<p>I had similar experience four years ago, after S1’s HS graduation and subsequent week-long trip to beach. No one would commit. Finally, instead of one friend for the entire week, we had three friends for two nights (the same two nights). It was all very casual and last-minute. Of course, S1 then wanted to leave beach to go home to be with friends . . . .</p>
<p>Did you or your son put a deadline on the responses “we’d love to have your son join us. To finalize our plans, we’ll need to know by June 1.” If not, then it is no surprise that you don’t have a firm response. Without a firm date for a reply, some folks do not feel the need to respond on YOUR time, and they do it on THEIRS. Whenever I send a RSVP type invitation, it says. RSVP by…and I put a date. Perhaps you could call these kids back one at a time, and give the first kid’s family a deadline. If they don’t meet it, call the second and give them a deadline. Ditto the third if you get that far.</p>
<p>Hi…thanks for the continued responses…</p>
<p>To address your comments in no certain order…</p>
<p>Our son is greatly looking forward to vacation this year. Sadly DS is only child, only grandchild…no cousins.</p>
<p>DS works parttime, varying between 24 to just under 40 hours per week. DS isn’t in school this summer, as he took courses last summer, fall, winter term, and spring. Surprisingly, most kids he knows and many of his friends didn’t line up jobs for the summer (our son had his locked up in March).</p>
<p>And, once again, we did set exact deadlines for responding with a final answer. :)</p>
<p>Thanks for your great comments and suggestions…at this point it looks like just we three and the dogs…</p>
<p>We have not been on a family vacation for the last two summers. Our 2 S’s think the quiet family beach we have always gone to is too boring</p>
<p>On the other hand, my H works very long hard hours at his job and he is not interested in going to a traffic clogged mega tourist destination where their entertainment would mean his misery. </p>
<p>S1 is staying at college this summer. H offered to let S2 (age 17) to take a friend this year. It was obvious by his reaction that there was no way he was going to drag his friend along on the forced march to boredom!</p>
<p>So once again, no vacation for us…boohoo.</p>
<p>We no longer do the summer stints with our older sons. Instead, H and I are going to Europe in the fall!</p>
<p>Last summer, we solved the summer vacation dilemma…I packed up husband and sons, plus a couple friends, and they flew up to Cedar Point to ride roller coasters for a couple days. This…coming from a family who live a stones throw from Disney, Universal, Busch Gardens, Sea World…:rolleyes:</p>
<p>I guess we are lucky we have common interests with our kids which we are still physically able to do. All four of us have not been able to vacation together since 2005, but we have done things with each of our kids. We have always done a lot of camping and cross county skiing as a family, and when my son was in his senior year at Stanford, he asked us to join him on his Spring Break to go cross country skiing near Lake Tahoe. It was a great trip, as we had never skiied in the West before. This year, we took our college sophomore daughter for a cross country skiing weekend during her spring break at one of our favorite spots which isn’t too distant for a weekend trip. And in her short break between the end of school and her overseas summer adventure (language study), she was overjoyed to go kayaking with her Dad in the New Jersey Pine Barrens, another favorite spot very close to us. I am glad that they still enjoy these activities that we started them on when they were very young!</p>
<p>^^^Skiing is the absolute BEST family vacation for us.
Problem has been finding a week we can all go in the middle of winter.</p>
<p>Good thing about snow-skiing with teens: You’re too far away from them and too covered up in gear to hear their mouths! :D</p>
<p>We found Salt Lake City to be the best place for us. We’ve stayed out in Park City before, but one year we just decided to hole up in downtown SLC in the Embassy Suites. SOOO nice- BIG breakfast in the morning, free drinks at night, indoor pool and jacuzzi. Big and Little Cottonwood Canyons were accessible to us. Everynight we poured over the trail maps and decided where we were going next. In seven days, we hit seven different places.</p>
<p>And instead of staying in a condo (guess who gets to plan meals when there’s a real kitchen 
) we were able to find affordable restaurants in SLC and I didn’t have to cook! :)</p>
<p>we have been going to the methow valley since 1988. Nice place- really good snow.
and there are enough people that have done the same thing at the same time that we have come to know over the years that the kids don’t need to bring friends with them.
( don’t have to cook either-)
I don’t mind cooking- but when I want to, not to serve body functions
vacations are nice to have a break from figuring out what to make.</p>
<p>For years that has been our main family vacation as at least one kid was working summers</p>
<p>motheroftwo, I grew up a stone’s throw (literally!) from the Pine Barrens. I’m curious where your D and H go kayaking there. :)</p>
<p>We’ve invited friends of our Ds on many vacations through the years, everything from Hawaii to DisneyWorld to Cape Cod to the Jersey Shore to ski destinations to our (boring) vacation home in the mountains. We never had a problem like this one of people not replying. I wonder if it has something to do with boys not wanting to do this? Not sure, although we did have friends who were boys, and boyfriends, too, go along with us so I don’t know why people wouldn’t give you an answer. It’s rude, and pretty ungrateful. </p>
<p>Going along on someone else’s vacation does remind me of a story about a friend’s D. Years ago, when the D was a teen, she was invited to accompany a family whose kids she occasionally babysat to their cottage for two weeks. It was done with the knowledge that she’d be helping to look after the three young kids. She happily accepted and looked forward to it. When she returned home, the mom of the three young kids came over to thank my friend for allowing her D to go with her, and then proceeded to present my friend with a bill for the amount of food her D had eaten while away with them! My friend was speechless, literally. Her D had spent the entire two weeks assisting this woman with the children so that the woman, too, could have a bit of a vacation. The D was not being paid anything, and the woman still had the nerve to CHARGE her mom for food! If I didn’t know the people involved, and I heard that story, I wouldn’t believe it, but it’s true. :)</p>
<p>OrangeBlosson - VeryHappy’s post #21 is what you should expect. Moms and teenage boys might as well not even speak the same language when it comes to “planning” (in quotes because the event horizon for college-age boys’ “planning” is about 2 hours.) It was probably unrealistic to expect anyone this age to actually commit that far in advance. if they had, there would have been an even chance they would back out at the last minute. And their parents are wise not to presume to commit for them.</p>
<p>Annoying, but simply a fact of life.</p>
<p>Hi alwaysamom,
On the most recent trip, they went on the Wading River and we have also gone on the Oswego River in the past. My brother-in-law owns two one-person kayaks, and they borrowed them and put them in our mini-van. Then they just pay one of the canoe outfitters to transport them to their starting point from their ending point where they left the mini-van. </p>
<p>We have camped as a large family group in the Pine Barrens in Wharton State Forest a few times over the years, not within the past few years. My only complaint was that every person in our group of about 10 people got multiple ticks on them each time we went - both deer ticks and regular (wood?) ticks. It didn’t bother some of our group members, but I really hated having to search so carefully to make sure I didn’t miss one when I got home.</p>
<p>Another favorite place where we have canoed many times over the years is the upper Delaware River, both the parts between NY and PA and between NJ and PA. The scenery is so beautiful and it is so much fun!</p>
<p>motheroftwo, thank you! I must admit that I wasn’t familiar with the names Oswego or Wading Rivers but looking them up, I discovered that they’re near to areas I know well - Chatsworth, Vincentown, Batsto. I grew up in Medford in a lakes community so canoes were a staple of my childhood and particularly teen years but we stayed in our series of lakes and I don’t recall hearing of people back then venturing further afield. </p>
<p>Yes, the ticks are (and always have been) bad in Jersey. My dad used to hunt on the Wharton tract back when I was a kid, and I remember being happy when he’d come home at the end of the day with just ticks, and no deer! :)</p>
<p>LOL about the deer vs. ticks 
I grew up in northern NJ and then lived for about 7 years in Cherry Hill until we moved to our present home in the Pennsylvania suburbs of Philadelphia in 1990, when my college graduate son started first grade. </p>
<p>Our current location is equidistant (15 minutes) from my husband’s job and my job, and that is why we picked it when our first kid started school. We are still both in those same jobs at the same locations!</p>
<p>As a boomer parent, you can get away with so-called nutty behavior–such as directly dialling the boys to ask them if they are coming. Sure, you’re going to get the "Why did you call my friends? :eek: " You’ll also get the look of abject terror–but those emotions soon fade because, along with an inability to plan for the future, or even think about the future, boys have a limited capacity to think about the past. It’s called living in the moment, the exact moment and no other moment. According to boys, it’s a beautiful thing.</p>
<p>My son is home on GAP break. The house is full of 18 year olds again. Son asked me if he could have a few for dinner last night. I asked how many. “Not sure”. He was “not sure” until we sat at the table with seven other guests. Literally. I asked what time. Not sure. He was “not sure” until 30 miuntes before we started–when he changed his mind and delayed it so two more could join us on their way in from the airport–which meant that we also had one additional, unexpected, overnight guest.</p>
<p>We’re hosting another, bigger dinner tonight. Like MI 6, I’ve spread information such as time (7:30 pm) and guest lists–going so far as to ask a few reliable members of the group to text those who are supposed to be invited but probably haven’t been. At this point, I’m wondering if I need to get out my extender table that allows me to seat 16. I’m making tenderloin, macaroni, roasted cauliflower, dinner rolls and Eton Mess for 16. It won’t go into the bin. Some of the boys are tremendous athletes.</p>
<p>You wouldn’t think 18 and 19 year old boys would enjoy sit down Sunday dinners with candles and desserts–and a couple of boomer parents–but they do.</p>
<p>As long as you are willing to live with the “My/Your Mom is Whack!” label, there is no downside to contacting the MIAs directly. I agree with kluge–plan for at least two travellers.</p>
<p>Hi, Cheers -</p>
<p>I am a boomer parent, who is a real contradiction in terms…I organize and plan “old”…I live “young” (in a reasonable sorta way). In the past, I have IM’d a couple of DS’s friends for info or get/give assistance. One, in fact one of the kids DS asked to the beach, actually blocked me on AIM IM…after one very pleasant IM session; he had requested beach info…I IM’d him to let him know it was coming, etc. Then I noticed he had blocked me. He also complained about me to DS in an IM; DS supported me and let him know he was out of line. Hmnnn, make mental note…<em>invitation rescinded</em>!</p>
<p>I love to be around young people, in a pleasant – not creepy – way.</p>
<p>And, as for boys, I see it two ways…they’re either super motivated and self-directed…or they are lost in the moment. :p</p>
<p>I don’t think I could be as flexible as cheers. I have a “Sorry, We’re Closed” sign up metaphoically at a certain time. I don’t add on a lot of extra travellers. Maybe why we have one kid?</p>
<p>Yeah…cheers is an extrovert who is mostly living the Empty Nest life now. I like to eat dinner with a huge group–particularily if the guests are witty. I wouldn’t do this for a bunch of stiffs!</p>
<p>Anyway, I try not to sweat the small stuff–except at work. Not easy for an OTT boomer, let me tell you. I have had to learn to chill in order to enjoy boy company and in order to let mine travel to the remote corners of the globe.</p>
<p>OrangeBlossom - may I give you a warning. A close friend of mine found herself in the same situation you describe. When she called and gave a deadline - all accepted. But, all backed out at the last moment. </p>
<p>This mother felt that she should have “known” that their unwillingness to confirmation indicated a lack of enthusiasm for the trip. She found out later most accepted but regarded it as a “if nothing else better comes up”. </p>
<p>And, surprise to some of you posters - this was GIRLS!!! Her daughter was sick over this and it left a lot of bad feelings between previously close families.</p>
<p>Now, I’m a “last minute person” - I never get the good airfares or hotel rates because I’m always booking at the last minute. But, I would NEVER leave someone hanging like this. Nor would my son - the ultimate in “don’t tie me down”. What you are describing goes well beyond the “live in the moment mentality”. These boys and their families need a few lessons in basic etiquette and consideration.</p>
<p>Reflectivemom -</p>
<p>Thanks! I agree with your final assessment 100%. What is so confusing is that each of the invitees present as really good people. And, yes, their behaviors have caused hard feelings and caused my son to reflect on the nature and quality of the relationships he shares with these people. My dear boy had a very socially challenging freshman year at college. He learned a lot of sobering lessons about how mean-spirited and duplicitous a large number of his peers can be. I think this has been the most difficult thing I have had to face as a parent…to see sorrow and disillusionment in the eyes of a very sincere young man. I try to look on the positive side…that out of these bad experiences will emerge a more thoughtful and appreciative person who is armed with clearer vision and better judgement.</p>
<p>Thanks, again!</p>
<p>Another consideration - only children are more likely to respond in a more “adult” fashion to situations like this; they’re used to interacting with adults on an adult level more than kids from larger families. This can lead to some miscommunication and misunderstanding when the other kids are acting in age-appropriate (if inconsiderate) ways. As several posters have noted, your experience is not unusual and actually pretty predictable when dealing with this age group - it’s probably not personal and your son shouldn’t take it as such.</p>
<p>It doesn’t do much good to be upset with people who act in the manner that most of their peers would act under similar circumstances; generally it’s better to readjust your expectations and plan according to the way people actually behave instead of the way they “should” behave.</p>