may be why she seems to come back for more attention without returning it.
In the end she sounds like someone who would not be a good friend, no matter how you like her. She does not seem to value your feelings and you need to find people who do. You may also want to find friends who have no problem telling you if your behavior is off. I have known other kids on the spectrum who tell me that having people be honest with them about their behavior really helps. It takes good friends to have that kind of honesty.
My son really didn’t start making friends until he started doing things that he liked, and found that others liked those same things. This summer he is doing volunteer work and has found that others have joined his volunteer group. This is the first time I have seem him attempt to socialize with others comfortably. You may need to find things that interest you such as clubs or activities. If you find things you like to do, you will find people who are more like you. You might also find that you will have better luck finding other students in your courses when you start to specialize more. As you get more and more into your major, you will find others who share your interest. Lower level classes are full of people with a large variety of interests and you may not share anything but proximity with them. Building friendships based on proximity does not work past elementary school. Shared interests are what friendships are built on starting from around the age of 11 or 12. That is why a lot of kids on the spectrum start having trouble around that time.
Just some questions…
Did you have any kind of social skills classes in high school?
What kinds of clubs and activities are available at your school that sound interesting to you and are you comfortable going to activities on your own when you don’t know people?
Thank you everyone for your posts. I came back and read them all and all were really helpful.
Sadly, you all were right. Just recently, one person in this circle had a birthday party. This guy and another girl texted me and assured me that I was invited, and that they would text me the location where to meet. An hour before the time, I texted for the location, and they said, “not sure” as it was a bar crawl, but they would tell me.
Of course, they did not tell me or let me know, none of them. I was of course very hurt and they just said, “we were drunk”. They said sorry when I said it was hurtful. I guess I will have to find some other friends, thank you to everyone
That being said, I am reading the book “The Power of your subconscious mind”. And he writes that your own thinking cause other people to react to you. So, I think that maybe I acted in a certain negative way.
I am practicing positive thinking, so maybe they did really get drunk, and forget. Or perhaps I give off creepy, negative body language. I am doing positive thinking as that book seems to help. I am also doing something known as positive affirmations.
I am been examining my thoughts, and perhaps I was subconsciously resentful towards them. No doubt, humans can detect this, just as animals can.
I think they seem mean, but I must look at how I am acting as well! If it works I will let you know. So far the books seems good, you can read it free online. If it works, I’ll let you all know as it can change lives!
DrGoogle, I am trying to get new friends now that the semester has stated. Its hard but i’m trying.
Stay positive. You’ll find friends. It’s not easy for everybody either, especially for people who are new to your school. Try to join some clubs or activities that you like doing, you’ll meet people that way too.