<p>Let’s say your child is 18 or 19. The law here at home says no alcohol until 21. So of course, you would never allow your child to drink … especially right in front you … here at home. But what if you are in another country where the law is 18. Would you allow your child to have a beer sitting at a restaurant with you in that case? </p>
<p>I ask this because I have a friend who did this on vacation. She felt it was “safer” for him to do it when she was around rather than sneak. But was she just encouraging and glorifying drinking? There was a lot of discussion among the other mothers if this was appropriate. I am curious what you CC parents think.</p>
<p>Also, what about Amsterdam? It is perfectly legal to smoke pot there. Let’s say you were on a family vacation in Amsterdam. Would you allow your high school or college aged kids to smoke pot there right in front of you? </p>
<p>Of course we can’t control what they do when they are not with us, and they can sneak off. But … right in front of you???</p>
<p>Here’s another scenario that really happened.</p>
<p>My son is 19. He spent a semester in New Zealand, where the age is 18. He drank while he was there – a few beers here and there, nothing much. He told us he would, and he told us he did. We were fine with that.</p>
<p>So when he got back home, it seemed stupid that he couldn’t drink. I asked him if he wanted to have a beer at home.</p>
<p>My daughter is 20, but she has been allowed to have wine with us since she was 17 or 18 (don’t remember). She doesn’t often have it unless we are on vacation. Our friends also regularly offer our girls wine when we are over for dinner. Our kids never ask unless it’s offered. We don’t allow smoking at home.</p>
<p>we love wine in our family, and my kids have been drinking wine since they were old enough to sit at the table and cut up their own meat. they could tell you alot about wine too. but drugs are a different story. thankfully we have not had any problems.</p>
<p>I think I would let my kid have a drink in the other country where it was legal. I would not allow my kid to smoke pot in front of me in any country.</p>
<p>Your student needs to be careful if they are still in high school and participating in sports. Our state’s high school league makes the kids sign a pledge abstaining from drugs and alcohol for the whole year. D’s volleyball coach said that she knew of a case of a girl who was suspended after having a drink while in another country where it was legal for her to do so. I personally find that rule too intrusive, but know other parents out here may disagree.</p>
<p>If it would be a violation of a code of conduct associated with my child’s school activities, I would not allow the child to drink alcohol in a country where he/she was of legal age to do so, or to smoke pot somewhere it was legal. If abstaining from alcohol and smoking are a condition of participation in extracurriculars, being out of the country does not nullify that.</p>
<p>"But what if you are in another country where the law is 18. Would you allow your child to have a beer sitting at a restaurant with you in that case? "</p>
<p>My rule has always been that we follow the laws when it comes to drinking. As a result, underaged people – including my kids – have never been allowed to drink alcohol in our house.</p>
<p>When, who was 15, and I were abroad and he was offered wine by the waiter. I told him he could have it if he wanted it since drinking his age was legal in that country. S refused, saying he wasn’t interested.</p>
<p>Interestingly, S is now 21, and still doesn’t drink alcohol.He says he doesn’t see any reason to do so. I’ve even seen him turn down free drinks at a club where we were with people of legal age, including people my age and his age. Meanwhile, since he’s of legal age here, it’s fine with me if he chooses to drink responsibly.</p>
<p>As for allowing my kid to smoke pot in front of me, no because I don’t want anyone to smoke anything in front of me. Also, pot is not legal in the Netherlands. Possession and production are misdemeanors.</p>
<p>I have always had the opinion that the use of alcohol is something to be taught and guided. And who better than by parents. Simply turning an uninitiated 21 y/o loose because it’s his/her birthday is a sure recipe for trouble.</p>
<p>We let our kids have wine or beer where the law allows.</p>
<p>Pot is not legal in Holland. They just don’t punish use. So I wouldn’t encourage that but as a realist I expect my kids did indulge when passing through. It’s part of the experience.</p>
<p>OK, I’ll dispose of smoking first – it isn’t allowed in our house, car or at our table in a restuarant. As for wine, our daughters were allowed a sip of champagne at major family celebrations beginning when they were 13. When the oldest turned 16 she was allowed to have a glass of wine at family celebrations, and we permitted her to have an occasional small glass of wine with dinner if she asked to when we traveled through Europe. She generally did not ask for wine. When she turned 18 we permitted her to have a sip of beer at her birthday party (family only). It was craft beer. We won’t allow Americanstyle lager in the house (yes, we are beer snobs). Most problems US teens have is with watered-down, carbon dioxide-infused cheap beer that they inhale with the intent of getting drunk. We have tried to teach our daughters to drink in moderation as an accompaniment to a meal – and not to drink at all if the product is inferior like 99% of the garbage most college kids consume. We also will not serve alcohol to any minor outside the family, and our kids are not allowed any alcohol in our home if a friend is present. </p>
<p>I think many Americand have problems with alcohol because responsible use is not taught and we have no way of phasing in use of alcohol at meals in a public setting as they do in Europe. Personally, I think some European countries have it right – wine and beer at 16, no drivers license until they are 18 or 19 and throw the book at them if they are pulled over for DWI.</p>
<p>I’ve always felt that unnecessarily restricting the use of alcohol does far more to glorify and add mystique to it than just letting a person drink it. Once they’ve actually tried it their opinion will be based on what they actually thought of it - no more no less. (and fwiw, this is from a high school student that doesn’t drink)</p>
<p>Since this IS CC, I’ll say that the alcohol drinking (in moderation) in a place that allows under 21 would be fine. Of course, there are the athlete caveats noted above.</p>
<p>The pot smoking, nope. I read somewhere that if you get caught/convicted doing that, you can lose elgibility for certain kinds of financial aid. Not worth it. Nope.</p>
<p>“She felt it was “safer” for him to do it when she was around rather than sneak. But was she just encouraging and glorifying drinking?”</p>
<p>A parents’ allowing their kid to drink in front of them under circumstances in which drinking is illegal gives their kid the message that it’s OK to break the law including by sneaking behind the parents’ back.</p>
<p>All of this come under parenting styles. These are the decisions each parent has to make. If you don’t like your kid drinking or taking drugs or committing crimes even if he is over 21, you can let him know, and there can be consequences if you find out he is doing any of these things. It’s just that at young ages, kids are more dependent. Yanking the financial rug out from under an 18 year old who is a dependent college or high school student is a whole different story from doing the same to a 20 something year old who is self supporting. </p>
<p>In my particular case, I would not want my underage 21 kids drinking anywhere. I don’t even like my over age 21 kids drinking, because of their issues. The type of kids they are, it is difficult for them to stay within the lines. As a result, I don’t encourage drinking, by offering it, hosting it, having alcohol around, buying alcohol themed things, etc. If they were different, if I were different, the situation might be different.</p>
<p>Funny, I had this discussion with an acquaintance a couple of years ago. She was taking her two teens, each of whom were taking two friends, out of the country where drinking was legal for them. So what’s the harm? They were all good kids, she trusts them, the other parents oked it as well. So we have 5 sets of parents who felt it was just fine and dandy. And it could have been. </p>
<p>When things go just fine, there is no issue. It’s the worst case scenario that always bothers me. If you can look stupid and bad under that worst case scenario because of a decision that is dicey, that is usually a good reason not to make that decision. Yes, kids can get into trouble anywhere, anytime drunk or sober. But if you let 6 kids who are in their teens drink, and they drink too much, get into trouble or get hurt, where do you think the blame will be laid? You can look pretty bad, at best when that happens, and that is what happened.</p>
<p>I would far prefer for my son to smoke pot than drink alcohol based on family history. Having said that, it’s illegal here so that’s that. I don’t drink alcohol, so if H has a beer or wine with diner, there are more of us at the table not drinking than drinking.</p>
<p>Our directions to other adults is that he is not allowed to drink alcohol. He’s only 17. I’m quite sure he’s drank before but I am hopeful that it’s not been a lot as most of his friends are alcohol/drug free by choice.</p>
<p>Since the Canadian drinking age is 19 (at least in British Columbia), pretty much every 19-year-old in western Washington heads for BC to drink in the bars there. My kids were no exception. This resulted in a serious conversation about drinking and driving and other responsible behaviors (don’t get drunk and have sex, for example), but it never occurred to me to tell them they couldn’t drink if it was legal. </p>
<p>When my kids were 16 and we were in Australia, I let them drink in moderation there, too. </p>
<p>I agree with the posters who say it’s a parent’s responsibility to set an example and guidelines for healthy alcohol use. Since there is a family history of alcoholism on both sides, this is a hot-button issue for me.</p>
<p>However, I would never provide alcohol to an underage person (other than my own children) in my home. I would be risking my teaching certificate. </p>
<p>Would I allow my children to smoke marijuana in Amsterdam? I’m not big on smoking anything, too much lung damage out there. I’d be more inclined to pot brownies;-) But I wouldn’t pay for it, I wouldn’t condone it, and I certainly wouldn’t join them. But I doubt if I’d know about it if they chose to do it. I think this would probably fall under the “don’t ask, don’t tell” classification scheme.</p>