<p>I always thought the term ‘elope’ meant to get married secretly without the family or anyone else knowing about it beforehand, but it seems that in this thread most people are simply equating ‘eloping’ with ‘not a big wedding’. Just to double check myself I looked up the word in the dictionary and it concurred with my definition.</p>
<p>Given that, are so many of you really okay with the elopement - i.e. not being aware that your kid has headed off to get married without informing you or including you in any way?</p>
<p>We have two sons. We are very practical people. We’d be fine with elopements if they were marrying someone they had been in a relationship for a long time. I can see my S’s going off to someplace nice and having a quiet wedding but would be very surprised if they did it without telling us.</p>
<p>I’d be disappointed but accepting because, hey, they’re adults. I don’t know if I’d rather have them tell me ahead of time or call me from Vegas as they were leaving the chapel - if they told me ahead of time, it might be hard for me to smile and nod. Once it’s done, you might as well just say, “I’m so happy for you!”</p>
<p>Our oldest d was just married a few months ago and, despite a number of challenges, aggravations, and arguments, it was so much fun and the memories are worth every cent.</p>
<p>I guess I see a huge difference between an elopement and a" small immediate family kind of thing." Apples and oranges. Small family thing would be just fine with me. Like I said, I want to be there.</p>
<p>Maybe this is less hypothetical for me because DS and GF have been together for nearly seven years and living together for two. I think they will marry at one point. I love her, and would love to see them tie the knot,— if they see fit to tie it, that is. :)</p>
I hope to share in the celebration of knowing ahead of time but, if DD and her future spouse decide elopement is the right thing for them, I’d be okay with it.</p>
<p>Sure, would not bother me in the least if the boys eloped. I’d be willing to throw a nice party when they got back. My biggest nightmare would be that one of the boys decides to marry a girl who wants a gigantic shindig unless they don’t need our involvement and just need us to attend somewhere in the country and I don’t have to listen to the “men” whine. I’m not “big” on all the hoohaa and neither is my H nor either of our extended families so the odds of one of my boys getting sucked into an extravaganza are probably slim since it’s not in their gene pool. Both my siblings and I had a “quasi-elopement” we eloped with our parents (and spouses parents) and then returned home a few weeks after the vacation/honeymoon and had a party. My H was very “into” that plan.</p>
<p>I agree with moonchild. I was there for their births, baptisms, confirmations, graduations, baseball games, swim meets, first days of school, moving them to college and everything else and I really don’t want to miss their weddings.</p>
<p>GladGrad, I differentiated earlier. If he ran off and married someone I’d never met, I wouldn’t be happy. But if he had been living with someone for years and they one day decided to make it official, I’d be OK with it.</p>
<p>I definitely think there’s a huge cost difference between a reception and a party. My idea of an after-the-fact party would mean a cheaper venue, no flowers, no overpriced hotel food. We’d probably have it at one of a couple of places and cater in BBQ or even get all the aunts together to cook ethnic food, like we’ve done for many other family events. We had a post-rehearsal dinner party that was fabulous and much like I just described. We invited all the people who came in from out of town. I loved our big, fancy hotel reception, too, but this party was fabulous, unfussy.</p>
<p>I would be terribly hurt if one of my kids eloped. I have been there and supported them for all (well, almost all) of their life’s big moments. This isn’t about the party or lack thereof…I want to see my child take the next big step in their (and in a sense our) lives, to see them happy, and to welcome them to the next big part of life.</p>
<p>Money isn’t a good enough reason for me to not have a wedding. There are ways to cut costs. I wouldn’t scrimp on the food, but just about everything else can be done fairly reasonably, especially if the venue is one’s home.
My daughter was a bridesmaid this year in a good friend’s wedding, and all of the girls met at the bride’s home two days before the wedding and made the centerpieces. They had a blast, and they were absolutely beautiful. The photographer was a friend, and the venue was the hall in a local theater that they had transformed. At my own wedding, my husband’s best friend’s jazz trio played, as a gift to us. Our reception was in our backyard, set with lovely tables and chairs and a catered supper. It didn’t break the bank, and my parents were not wealthy. It’s all about the family being able to celebrate with the bride and groom, and personally give their love and best wishes- not about how elaborate or chic the setting.</p>
<p>My best friend from high school was engaged and couldn’t wait till the fall to marry her merchant marine husband, so they eloped and then had a proper wedding with all the fixings in the fall anyway. I think it’s fine to elope and for the parents to host a reception if they like. We got married in California and my husband’s parents gave a big party for us in DC so all their friends who didn’t want to shlep out to California could celebrate.</p>
<p>Note it really was an elopement not even her family was there. </p>
<p>I think it would be a good thing if weddings downsized. We had our wedding on the Caltech campus and it was pretty reasonable. One brother had his reception in my aunt’s backyard and the other at his inlaw’s - neither was overly pricey, but there were lots of people and great food. Especially at the Florida one - Smoked mullet! Yum!</p>
<p>My elopement wasn’t secret, it was spontaneous, on vacation, after we had been together for 12 years. If my son didn’t share with us that he was in a relationship, I’d feel hurt. If he suddenly got married without any family there, I’d feel fine about it.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t mind at all! Especially as I eloped and everyone on both sides was just very happy for us (especially as we’d lived together for quite awhile). </p>
<p>I’m soooo not into organizing a wedding- neither my own or my childrens. I don’t mean to sound unromantic and non-sentimental: I’m quite into celebrating and having parties. I just don’t get all the expense and trappings and tradition I guess.</p>
That makes sense but how would you feel about something in the middle, perhaps more traditional, where you know the other half as the BF or GF but they haven’t lived together and you found out on Tuesday that they got married the previous weekend? </p>
<p>If they’ve been living together for years I don’t see the point of much other than them just doing the paperwork to seal the deal anyway. Having a big ceremony after they’ve already been acting as if they were married for a long period of time seems somewhat pointless. More pointless - having the big ceremony after living together for years and they even already have kids together.</p>
<p>Regardless of what they did there’s not much for the parents to do other than move forward even if it was a bit of a disappointment that the parent wasn’t informed beforehand.</p>