Why Must Colleges Punish Kids of Deadbeats?

Paying for College
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<p>Sk8rmom - I said she slept until noon…lol She’s definitely not alert then!!!</p>

<p>And, as I said, PSU - Penn State - the satellite campuses do NOT have cafeterias.</p>

<p>I have a friend who went his first two years to PSU Harrisburg. This is what they have: a snack bar and a convenience store. [Campus</a> Dining](<a href=“Home Page | LiveOn”>Home Page | LiveOn) </p>

<p>They don’t have a caf; the dorms are all apartments, and they expect you to feed yourselves. But, with no grocery stores on campus save the convenience store - the place is in the middle of this desolate area, looks like an industrial park, with Three Mile Island looming over head.</p>

<p>Penn State Berks is much prettier, but it’s in the middle of the country. Reminds me of a high school, with apartment dorms (and again, no caf - I know, I took the tour).</p>

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<p>Bookmarked…</p>

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<p>Shrinkrap, why do you keep posting and then removing them?</p>

<p>And as for my autism, it’s not an “I can’t do tests” - because if I didn’t have the freeze thing, I COULD do them. I don’t freeze on <em>tests</em> - I freeze on <em>standardized testing</em> - I wouldn’t have the freeze thing if I wasn’t autistic. Hopefully not, anyway. Some people can’t do tests for other reasons, but they aren’t me, and they aren’t autistic. My problems come from that. What do theirs come from? </p>

<p>This is not a “yeah but” situation. I have been researching and touring colleges for four years. I think by now I know what I’m talking about.</p>

<p>OK, Now I am editing because I answered Shrinkrap’s post, and it’s irrelevant. Nice. Thanks.</p>

<p>And Sk8rmom - I forgot - yes, time management is a problem. I have been getting work with that, and there are several schools (all private) that actually have services to help with it.</p>

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<p>“Shrinkrap, why do you keep posting and then removing them?”</p>

<p>Sorry. I keep realizing this is not the place for my comments.I don’t know you.</p>

<p>FWIW, you have the most amazing verbal skills of any person with autism I have met. And Autism is what led me to a career in child psychiatry. </p>

<p>I think it was this book…
Dibs in Search of Self
<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Dibs-Search-Self-Virginia-Axline/dp/0345339258[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/Dibs-Search-Self-Virginia-Axline/dp/0345339258&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Kuddos to you.</p>

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<p>She didn’t have to be alert at noon…night owls are free to “attend” their online classes on their own schedule, that’s why home schooling and distance learning are attractive to so many people!</p>

<p>The link you sent me to isn’t describing a snack bar…it seems to be a food court, which many colleges find students prefer over traditional cafeteria-style dining halls. It appears to serve breakfast, lunch, and dinner M-F and brunch and dinner on Sat/Sun and meal plans are available. Btw, I’m not familiar with Harrisburg at all, but isn’t that your state capital? I would think there would be some form of public transportation and many colleges also offer market shuttles several times a week. In any case, they don’t appear to offer single rooms so my guess is that one or more of your roommates would have a vehicle.</p>

<p>In any case, as I said, I think you’d be better off changing your mindset now and realize that, although you may not find the ideal situation in terms of what you want, you can still probably find everything that you actually need.</p>

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<p>But do I sound stupid to you???</p>

<hr>

<p>No, but you do sound extremely bitter and argumentative. I understand that life has not been easy for you, and I have been around enough people with autism spectrum disorders (family members & students) to know that others are not always kind to those who are different. I actually spent several hours this week working with an autistic student and his aunt on financial aid issues … so I am far from unsympathetic to your situation.</p>

<p>But it is time to man up (or woman up, as the case may be). You are about to be an adult, and behaving like a child will not serve you well. Focus on what WILL work, not what will not. It will get you much farther than remaining in the rut you are stuck in. It’s time to move ahead, not spin your wheels.</p>

<p>If you truly believe that you must attend one of the schools that is requiring the NCP form, sit down and write a letter to the financial aid office explaining the situation with your biological father. Keep the emotion out of it. Is he REALLY a sperm donor, or are you saying that because he abandoned you and your mom (or was never actually a part of her life in the first place)? Focus on facts, not feelings. Be honest … write about the nature of the relationship in detail (again, facts not feelings). Do not say things like, “How can you expect this deadbeat loser to give me any money?” Instead, explain how things are, helping the aid officer to understand the true situation. Be tactful. If tact is not your strong suit, ask a trusted teacher or other person to review what you have written and allow that person to make suggestions for improvement. If you can get a statement from a professional who is familiar with your situation, it would be helpful to ask that person to also write a statement explaining his/her understanding of the relationship between you and your father. A clergy person, counselor, doctor, etc would be appropriate. If this isn’t possible, perhaps there is a family member who could write a statement, instead (although statements from professionals are best when possible).</p>

<p>Concentrate on ways to make this work, rather than obsessing on why it s***ks. The former is positive; the latter is not helpful.</p>

<p>Financial aid officers are not out to hurt you. They have rules to enforce that help to make sure financial aid is distributed in as fair a manner as possible. When situations fall outside the norm, sometimes decisions can be made that will benefit the student. It is up to you to help the aid officer understand your situation so that he/she can make an informed decision. If you want someone to be considerate of you, though, you must be considerate in your communications with them.</p>

<p>I am a financial aid officer, so I do know what I am talking about. I do not work in a school that requires the NCP, so I cannot speak to that. However, I review students’ requests for dependency overrides. I often turn students’ requests down initially. After they find out my decision, some will come to me to tell me the REAL story … the one they didn’t bother to tell because they didn’t think I needed to know. Well, I DO need to know. I won’t share it with anyone else, but I have to know the details in order to make a decision … and I need documentation to back things up (for my peace of mind and in the event of an audit).</p>

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<p>@sk8rmom, it’s a snack bar. It even SAYS it’s a snack bar. Not a food court. Been there. My friend had to bum rides with people, or have his mom bring food.</p>

<p>PSU “Harrisburg” - maybe I should have used quotes. It’s not in the city. It’s outside of town, near Three Mile Island. Google Map it.</p>

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<p>@kelsmom - “sperm donor” is sarcasm for someone who “donated” their sperm. Mom didn’t get it at a sperm bank.</p>

<p>I’m not argumentative. I’m defensive, people have been arguing with ME about MY supposed “father” and MY situation, which I know better than THEY do. They tell me I am wrong. Sorry, but I’m not.</p>

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<p>It is up to you to present your case. If you come across as sarcastically when pleading your case for an NCP waiver as you do in your posts on this thread, you will get nowhere. Please try to be less defensive. Concentrate on explaining the situation, rather than defending your point.</p>

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<p>Okay, kid, I can read as well as the next person, but this is what it says when I click on the link you posted:</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>They offer dine-in or take-out options…not what one would typically find at a snack bar. They offer a meal plan.</p>

<p>No one is arguing with you about your father or your situation or telling you that you’re wrong (well, except about the food court thing :wink: ). You are being particularly resistant to every single suggestion anyone gives you. That kind of attitude is not going to help you in the long run.</p>

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<p>Kudos to all the individuals who responded to the OP. Each and every one of you exhibited infinite patience and forbearance, despite a very argumentative individual who appeared here in the guise of asking for help and advice but ultimately (in my reading of the comments) only seemed to want to rant.</p>

<p>Well done.</p>

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<p>I agree, DennyAlaska. The patience and generosity of people who offer help, advice, information, expertise on this forum never ceases to amaze me.</p>

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<p>Sure sounds like it to me. Every time kelsmom and sk8rmom offer suggestions or advice, all I hear from you is “yeah, but”. You’re getting nowhere with that attitude, don’t you see that? Take Kelsmom’s advice if you want to move forward with this -

</p>

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<p>The Harrisburg campus of Penn State is outside of the capital itself. My sister went there. I took a class at the Schuykill campus. If you are in the Lancaster Amish area it would probably fall within your 2 hour distance from home rule. It has residence apartments and a food court style meal plan. You would find that most students there will have access to a car, so perhaps if you plan to offer gas money now and then to a friend some trips off campus would be feasible at many of these campuses. Also many many schools in suburban or rural locations offer some shuttles to nearby malls etc at least on the weekends. </p>

<p>I do not know enough about the admissions policies with regard to SAT scores to comment, but as a state resident, perhaps apply and with strong letters of recommendation from guidance and faculty they might take a chance. </p>

<p>I am not trying to argue with you, but PA also has the other state schools (Kutztown, Millersville, Bloomsburg, Westchester) etc, that even with a low SAT score may be worth trying.</p>

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<p>Kelsmom and others gave you good advice. I have only one thought. If your biological parent is retired the income and assets may not be huge and may not impact you as much as you think. You also seem to have a step-parent that is supportive and that may weigh more heavily than the bio parent with colleges looking at the Profile. You may be getting yourself all worked up over something that may not impact you all that much. There are only a small handful of schools that require Profile. Bite the bullet and see if your bio parent will fill out the forms and see what happens. There’s an old saying “you catch more flies with honey” and it’s absolutely true. If you go into conversations with an attitude and an inability to compromise you will get nowhere…really fast.</p>

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<p>op - how many times have you taken the SAT and ACT?</p>

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<p>I’m going to suggest that posters go a bit easier on the OP. Individuals with Aspergers have difficulty with social skills and can be rigid in their thinking.</p>

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<p>MommaJ, no one has been hard on the OP and I think that everyone understands the issues involved. Do you really think it’s helpful to let him believe that he has no other options, his father is ruining his life, and that this attitude will not come back to bite him if left unchecked? I don’t, and all that anyone has tried to do is help make him understand that there are other possibilities out there if he will look for them.What is the alternative…saying, “Sorry you have a dad who doesn’t support you and that you and your mom can’t see any alternatives…guess you’re out of luck!”? How would that be helping, and not patronizing, him?</p>

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<p>I agree with sk8rmom.</p>

<p>Put another way, the OP will be dealing with the world of adults for all the services he/she needs and often the first form of interaction will be queries via Email. It is actually better in the long run if the OP gets feedback on this Forum (where there is nothing to loose) from the adults.</p>

<p>The OP will get get much better advice, service, information and referals if the OP can learn how to address himself/herself on online forums and then transfer those skills to his college and financial aid correspondences. Internet communication has its own issues and whether or not the OP intends to come off combative or pessimistic isn’t the issue–the issue is to gain experience and insight so that when the OP is contacting other adults who <em>are</em> in a position to help him that he isn’t alienating his chances on the very first Email exchange.</p>

<p>The nice thing about Internet/Email is that one can pause and edit.</p>

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<p>Wow–berating seems to have become the theme of this thread. My point was that telling OP that he’s doing it all wrong and insisting he change his attitude and approach may be a fruitless exercise when communicating with an Aspie, kind of like telling a depressed person to cheer up. Hopefully the OP has counseling and support for his disability and can be eased through the college process with the help of professionals who understand his limitations and needs.</p>