She should know that most sexual assaults happen to freshmen between the beginning of the school year and Thanksgiving break. They are free for the first time, and have no idea what they are doing, or when they are in danger.
If she’s been trustworthy to this point, you have no reason to assume she’ll be a monster once she goes to college. All you can do is talk and trust… if, like I said, she’s been someone you can trust to this point.
I would recommend a good college level self-defense course. My own D has taken self-defense updates at each stage of her development and we certainly didn’t want to skip the college level. They didn’t just go through practical drills on how to get away if someone attacked them. They talked alcohol, drugs, date rape, peer pressure, being aware of surroundings, campus resources and the importance of listening to your gut. They heard first hand stories. I know, it sounds like a scare session but trust me when I tell you this has been a program that has always made my daughter feel empowered, capable and aware at every stage in her development. Something I highly recommend for incoming freshmen.
Thank you all for your kind words of advice and support. Last night I decided to tell her the following:
- there will be no written contract, though there are expectations
- I trust you. Anything I’ve said about being worried is just a Mom being a Mom. I trust you.
- Please keep talking to me. Good or bad, I want to be here for you.
- Make the most of college. Don’t party it away… too much. Have fun and work hard. Keep a healthy balance
- I love you.
I tell her often that she needs a group of girl friends who will look out for each other. Don’t let your drunk friend go off with the boy at a party. No walking back to the dorm alone. I’ll be sure she knows the protocol at her school for calling campus security, etc.
Not looking forward to dropping her off in August… but, we’ve always encouraged her to spread her wings. Can’t say no now. 
BTW - I am reading Missoula. I don’t think I want her to read it - But, she is 18 and can read it if she wants. It’s fairly graphic and I don’t want to freak her out too much. I’m trying to give her some skills without making her neurotic. I’ve been relaying bits and pieces when it fits into a conversation (teachable moments). I also share a lot of it with my high school S. Both boys and girls need education on excessive drinking, drugging, sexual assault, etc.
My S was very similar when he went off to college and it worked out just fine. It helped a bit that his freshman year he was in a wellness dorm (although he joked that he was on the alcoholic floor of the wellness dorm). He did “learn” to drink in college, but he was never was interested in being with the big party crowd. As an adult he will have a drink or two to be social, but it still isn’t his thing. It doesn’t sound like you’ve kept your D from alcohol so it isn’t like she will be able to finally get her hands on something that has been forbidden for years. You can offer her some wine/beer over the summer (as long as she isn’t driving) and let her know that it is not a bad idea to try it before college (we did that with my S and he grudgingly tried some here and there). You’ve given your D the best advice possible and she sounds like a mature young lady who will do great in college.
In terms of prescriptions, you can also consider using a mail order pharmacy and having it shipped to wherever is appropriate.
I haven’t read all the responses, so pardon me if I’m just piling on. I would get very specific and practical with her this summer in teaching her about alcohol. The problem is that many (most) kids don’t realize how much they are drinking and in what amount of time. They need to be aware of it and/or set up “rules” for themselves that keep them safe; being an adult doesn’t mean you don’t have rules or operate without a safety net – but you have to create those rules and safety net for yourself. Some thoughts about how to get specific and practical:
- Get a standard red party cup. Pour 1-2 oz of water in it. Let her see how very little that is. THAT is one shot.
- Add another 3 shots of water to the cup. Let her see how very little that is. That is 4 shots; that amount of vodka or less, downed in a relatively short amount of time (< 1 hour), depending on her body weight, could send her to the hospital.
- Tell her to sip, not chug. If she has a beer, sip it and then go to the bathroom and fill it with water and carry the can around. Having a can in her hand will ward off repeated offers of more.
- Repeating a friend’s Rules for College Drinking: Don’t drink the punch or eat the jello; Beer only, no shots; No drinking games; Get your own drinks and don’t pick up a drink you’ve walked away from; Alternate water with alcohol; Never be alone, and never leave anyone alone.
- Make her sit down and do the math for how long it takes her body to process alcohol out of her system, and remind her she has to be aware of time. Falling asleep does nothing to speed up the process. “Last night” may have only actually been a few hours, and not enough time for her BAC to fall enough to drive.
- Remind her that injury due to alcohol is not just the extremes of alcohol poisoning or driving impaired. Walking impaired can also equal serious injury or death if you stumble into the street, or fall and hit your head, or are goofing around and fall over on your back on the arm of a chair and bruise your kidney (DS, his senior year of HS … I was ready to kill him if I hadn’t been so worried about him).
Good luck. The excessive and stupid use of alcohol by college students is rampant and is a parent’s worst nightmare for the potential consequences that they just don’t see, but that happen every single year.
No one likes feeling like you’ve been run over.
This reminds me of that old “ginger ale trick”. My mother and grandmother packed 2 cases of ginger ale when I was leaving for college freshman year. I didn’t even particularly like ginger ale but they insisted that 1 or 2 cans should go in my purse whenever I went to a party. Apparently I was supposed to only have 1 beer and then fill my cup or glass with ginger ale which looked like beer. That way no one would push more drinks on me.
I urged my son to become a beer snob, and to encourage his friends to do the same–with the theory being that if you insist on expensive beer, you probably won’t drink as much of it.
I’ve employed #3 a lot, during college and in my 20s - I’ve never liked more than one or two beers. The trick works with amber and green glass bottles as well.
My D just finished her freshman year. During her senior year in high school, unbeknownst to us, she was drinking some at home, alone. When we found out, her reason was “I have never drunk in high school, but I probably will in college and I want to find out what it’s like and my tolerance”. We were quite taken aback but after some thought realized she was being pretty smart about it. She said she only did it maybe 8 times. Fast forward a year later she says it helped a lot in college. She watched other students drinking far more than they could tolerate and was glad that she’s already had some knowledge, and didn’t feel the need to experiment.
Another good reason to encourage experimenting in a controlled setting… different people react to different alcohol differently (I really did try to reword that sentence… to tired to come up with other adjectives!).
I can have a good 4-5 shots before I start feeling tipsy. However, after 2 beers I can be drunk.
My fiance is gone after a few shots but can tolerate as much beer as he wants. A half of glass of wine though and he’s thoroughly drunk.
Since learning this, I don’t do shots. It’s too easy to drink way too much alcohol without feeling it but that’s still not healthy.
As a young person, I can say without a doubt that the thing that always kept me grounded was that I could always, always tell my parents anything. It wasn’t just rhetoric with them- it was true. I could and they wouldn’t judge me. They wouldn’t hold it over my head and they wouldn’t look down on me. That gave me the freedom to do whatever I wanted but it never made me WANT to do anything that extreme.
Just one person’s perspective
My kids went to a small private high school where there was little partying. Then they went to a big state flagship that had parties. No biggie. They went to some, but they were too academically minded to get “caught up” with all of that.
My daughter and I watched Veronica Mars together, there was a lot of “what not to do when partying” information in that show. I don’t expect she’ll be a big partier, she is reserved and doesn’t like to be in big groups of people.
Yeah but a bomber of something 12% ABV is like 6 bud lights. It’s not like you can drink half the bottle and save the rest for later. Only option is sharing but it’s too likely him and his friends will have different tastes.
I thought the different alcohols thing was an urban myth, I certainly don’t react differently to different alcohol at least. But people do react to alcohol differently from each other. Personally I’m mentally still there, you could ask me math problems when I’m drunk. But my motor control is gone. And too drunk I don’t go crazy, I fall asleep. Other people are different.
I guess you could also just reiterate that she should never drive drunk or go in a car with someone driving drunk. Maybe tell her that if she ever needs it she should call a taxi and you’ll pay for it, no guilt, no questions.
I am setting up an Uber account for D. That is one bill I will gladly pay.
Maybe I’m paranoid but I suggested to my daughter she read “The Game” before going to college. It helps to be able to recognize manipulative men.
^^^^
So I just read the reviews on “The Game” and it is a manual on how to seduce women. Have you read it?
The Gift of Fear is a good book to give college bound girls.
Tell her to eat something before she goes to a party. It slows down the absorption of alcohol into her blood stream. Never drink on an empty stomach.
Drink water between drinks, always have a buddy at a party that will not leave you alone. Stay in common rooms at large house, so-op or fraternity parties. Pour your own drink and avoid mixed specials (jungle juice) until she is a more experienced drinker. Avoid pre-gaming on hard liquor. Always have money somewhere on your person.