<p>EPTR, obviously not, because then you’d be breaking your own zero-tolerance rules.</p>
<p>I expect my kids not to drink in high school, do not provide alcohol for parties, and keep tabs on where they are and who they are with. Once they turn 18, they are allowed a small glass of wine with family gatherings. My oldest, I’m sure, drinks some in college. She had a legal drink in Mexico with dinner. She will be heading to Europe in the fall and will be legal to drink there, so I am glad she has had some experience here and feel confident she will drink in moderation.</p>
<p>I did drink (legally) in college, and do expect it is a part of college life. While some kids may abstain in college, I believe it is a minority. I certainly had more than a few drinks on occasion in college, and have bad memories of gin and Squirt. Now I have a glass of wine with dinner frequently, so I do think it is a normal part of life. I do not think this will doom my children to become problem drinkers. My in-laws have one drink (Scotch) every night before dinner, and none of their children became problem drinkers either. (There are many studies that show one drink can be good for the heart.)</p>
<p>TrueLove: Actually, the only national law about alcohol is that those under the age of 21 cannot purchase it. States have their own laws dealing with alcohol consumption, and for the most part the laws state that 1) parents can serve their own children in their own homes alcohol and 2) minors can consume alcohol outside of their parents’ home(s) in places of worship if the religious beliefs permit/encourage it.</p>
<p>teen, you have yet to answer my question, not that you are required to do so. But, give me a break about the religious law. Parents are not allowing their kids to drink due to religious reasons. Let’s not be naive here. Why do parents encourage their own kids to drink a solvent – etoh!!! It does not even taste good. It is like cigarettes in that you must develop a taste for it. Our own bodies tell us it is not good for us. Listen up! People use alcohol to alter their emotions at the expense of their bodies. Etoh destroys cell structure, it dissolves cells!!!</p>
<p>Not universally true. Many states allow parents to serve alcohol to their own underage children at home or in public religious observances. Families also travel to countries other than the US, and the laws are different in those countries. </p>
<p>Finally, I admit to openly breaking the law in front of my child every single time I drive at 26 m.p.h. in a 25 m.p.h. zone.</p>
<p>I simply stated the law as it stands. I am not passing any judgment on the law or telling you why any parent would serve their own child alcohol, though other parents have answered that question - they would rather their child see alcohol as something you can have in a small amount in a safe setting than allow their child to go to college without having been given any advice about alcohol, which they will surely encounter once on their own.</p>
<p>Also, you did not read my post clearly. I said nothing about parents serving children alcohol for religious reasons. I said that places of worship are allowed to serve minors alcohol as a part of a religious ceremony.</p>
<p>It actually tastes quite nice. We allow both of our girls to have wine with us at home. D1, who is 2 weeks away from 21, is having Moet with me right now to celebrate her move up to a senior in college(her school had the graduation yesterday). D2 turned it down because she is studying for her finals and SAT IIs.</p>
<p>We are watching UP while I am typing this, with D1 and H.</p>
<p>I am looking for at least just one honest answer to the question, “Why would a parent encourage a minor to drink alcohol?” BTW, don’t bs about alcohol tasting good.</p>
<p>TrueLove - We do it because we don’t think there is anything wrong to have wine every once in a while. We don’t “encourage” it, but we don’t think it’s a forbidden fruit either.</p>
<p>I think you are pretty far out there. Do you have any friends your age?</p>
<p>Just to be clear, in my posts, I am not referring to parents who have a glass of wine with dinner as a problem. I am referring only to those parents who have established a hard wired connection between joy or fun or relaxation and alcohol. Enjoying wine with dinner is completely different - in my book. I wouldn’t have any problem offering a glass of wine to an “almost legal” child in a home.</p>
<p>“But it is not a black and white kinda world. It is many shades in between, to say nothing of the many colors out there.”</p>
<p>Of course! I get that! My point is that I have a child who does ( or did, before some maturity set in) better with clear and concrete boundaries. “Yes” worked and “No” worked but maybe was a disaster. This is MY kid. Every family is different and every kid is different. I have two very different ones in my house. My job as a parent is to try to keep my children from activity that is harmful or dangerous. While doing that, my job is to educate, communicate and validate healthy decision making and an understanding of that “gray” area so that it can be navigated with finesse and regard to personal well being.</p>
<p>Mama bear said: </p>
<p>“EPTR, obviously not, because then you’d be breaking your own zero-tolerance rules.”</p>
<p>This was in response to whether to allow my almost 21 year old to have a drink at the family cookout today. I guess I didn’t communicate my views well in my first post. I have a “zero tolerance” policy for underage drinking in regard to drinking with friends or obtaining alcohol illegally. In my state, it is not illegal for me to allow my child to have alcohol in the home . My child only, of course. My main concern with allowing my oldest to have an occasional drink in the home is that my youngest (the one who tends to think in Black and White) will see this as an area that is open for debate when she wants to have a drink.</p>
<p>EPTR: I understood what you meant, and I agree that every parent gets to decide exactly what kind of rules their own kid(s) can handle. I was not passing judgement on your decision to keep things black and white with your young daughter. I was merely pointing out- not necessarily to you- that eventually, when we become adults, we ALL have to deal with shades of grey. That is part of growing up and every minor will eventually have to deal with the realities. I personally believe that a parent runs the risk of reinforcing and prolonging a child’s immaturity by presenting the world in black and white. But that is just my opinion, which I would not expect every other parent to agree with.</p>
<p>TrueLove: You posts make me wonder what kind of solvents you’ve been taking.</p>
<p>I agree with you completely! Which is why parenting is such hard work. With this particular child i have always had to work on that gray area. I introduce it, examine it, talk about it and, finally, i can say that she is growing into those many shades. With the drinking and drug thing, I had to take a zero tolerance stand in the early years of her adolescence because the “Maybe” for her was too dangerous. It is paying off now as she is a senior and is feeling good about her place in the social structure of High school. I don’t kid myself that she lives a squeaky clean life but my stance on alcohol and drugs has left its impact on her and i think she is conservative about both.</p>
<p>Helping her stay safe and confident in that middle ground has been a challenge since day one!</p>
<p>Those parents that don’t abide by rules are wimps and rebels. You know alcohol is dangerous, as is pornography. There is nothing grey about it unless you make it a grey issue. Your self government is so open your brains and any semblence of wisdom is falling out. Again, man up and be parents!! Your argument about life being grey is bs and you know it. You are simply attempting to upease your guilty conscience by allowing your kid to participate in something you know is wrong. Foolish blind guides.</p>