"The security came after it was over and they had walked away. They couldn’t have looked lazier or less concerned about it. "
Not ok.
Maybe there was more to it than this - maybe there was follow up. Let’s hope.
Ugh. So hard.
As an employee in a business, I’ve been witness to some worked up parents being way too harsh – verbally and physically – with their children.
We were trained to not intervene ourselves, and to avoid escalating the situation. There was no security team to call. Call 911 only if absolutely necessary.
It all makes me so sad.
I have stepped into similar situations. Other people will back you up if you are willing to get involved. These days I would feel better if one of my boys were with me.
I thought about it and figured if I just called the hotel I’d get lip service and maybe nothing would be done. So, I put it on trip advisor and they did respond that they were forwarding it to their executive office leaders for further action. I gave the day, time and location and I’m sure if they make any effort to speak with the staff they’d all remember. I really don’t know anything could be figured out now.
I have now discovered it’s easier to say what you’d do when you aren’t in the situation. I was very upset, I had tears streaming down my face. I didn’t have the presence of mind to video. This guy though - he was VERY rough and tough and big and strong. I looked around and it was families, some older couples - really no one that I’d say, hey, let’s all do this thing and stop this. I had no idea what the group with him would have done to us. I assumed when I saw security being called they would have rushed down and I knew 911 would be too late. I was too afraid to intervene, I assumed it wouldn’t go well for us, and as I said there were other people in the group and I didn’t know if they’d attack us for getting involved.
I don’t think getting physically or verbally involved would be an expectation in the incident you described. But perhaps calling 911 would have at least led to an investigation as to the identity of the perpetrator.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I think we can all learn something from it.
Agreed, thank you for sharing the experience, as it makes us all a bit better prepared for witnessing an incident of this sort. It was a rough situation for you, as the guy sounds quite scary, not to mention the child. Let us know how your trip advisor follow up develops.
In the days prior to cell phones, I witnessed a man attempting to sell or buy tickets on the street on one of our football Saturdays. He got into a fight with his significant other, and she was on the ground being viciously kicked when I ran into the printing/photocopy store near by and demanded they call 911. They were slow and lackadaisical as I insisted repeatedly. Police came, the guy was handcuffed and I gave information to the police. Months later I was to appear at a hearing on the matter, and was a little scared, as I didn’t want him knowing my full name, as I live alone. They must have plea bargained, as the hearing was cancelled.
I did once get involved in a woman being abused on the street, decades ago when I was young. Just sort of yelling at him. He definitely transferred his (verbal) anger to me. That said, I hope I would be brave enough again.
Call 911. If this incident lasts more than the time it takes to do that, that’s abuse.
As adults, we mistake reporting with evaluating. It is not the role of bystanders to evaluate, only to report. You don’t have to figure out what’s going on, or why, or who is wrong. You don’t have to interject yourself, You just dial 91: “hello, I’m in the lobby of the Grand Hotel and a man is here beating a child in public. Please hurry” Security guards do not have the force of law behind them.
I would also email the hotel chain and express your hope that staff are trained to call 911.
Everyone should have an idea of what they would do, because in the moment you won’t be able to decide. We have had to use our practice skills twice now in similar situations, and it is really a better feeling than feeling helpless,
Sort of weird co-incidence that a similar incident took place on a NYC subway recently.
Allegedly a man and woman were on the subway with a little boy about 2 in a stroller. The man and woman were allegedly arguing. The woman ran off the train when it stopped. The little boy reportedly cried and the man then started hitting the child. A bystander told him to stop. The man said it was his kid & he could do anything he wanted to his kid and the bystander should watch out for his own child. He was cursing and threatening. The bystander’s 4 year old daughter got scared and the man told her she would get to see her daddy die right here on the train. The bystander’s wife started recording on her cell phone. When the train reached a station, the man exited but held the door open with the stroller, pulled out a knife, and told the bystander to step out on the platform so he could change his life.http://abc7ny.com/man-pushing-stroller-with-young-child-threatens-subway-rider/3768882/
The video was posted and the man was identified. He turned himself in. https://pix11.com/2018/07/17/police-arrest-knife-wielding-man-who-told-girl-your-daddy-will-get-killed-on-manhattan-train/
I think it made most of us even more hesitant to intervene.
Hotel security is often there to act as a deterrent or observe incidents to report to police. They may be given specific instructions to not intervene. I’ve certainly read/seen accounts of this in the news. Years ago there was an incident in Seattle.
There is nothing preventing you from calling police now and describing what you witnessed and see if there is anything they suggest you do.
At the least, perhaps the hotel gets a visit from police and reviews their policy. Everyone steps up their game.
All of us here are now thinking: what would I do. That’s a good thing.
I personally I don’t think hotel management or security are really prepared for those acts of violence. I would call the police and report a crime is in progress.
in my 20s a man had an epiletic seizure in front of me waiting in line. I froze and did nothing. A good samaritan came to the rescue. Thank goodness. I hope today I would behave differently.
On the other hand, my older sister once helped a dazed man escape his burning car around live electric lines after an accident. Best big sister ever— by the way.
For those still pondering on how to react—one of the best training sessions I have attended at my workplace was Green Dot Bystander Intervention. The instructor had us brainstorm and practice strategies to employ when we see a problem, whether on a bus, at work, etc. The program advocates use of “the 3’Ds: Direct, Delegating the responsibility to others, and creating a Distraction to defuse a potentially dangerous situation.” An online search will bring up more details.
This is what I wrote:
My husband and I ate breakfast in the atrium this past Saturday at approximately 9 am. As we were sitting there a group of people with adults and children were walking towards the restaurant. I don’t know if the child was whining or having a fit, but suddenly a huge, muscular man starts beating this child within an inch of her life. One woman took a swing at the man and another woman held her back. I don’t know what the other adults in the group were doing but the sounds were sickening. Everyone in the restaurant stopped and obviously didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t safe to intervene. The manager finally slowly walked over to the phone to call security. Several minutes went by and the man stopped. They all just went back up the escalator. The security officers finally showed up and just wandered around and did nothing.
I hope the hotel has cameras and tries to ID this family and get help for those children. I’m still sick about it.
Given how lackadaisical the security ended up being I should have videotaped the event and called 911.
The staff at the restaurant all witnessed this as well in case management decides to follow up.
This is how they responded:
Thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. We take matters such as this very seriously. Your comments have been forwarded to our Executive Office leaders for further action. Thank you for being our guest.
I think you did the right thing. Hopefully they will have better training for their staff/security.
Well done, @eyeamom. You’ve done all you can do.
Eyemamon- great that you contacted the hotel but you witnessed a crime. You should be contacting the police. Your goal should be the protection of that child and not a review of hotel policy. The hotel clearly had and has no interest in pursuing this. Particularly given the potential bad press of their initial inaction.
If this was any other crime but a “family matter” would you be hesitating to call the police?
You use the term “beating a child to within an inch of its life” yet only contacted the hotel? What you witnessed and describe as a felonious assault (just shy of manslaughter of a minor) has to your satisfaction been raised to a hotels management? Regrettably that will accomplish nothing but make you feel better having abdicated a responsibility to alert the proper authorities again. Yes I am adamant about this as should be any other parent.
As you indicate this was filmed and they may have been hotel guests. The police can identify the abuser and protect the child but only if someone steps up and makes them aware. The hotel is clearly not.
Many states (most? I don’t know) have a child abuse hotline, specifically for reporting abuse against children. (Not women or other adults, just children)
I found this on the New York govt website:
In North Carolina (my state) I thought there was a statewide number, but each county has their own reporting procedure. This is Mecklenburg County (Charlotte)
Something about the OP’s story doesn’t add up. A child was supposedly beaten within an inch of her life, yet neither the hotel nor any of the other patrons nor the OP’s husband nor the OP herself thought it serious enough to call 911 at the time it occurred.
No, that may not be fair. Lots of studies show most people don’t know how to react the first time they face an incident of a sort they’ve never experienced, maybe never even thought about. And events can happen very quickly, as OP described. The point now is to prepare ourselves in case we do see this.
https://www.rwjf.org/en/blog/2011/11/what-should-you-do-if-you-witness-child-abuse.html
First line of your article is “call 911 and say I have witnessed a child being assaulted”. So do you agree OP should follow the articles advice and go to the police?
Unless I missed it, nowhere in the article does it say discuss the matter on a public forum then abdicate your responibility by reporting the incident to the venue on which the incident took place and move on.
Assuming the OP wanted real advise and accountability. Call the police.
Easy there on the OP. There’s absolutely no guarantee that calling the police will fix a domestic violence situation.