Would you encourage another close look at the not-picked college?

Parents Forum
1

<p>She liked this college a lot. Then financial aid came out, and it was not good enough. She resigned herself to a distance choice college. It definitely was not 2nd or third choice. She had about 4 schools with workable aid. She did not get in to her first choice college. And for her 2nd, 3rd, and whatever choices, not enough financial aid. So, she had her list of 4 that had workable aid. We worked our way through relooking at just those 4. After serious looking, and a few tears from her over not being able to go to one of her first or second choices, she settled on college X. It is a nice college. And now she has visited accepted student weekend and grew to really like it.</p>

<p>So she then went through and turned down the schools she was not going to attend. When it would ask reason, she would state that the financial aid was not workable. Everything seemed settled.</p>

<p>Then we heard from college Y. She had loved this college long ago. She took a fair amount of time to get over it and move on. She had moved on and grown to really like college X. College Y offered to meet the financial aid package of X! Seriously, they did! They asked us to come in and I showed them my documentation of excess cost we have and how much we earn and so on, even the ongoing medical costs. Then they offered her the extra money, and it is in the form of scholarship too, so we do not even have to file the FAFSA to get that money. (we will still file because she also has a state grant there and work study and student loan, at both colleges). SO…basically…the amount we pay, after grants and scholarships, but before loans or work study, is now the same at both colleges. </p>

<p>Her answer was that while that is nice of them and all, she has given so much though to come to terms with accepting the safety school, and now has grown to like it, that she is not exactly that interested in going back to look at college Y.</p>

<p>Through all this…I have never said anything like “you should…” Through all this, I have just facilitated. I have asked her to write down what she wants in a college, and when we visit schools, make notes on what she likes and what not…I told her to just throw it all out there, don’t worry about trying to pull it together. </p>

<p>But now…I wonder if I should say “good, decision made!” or if I should say “you used to love this school, let’s go next week and you can sit in on some classes and such before you make this final decision?”</p>

<p>I know this extra money was not expected. She has moved on. But now I am not sure if I should push her to go back and look and reconsider…or if I should say well enough, and not worry about it. For the record, I am not the one who prefers college Y. I like College X a lot. It was my spawn that loved college Y so much more than X, before the financial aid packages came out. Have I already done my part? or should I tell her she should really go back and give Y a serious second chance now that the money has worked out? Thank you so much!</p>

2

<p>Don’t create drama. If she is happy, let her move forward. She has moved on… so should you.</p>

3

<p>I think if there were substantive academic/intellectual reasons why she preferred X the first go round then it’s worth encouraging her to give it consideration. If it was along the lines of “the food is better, the boys are cuter” type of deal, then I agree with intparent- not worth it. </p>

4

<p>Is there a difference in the type of college, LAC vs. major research or are they very much alike? Distance from your home? Variety of majors? $$ is the same for freshman year, will it hold for 2-4?</p>

<p>How did she feel after her visit to College Y after the FA package changed? A better financial aid package after “reconsideration” shows flexibility and your daughter’s desirability at College Y. Know my kiddo’s would have liked that, maybe enough to change matriculation route’s.</p>

<p>Kat</p>

5

<p>College X is a small LAC where College Y is medium sized research university-tier 1. I think we were both shocked when they changed the package. So, I think perhaps we did not give it enough time to think about it.</p>

6

<p>Oh…about the university, she loved the research portion that she could do at the university.</p>

7

<p>Loved. Past tense. Be happy that she’s happy with the decision she made.</p>

8

<p>It sounds like College Y is a “better” school. Not sure where you draw the Tier 1 line, but it sounds like the LAC is not in that group. I would try to get her to at least re-visit Y and see. I would make it clear it is up to her, but really encourage (even push her a little) to go back and look. I would probably tell her that I understand she doesn’t want to have to go through deciding again, but this may be a great opportunity and she shouldn’t discard it without at least taking another look. That way she can have no regrets moving forward. Congrats and good luck!</p>

9

<p>I would try to schedule a visit there. Beg her to just look. That’s what I did, and was unsuccessful, so I call it the Hail Mary pass, but I did want to just open their minds (failed twice) to other possibilities, and I made it clear that it was their calls, but I wanted them to at least look at all of the options, all of the facts, all of the possibilities. Just because it was not on their minds, their priority lists, their concerns, did not mean there were not things there that they might want to open those closed minds up a wee little bit to consider. So yes, I hauled each of two kids to schools they did not want, forced one of them to go do a special tour for scholarship winners at a local school that he had put his nose up to. Got no where, but I made the try.</p>

<p>But the one, now understands things from those visits that he did not before he made them. He truly had his nose up in the air about going to a small local college that gave him a full scholarship, and the very idea of possilby commuting made him want to puke back then. When he went to the special info/tour session, he saw a number of kids he knew, many from well to do families and he began to see possibilities. Now three years later, he is urging my youngest to apply there and that it’s not such a bad option. The kids he knows there, are all doing very well and enjoying their lives very much. THey have money, a lot of it since they have no expenses and are enjoying NYC on a very nice budget that most college kids or anyone could. They are top dogs at that college and have gotten some opportunities that my son would not be able to get at his much more competitive school where he was shut out for a lot of similar things. There are trade offs, and that he had his eyes and mind opened makes him be able to see them. I’m glad for that.</p>

<p>But, yes, I want them to check out possibiities and try to open shut minds, and understand that just because they’ve lost interest in something doesn’t mean that new developments might not have some new opportunities. </p>

10

<p>Leave no stone unturned. Son had #1 first choice for med school. It came through but when one of his lower choices made him an offer that he thought was beyond amazing he went to look with a fresh pair of eyes. That second look changed his mind. He turned down his #1 choice for YEARS and went with the “impossible to turn down” choice. Made his list turn upside down.</p>

<p>I would encourage her to take another look at the school with an OPEN mind. If she really prefers the small LAC than go with that. </p>

<p>Kat</p>

11

<p>I would strongly encourage her to take a look again, and then leave the final decision up to her.</p>

12

<p>Does she have equal research capabilities as an undergrad at both schools? If she should change her major, would she have flexibility at both schools as well? Where does she see herself living and learning for the next 4 years?</p>

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<p>On the “loved” part that I said, she loved it, then got the financial aid and it was not good enough. She had her tears. She cried. We revisited the schools that did give enough financial aid. And after l a long process of thought and all, she decided on one of the affordable options with an excellent scholarship. It was not THE most affordable one, but it is workable. University Y was not workable which is why she moved on. But, she had loved University Y for the first long while, until the financial aid did not come through. In the process of making the final decision, we made comparisons and pushes for the schools that gave her better money. Three of those schools were LACs. She settled on the one with the best financial aid package, which has a Jan term and a lot of flexibility in the core courses. For example, instead of just saying everyone takes American Government, she can pick any 2 social sciences courses she likes. We had her go over the course catalogs and schedules to see what she could take in the social sciences. She went and met the professors at accepted students weekend. She realized she could take anything, from a class on Buddha to Philosophy of Logic, classes she would not be able to take at pretty much any other school. Most schools have a set of core courses that are quite restricting and limit what a student can take. That was not important to her before, she really didn’t care about all that before. She also did not even like her safety school before. But once she went back and looked and realized these advantages, she grew to like it. She has picked some interesting courses for fall and the future. She really likes some of the teachers. She doesn’t not like anyone, she just hasn’t met everyone. So she moved on.</p>

<p>Then University Y offers her more money after she turned them down. Now, while she previously did not like the small school, she says she has moved on. And University Y simply does not have the close intimate interaction that college X has. Both are great schools. They actually both have the same SAT score range. University Y, however, does not require SAT scores, so they are probably a little lower. However, they are a bigger school and she earned a place in the honors program.</p>

<p>Part of me feels like she LOVED it before and only gave up on it because of financial aid. Then another part of me feels like, she has moved on, she has mentally settled on where she is going, this is a good thing. So forget about it. That boat sailed. So, this is very hard!!!</p>

<p>I am unsure about the research capability. I know that at small college X, there are very small classes and students get a lot of attention, and they seem to go out of their way to try to set up research and/or internship opportunities. On the other hand, University Y has a lot of chances, but they are much bigger. It might be that grad students get most opportunities. </p>

14

<p>Let it go. She sounds like she will achieve wherever she is happy. It needs to come from her. Your work is done. If she asks your opinion, share it. Otherwise, relax.</p>

15

<p>If she says she has moved on, then let it go. </p>

16

<p>i’m in the keep an open mind camp, especially if the deadlines aren’t until May 1 there is time to let it sink in and consider both. Some kids just reject a school in their mind, when it ‘rejects’ them. This school actually never rejected her but that seems how she regarded it in her mind. Students are tired now and just want it to be over. But I think you have to push them to be more considered. </p>

<p>Mine had a reach school secretly in her mind. She was given wrong information and walked around for a day thinking that she had got in. Then found out it was another still attractive reach. She declined to be on the waitlist for the first one, even though she had walked around on cloud 9 for a day. Well she was still very happy and wanted to be done with it. Recently she said she couldn’t believe she didn’t stay on the waitlist. Not out of regret, she said where she ended up was perfect for her, but just to show how it was a rash decision. I just let her decide at the time, but looking back she would have stayed on it.</p>

<p>I am helping a student now who just didn’t have a strong sense of schools. She is being gifted the means to visit a few, one from a college, another from a family friend helping with the cost, and the last visit will be the 25th! so she will have to be open minded. But we decided that she won’t really have an understanding or good idea without those visits she is lucky to have in the end. She’s like to be done with it too.</p>

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<p>I agree to let it go.
Part of becoming an adult, is trusting your own judgment, and not second guessing yourself.
If she isnt leaning toward the " grass is always greener" mindset, why would you want to push her there?</p>

18

<p>I’m sure she realizes that she has this new choice and she has stated that she is happy with her decision. Case closed. Be happy with her.</p>

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<p>I’m in the keep an open mind camp, too. I would try to get her to visit the larger school, with the understanding that it may reinforce her decision and that would be fine. One thing to consider is how difficult it is to keep the FA awarded at each. If both are need-based, and do not require a specific GPA, and involve the same amount of loans and work-study, fine. But if not, more thought needs to be put into it.</p>

<p>As always, I would find it easier to give an opinion if I knew what the schools were.</p>

20

<p>I don’t see the point of revisiting the decision. She has made her choice, you are happy with her choice, case closed.</p>