Why No Vacation Invitation Responses?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hi,</p>

<p>Most of the issues I’ve posted about are weighty, but this one is just plain annoying.</p>

<p>Our family will be heading to a very nice East Coast beach resort for a week this summer. Our son has invited en masse and in succession several of his truly “best friends” with plenty of advanced notice. To date, no one has really gotten back to him, although each sounded very excited about the prospect of a paid vacation. One child wanted to know why we needed to know so far in advance, since the trip was weeks away. Another child said he was very appreciative of the invitation, but since he was on his way to work, he’d ask his parents later. Another child, said he thought he was free that week, but would double-check his calendar when he got hom. To date, nothing. I even made two parental calls at about the time DS was placing his…so that the parents would know that the invitation was legit; and I’ve not even been called back. I’m perplexed to say the least! My son is very close to each of these kids, and I know 2 of the 3 families decently well…one, extremely well.</p>

<p>Ok, parents and students, what’s the deal?? Do people not respond to invitations anymore?? All of these kids are basically nice kids, not wild ones. Is it because it would be a “family” trip?? This seems like very strange behavior on the part of my son’s good friends. What, if anything, do you think I should do? Should I place follow-up calls; should our son? I’d love to see our son bring a friend or friends (we will certainly have the room…and the resort we plan to stay at is <em>wonderful</em>. The trip would be so much more fun for him, if he had an age-mate companion.</p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

<p>OrangeBlossom (aka “dazed and confused”)</p>

2

<p>It sounds to me like the families haven’t firmed up their own vacation plans yet, and may not want to commit. You don’t say how long you have been waiting for a response…has it been more than a week?<br>
I guess I’d give the parents a call. I wouldn’t make too much of it. Maybe there was a misunderstanding in how it was left… could they think that they declined already, or did they say that it looked like it might work out?
In any case, a phone call from you would clear things up. I wouldn’t take it personally, though. People are busy, and sometimes not so thoughtful.</p>

3

<p>Orange - Yup, that’s just the way it is these days. Our family is headed off the the beach next week and I still don’t have a confirmation from D#2, never mind the many invited friends. (In her defense she does have two jobs and a competing invititation on Cape Cod.)</p>

<p>NewHope33 (aka “for so long now it’s true”)</p>

4

<p>Im also thinking that since this invitation is actually from you- as it isn’t really up to your son whether he brings friends along, that it should be from you to their parents- as they probably want details before they would allow their kids to make any plans.</p>

<p>I don’t know what to tell you about the parents that you tried to contact- but if my kid came home and told me they were invited somewhere, and I didn’t really know their friend and I didn’t know the parents, I would feel uncomfortable and not really know what to think. ( except maybe can I come too?)</p>

<p>They may also feel uncomfortable because they feel they can’t reciprocate- that isn’t any excuse for not voicing their hesitancy though</p>

5

<p>Could it be a money issue? Are you paying the way for all the friends or are they expected to pay for their own meals, entertainment, etc.?</p>

<p>I know my S has been invited on beach trips before but having to pay for most meals and all of his own entertainment costs plus the time lost at his job while he was gone was going to be more than he/we wanted to spend.
Even if they can’t/don’t want to go, they should still let you know as soon as possible. </p>

<p>Maybe they think the timing is not a big deal because they figure that you and your family are going whether they decide to come along or not. So feel that they can wait until last minute.</p>

<p>Maybe the parents think the boys have already worked it out. </p>

<p>In my extensive experience with teenage boys, planning ahead is not one of their strong suits. Their favorite line is “Mom, it’s NOT a big deal”.</p>

<p>Similiar story…After S graduated from h.s. and was on a graduation beach trip with a bunch of guys, he called and said a friend had invited him to go to Mexico with his family and that the friend’s Mom would pay half of S’s airfare (lodging was free at a realtive’s home).</p>

<p>S was very excited about going and told friend he would love to go but had to talk to us about it when he returned home from the beach.</p>

<p>After he gets home we decide that it’s not a good idea since he would return just 3 days before leaving for college. So we tell him to tell the friend no thanks. </p>

<p>The next thing I know, the Mom is calling me up saying that there were just a few seats left on the flight and her S said my S was def. to go. So she bought the ticket for him!</p>

<p>Ticket was non-refundable. Either S went to Mexico and paid half fare or S stayed home and we paid full price. </p>

<p>S went to Mexico, had the time of his life. Never did figure out how all the wires got crossed on that one,lol. Teenage boys, go figure.</p>

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<p>Thanks for your replies…</p>

<p>I know all three boys very, very well. I know the parents of one boy very well, one sorta well, and the other not at all. I provided copious details in writing with links, etc. We made it clear the vacation was totally on our nickel…though spending money for souvenirs and extras would be good. As for the young man who thought it would be no big deal to wait until the last minute to let us know, I think its’ rude, rude, rude because it in theory effectively ties our hands inviting others to come along (because of possible compability issues and gender count). After four weeks, I told my son that two could play that game and that if he took that long to get back to us, then we could simply say that our plans had changed, and that since he hadn’t gotten back to us within a reasonable period of time, we had moved on assuming he wasn’t planning to come. Also, regarding jobs and family plans, that’s exactly why we gave a huge amount of advance notice – for their sake and ours. What I would have expected was a “yes,” a “no,” or interim updates on the decision process. Where his civility gone??</p>

<p>Appreciate your takes on this…I’m simply amazed by how rude people are today. My son would love to have a companion on this trip, but once again, he will have to make it alone (this has happened before with good friends in the past). I don’t feel too charitable towards these people, and pity my son for the world he is growing up in.</p>

<p>Bye y’all! Thanks, again.</p>

7

<p>Wait, Blossom!! Don’t go away yet!
We do these “friends along” vacations a lot. The way I do it is, tell them we need a definitive affirmative/negative by such and such a date. Because we want to invite someone else if HE can’t go. Tell the parents the same thing…hey, it’s more than fair. I’ve given parents the phone call many times because the kid just isn’t communicating the situation to them, either.</p>

<p>“We need to know because we have made arrangements for accomodations for XX number of people and if you can’t go (how flattering that you were asked first!), then we’ll ask someone else. Please let us know by…”</p>

<p>Who can argue or be offended by that?</p>

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<p>Doubleplay ~ exactly! We have done that and still received no reply, just a deferral. If a child can’t or choses not to go…if a parent wishes they do not go…no problem. Just simply communicate it in a responsible manner. I get really tired chasing people down and, at times, being told…what’s the problem…you’re going anyway, aren’t you?! arghhh!</p>

<p>Maybe, we should invite some of our CC friends instead –> :wink:
Just look at the speed and certainty of the answers
they provide…yay for us. :)</p>

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<p>How long ago did you/he issue the invitations?</p>

<p>How far away is the vacation week?</p>

<p>When was the date by which you said you needed responses?</p>

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<p>First, teenage boys are notorious about making plans. Haven’t you noticed that during weekend planning sessions? Second, depending on how old they a re–there can be a high degree of discomfort about vacationing with any adult–nevermind the parents of a friend. If your boys are old enough–you’ve hit that discomfort stage. Let it be. You don’t want to take a group who are entertaining thoughts of misbehaving.</p>

<p>If it were me, I would get these boys on the phone el proto and tell them straight up to fish or cut bait-- by 10 pm that evening. Bing bang boom. Clear communication seems to work best for testosterone addled boys. IMO.</p>

<p>Parents…well I’ve given up expecting boomer parents to follow social protocol. They are clueless and rude beyond belief.</p>

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<p>How old are your S and friends? Any chance that some of the boys are lobbying reluctant parents? It IS a big responsibilty to supervise and chaperone teenage boys on a beach vacation. Just wondering if this could be the unstated cause of some of the foot dragging.</p>

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<p>OrangeBlossom,</p>

<p>We’re packing our bags right now!! hee, hee ;)</p>

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<p>OB~</p>

<p>Count us in too! :)</p>

<p>First of all, I have to say what a wonderful mom you are to allow your son to invite someone along on your vacation!!! I’m sure that your son appreciates the fact that you very much want him to have an enoyable time. A couple of my kids have been fortunate enough to have been asked along on the vacations of friends, and they have been <em>SO</em> appreciative for the unique opportunities that they have been gifted.</p>

<p>I know that a couple of times, we had to give serious consideration to the financial aspect of allowing our children to go. That has caused us to be unable to give definite decisions until closer to the trip on a few occasions. I also suspect that with teens, sometimes everyone (both parent and kid) get SO busy that it takes awhile to connect for a substantial enough time to discuss the logistics of a trip like this. </p>

<p>I very much hope that your son’s friends get back to him soon. I think it would be a ton of fun for him to have someone along on this great vacation! :D</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>Love ya, Curiousmother!!! :smiley: You and Berurah be sure to pack lots of beach novels, your thongs, and lotsa sunblock. ;)</p>

<p>In no certain order –></p>

<p>“Kids” are rising college sophomores…and not too testosteron-ee. These guys are not wild ones…all pretty responsible and laid back…fun bunch.</p>

<p>Cheers, you’ve hit the nail on the head…these guys couldn’t plan there way out of a revolving door. I’m a very organized, decisive person, who cannot understand why anyone would want a 5-minute decision to drag on for weeks. Work can be painful enough, why prolong the suffering. Just do it! Also, fyi, I am a “boomer” parent, and I am totally protocol driven and tried very hard to school DS in the social niceties…mom and dad just raised me right. ;)</p>

<p>I really want DS to have a companion, partially because at his age, he’d frankly just have more fun; at our age, we’d poop out too quickly; and whenever DS is bored he becomes snaggled-tooth tiger…moping around and being his “drama queen” self…not something I look forward to seeing. I never thought I’d admit this, but I do think that hubs and I just have reached the point in our lives where we just need some peace and quiet and enjoyment of observing our son have fun without being so much hands-on like when he was younger. And the place we’re going to is primo…2 oceanfront pools, one soundfront pool, enormous top-notch sports center with indoor pool and all kinds of courts and games, etc., oceanfront concession and fine restaurant, and great guarded beaches…all a kid would ever need. When I was growing up, I only wish my friends parents offered me such a FREE outing. My oh my.</p>

<p>jmmom, invitations were made weeks ago; response deadline was set at 3 days to one week depending on situation of invitee; vacation week is within the next month.</p>

<p>Well, we’ll see what today holds. :D</p>

<p>If these guys handle class work and dating in the same manner as vacation planning, it’s a miracle any of them make it back to the new academic year or actually develop relationships. Where is that cow prod?! :)</p>

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<p>

OB~</p>

<p>Are you <em>SURE</em> you want us in thongs!!! OH!!! You meant the sandals!!! :wink: :stuck_out_tongue: :o</p>

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<p>Berurah ~ At our age and after all our parenting experiences, we have to make room for comic relief…and, at least in my case, lots of room. ;)</p>

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<p>^^**<strong><em>rofl</em></strong>*!!! Sooooo True!!! :)</p>

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<p>Thank you all for making me smile…this has been a rather trying year and it’s fun to be playful, if only for a moment. :p</p>

<p>ttyl, dear friends…</p>

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<p>Knowing the age of the “chidren” makes this more understandable. Going on vacation with the rents seems to get uncool at about 16 around here. Aso, aren’t college sophmores pretty busy summers working, studying etc.? Maybe son doesn’t really want to go or doesn’t want a friend in case it’s “boring” (as my kids often consider our vacation choices)?</p>

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<p>We always ask the cousins(boys around the same age)in our family to go?</p>