<p>Hi everyone…nice long chat with Daughter this morning, and as of many of you know she has hung her hat Brown for the summer. Many joined the debate of climate in college admission last week when I made a post about daughter’s dislike of the weather. As she has “lived” in Providence for the last two weeks, she has seen many cultural and regional differences that she felt “didn’t matter” really do matter to her. She has gone from 100% having to live the rest of her life in the NE, to, “ok, I might go to school here, but I don’t think I could live here for life.” We are not a religious family, but I would say we are a very social and financially conservative family. The “culture” of Texas is a big part of our lives, Longhorn football, Friday Night HS Football…etc. Our daughter has discovered that “ya’ll” isn’t so bad, and misses doors being held open and the general “gentleman” behavior of the deep south. (with that said, I have met some darn right rude southern men and some very well mannered NE boys.) But generally, the young men in our community, would always hold a door for a lady, would never step in front of a lady when both approach a vending machine at the same time, etc. So this experience that we decided to “fund” as a way to educationally educate (is that a term??) our daughter has turned out to be an experiment in cultural and social likes and dislikes. Truly amazing how her “top 10” list has really shifted over these two weeks.</p>
<p>^That said, collegeshopping, your D has learned a lot about herself this summer. I wish her well! It was a good idea to have her spend some time in the NE. </p>
<p>I should’ve sent S off last summer because now a rising sr., he says he doesn’t want to venture too far from home…maybe he would if he just had a taste of it…</p>
<p>Well, there have to be many reasons, some cultural, some economic, that 70% of students end up within 500 mile of home when they go off to college! And I would add collegeshopping, that being in Providence in the summer gives one absolutely no idea of what winter in the NE is like. I’m glad your d is starting to make decisions regarding what kind of “environment” she would prefer. Better to know now than find out in the middle of Jan.</p>
<p>^^Right? I can’t imagine her putting all her eggs in the NE basket and then getting there and realizing that she had made a major mistake. At least this way, if she chooses to go to school in the NE, she understands the social/cultural differences and can weigh them against the “pros”, although I still don’t believe she has a true clue about the weather.</p>
<p>Important summer indeed. Your daughter had quite the learning experience and discovered something pretty central about herself. Self-discovery: it’s what being that age is all about. </p>
<p>So, what are your D’s college choices now?</p>
<p>I sent my younger son to summer programs on different college campuses and was surprised to learn that as a result he learned that he didn’t want to go to a college that had lots of hills, and he didn’t want to attend a college in an area with lots of air pollution, no matter how lovely the college was.</p>
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<li><p>Great story. An important lesson, and a reminder that most 17-year-olds are not as fully-formed as they think.</p></li>
<li><p>But . . . two weeks isn’t enough time to do anything other than notice differences. Don’t be surprised if she changes her mind again as the summer progresses (unless she’s coming home right away). After my first two weeks here, I was glad I wasn’t planning to stay more than 8-9 months. That was 26 years ago. </p></li>
<li><p>She has to have some reservations about Texas culture, Longhorn football, Friday night football, etc., or else she might not have had the NE-or-bust idea in the first place. I predict the topic will come up again. No one likes being hip-checked at the vending machine, but that’s not much of a basis for making life decisions.</p></li>
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<p>
You are aware that chivalry’s primary function isn’t exactly something that an educated 18 year old girl should be championing?</p>
<p>But . . . two weeks isn’t enough time to do anything other than notice differences. Don’t be surprised if she changes her mind again as the summer progresses (unless she’s coming home right away). After my first two weeks here, I was glad I wasn’t planning to stay more than 8-9 months. That was 26 years ago. </p>
<ol>
<li>She has to have some reservations about Texas culture, Longhorn football, Friday night football, etc., or else she might not have had the NE-or-bust idea in the first place."</li>
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<p>Two weeks is long enough to fall in love with or hate with a part of the country.</p>
<p>She may not have realized how important Texas culture is to her until she went away and realized that other parts of the country don’t have things she loves and had been taking for granted. </p>
<p>Fortunately, Texas is large enough to be a country, and has many college options, so she may find that she’ll be perfectly happy remaining in Texas for college while exploring another part of that great state.</p>
<p>Instead of saying it at the end, as is the custom, I will say it up front: Your Mileage May Vary:</p>
<p>I DO NOT like to be cold. I live in the northern part of the Midwest. It gets really cold here. Polar fleece and other techno fabrics have changed my life. One can always layer clothing and stay warm. The challenge, for me, is hot and humid weather (we have that, too). You can take off ALL your clothes (though I would not subject the rest of the world to that sight) and you are still hot and sweaty!</p>
<p>I, too, think your D learned alot about herself. My S1 really struggles with “gray days”. We happen to live in an area that is gray one out of every three days. During the very gray months his grades would dip. When he was three he asked why the sun didin’t shine here like it did on the TV. If there is any truth to seasonal affective disorder he is a classic case. He is now at college where there are more than 250 sunny days of the year and his grades are consistent and his mood is much better. Culture and weather are too biggies that can impact our kids in ways that just aren’t cured with a “buck up” message.</p>
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Caillebotte, down here and in the present, chivalry’s primary function is to demonstrate respect and consideration for another person. Perhaps the young lady prefers not to [settle</a> merely for equality](<a href=“Robert A. Heinlein - Wikiquote”>Robert A. Heinlein - Wikiquote). :D</p>
<p>collegeshopping, bravo to you for giving your daughter a trial run on her dream – and to her for taking things in with an open mind, thinking about what’s important to her, and talking it over with you! Whatever she decides come Fall, her decision will be well-informed and well-considered. That can only be a good thing down the road.</p>
<p>“You are aware that chivalry’s primary function isn’t exactly something that an educated 18 year old girl should be championing?”</p>
<p>I am not sure I gave the impression that she was “championing” anything. In our home and in our community, women are respected and honored. What’s wrong with that? Thank you geek_mom, you seemed to have grasped the point. Deep in the Heart of Texas, women are not only equals (at least in our social circles) we are treasured and well respected. When you are a “Mom” of a son, it even goes further than that. Many black eyes have been served and earned over comments made about moms and certainly sisters. LOL. I truly think it shocked her to not have doors held opened and general manners not displayed. Northstarmom hit the nail on the head. She took these things for granted and now realizes how important they are to her.</p>
<p>That’s not “chivalry” from the traditional etymology, it’s simply a demonstration of respect.</p>
<p>I think the above discussion reinforces the OP’s point - that cultural differences across the country are greater than many realize. While some see it as respect, others (myself included) do not like men going out of their way to do things for us. My kids would never go to school in the south or Texas, it would just be too different from what they regard as normal.</p>
<p>There are most definitely social and cultural differences from one region to another. However, I don’t think a couple weeks (or even a summer) is ncessarily enough exposure to another region to decide if it’s a place you could grow to love. I went from the Philadelphia area to UVa for school and, while it wasn’t a great distance, it was worlds apart. I was in culture shock for a semester. However, by the end of my days in Charlottesville, I would have had no problem at all settling in Virginia or a similar spot. You get used to the differences and come to embrace many of them. Northeast (or midwest) winters are another issue. . .</p>
<p>^“My kids would never go to school in the south or Texas, it would just be too different from what they regard as normal.”</p>
<p>What if the only job they could get after graduating from a “normal” school in a “normal” area was in the South?</p>
<p>We were sad when we left the beautiful PNW for Houston, but realized early on in the process that “you can’t eat the scenery”! Our friends in Houston were from NY, OH, CT and a few from TX. The move to NY was also a shock, but we got over it. (Still don’t like the weather, but we survive)</p>
<p>DDs found friends from all over the world in summer programs and college.<br>
Summer programs and college are learning times. Like dating, it’s about trying on different styles. Finding out what you like and what you don’t like and then making choices. The goal, though, is to be mature enough to bloom where you are planted!</p>
<p>The problem with a culture in which men challenge other men for insulting their mothers and sisters: the implications are that other women who are not the mother or sister of the person you are speaking to are fair game, women need a male defender and a woman who hasn’t bothered acquiring a male defender is not adequately protected. </p>
<p>Also, when guy 1 chooses to insult guy 2 by talking trash about guy 2’s mother and sister, he probably does so by implying sexual misbehavior. Ask yourself why women’s sexual activities get to be an item that can be judged by others, but men’s sexual behavior in the same culture in general is not so judged. So saying, “your brother sure did sleep with a lot of different girls during his fraternity days” is just good ole boys going wink-wink-didn’t-we-all, but saying “your sister sure did sleep with a lot of different guys during her sorority days” - well, that’s a bit different, right? That might require an invitation to step outside. Why?</p>
<p>I see the cultural standard of honor killings of female relatives who have sexually transgressed to be on the same continuum (albeit pretty far along on that continuum)
as beating up someone who trash talks about your sister.</p>
<p>The flip side of the insults is the over-determined ‘respect’ to women and girls. Why is it more acceptable to hip check a guy at the vending machine than a girl?</p>
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<p>Glad that barroom brawls and black eyes aren’t a part of my Northern, urban / suburban culture!</p>
<p>collegeshopping, if your daughter forgets her experience over time, you could just send her a copy of memake’s interesting post above. ;)</p>