We have a co-housing community near us that looked appealing when my kids were younger but now I can’t see us living in such an “intentional” community. Perhaps this is because I know some of the people that live there. What is Cohousing? | Mosaic Commons
On the other hand, an “adult” community attached to a university sounds very appealing to me. I know of one in MA, however, it’s a little more structured than I would feel comfortable with. Do these exist in other areas? https://lasellvillage.com/
I don’t like other people - besides my husband and daughter. I would not want an alternative type of housing where I have to “live with strangers”. (Yes, I know I could end up in assisted living or a nursing home when I get older and be forced to live with others.)
I’ve thought about co-housing! What prompted it was considering the need for community and connection for the next stage of life (after kids have left the nest).
This Ted talk explains the benefits very well…
That being said, after a few years of thinking about it, I’m no longer quite as sure. Thinking I need more space and would like to perhaps create community in different ways than living together …
However, my son is talking about creating an intentional community with friends. He said he’d like hub and I to be a part. That sounds fun!
Probably not - unless I can thoroughly vet the neighbors before committing. I like my privacy too much. I’m hesitant to even consent to any type of retirement community where the houses are on top of each other (I’m in my mid 50’s - maybe my mind will change in 20 years?) I have a couple of friends who have retired early and are living in those types of communities. They look like they’re having fun but I’m not there yet (not sure I will ever be).
The only exception I would make is for my group of college girlfriends. We have jokingly talked of living in a commune (with just us) when all of our husbands are gone
My mother lives at Lasell. I am guessing she is quite a bit older than most on CC - she moved in at 85 when she was no longer comfortable driving and has been there for 6 1/2 years. Honestly it took her a lot of adjusting - moving from her home of 50 plus years, away from her community, to a community where she didn’t know anyone - but know she loves it.
Interestingly, she tells me that many of the residents who’ve moved in since Covid are skewing younger. Lasell did a great job of maintaining community during the worst of the pandemic and I think that led to some rethink their needs. Or it could be that she’s just a lot older and people 80 now look young!
I’d be happy to answer any questions if I can based on my observations.
Lasell looks interesting (and I’m guessing on the higher end, price-wise).
Wondering how heavy the requirement is for each resident to commit to their mission? Are they required to take a certain number of classes? Do they have to take an oath? Do they get tossed out if they don’t advance their education?
Lasell Village was the nation’s first senior living community to require each resident to commit to a goal-oriented program of education, elevating the importance of lifelong learning to a new level.
@vwlizard : You might also do a “cohousing” search in the parent cafe. There was a similar discussion in the downsizing thread. Check around July '23.
We strongly considered cohousing, then pocket neighborhoods, then “village” communities. (Each involves community, but progressively less commitment). I guess as we’ve aged, we’ve learned to value our privacy more, and the ability to choose when (or when not) to be active in a community.
DH and I often joke that we’d like to live in an “inactive senior community”. And we’re only in our fifties!
It is pricey, but I believe most of the people downsizing to move there are moving from very expensive surrounding towns.
What I like about LaSell is that you can take courses at the University and not just the courses set up for residents. I’d much rather audit current college courses than take the short courses offered to residents. I think that would be the draw for me to do it younger rather than older.
My mother doesn’t find the education requirements bothersome at all, rather, she has trouble deciding what she’d like to take as there are so many options. There’s everything from accounting to zoology. Some of her favorites have been Comparative Religion, Tzarist Russia, Watercolors, the Buildings of Boston and the History of Blood. Most of the classes are a semester long and meet twice a week - it’s not like you to have to fill your time with a myriad of hour lectures
The residents do have to complete a listing of what educational activities they participate in for the year but more than the formal classes count. As I recall my mother includes group exercise classes (in person and streaming) evening lectures that are not formal classes, attending play readings, etc. Classes are required as it is considered a learning environment - a requirement in order to get a variance from the town to build.
As @vwlizard suggests, many of the residents come from the very wealthy nearby towns - many are highly educated which isn’t surprising given the number of colleges and universities in the area. When she moved in my mother felt very inadequate. She was a preschool teacher, my father was an engineer with GE, and they lived very quiet lives. She was used to being a queen bee in her temple and was coming to a place where she didn’t know any one. As mentioned above, it took a while to find herself but she realized no one cared and most were very friendly and welcoming.
Lasell is on the higher end of the price spectrum but given the services it provides not outlandish - except to the extent that most senior care costs are outrageous to begin with. My aunt lived in a smaller community in the same town and the monthly fees were almost the same without as many services. It does require a buy-in which is returned when you leave. Some of that came from the sale of the house she was leaving as well as savings.
I’m sure this lifestyle is not for everyone - we’ve been very lucky that my mother has been able to enjoy an excellent quality of life.
I felt that; I live in a medium sized HOA community with all sorts gathering places and social opportunities, and I still don’t know 99% of my neighbors. When we bought only 30% lived here full-time; that changed to ~70% during covid. It’s getting too people-y out here In my defense, I’m extremely introverted, and we have a built-in, decades long friend group outside the neighborhood. It’s mentally and physically exhausting out “there;” I like being able to come home and NOT socialize.
I like to socialize and make friends, but I like to pick who I socialize with. We recently downsized to an apartment. It is a fairly social group that lives here (55+). I enjoy attending the events that they have - book group, game night, parties, etc., but honestly my neighbors are not “my people”. Most are perfectly nice people, but I don’t share many interests with them. I typically find my people at the library (I am a huge reader). I guess if there was co-housing inside a library I would go for that (not sure what to do about my husband, not sure he wants to live in a library).
We’re doing our own mini-commune. DD, DIL, and the two grandkids in their own house, and us in an ADU 20 feet away. DS, DIL, and one grandkid, and DIL’s parents in an attached ADU 12 minutes away from us. (If they get the house they want…fingers crossed to the real estate gods that their offer is accepted!)
This is something we’ve started thinking about. My sister and her husband, and our mom, and DH and I are thinking about living in very close proximity to each other. At one point we didn’t know if we’d all just move to the same town (sister’s family didn’t know if they’d want to build or do a downtown condo type life), but now we’re moving towards all being neighbors.
There is discussion as to whether there should be a club/big house with a big big kitchen, big big living room, gym, craft area, and a room or two with a bunch of (nice) bunks and then each household having a small place to call our own, or whether we would just have our own places (with our mom living in a type of ADU). The club/big house would be for us to be eating meals together, hanging out, etc, but then go have our own places for privacy. This set up seems the more complicated one in terms of setting up terms & agreements and then what happens once we pass/need to sell, etc. Then it just seems to make a bit more sense to just have solo houses next to each other with no big gathering space.
Although we’ve started researching property issues, where the kids end up may play a factor in where we decide to settle. But if our kids are interested in participating, they’re welcome, too.
Does anyone have any feedback on family compounds like this?
We have a “family compound” of three families: DH and I and our kids live next door to DH’s parents, and his sister and her family are across the street. Three separate properties. Both of their homes are large enough to accommodate all of us when needed, but our home is smaller (and barely contains the 5 of us!). There were lots of benefits when the kids were young, with the grandparents heavily involved with childcare and sports carpools (more so with SIL’s kids than ours–that’s part of the family dynamic). Now DH’s parents are benefitting from having all of us around to pick up prescriptions, move heavy things, fix things, etc. It was not my dream situation in the beginning (I was worried about being swallowed up by DH’s family and had a few issues with my MIL), but overall it has been fine. But I’m glad we do not have any co-mingling of finances, property ownership, etc. That can turn ugly quickly.
Zoning will likely be an issue for such a compound. The way it might work for 3 families is to have a large house with an attached ADU and a DADU on the same property. Then you will be running into ownership issues, and the ADU sizes will be limited.
My business plan is to start a co-housing facility marketed to CC members. I envision 2 large buildings. One will house the “pro-testing” people and the application will be completely “merit-based.” The other building will house those who lean “test-optional” and application will be “holistic.” The 2 compounds will be separated by a river and a high barbed wire fence.
There are some co-housing communities near me but they aren’t specifically for older folks. They are for everybody and you do have to work a few hours a week.
I think there may be an elder cohosting community in the area too but I think if I was going to do that I’d just do a CCRC.
Our current neighborhood doesn’t even have a HOA and that’s the way we like it.
I toured a co-housing community about a half hour from here at one of their open houses.
I liked the concept well enough but the individual units were not spacious and I knew the county services for aging were much better in my current location.
I also looked into (online only) a senior co-housing community about a half hour from my child on the other coast. Like @Sweetgum, I’m not sure there is any benefit to that over a CCRC.
In my defense, I’m extremely introverted, and we have a built-in, decades long friend group outside the neighborhood. It’s mentally and physically exhausting out “there;” I like being able to come home and NOT socialize.