<p>Our son spends a ton of time at the tennis courts with a group of boys playing, practicing etc. This isn’t a school team. He’s 18 and there’s a boy who’s about to turn 16. His mother just called and told my son that he was a bad influence on her son in that sometimes my son will throw his racket down and drop the F-bomb. She did the “I thought you were a good kid and I hope you are” stuff which is sticking in my craw. We don’t approve of the way our son acts sometimes and frankly, I thought he’d outgrown that behavior but apparently he said he sometimes still does that. (as do the other chuckleheads who he hangs around with) I’d like to know if she’s going to call the other boys’ mothers as well, and also…where exactly did she hear about all this in the first place? Isn’t she acting like they’re in grammar school? Her son isn’t being bullied, he’s just acting like the others which is what’s upsetting her. Maybe she should try disciplining him herself instead of blaming my kid? Its not like our son is helping this kid to sneak out at night, driving around and getting into trouble. My son said, “DON’t call her. This is an easy fix. I’ll just stop.” which was music to my ears. I’m still annoyed though. What would you do? She’s very prim and devout and I’m a bit more relaxed in the “cursing” department! I guess I just think there are worse things than that!@@##&&</p>
<p>So she didn’t call you, she called your ds?</p>
<p>Hey … if someone essentially reprimanded my adult son and he said something to the effect of “no biggs, I’ll stop” and he did … I would be happy with that response from my son and wonder why I hadn’t asked one of my friends to reprimand him before!</p>
<p>So … I would hope that the behavior would now cease, and not call the other mother.</p>
<p>She called the house to speak to me, I think, but he was home sick today so he answered when he saw his friend’s number on caller ID.</p>
<p>She did you a favor. This is boorish behavior, and your son was called on it. He needs to know that society is not as tolerant as he thought.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t call back since you don’t know that she specifically called for you. Otherwise, you’re doing what you accuse her of doing – that is, not letting the guys handle it themselves.</p>
<p>So after school the guys get together and play tennis and do what guys do. Now this guys mommy is calling other guys parents (homes) to insist the other boys be proper gentlemen. REALLY?? hahahahahahahah. Her poor son.</p>
<p>If this is at a “tennis club” I would expect the staff to toss the guys out if their behavior was not acceptable and bothering others. Then her son could choose not to play tennis with your son again.</p>
<p>So no. I would never call her back for this.</p>
<p>I would probably tell my own son that I didn’t like the way his friends behaved and that it made him look bad when they behaved badly. By 16 he knew what obnoxious behavior was. Clearly his choice as to what he wanted to do.</p>
<p>One of the greatest things about the neighborhood I grew up in was that any mom or dad would “call out” any kid for some level of wrong behavior. In my case, it yielded a sense of community and standards.</p>
<p>Over the years, I called out some of my kids’ friends- hey, Suzy, don’t stand on the antique chair. Hey, Billy, don’t kick my flowers. When they were young, my kids were mortified. A few years later, when the whole crowd was in hs, mine admitted their friends- now, this may be unusual- thought it was “cool.” Somehow, it met their expectations of what a mom sometimes needs to do. This is my case only.</p>
<p>And, you really don’t know the other mom’s exact words. I’d tell my kid I’m proud he got the message and that I hope he can work it out. That’s the life lesson.</p>
<p>Your son is old enough to handle this himself.</p>
<p>I went through a stage when I was that age, where I thought “tough guys” talked like that, or at least “men” did. As I got older I realized a guy doesn’t have to be a “man” to use a lot of profanity no matter the surroundings. I realized such language didn’t make me a man- it just made me a man with no class.</p>
<p>My son used way more profanity than I was comfortable with when he was 13 or 14 years old. I think a lot of kids around that age did so (boys and girls alike). Now, I can’t remember the last time I heard him use a 4-letter word.</p>
<p>No. You shouldn’t call back. I don’t like her calling your <em>or</em> him over something like that. She thinks she’s going to call every “bad influence” on her 16-year old for the next 2 (or more) years? Good luck to her with that. She’d be better off talking to her son about how to handle those influences.</p>
<p>And if this is the worst he’s exposed to, everyone is lucky. </p>
<p>If she were the coach, this might have been her place.</p>
<p>But don’t you get into it. You probably wouldn’t feel better after speaking with her anyway, which would be the only possible reason to do it. This is why we have cc - you can vent here :). And you might just create unpleasantness for your S if the word of his mommy calling the other mommy got around. </p>
<p>When my kid was around 12, I had to have wiser moms talk me down from the cliff of wanting to call somebody/do something in a couple of situations. They told me he was olded enough to handle things himself. He was. So yours is beyond old enough.</p>
<p>I would want another mom to call me if my S were doing something illegal, unethical or immoral–drinking, driving, strealing, cheating, etc. Cussing-no way. What kind of world does she live in that she doesn’t think teenage boys cuss? I guess I also think there are too many other terrible things in this world going on for me to get too upset about curse words, esp. from teenage boys. They’ll learn what is acceptable in the work/professional arena as they move along. Although…grown men cussing during adult sports? Yeah, it happens…</p>
<p>She just doesn’t want to blame her son for his behavior. There are many like her, especially in this country. The other players didn’t make him act that way, he did so himself. Your son shouldn’t be held accountable and she certainly should not have called. It’s kind of laughable. But he’s an adult, let him deal with it.</p>
<p>Curse words are just words we made up and assigned this big meaning to. It is not inherent in their meanings, but rather their connotations. By assigning them this great forbidden status, it gives them power and makes them vulgar, when they don’t have to be. If you don’t want people to “curse,” don’t consider certain words “curses” while their synonyms are fine.</p>
<p>I think it’s important for 18 year olds to realize that they are looked up to by almost 16 year olds as a role model, whether they like it or not. It’s a responsibility not to be taken lightly, whether you signed up for the job or not.</p>
<p>[I’m an avid tennis player and throwing your racquet while dropping the F bomb is NOT the kind of behavior I like to see on the court. Why be mad at the messenger?]</p>
<p>I like your son’s reaction to her call and his decision to stop doing what he’s doing. I can understand her calling your son out would rile you but they are adults now as they like to remind us…and since you don’t know she was calling you, I would just leave it alone. Good end result though :-)</p>
<p>Ugh. I’d avoid this woman like the plague. Never mind how silly her behavior is, she sounds like a blamer, and those are never people who can be reasoned with. I had a run-in with a mother like her years ago and there was no end to her vitriol, once the floodgates opened.</p>
<p>Just wanted to add that I understand why her calling bothers you. It’s been maybe 10 years since my own experience with a mother like this and it still gets me hot and bothered to this day (when I think of it, that is).</p>
<p>When my son was in the fifth grade, he and the other boys in his Webelos Scout den were invited to join the local Boy Scout troop for a few activities. The idea was to introduce them to Boy Scouting, so that they could decide whether they wanted to join the troop for the following year.</p>
<p>At one of these events, the Boy Scouts used a lot of rude language (including some F-bombs). Several of the fifth graders told their parents about this after the event, and one of the parents reported it to the Boy Scout leader. I think this was appropriate. The kids were still young, and the older Scouts were explicitly expected to be role models for incoming members of the troop.</p>
<p>But the situation you describe is quite different. The boys you’re describing are in their late teens, and there is no explicit obligation for the older ones to act as role models for the younger ones. I think this mom was off base in calling you or your son. However, your son seems to have figured out a reasonable solution to the problem anyway. Good for him.</p>
<p>I’d be tempted to call her with a list of other behaviors I’d like changed and ask her to give him another call :D</p>