A funeral in MN for BIL- Involving a 14 hour drive each way Funeral in at a funeral home (no ability to stream) with lunch following at an indoor restaurant. Guest count may be around 50. We would have to stay in a hotel for two nights.
A wedding in MN for best friend’s D- another 14 hour drive each way. Wedding is outside. Cocktails outside, but dinner and dance inside. Guest count 125. Hotel for two nights.
Feel free to post your own situations.
The 14 hour drive isn’t exciting but if I had an event like that, yes I would go.
I wouldn’t attend either. It’s not the drive or the hotel, for me it would be the indoor dining which likely won’t be socially distanced. That would be the danger zone.
I would not. I would not be comfortable with the two indoor situations, especially since they would be for an extended period of time.
I was invited to a baby shower in a few weeks. No rain plan, and there’s not enough space where they are having it (MIL’s) to all be outside. I have not said no, but I have spoken with some other attendees and no one else seems to have an issue with it. “Oh, SIL will be very careful due to CV.” Umm, what does that mean? How? One person said she heard masks would be required, but it’s a luncheon, for one, and it didn’t say anything to that effect on the invite. Also, even with masks I’m just not comfortable being inside for that period of time. There will be about 30 people there, and our state is not supposed to have gatherings of more than 25 inside. It will cause a big problem if I do not go, and I am not looking forward to making that phone call. At all. It will cause problems for H as well.
S has been invited to two grad parties and a weekend on the Cape with a friend. We are still thinking about these, but we will likely say no, even though the two parties are outside and one is sponsored by his hs. I just don’t understand why people are having these types of events.
No for both, but especially for the wedding ?
Really, if you are happy to take these risks, you are not risk averse. There are plenty of you out there, it is really interesting to see what crosses peoples minds. I swear almost everyone thinks this is a thing that only affects other people.
Def no to the wedding.
No ability to stream the funeral?
That is a more emotional decision. Would depend who I would be supporting family member wise. I lean towards no as long as the person has other support - I would consider if needed making the visit post-funeral (maybe in a few weeks or months) to help out the bereaved if needed. Funerals are for the living as they say.
I would not attend either event.
I’m trying to decide if I should go through with or cancel plans for the interment of my parents’ cremains in the cemetery of a national park in Arizona. It is scheduled for the second week of August.
We spent significant time 8 - 9 months ago finding a time that worked for all family members. I had to apply for a special permit with exact date and time.
I originally arranged for a family luncheon after the burial, but it was canceled last week by the park service.
Was originally expecting around 32 or so family members, but several are now unable to come. Right now the number is 17.
Travel requires flying to the location (over 2,000 miles away for me).
I have the cremains so if I do not attend but my 2 siblings decide to go ahead, I would need a way to get the cremains to them (none of us live near each other). Also, since the permit is in my name, not sure if that’s an issue. Plus, I’m in charge of planning and executing the graveside service.
What would you do? And how far in advance do I need to make the decision?
IME, at work, people are still adjusting to six feet.
It’s natural for many to step closer if they cannot hear you (masks!), to step closer when greeting someone you know & are happy to see, to step closer to share something on a phone.
I think a funeral or wedding will result in many close interactions, even if unintentional.
I would say no to both.
We just buried my dad in NY without his family being present because we couldn’t travel to be there safely. We are doing a celebration of life when it’s safe for everyone to gather. IMO, it’s irresponsible to have a large gathering now for any reason.
@college_query That’s an even tougher situation. Being it is a month away, I would be in contact with the remaining 16 people and ask how they feel about it.
I may attend funeral but not the wedding. Travel part doesn’t worry me. 50 people indoor luncheon I may manage but not 125 indoor dinner and dance.
@college_query It is only 16 people. I think one can social distance. And you are the central figure. If it were me, I would go. But I have the impression I take travel risk more readily than anyone else on this board.
No to both. Even if the events were in town, I would probably decline. I might attend the funeral if I thought my support would help, but skip the lunch. Add 14 hours of driving each way? No, and not because the drive would scare me. It would be the time/effort to place myself in a risky situation. No thanks.
No to both. I am risk averse and if more people were, we’d get through this sooner rather than later. As it is, there is no end in sight because so many people are finding reasons to except their actions from the rules and recommendations.
I’d also say no to both mostly for the indoor aspect of the lunch/reception.
I said no to a bridal shower for about 50 being held indoors at the end of the month. It is local and involves no overnight stay.
D said no to a very good friend’s wedding reception for about 100 held indoors.
We postponed D’s wedding for a year (she will get married on the original date but with only absolute immediate family present – 9 guests including wedding couple – and the ceremony will be outside weather permitting) because we did not want to compromise anyone’s health or have friends/family be worried about attending.
@college_query I would do this one, actually, but scale down the social aspect. No luncheon. Stay outside. Have a luncheon or gathering at some later date if necessary but go ahead with the small group doing the actual interment that was so hard to arrange.
I would skip the first two that @toledo describes though. Especially a wedding with 125 people dancing indoors.
Also no to the baby shower. Just send a gift. You are right that the vague intention to be careful is meaningless if 30 people are eating together.
No to both.
(I told my family that I would not want my funeral to become the starting point for someone else’s death, so if I die during a pandemic, there will be no funeral.)
I would not attend either event. IMO, in this time of global health crisis, people (hosts and guests) need to understand we are ALL at risk, young and old, healthy and not so healthy. This disease does not discriminate,
One of the biggest triggers for me, is to see the broken-down health workers, first responders, grocery clerks etc. who put their lives on the line every day, so that we may stay home and stay safe. The least we can do is appreciate them
No.
Everyone has to do their own risk/benefit analysis.
I’m staying home unless my kids need me for some reason. No socializing for the foreseeable future.
Already passed on a couple of family funerals at about the same distance. Sent flowers and heartfelt note.