<p>Do you know the feeling when you get a gift that you don’t really need or want, but you come up with a fake smile and say that the gift is great.</p>
<p>Last year, my parents got me a digital camera for me. I don’t have money to travel or have any specific ways that I could really get use out of the camera. I usaully buy 3 one time use cameras a year and the pictures come out great. </p>
<p>My parents asked if I liked the gift and that they wouldn’t be mad if I didn’t like it. I explained to them that I wouldn’t really get use out of the camera and that by the time I will finally really get use out of the camera, it will be outdated and it would be better to wait to buy a camera in the future. They understood and ended up giving money instead of the camera.</p>
<p>Well, about 2 weeks later (don’t remember how the subject came up), my parents told me I was ungrateful for telling them that I didn’t want the camera. I didn’t know what to say. They bring it up every so often and I continue to hear it a year later.</p>
<p>Giving and receiving gifts should be fun for everybody. I would want somebody to tell me if the gift is not right for them. I wouldn’t want somebody to keep something they won’t use. I have told everybody that and I wouldn’t be mad at all.</p>
<p>Did I do anything wrong? Maybe I should have lied and just kept the camera? What do you think?</p>
<p>Sometimes it’s easier to just say “thank you” than to worry about whether you might or might not be hurting someone’s feelings. Maybe your parents thought you might send some pictures to THEM. Oh well…</p>
<p>You didn’t really do anything “wrong”…but maybe next time, just take the gift and be done with it and say thank you.</p>
<p>I have a hard time with the whole ‘lying to be polite’ thing. I don’t think you did anything wrong by being honest. I ask my kids what they might like for Christmas, my husband and I buy our own gifts because it is easier that way. I guess now you know that you can’t believe them when they say you should be honest.</p>
<p>I’ve been thinking more about this. My mom has no problem returning gifts I’ve given her. And I used to give her flowers on Mother’s Day, but every year she complained that I’d spent too much, or should have used a different florist, etc, so I stopped. I guess our family doesn’t have a problem if gifts are wrong! She usually just gives us money.</p>
<p>Digital cameras are great to have for many uses - take pictures of family, pictures of friends, pictures of your pets, pictures of that weird bug in the backyard, etc. </p>
<p>Regardless, just be grateful that your parents thought enough of you to go to the trouble to think of getting you a present and then actually getting it and giving it. You should be able to be genuinely happy at the thoughtfulness they demonstrated even if you were unsure of the object itself. Look past yourself and consider the perspective of your thoughtful parents.</p>
<p>You’re right, giving and receiving presents can be fun and regardless of your attitude regarding giving presents and being fine with the person returning it if they don’t need/want it (I’m the same way), there are times you need to be sensitive to the individual and be gracious.</p>
<p>I wish Christmas was just about spending time with family, telling stories, jokes, etc. No worries about faking that you like some of the gifts you received and lying every time the person asks how you liked the gift.</p>
<p>This year I wanted to stop the gift giving and for all of us to donate to charity (which I would have done anyway). My parents said that that would be “boring” and Chritmas is about the gifts.</p>
<p>I think buying gifts for yourself is the best option. You know it is something that you want and will actually use. Plus, you have a reason to buy something for yourself!</p>
You can’t since by definition it’s not a gift - it’s just purchasing goods for yourself. </p>
<p>No one should feel compelled to give a gift. If you don’t want to genuinely give one then don’t. If you don’t like what you receive, be gracious about it then donate it to a good charity.</p>
<p>Gifts having many meanings i think… i mean you may find you dont have the money or itme to travel but you could make the camera work as like postcards of places you would like to go…or just take pictures of memories… im sure youll find a magical use of it…take a walk outside even and find your creative side! Gifts are not meant to catch dust waiting for you to make a adventure they are there for inspiration :D</p>
<p>I think you miss the whole point of gift giving, which is not about maximizing practical utility via a transaction (otherwise, humans long ago would have given up the practice and just wrote checks to each other-, or better yet, cancelled the exchange and bought things for themselves).</p>
<p>I like the honesty thing but sometimes it goes overboard. Sometimes we don’t know we ‘need’ something or can value it until we get an opportunity to try it; almost always i’ve found value in things I’ve gotten as a gift (especially if they remind me of who gave it, the reason it was given and the memory of when it was received). </p>
<p>Too late for the camera gift of course- but as an aside, why just when you travel? What if you have (or get) a girlfriend/boyfriend? What about your friends or your hobbies? What if you are visiting colleges and want to remember what it was like? And they are great for practical things. We have pictures of identification labels, registration numbers, mechanical problems that we need to document. It’s great when you need to see something but don’t have a flashlight-- take a picture and you can have a looksy. Or need to borrow your friends notes but don’t have a scanner handy. When my husband teaches a case, sometimes he takes a picture of the board to save the notes that developed. I’ve taken pictures of my kids art work when we didn’t have room to save it.</p>
<p>insomniatic - I understand your feelings on this matter. When you’re a student with very few belongings, high maintenance stuff you don’t want and don’t need can feel like a burden. But it’s important to consider how others feel too. As an wise irishman once told me “How you thank people is important.”</p>
<p>I usually don’t tell people how I fell about gifts. My parents asked and said they wouldn’t be mad wither way, so I told them I liked the gift and it is nice, but I wouldn’t get much use out of it.</p>
<p>Umm, let me try this another way. What would you have said if the gift had been a check for say $3,500 together with a note that said “We know how hard you’ve worked in school and we’re very proud. Please use this gift for whatever purpose makes you happy.”</p>
<p>In both cases you’re thanking them for their consideration, not the actual gift.</p>
<p>"Umm, let me try this another way. What would you have said if the gift had been a check for say $3,500 together with a note that said “We know how hard you’ve worked in school and we’re very proud. Please use this gift for whatever purpose makes you happy.”</p>
<p>In both cases you’re thanking them for their consideration, not the actual gift."</p>
<p>To tell you the truth, I would happier receiving a note like that than the check for $3,500.</p>
<p>In our family, I would be annoyed if my kids did not tell me when they don’t really want a gift. The budget is tight and I don’t want to waste money. Last year I gave my DDs a nice small piece of jewlery, I was pretty sure two would like it, not sure about the 3rd. She told me it was not her thing and we went together to spend the same amount on something she had really wanted. Every one was happy.</p>
<p>I only ask that they not point out they don’t want something in public, but save it for later, privately.</p>
<p>Edited because I was speaking for another poster. Speaking for myself now…Insomniatic, I think perhaps that is what your parents were trying to say with the camera. Some people just do not do well with communication and so they use gifts. I’m not endorsing that method just putting it out there.</p>
<p>After years of watching people get their feelings hurt over gift giving, I’m more thankful than ever that my parents raised me to view the value of gift in the intention behind it. I just don’t care if it’s the “wrong” color, size, style or whatnot. There are always charities that accept new items, whatever they are. Of course, I am lucky enough to not be counting on my presents for the basics. I realize that.</p>
<p>Looking back, I did appreciate it when my in-laws would ask us what we needed. Especially when we were new parents and money was so tight.</p>
<p>That is what I was trying to say. The person giving and receiving gifts should be happy. When I give gifts, I want that person to actually use the gift. I don’t want the gift collecting dust.</p>
<p>My S just moved into his own apartment and left an enormous pile of things, which I just went through. Among the things were at least 4-5 old gifts, from me, grandparents, other relatives, all with tags still on or still in their box, unused. These are destined for the Salvation Army or Ebay, if I’m lucky. I have mixed feelings about these items, but mostly, I wish I didn’t have to deal with them now. </p>
<p>insomniatic, it sounds like you have tried to tell you parents how you feel about gift giving, but clearly they have different ideas. I suggest you just be gracious and thank them. Being able to receive a gift (like receiving a compliment) is a skill in of itself, requiring an openness and flexibility.</p>
<p>As for me, having come off a month of de-cluttering, I am all for the perishable gift - food and drink!</p>
<p>By the way, if you have any interest in exploring this subject, there’s a great book called The Gift, by Lewis Hyde.</p>