I feel like a failure. I really need lot of help. I came into UC Berkeley as a freshman two years ago. First semester, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and enrolled with the disability program on campus. Then in spring, I was disowned by my parents and got sexually assaulted by a gang member. As a result, I was facing homelessness and being so young, I withdrew from the trauma and anxiety. The rest of the semester I stayed with my boyfriend. I endured domestic abuse and homelessness with him. That summer, I got raped again by another person but didn’t realize I was raped from the shock. And my boyfriend and I became pregnant. I was sleeping on the streets and wanting to come back, even ended up at a women’s shelter or on the streets on most days. So that fall, I did a SAP and got accepted. I didn’t get my Regents’ Scholarship back until I appealed for it that following semester. I got an A that semester in fall on my reduced course load and wrote on my SAP plan that I would be getting an abortion because I was so scared. I thought that’s what I should do for college and I got accepted back into school. I changed my mind by the end of the fall and kept the baby.
Then on Spring of my second year, I continued going to school, gave birth and ended up with a C. I was only in that class for a month and I didn’t have childcare and had a horrible recovery. I also endured more Domestic Violence and he got arrested so I was going through a lot. That summer I had to continue with school and took my baby to class. Now on Fall, the trauma of everything started hitting me and I got really depressed and tried committing suicide. But I got through it but now I feel very depressed. This semester, I am taking two classes and on one of them I switched into it a month later due to trouble with scheduling. And then my daughter has been in my care for three weeks due to high fevers and ear infections so I’m severely behind. My college said I’m facing dismissal if I cannot pass and I feel hopeless. I don’t want to lose my scholarship or be dismissed. I’m worried if I leave that they won’t let me come back since I already withdrew once before. I’m on a strict SAP contract. I just don’t know what to do. I have severe depression, trauma, and anxiety. I also had Postpartum Depression for a long time. I will be homeless if I leave but if I stay and don’t withdraw in the next week, I might get dismissed. I’m doing well in one class but the work in the other is too much. I also am not allowed to take an Incomplete due to the SAP contract and my college Dean is saying I will face dismissal if I don’t pass. Please help me.