Fantastic!
Thank you for sharing the short version!
I was making good progress with my therapist over 7-8 months, then she retired to stay home with her wee ones.
Just no energy to start the search again, although part of me knows if I find someone good, the rewards will be plentiful.
@Midwest67, take 25 minutes and listen to the radio clip I posted in #77 above. Very good advice, imho.
I was really desperate and sent an email to a bunch of friends and acquaintances, one of whom made the recommendation of my therapist.
Thanks, I’ll listen in the car later this afternoon!
Well, I won’t be complaining about Christmas gifts anymore. Things back in perspective. H fell in the kitchen today and broke his hip. Waiting for doctors to decide on plan. Have to call in cardiologist and pulmonologist to discuss surgery. INR was 3.6 this morning so probably can’t do anything soon. At least this time, Son is here to keep me company while we wait.
@lotsofquests, oh, no! I hope they come up with a plan soon!
I had a good counselor who retired a couple of years ago. I tried a young woman - she was very nice, but I felt like I should be giving HER advice about raising young kids! Last month, my physical therapist told me she has a counselor she really likes. She’s around 60, whoo hoo. I called her and will start seeing her next week. It’s funny, because I know all about self-care, not blaming myself, blah, blah, blah, in theory, but I need to put it all into practice.
@lotsofquests, that’s not good news. Don’t forget to take care of yourself as best you can.
@lotsofquests – it took me about five days to get from an INR of 3.3 down to 1.3. A Lovenox bridge may enable them to speed that process a bit. OTOH, it may be riskier trying to adjust INR quickly than the risk of waiting a few days for dealing with his hip. So sorry to hear this; you just keep getting piled on. Hope that you can get a little respite while he’s under care in hospital.
Oh nooooo, @lotsofquests So sorry. Guess Vit k wont help?
Sorry to hear this @lotsofquests - I hope he isn’t in too much pain until a plan is in place.
Well, I listened to the advice of several people on here and called the office mate of my former therapist who has retired. I liked this woman from our casual conversations in the joint waiting room and think she could help me either with some counseling or with a referral to another therapist. And, as my luck has not been the best lately, I was not surprised to hear that she is out of her office until January 23. I realize that I probably wouldn’t be able to see her immediately but I was hoping to at least talk with her.
My son is still here which is a big help but adds to the stress. I dread the time when he finally leaves but I know he can’t stay permanently and I wouldn’t want him to give up his dreams. He has changed his flight 3 times and contemplated a fourth when he heard of the big snow storm that is expected this weekend. The problem with delaying again is that there is no guarantee that the storm expected 4 days later won’t be worse. So far, he has been able to do his work here but sooner or later, he will need to work with his team. Weighing the choices is driving us both crazy.
H is showing very slow improvement now that he is at the rehab. facility. His pain level is too high for him to put much weight on the broken leg. He has been able to decrease the oxy when he is not in therapy so he is not sleeping constantly. The facility is great; I like most of the nurses, assistants and therapists and it is only 30 minutes away—in good weather with no traffic. Unfortunately it is at the top of a dark winding road that helped lower my stress during April through August when it was lighter longer, but in January it is scary. I hate leaving him at 5:15 but I hate driving alone even more.
I know that I will get through this. I have before. I am really trying to find the silver lining in this dark cloud that is hanging over me. And now, back to work, organizing the dining room that my pack rat husband has filled over our 32 year marriage. It helps to feel like I am accomplishing something.
Hang in there, @lotsofquests. You and I are in about the same boat, down to the son’s situation! DS is supposed to fly out Saturday. We’ve enjoyed having him here, but he definitely adds to my stress level. And older DS is still in the hospital, improving slowly.
I see my new counselor for the third time this afternoon. 
Hugs @lotsofquests. I’ve been wondering how things are going.
Of course you’ll get through it. Isn’t it amazing what we can get through! But it’s so horrible getting through some things. I love that CC gives us a place to talk about these things, and also gives us virtual friends to help us along when our IRL friends start getting tired of us.
@lotsofquests: Lean on whoever and whatever gets you throught this.
Best wishes, @lotsofquests I am rooting for you!
It wasn’t a TOTALLY bad day. I slept in this morning after taking some melatonin at 4 am so when the phone rang it woke me up. H’s case manager called to tell me that they had changed his discharge date to next Thursday giving him 5 extra days of therapy. If he can’t stand enough to transfer from his bed to a chair by then, I am afraid that he will have to go to a skilled nursing facility.
I took son to airport this afternoon. I have been dreading this day since the accident. Although the circumstances that caused the extensions were terrible, it has been so nice to have him here. We had a lot of meaningful talks over the past 4 weeks. He has been my rock and now when I need the support the most, he had to leave. I am sure we will have lots of phone calls as I try to navigate through the next stages of H’s recovery.
I’m sure it was hard for your son to leave too @lotsofquests . But now he has a really good picture of what you are going through and I’ll bet he’ll be really supportive and want to know what’s happening. You can do this, just try and deal with the things on your plate in small parts - today or this week. Encourage your H the best you can too!
I promise that someday I will come on here to share some good news but in the meantime I am back to release some of the pressure that has been building up. My morning started off around 6 with a muffled crash and the a yell from H’s bedroom. I raced down the hall and found him crumpled on the floor on the far side of the bed from where he sleeps. He thought he needed to have a bowel movement and didn’t want to bother me, not because of thoughtfulness on his part, but because he cannot discern when he really needs to ask for help and when he needs to try to do things himself. Just a day earlier we had had a minor blowup when I told him that he should be able to do something that he asked me to do. He had a tantrum like a toddler (and no I don’t say things like that to him even when I am frustrated and angry) and I tried to calmly tell him that both his OT and his PT have told me that he needs to do more for himself. I have to keep reminding myself that a stroke is a brain injury and even though he appears to have recovered from the stroke, it still affects his decision making. He should be able to dress himself if I hand him his clothes; he should NOT attempt to walk alone.
After checking to make sure that he had not injured himself again, we tried to get him off the floor. I am fairly physically fit and strong for a 70 year old but trying to lift someone from the floor who can not help himself is difficult. As a last resort, I know to call 911 but he really didn’t want that as it would probably mean a trip to the emergency room to be checked out. Unfortunately, all of our closest neighbors also have health problems so that is not an option. After sitting on the floor for a few minutes to regain his breath, we managed to get him up to first his knees and then onto a stool and from there onto the bed. He went back to sleep and I am attempting to let the adrenalin drain from my body.
It is helpful to look back over my postings and everyone’s responses during times like this. I finally got through to the counsellor that I wanted to talk with. Unfortunately, by the time that I reached her, she was planning to retire in two weeks. I did talk to her on the phone and she offered to give me some names to call but due to a misinterpreted message passed through her husband, I never got through to her again before the retirement deadline. I decided not to call her at home again and will maybe get a referral from someone else.
Things had been progressing very slowly here. H finished with in-home OT after two months but PT and the shower aide have been able to continue. For the first 6 weeks, H did not leave the house except for a visit to the surgeon who pronounced his broken femur to be mending well. For that visit, I hired a driver to accompany us. Worked well. Three months later, we are still not going out often (it takes me about 3 hours to get us both ready) but we have gone out for some special events. We made it to church for Easter and to my brother-in-law’s for dinner. Last week, we went to H’s college for a reception where he received an award and then the following day went to commencement. I know that he could do more if I did more but it takes so much effort on my part. I still have help two days a week but he won’t let her do too much. I am hoping that when she is finished with school in a few weeks, she will be able to give me one or two more days.
For the past few weeks, I have been giving myself more freedom by leaving him alone for short periods of time. I have been going for an hour walk in the nearby park at 7:30 am before H gets out of bed. Yesterday, I went to my dentist appointment before he got up. Now, after today’s fall, I don’t know if I can trust him. One positive note: I saw a physical therapist on Tuesday for my sore shoulder. I had gone to her 5 years ago and now she has her practice at the personal training gym where I work out. She did a very extensive evaluation and is fairly certain that exercise therapy will alleviate the pain that I have had for 6-8 months (I really can’t remember when it started). Of course, she said that stress is a big part of my pain (along with loose joints). Stretching and strengthening my core should take care of it. She sent me video exercises and also gave them to my trainer. I did them with him on Thursday and she came over and tweaked a few things. I knew she could help but hesitated to make an appointment because she doesn’t take Medicare and I already pay so much for my trainer. She only charged me $80 and is happy to work with my trainer. She was a real bright spot in my week.
In the category of I am not sure if it is good or bad: Son might be coming back East in a month or two. The company that owns his script has dissolved and he is not sure right now who owns the rights to his intellectual property. He might have lost 3 years worth of work and his very interesting creative idea. A second company who had an interest in the project has their lawyers looking into it. If that project is gone, he wants to leave LA and the entertainment industry and move forward with his alternate career choice (second college major) which I personally think he is more suited for (I am not saying that to him; he has to make that big decision). He is researching grad schools and refreshing his language skills.
I hate to see him give up on his dream but I think it would be better in the long run for him. I have most emphatically stated that he is not to consider coming back here to help with his dad. We can afford to hire help. If he wants to move in for a few months while preparing for grad school, that is fine, but not for long term.
Writing is so therapeutic. I think I am calmed down enough that I can have a civil discussion with my husband on what he can do, what he can’t do, and what he should do.
So sorry you have had so many challenges. But you sound like you have done an incredible job of pulling a village together where you can, even with some snags. Keep writing. We are here.
It sounds like your plate continues to be quite full, but at least there are no emergencies bubbling up. And you sound as if you’re able to deal with things, one at a time, as they come up.
Hugs to you, @lotsofquests.