I was wondering if it’s okay to let kids know that you feel like he/she is wasting time on an EC which they have no talent for and which is not giving them any notable opportunities for resume, admission or profession.
It sounds rude but if you can see that a kid can use all that energy and time to boost his/her scores or on another EC, then it feels like a moral duty to warn that person. However, I never liked to hear it from parents or coaches and I doubt many kids would.
Does the child enjoy the EC? The point of ECs is to do things that you like, not to do things that will get you into college. On the other hand, if grades are suffering, it may be time to scale back.
maybe he likes the EC
Agree with others. If the student is getting enjoyment out of it, that is good enough reason right there. I’m not a fan of every waking moment being scripted for building a resume or with an eye to college admissions.
He seems to like it but main reason is that his friends are doing it. Which looks like a solid reason to me if it wasn’t effecting his chances to do things … which he can be good at and benefit from, including focus on testing.
I sound like Scrooge.
Why do you feel the need to counsel him?
I’m his tutor and sort of mentor too, through a program for inner city students. He has lot of potential for many things including academics, it would be a shameful waste.
Are you his parent or coach?
Neither. That’s why I’m asking if it’s appropriate?
His friends are doing it and he doesn’t truly enjoy it but is doing it to go along? Or, he is doing it because he enjoys the time he is spending with his friends and having a good time? If it’s the latter, let him have a good time. If grades, were suffering, I’d say he should scale back but if he’s having a good time and just won’t be a college athlete, so be it. There is nothing better than kids having a great time with their friends and laughing and enjoying themselves.
My son had to drop out of XC for medical reasons and he is permitted to be on the track team. His ability to train has been severely affected and as a result, he is not competitive which he was freshman year of HS but we attend every meet and cheer him on and take pictures of every move he makes because we are so enjoying the fact that he can once again be on that track with his friends and he’s enjoying himself. There is a good positive energy that comes from kids participating even if they aren’t at the top of the sport. If the kid is spending too much time on it, such as a travel team, and dreaming of a professional career where none will exist, that’s a different story.
I would leave it alone. What is it he’s doing and what were you thinking of recommending?
Wondering from your screen name what “holding him back” means. Everything isn’t about getting into college. If he is happy doing it with his friends, who are you to judge? Now if he has said to you that he is shooting for a very top college (HYPS), then you might suggest that he read “How to be a High School Superstar” by Cal Newport. That will get him thinking without you coming right out and saying something negative about his EC. But if he isn’t likely to be competitive academically or isn’t interested (and there is nothing wrong with not wanting those schools no matter how talented he is), then let it go. Let him have fun with his friends.
I guess question is where do you draw the line between spending some time on enjoyment and spending too much time on enjoyment? I mean main reason of schooling is to get an education.
If you aren’t a parent, I would say it’s not your place unless there is some nuance I’m missing. I’m not even sure I would think it would be the coach’s place.
What exactly is your relationship to the teen? Is it affecting his grades?
I guess you could hint at it by complimenting on somethings else like, “I notice what a great public speaker you are and bright, too. I bet you’d be really good at debate.” Or something along those lines.
I just can’t see telling a kid that they aren’t good at something and should spend less time on it unless you are his parent, though, @“Yalie 2011”.
The line is drawn when it is affecting other aspects of the kid’s life such as grades, spending time with family and friends. For me, if the kid is excelling as a student and having a good time, let it be. It’s not easy being a teen these days so if the kid is doing well in other aspects of their life and enjoying themselves, let the kid enjoy him/ her EC while they can.
What is the EC? What is it that we are missing? I still think it’s not your place and would stay out of it. You said this is an inner city kid - who knows what his full situation is or how dropping this EC might effect him. It could be worse for him if he drops it. Maybe spending time with his friends is something he needs and is important for him and his mental health. You don’t know. You are not his parent. AND you have no idea how any colleges will view it either as you are not an admissions counselor.
Missed your post before about being his tutor/mentor. I think some gentle nudging wouldn’t be bad. I think it depends on how you handle it. Ask him about his aspirations. Guide hime on how to best achieve his aspirations. Guide him in thinking about the best ways and options to use his skills and talents. As part of this discussion, it could be as easy as asking “I notice you are putting a lot of time into X. Do you like it a lot? Do you think it is the best way to get to where you want to be?” Gentle nudging.
I do agree with the post above, though. As long as he’s not getting into trouble, anything that keeps a kid occupied and a bonus if it involves exercise, is a good thing in the teen years.
Is there an EC that you think he would enjoy more or be better at for its own sake or because it would look better on his resume?
If it’s the former, maybe suggest to him that he try out the other EC once or twice and help him figure out how to do it, if he’s receptive. If he likes it, help him continue. One thing I wouldn’t do is suggest to him that he is no good at the first EC since he probably already knows it but does it anyway because he either likes it or he wants to be with his friends. Just suggest that he might enjoy other EC more.
Yes, it’s rude. If it’s not affecting his grades or other important aspects of his life- and no, sorry, resume building is not a truly important aspect of a teen’s life- then butt out.
I did theater tech in high school after busting my knee and not being able to play sports competitively anymore. I was bad at it. I am not artistic in the least so I stuck mainly to carpentry and some other non-technical things. But you know what? I had a blast. Never put it on my resume but most of my fondest memories from high school are from that EC.
And no, I never did anything with it ever again other than filling in as an emergency on a small, basement show in college.
It may be that he is getting something out of his current activity that goes beyond his skill level. That something may turn into the most amazing application essay ever. You cannot know how it is shaping him or what it means to him.
If you know of another activity that the kid might enjoy and that he might not have already considered, then by all means suggest it to him! That’s what friends and mentors do. But don’t even hint at disapproval of his other EC. It’s up to him to choose.