<p>I think their are several types of scandals:</p>
<p>1). One involving the faculty based on schools rules. At one school several years ago several students got severely burned while teacher in chemistry lab protecting her young child (as any of us would have). School changed rules that kids could not be baby sat in rooms. But not having the foresight affected our decision regarding this school. </p>
<p>2). Facebook or cyber bullying. This goes on at all schools with teens. Needs to be internally solved. Not a big deal unless it is common at that school. Look at lunch and see if their is separation of cliches, race, sex etc at tables. Would not go there</p>
<p>3). Alcohol and smoking. The old response was punish and expel. The newer thinking is that is the worst thing to do. New is kids should be kept and counseled. </p>
<p>4). Drugs. Occasional as in all schools or overwhelming. This occludes speed and Ritalin.</p>
<p>I live pretty close to all these schools mentioned…Bascially, what I need to say is this. The kids are NOT supervised. My friend picks up her son at his boarding school, and no one knows he is gone. Freshman’s talk about drinking and having sex… and a person who has worked at a bs for 14 years would never let his kids board because in his words…“they can’t and don’t keep the kids busy enough, so there is plenty of messing around”. Although they have classes all day, sports, and 7:45-9:45 mandatory study hall they still have plenty of free time, especially on the weekend…So you REALLY have to trust your kid and how you raised your kid with your values. Its weird, but we are never surprised about the kids the do get into trouble…when you look back and do a little digging…they are no different than they were in middle school. “They” say the kind of student you have at 11 years old is the kind of student you will have in high school. With all that said…I know of a women who sent her daughter to a bs (they lived in Asia, daughter loved the school, but hated boarding…mother moved from Asia to new england and took an apartment, so he daughter could finish school here. According to her, BEST decision she ever made!!</p>
<p>^^how are they supposed to be “supervised”? You follow your high schoolers around wherever he/she goes? BS students are required to file excuses with house counselors if you leave designated school area or stay overnight off campus. You can’t just pick up someone at your will - well you can but you break the rules. That’s the way a kid gets DC’ed and eventually gets expelled if he/she breKs the rules repeTedly.</p>
<p>Which is why recommendations are so important in the admissions process, and why the entire process is grueling. </p>
<p>I’m also puzzled by the “supervised” part. If your friend’s son is a day student, the school expects him to leave campus at some point. If he’s a boarder, he could get in serious trouble if he weren’t in the allowed campus areas, or if he accepted a ride from another student. </p>
<p>Do you think that high school students at day schools are supervised round the clock by their parents? Most of the parents of high school students I know are not home at the end of the high school day. The students are dismissed at the end of the day, but no one is checking that they all get on the right bus, or if they walk home to the expected house. By the end of sophomore year, many students can drive. They won’t necessarily choose to drive directly home, or off to the local orphanage for community service. Many will…but some won’t. </p>
<p>I was horrified to learn that students at our local public high school need a pass to go to the library or other parts of campus, unless they have earned “open campus” privileges, only available to juniors and seniors. Looking back to my high school days (looong ago), we did not need passes to access parts of our high school. Yes, some bathrooms smelled kinda funky at times. Guess what? The bathrooms at our local public high school also smell kinda funky at times. Restricting student freedom hasn’t improved student behavior.</p>
<p>Sending a child to a boarding school which has an honor code has advantages and disadvantages. IF your child has self-control, is sensible and trustworthy, he can take responsibility for his own behavior. If your child tries to break the rules, he may get away with it…but if he’s caught, the consequences can be disastrous. </p>
<p>Again, a “scandal” wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me. I expect some students in any group to misbehave. The school’s reaction to a scandal could lead me to take a school off of our list of schools. I’m a terrible geek. If a school chooses not to follow its own rules, that’s a dealbreaker.</p>
<p>100 % Agree with ThacherParent’s 3 questions. </p>
<p>Also agree with the idea that the way the school responds to problems makes a difference. I was at boarding school when a classmate hung himself in his closet - drugs involved, fight on the phone with a parent - a worst nightmare except it really happened. What I remember now is how distraught the grown-ups were - not trying to sweep it under the rug, really trying to make sense of it, and not doing much better than we were at that job. Interesting that this happened when the school was already trying to soften up - keep the excellence while toning down the “eat or be eaten” bits. I guess what I’m trying to say is that some institutions face up to problems, others don’t, and most are somewhere in between. </p>
<p>I would also pay attention to the structure the kids get - is there an expectation that they will support each other, are there mechanisms in place to make it happen, do you feel that the school will listen if you come to them with a problem. And perhaps the most important question for us right now (daughter in first year of bs, son doing applications as we speak) is this an environment where the kid is going to learn that we’re all in this together, with each of us doing his own best, but appreciating the contributions of the others. </p>
<p>I don’t think any school is perfect, but I do see differences along these lines, and along the lines that ThacherParent’s questions suggest.</p>