<p>I think the explanations are kind of interesting. There’s a lot of psychological stuff going on, too. One of my kids impressed me once when she was walking alone as a group of creepy looking guys approached her and I thought it could get tricky. I was waiting in the car on pins and needles. So, as they got closer and started to talk to her she put up her hand and high-fived one of them. What the heck? She got back in the car and explained that she thought appeasement would be the best strategy.It worked.</p>
<p>It wasn’t psychological when the guys were following my wife down the street. ;)</p>
<p>I think it is great that the video has us talking about it. It seems like almost all of us have experienced this type of behavior. It makes me very uncomfortable and I hate that some people think it is the norm and we should just deal with it, rather than speaking out against it. I’m glad it worked out OK for your D Flossy, but that could have been a dangerous action on her part, making them think she wanted to go along with their actions.</p>
<p>Yeah, that’s what I mean about the psychological part. Usually, I can tell who is all talk and who is a real threat but this is not new to me at all. And, of course, I could always be wrong. D went to an inner city magnet school and also had a pretty well-developed street sense working for her. And, she needs it riding public transportation around major cities these days. </p>
<p>I’ve experienced this in my own neighborhood, a street full of older, retired people. I’ve been out jogging literally covered in head to toe and have had guys in cars whistle and yell at me. I honestly worry about my safety in my own neighborhood, which is supposedly very safe. This is why I always check over my shoulder…</p>
<p>It is undeniable that some of the behavior posters have experienced is sexually-motivated. But I think sex has very little to do with most of this activity. A guy who catcalls you in front of his buddies is not asking you out, or responding to a pretty girl dressed provocatively. </p>
<p>When a woman passes a pack of men and one or more calls out something rude or agressive, he’s not addressing the woman at all. This type of behavior is an excercise in a man showing his dominance and control to his male friends. The woman is just being objectified and used as a prop in a display to the other males. You can tut tut all you want about her jeans or her looks, but the fact is that until a woman isn’t a good prop, she’s going to be treated this way. </p>
<p>It’s been clear to mental health professions for years that rape is about control and rage, not sex. This behavior is just a lower level and less violent manifestation of the same coin. </p>
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<p>Read the background material. The camera was hidden in the backpack of the man walking in front of her. The microphones were hidden in her clothing. In other words - no bystanders could see the camera or the microphones. </p>
<p>Bravo @Hayden! I read this whole thread and it is refreshing to get to a comment that sums up the issue so succinctly and counters the headache I got after reading comments from the poster who felt the harassers were just looking to go out on a date with the woman. As for the lack of Caucasian harassers in the video, I think this kind of aggressively macho behavior is more endemic to some cultures, and I bet most women who have had these experiences will agree that video shows a typical array of encounters, as politically incorrect as that may be.</p>
<p>@MommaJ actually most of the encounters with white men were edited out, according to the filmmakers (supposedly because of sound quality or them being off camera), but apparently they were definitely present during the filming</p>
<p>I am now 59 and short and plump. I used to be younger, prettier, and thinner. I got harassed a lot in my teen years. I had a spell of about five years where I got flashed about once a month. Seriously. At first, it was humiliating. Around about the tenth time, I actually said “oh, for god’s sake, put that away.” And the guy did. </p>
<p>Once I started thinking through how I wanted to respond–not with silence or averting my gaze!–I found myself way less bothered. “Is that the best you’ve got?” or “Oh. how original” or “Would you talk to your mother like that?” or by looking around and pointing at myself and saying “Me? Really?” which always made them laugh and made them see me as human. If it was a public place, sometimes I asked them to repeat what they said, louder, because I couldn’t hear them.</p>
<p>Is it always harassment to talk to strangers on the street? I have friends who are really bugged by homeless people asking them for money and talk about how bothered they are. Me? I even sometimes talk to them. I don’t have to ignore people. Is it harassment if I tell a woman that I love her shoes? Or that her pink sweater just made my day? Or a twenty-something-hipster-dude that I think his hat is the coolest thing I’ve seen all day? </p>
<p>“Sometimes, the harassment isn’t really avoidable”</p>
<p>Well of course I know that. However, women have the ability to size up a situation and avoid some things. They are portraying this woman as just walking down the street, getting a huge onslaught of constant comments. If that is really happening (and it’s not just 10 hours of video to strung together 5 minutes of the most obnoxious comments), there’s something weird going on there. Are NYC men actually like that? I can’t imagine any woman in my town, no matter what she was wearing, getting a bunch of harassment, no way. Maybe an occasional comment from a creep, but we don’t have too many creeps here. Perhaps if she was to walk down the street where the druggies and the hookers hang out (if we have a street like that somewhere), and people thought she was looking for employment. Did people think she was a hooker, was she in that kind of area? Because so many comments, that’s just not normal. Or is it, in NYC?</p>
<p>I realize that most women have been harassed at some point in time, but a constant onslaught of comments? If I was living in a place like that, I’d move. That would be like living in a Muslim country, where they harass women who dare to not cover up.</p>
<p>I am relieved that at least in the neighborhood where I live, folks of all genders and ages an walk in our neighborhood and downtown alone during daylight hours and not get the treatment this female did. In our neighborhood, it extends pretty much to all hours of the day or night but some areas of downtown DO get a bit sleazy after dark and I’d avoid being a single person walking alone around the area when possible.</p>
<p>It is interesting to see the range of experiences folks and their loved ones have had. Because D is petite and looks quite young (sometimes passing for 1/2 her age), I think she likely doesn’t get as much harassment, especially when she wears a hoody.</p>
<p>It is a sad sign of our times that females DO still get verbally and more harassed in the US, whether we personally have or not. </p>
<p>I felt VERY unsafe walking around downtown Atlanta alone, even tho I didn’t get any catcalls or verbal harassment. I did have male(s) following me, so I sped up and crossed the street; fortunately they didn’t cross the street to follow. When we were in NYC on our honeymoon, I would regularly cross the street when we were walking downtown at night and someone appeared to be following us. H didn’t understand and felt I was being overly cautious, but it just felt better keeping a street between us and someone that MAY be following us.</p>
<p>I do think about whom I will be meeting/seeing when selecting clothing to wear. I tend to try to more or less match the company I will be in so we will be comfortable.</p>
<p>When I lived in New York, harassment was the norm.</p>
<p>In my early 20s, I worked with a woman who turned out to be, later in life, a very well-known, angry lesbian novelist. I remember her coming back from lunch on several occasions and telling us how she responded to the harassment. She actually said to the men, “Hey, ya’ wanna do it now? Right here? Take out your [abbreviation for the man’s name Richard] and let me [use my mouth] you right now!! Come on! Let’s go!!” The men would immediately back off.</p>
<p>I always wished I had her – ummmmm – nerve, but I also think she was lucky it never got violent. Although it was in midtown Manhattan during lunchtime. </p>
<p>ETA: This thread is making me realize how angry I am about years and years of this sort of crap. I’ve buried it, of course, because what else can you do? But I am very angry.</p>
<p>When I was in college I walked a waifish and very pretty student (Miss Teen NY) home from a party late at night. She stopped in the middle of the parking lot, said thanks, and that she was heading to meet some of her friends at one of their apartments. No kiss, no proposition, no comments, I was just making sure she got back safely.</p>
<p>It took me nearly 30 years, until reading this thread today, to realize she was probably afraid of me and did not want to be with me alone near her opening her apartment door. I continue to be dense about these things. Thanks all, very informative.</p>
<p>Magnetron, I’m sorry if the young woman you walked home 30 years ago was really afraid of you. She may have had bad prior experiences.</p>
<p>The males I knew 40 years back walked me back to my dorm building or room, whichever I preferred. I never felt threatened or unsafe. A male I just met I’d probably thank and say goodbye to at the dorm building door, though. </p>
<p>They do advise folks who meet via Internet to have initial meetings in public spaces, so you can get a better feel for the person, tho appearances can be deceptive. </p>
<p>By the way (can’t remember if this has been mentioned yet) the woman in this video got rape threats after the video was posted. Because of course she did. </p>
<p>Many many times when a woman does something in social media that challenges men, she gets rape threats, and she is quite likely to get doxxed as well. </p>
<p>" ETA: This thread is making me realize how angry I am about years and years of this sort of crap. I’ve buried it, of course, because what else can you do? But I am very angry."</p>
<p>Oh no, you can’t be very angry, you are VeryHappy! Don’t ruin your night, thinking about the past.</p>
<p>I look back at all the things I had to deal with, and I’m not angry. I’m rather amazed and a little bemused at what people thought they could get away with. But I always was pretty confident, and felt like I was in control. I could usually laugh something off, but at a certain point if it got too bad, I could always turn the tables and make them wish they hadn’t harassed me. I think feeling like you are in control (whether or not it’s an illusion), makes all the difference. Feeling like a victim, without any power, has got to be the worst feeling, ever.</p>
<p>And in 30 years of working with 95-99% men, I definitely think things have gotten a lot better. Guys are used to having women as their bosses, and being more prominent in the workplace. I don’t know what’s going on with those guys in NYC, though. I doubt any woman would be hassled walked through the financial district, or the Silicon Alley part of NYC.</p>
<p>Yea, in my original post for this thread, I mentioned the rape and death threats she’s received. </p>
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<p>That’s not what I hear.</p>
<p>HImom, being a small town kid, no harm done and I never really thought about it again. She was from Manhattan and probably had much more experience with the baseline behavior of men, just showing some of her urban skills but not wanting to hurt my feelings.</p>
<p>I am mindful of some things, veer away from women in parking lots, don’t stare, try not to look below a woman’s eyebrows, but am surprised by the magnitude of the issue displayed here. </p>