<p>Yes, I am back. And so appreciate all the words of advice, support, questions, comments, and shared stories. Maybe we should start a thread of “Ways I have Sucked as a Parent!” as a sort of catharsis, purging confessional. When I first wrote, I was truly in the throes of depression over my parenting. It was a very very low time. I just felt like such an immense failure and sincerely questioned if I was a good thing for my kids or not. But of course I decided that even a sometimes lousy mom who loves them is better than not having their mom present at all, even in the best and worst of times. If you know a single mother, who seems to somewhat go it mostly alone, or a couple - mother or father who seems to carry the brunt of parenting alone, please, try to offer some support, just to hang out and go to coffee, or have a meaningful talk over the kid’s soccer game. Parenting can be a very lonely, very overwhelming responsibility for some off us. Some, like me, more perhaps than others. We can end up making some life changing decisions we shouldn’t, or neglect an area of our lives or our childrens lives we shouldn’t. Sometimes just hearing how another parent gets it done, or thinks about it, or wrestles with it, can really help. Or, even hearing a compliment or word of encouragement from another parent can make a huge difference in how we see ourselves. I received many comments and supportive words after I posted my thread. I was truly in despair. I did my research and am now seeing a woman therapist (when I can afford it), with college age kids herself, and do feel more supported. I want to sincerely thank my “CC Friends” who I will never meet, but by whom I was lifted up. Thank you.</p>
<p>Thank you for letting us know that you are doing better. And thank you also for the advice … it’s good to keep others in our thoughts & help when we can.</p>
<p>Yes thank you SweetSillyMilly for coming back with an update. I love your 1,2 and 3. One of my favorite mothering (and life) tongue in cheek admonitions to myself (roll eyes here) is Never miss and opportunity to miss an opportunity! Ugh. Then I counsel my silly self that there is a REASON that religions focus so much on forgiveness. We are all hideously imperfect beings, struggling to be better and we have to forgive ourselves and those around us who we’ve ruined (!!!) for all of the imperfections. Baby steps! <3</p>
<p>Arriving late, but echoing mafool, we ALL do suck! At least part of the time! When your kids know that you love them, you have accomplished by far the most important job of parenting. It’s important to remember that the college student who has gone out the door is not the finished product of your love–that will take a lifetime. In fact, I am certain that your influence for the good will actually continue for generations, even to descendants who will never meet you. I know this because I see it around me.</p>
<p>I’ve done some things during child-rearing that would make me blush or groan or both, but I try not to dwell on them. I did some pretty good things, too, though. The advice on this forum is great! Go from here and keep doing the best you can. </p>
<p>Some time ago, in a parenting magazine, I saw a column comparing the way that the first, second, and third children are raised in a family. The first child gets homemade lasagna with stone-ground wheat noodles and tomatoes you’ve raised in your garden. The second child gets sandwiches made at home with deli meats. The third child gets Happy Meals! They all turn out ok. (My apologies and excuses to the food purists out there.)</p>
<p>sillymilly-
So, so glad to hear from you!! You sound good: stronger and getting better.</p>
<p>Yes we have all made decisions and done things we wish we could do over. Many have, at times, felt completely overwhelmed by life. Some of us have better support networks than others.</p>
<p>We can each help.</p>
<p>The take away from your latest post, I think, is the reminder that parenthood is not a competitive sport, or it shouldn’t be. We are all part of that proverbial village; we can help each other and all of our children.</p>
<p>Now, before you dismiss me as a kumbaya singing hippie (OK. I was a hippie wanna-be), think about it and resolve to reach out to the lonely parent sitting with you in the stands or in the auditorium or working at the snackbar. That small interaction may be huge.</p>
<p>…Oh, Lo-ord, Kumbaya…</p>