<p>My D told me about one of her friends, (not a close friend, but the girl has been to my house several times,) who has a date tonight with a 20 yo, the girl is 16. I don’t know the parents well, so have said nothing.</p>
<p>The girl is lying to her parents about where she is going and who with, and the girl wanted to bring a friend along, but the young man said, no he wants to be alone with her.</p>
<p>So, as a parent, would you want to know? </p>
<p>ps- yes i had a long tlak with my D and her other friends, about all the ramifications, different pressures, what kind of man asks out 16 year olds (like why can’t he get a date with someone his own age) the differences between HS girls and college men, higher pregnancy and std rates when dating someone older, the legal issues)</p>
<p>ps- i know to some 20 is not that old, but as a mom of a 16 yo, I find it very far apart, and when I see my D, 18, i can’t even imagine her going back to date a 15 yp in HS…</p>
<p>I’m the parent of a boy only, so maybe I haven’t got a clue.</p>
<p>But, yes, I think I’d want to know. What I’d really want to know is this:
That sentence gave me chills.</p>
<p>Yes, it could be harmless. Yes, it could harm the parent’s relationship with the girl if they “interfere.” But she is lying. He could be poison. Maybe not. But if I were the dad, I’d show up on their doorstep, or wherever they are, and round her right up.</p>
<p>I think if I were you, I’d call them pronto. At least I hope I would. It would be harder if I didn’t really know them. But I’d take the chance that they’d hate me for it. Small price to pay.</p>
<p>so do I tell the mom? I want to but D says no, but I know better</p>
<p>Parents are out of town, so girl is “spending weekend at friends house”</p>
<p>I feel icky thinking about this girl right now but currently have noone to tell, but I I will on Monday.</p>
<p>She asked my D to borrow some shoes that she has borrowed before, but my D said no, she wouldn’t,D telling me she wouldnt support what her friend is doing</p>
<p>The girl is being really sneaky about where she is…</p>
<p>Blech to the whole thing</p>
<p>I have met the parents very briefly awhile ago and she is one of those on the friends D hangs with in a group at lunch, but not super close or anything</p>
<p>I would definitely want to know, and those are all great reasons for a mother/daughter talk tomorrow, citygirlsmom. Why is a 20 year old college guy even interested in a 16 yo girl. Granted, girls that age are usually fully grown up (ARGH!) physically, but they are sometimes such airheads. He should know better at his age.</p>
<p>and while you don’t exactly need her permission for you to do anything (!) such as call her friend’s parents, I would want to keep my own kids trust. Your relationship with your D is quite important. At least ask her or tell her ahead of time that you’ll be calling the parents. (For all you know, this might result in your D quietly alerting her friend to disengage from the evening…)</p>
<p>Any way of convincing your D to talk her friend out of this whole thing before it happens?</p>
<p>My D dated a 19 year old when she was 16. There was no lying or sneaking. She has always been mature. He is the son of my best friend from hs, and I’ve known him all his life and knew him to be honorable. His mother insisted I forbid it, and when I wouldn’t, she refused to ever speak to me again, which was sad. She accused D of horrible things, my sweet girl who was completely inexperienced, had never smoked anything or drank anything.</p>
<p>They dated for two years. Nothing bad happened. Then they broke up. Nothing bad happened except that I lost my best friends.</p>
<p>In this case, if I were really worried I would try to find the girl and speak to her directly. If the parents were away and could not be reached I would suggest the girl sleep at my house, if you are really concerned.</p>
<p>I thought the thread would be something different. D is 20 and I thought the older man would be 30. But I have to say I trust D implicitedly. She is one of the most rational people I have ever met, and I don’t question her judgment or decisions. I would be sure she was taking care of herself. She was when she was sixteen, too, but I only felt comfortable there because I knew the young man was very honorable. He was too.</p>
<p>I will ask, but she knows me and after our talk, she feels the guy is trying to “charm” the girls, the guy sounds smarmy, and thinks the whole thing is double icky</p>
<p>I will think about my approach, that is something to think about</p>
<p>D knows the girl is being stupid and wouldn’t warn her or anything, think maybe that is why D maybe told me, she was very weak in her “don’t say anything” , different from her other don’t say anythings</p>
<p>I think she sees the dangers and the stupidty of this girl, and even if girl was mad, the girl knows what she is doing is wrong</p>
<p>I am going to call a more mutual friend to get advice</p>
<p>Where did this girl meet this guy? Certainly not at school…I hope not on the Internet. Is this a first date? Red flags are a wavin’ here all around. Any way to get the girl’s friend and the young lady in question to come spend the night at your place?</p>
<p>but see, you knew the boy, very different from girl lying, sneaking around, if this was an upstanding young man he wouldn’t insist they be along</p>
<p>this just came up an hour ago, and the girl is not answering my Ds calls, and she had made her little plans much earlier, and the parents are out of town</p>
<p>he was hanging around after a football game, guess he knew some of the older grads of the school playing</p>
<p>my D is just finding the whole think disgusting, several kids know, so the news could come from any parent</p>
<p>Is this boy a friend of the girl’s older brother? My kids are 4 years apart and I wouldn’t have a problem with daughter dating one of son’s friends when they were a bit older, but not sure how I would feel at 16 and 20. If boy were super immature and girl was very mature I guess they might be at the same place at the same time!</p>