<p>Yes, I would be upset and my kids know it. My cousin didn’t elope, but got married in a planned destination wedding in Jamaica where no family was invited because his bride’s parents were divorced and didn’t get along. It was very hurtful to my aunt and uncle and I have told my boys on several occasions that they had better not do anything like that. They can have as small of a wedding as they want but they’d better invite parents, grandparents and siblings.</p>
<p>My oldest dd didn’t elope but they did get married at the courthouse with just me and her sister as witnesses. My oldest dd is rather shy and hates fuss and so does her husband so this worked well for them. They did let me give them a party later on which was very fun and pretty low stress. My dh loved the bill- $6,000 when the day was done. Much cheaper than a wedding and we all had so much fun!</p>
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<p>This can be a problem if there are reasons why it would be uncomfortable for the other person to invite his/her parents, grandparents, and siblings.</p>
<p>My parents were divorced when I was a child. My fiance’s parents were divorced a few years before our marriage and had not spoken to each other or been in the same room with each other since signing the divorce papers. Three of the four parents were remarried. On top of this, my mother and my fiance’s father had been involved in a business dealing that went wrong, very badly, and weren’t speaking to each other, either.</p>
<p>So we got married in the presence of a crowd of people who spent the whole time silently glaring at each other. Having had divorced parents since I was nine, I was accustomed to this sort of strained atmosphere. But I think the situation was an awkward one for my husband and his family.</p>
<p>On the other hand, my sister had fun hitting on my husband’s best friend. But there are cheaper ways to give 18-year-old girls a chance to try to pick up older men.</p>
<p>We are having sort of a destination wedding. D and FI live on the opposite coast and FI’s family live in eastern Canada. The problem is I am the only one at this destination, handling everything. Groom’s family has only sent me 2 emails since the engagement 9 months ago inquiring about rehearsal dinner.</p>
<p>I would be fine with elopement. I have been very clear with all of my kids that whatever way they choose is fine.</p>
<p>I have a friend whose D eloped five years ago. She still sheds some tears about it. She dreamed of seeing her D dance with her father at her wedding. I am sad that they could not find a compromise that everyone could live with.</p>
<p>It would be great with me, and I’d not only throw them a party, I’d contribute to the honeymoon. I’m getting the sense that it’s moms who would be hurt and dads who’d be all for it. True?</p>
<p>Not entirely. I’m a mom, and I think it would be just fine if my kids eloped.</p>
<p>I’m a mom who’s fine with it. My dh isn’t.</p>
<p>I don’t want to be surprised with news that DD has married, but I wouldn’t mind if she and her future husband eloped as long as I knew in advance. IMO, weddings have gotten out of control and it seems to me that there is more stress involved in planning than fun. Personally, I would rather drive dull pencils through both eyes than shop, so the thought of shopping for a gown with DD, as well as other items for a wedding, doesn’t exactly excite me. Additionally, I would rather give DD and her future spouse money toward a debt-free beginning or a down payment on a house. We could have a great party at home for family and close friends. I would never make such a suggestion to DD, though. Her wedding should be hers and her future spouse’s to plan, not mine. I will do whatever she asks of me (within reason) with a smile on my face.</p>
<p>It’s enough to me that they’re alive and well.</p>
<p>I’m a mom and I wouldn’t mind, because I remember how stressed I was in the weeks leading up to the marriage. We were up until 3 am on our wedding day, moving stuff into the apartment. It was nuts. And we were too tired to enjoy the reception.</p>
<p>My mother said to me (on Mother’s Day morning 31 years ago) that she wished that I and my boyfriend had just gone and eloped the night before. My family really liked him – and I was in love – but I knew it was probably never going to happen. It didn’t. He’s been married to someone else for 30 years, and I’ve been married for 28, obviously not to him, but it never stopped her thinking that we would have made a great couple. </p>
<p>I hope my kids don’t elope though. I have boys that don’t share enough with us as it is!</p>
<p>Several families in our circle of friends have spent >250K for their childrens’ weddings, in one case for a marriage that lasted less than 2 years, and DW feels we would look cheap if we did what I would like - something much much less. So if one of my kids elopes, I’ll be cheering.</p>
<p>My mom offered me money to elope. I didn’t; had the big first wedding, complete with cranky MIL and lots of stress. My mom had married with only her parents and siblings in attendance.</p>
<p>It is completely fine with me if my kids elope–the kind where they know the person, just don’t want the fuss, etc. Actually, I would prefer it and would give them money towards something more permanent than an one-day party–their home, further education, etc. </p>
<p>S1 and gf have been dating 4.5 years. I’ll also be ok if she wants a wedding too. She won’t be bridezilla, and she’s outgoing and social. As long as she picks out my dress and tells me what to do, we’ll both be fine. I’m intent on being a good MIL. Plus, she’s been in at least 8 weddings in the last 3 years, and attended many more. She’s seen what works and what does not, what is worth the money, and what is not.</p>
<p>If S2 ever gets married and has any skin in the wallet, he’ll be waaaay too cheap to do anything extravagant.</p>
<p>D is 14 and so far shows no interest in anything except school, sports, and showing livestock–which is just fine :)</p>
<p>I’d be sad. I want to be there.
I don’t think a wedding has to be extravagant. Simple is lovely. A wedding at a romantic venue or church and a simple reception at home doesn’t have to cost a fortune. I think it’s a gift to be sent off with the blessings of friends and family. But then, family is what matters most in life, imo, so it would actually seem weird to me to exclude those who have nurtured, loved and supported you during each important milestone from one of the most important ceremonies of your life.
So yeah, I’d be upset and sad.</p>
<p>My SIL eloped, although since she had just turned 50 so the situation is a little different, although it was her first marriage. My MIL didn’t attend even though they are close, nor did my DH, who was supposedly someone my SIL always loved and admired.<br>
He would have loved to be there, and I know that my now 90 year old MIL is still hurt that she wasn’t there for her only daughter’s wedding.
I’m not sure that my SIL even gets it. But then, she has no children.
I think the reason was partly because it was the second marriage for the man she was marrying, and it just seemed easier for him.</p>
<p>My dad has also promised me a cash bonus if I elope, haha! My parents would much rather have us elope and spend our money on a house and a nice honeymoon/trip than a wedding. Then we could come back home and throw a party. My parents did the big wedding thing, and looking back, my mom thinks it was ridiculous. Too many relatives and people you barely know turn up to pig out/booze it up at the reception and buy you the cheapest gift they possibly can. I don’t want any fuss, so hopefully my future fiance will be on board with the elopement plan… ; -)</p>
<p>What’s the difference between a wedding and a big party? Not that much. The expense of the wedding is the reception- usually the venue. No reason it needs to be any more expensive than the “big party” you would throw later.</p>
<p>I know times have changed, but my DH and I were married outside a church overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Very inexpensive. The reception was a party at my folk’s home. Reasonable. And very, very memorable.</p>
<p>I was actually talking about my own relatively functional family when I said parents, grandparents and siblings have to be invited. That is a total of 6 people - 3 grandparents, 2 parents, 1 sibling - which is not too much to ask and we’d be happy to be the only guests and go to the courthouse. We’d have about 50 other disappointed relatives but oh well. I just don’t like, in my cousin’s case, that the groom’s married parents couldn’t come to the wedding because of the bride’s parents’ relationship. Seems like they could either suck it up or decide between themselves who could come. I had a lovely, fairly large wedding but my dad offered me the cash he would have spent on the wedding if we didn’t have it. My son’s probable future wife has the biggest mish-mash of a family that I’ve ever seen so their wedding should be interesting. Every single branch of her tree has steps in it.</p>
<p>Party vs. wedding reception: Perhaps not paying for an open bar for 6 hours, an hour of hot appetizers and pass around dishes, a band, snacks (ie: punchbowl or continental breakfast) prior to the wedding, then paying for a sit down meal, not paying for a setting with rented chairs and room/setting for 100-200 people, and I am sure there is more involved. Oh yeah, centerpieces, additional flowers, printed programs, flowers for wedding party. I would think that the couple would like pics either way.</p>
<p>Weddings like children’s birthday are getting way out of hand. This whole idea its the brides “day” and has to be perfect is crazy imho. Haven’t we all been to some beautiful, expensive weddings and then the marriage didn’t last five years? I’d be totally find with my kids eloping. I think we can all agree who our kids are marrying is more important than how they do it. If I had a dime for every person who told me they wish they could go back and elope, I could pay my dad back for my wedding!</p>