<p>(hug 10 char)</p>
<pre><code>I could savor him more if he didn’t go bed sleep when I’m waking up.
</code></pre>
<p>OP, you don’t suck. I don’t know you, but I can tell. You don’t suck. :)</p>
<p>{hugs}</p>
<p>Let’s see…in the 4 weeks that d was home this summer, we ate a family meal together…three times. For one of the four weeks she was home, we took a family vacation - without her - she had to stay home working at her internship. She couldn’t get back to school fast enough. On her last day of the internship she drove home, packed her stuff, yelled at me for getting in the way, and left. (Well, she kinda came back and apologized for yelling at me…kinda…and THEN left)</p>
<p>Can I join the “I suck” club?</p>
<p>^^Absolutlely! Consider yourself a certified member! (Takes one to know one.)</p>
<p>We all have a list of what we might do differently if we had an opportunity to raise our kids again. Hindsight is wonderful but not realistic. Let go of the guilt…it sounds like your kids are on their way to leading productive lives. They were home this summer and they probably drove you nuts. Thats what happens when kids come home but it does not mean it is terrible. Last year my kids drove me crazy and thankfully two of them did not come home this summer. I did see them every other weekend and it was great. Maybe next year your kids will have jobs that require them to live elsewhere. I think you might be feeling guilt for a summer of them being on your nerves. Relax it gets better.</p>
<p>"We all have a list of what we might do differently if we had an opportunity to raise our kids again. "</p>
<p>-Well, just get anohter kid and do it under difeerent instructions. Not a biggy, if that is what you want. Always do what you want, the most important rule in my life.</p>
<p>^^^^“Well, just get another kid and do it under different instructions. Not a biggy, if that is what you want. Always do what you want, the most important rule in my life.”</p>
<p>No thanks four was enough and one day it will be their turn to be better parents than we were, Although I think we did our best and if we did’nt than it is up to them to do it a better way.</p>
<p>Wow, we need to start a Joy Suck Club :)</p>
<p>OP, the road to perfect motherhood is a 2-step process. Step 1 is questioning yourself about being good enough parent. Step 2 is realization that you are not alone in this, and everyone else “sucks” in one way or another, and it is normal. I’m done with Step 2 :)</p>
<p>Joy Suck Club! Perfect!</p>
<p>BB, don’t forget Step 3: I’ll be a much better (or at least less sucky) mother starting tomorrow, I swear.</p>
<p>And to add to Vderon’s (hilarious) list, I’d like to add the times I lied about meetings, appointments, etc. so I would not have to accompany my child’s class on a field trip.</p>
<p>What wonderful messages and stories in these posts! Hope the OP is reading them. sillymilly, come back and tell us how you are doing!</p>
<p>I feel like whatever kind of mother I was, it’s done. My kid is 22. It was what it was. I feel I made the best decisions AT THE TIME that I could. I think Sillimilly sounds like a great Mom, the kind of Mom that serves pancakes for dinner, or strawberry shortcake when in season. And I do think she loves her kids, and they know it.</p>
<p>Before my first child was born, I vowed to do everything in my power to make sure that when all was said & done, my kids could never blame anything on my shortcomings as a mother. Hahahahaha … I was so naive! ;)</p>
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<p>I was the mom who did all the field trips and guess what? I sucked big time!!</p>
<p>I bribed your kindergarteners with candy to keep still in their bus seats.
I did not do bed checks on your high schoolers. Sometimes I left the event with another chaperone to look for coffee or alcohol.
:(</p>
<p>Mom- did you ever think of how GREAT a mom you were last summer? Not doing too much- cooking and cleaning- was the way to go. All kids go through the stage of being hard to live with- you survived the summer with college kids at home- quite an accomplishment! Sounds like in the past you were a good mother- you did not smother your kids. NOW- a different stage in life. Your kids have moved on and so have you. Time to reinvent the parent-child relationship. You did a good job by not doing too much for your kids this summer. Life will never be the same as before they left. That life is ancient history, keep it there. All of us could find ways we were terrible mothers/parents- there is not enough time to do all things- in fact, some preclude others. What some consider good parenting is diametrically opposite to that of others’ choosing.</p>
<p>Look at the here and now. Do your kids still communicate with you? You are a success. Make a to do list of big and little changes, concrete and abstract, fun and not fun. Act on at least one? three? each day. Could be cleaning, rearranging rooms, moving/discarding stuff. Start on the books you haven’t yet begun but want to have read- include serious and frivolous. Examine your food supply- reconsider how YOU eat, not a family. Visit places in town that interest you.</p>
<p>I am married so there is a twosome involved, but the same principles apply. Think of the ages and stages of life. You went from being a child to young adult to parent. Now you have to get to the next stage. You will always be a parent, but from a distance. Think about life back before you had obligations to others. Freedoms. Mealtimes here are so less formal- often each of us fixing what we want for ourselves, usually very simple fare.</p>
<p>Be what you consider is selfish. Your kids will benefit from your independence from them. Remember you are person above all- with as much right to do your own thing as your kids have. Hopefully you have read the posts and feel a bit better for venting. Let us know how it is going. You are normal.</p>
<p>I suck too, but if I pondered about it, it would make me miserable.</p>
<p>So I don’t.</p>
<p>monydad: We sucky moms have a lot to learn from you sucky dads. I think that’s an excellent strategy.</p>
<p>wis 75 – I am so not ready to be the people in your post, though it’s about time. My D just started law school and my S is about to graduate from college and wants to go into the Peace Corps. With all the comings and goings it hasn’t felt like my job was quite done, but by June I think it really will be.</p>
<p>“The job” is never done, it just evolves. Sometimes not at the pace or way we want it to, either. Moments when you discover you haven’t cooked x or bought y in ages. Or don’t need to clean house as often because it just doesn’t get as dirty. It takes a few years as an empty nester, with relapses when the nest fills for more than a weekend.</p>
<p>I too wish that sillymilly would come back to say she’s fine.</p>
<p>Have any of you ever heard of a singing group called Motherlode? Most of their songs are about being a mom. One of my favorites is “Bad Mutha Blues.” That’s what I think the OP has. It’s so common that it’s one of Motherlode’s most popular songs. If you’ve got them really bad,google and download. Cheaper than a therapist and should convince you that you’re not the only one who feels like you do.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone who posted. I’ve been thinking about how much I suck too, and all of you are helping me keep things in perspective. </p>
<p>I hate to cook and suck at it, so relied on way too much fast food. The house is a mess. D and I seem either get along beautifully or we are at one another’s throats, nothing in between. Sometimes I think about how if there is reincarnation, next time around I do not want to be in a family because it is so overwhelming.</p>
<p>Re those “perfect families”… I think of a line from an old Doors song “you won’t know a thing till you get inside.”</p>
<p>At least our kids are in college and communicating with us, so we must be doing something right. We do the best we can.</p>
<p>“I did not do bed checks on your high schoolers. Sometimes I left the event with another chaperone to look for coffee or alcohol.”</p>
<p>Oh man. This one. No alcohol, but I hid behind the bus at the state marching band tournament and had a smoke. More than once. </p>
<p>When my daughter was a 7th grade cheerleader, there was a guy who got over the top drunk at the hotel where we stayed for a basketball tournament. He staggered around, made a couple lewd comments, and smoked cigars in front of the kids. All night long.</p>
<p>Problem was, he was the 8th grade social studies teacher. At a parochial school. </p>
<p>He kept his job. Go figure.</p>
<p>Sillymilly, where are you? Hope everything is okay.</p>