<p>Intro: “Many young adults find themselves still tethered to the Bank of Mom and Dad, and that dependence is taking a toll… As recent college graduates scramble to find full-time jobs, numerous parents are helping their children pay bills or letting them live at home again. About 59% of parents provide or recently provided financial assistance to children aged 18 to 39 who weren’t students…”</p>
<p>Our two kids got through their undergraduate degree programs without any loan debt. And neither one returned home after graduating. But that didn’t mean our financial role was over. While it was over for our son, for our daughter we continued to subsidize her early career costs (mainly rent) and then the costs of leaving the work force to return to college for masters degrees. Although our daughter took on serious loan debt for her graduate education, we paid her rent and some other living expenses.</p>
<p>I’m not pleading poverty here and at one level we’re happy we could help her, but this meant that we found ourselves spending substantially more than we had planned to help our daughter launch her career. While earning an MBA and MS qualified her for a much better-paying job (which fortunately she found a few months after finishing her program last Spring), now she’s in a deep financial hole while we’ve been set back in our own retirement savings and the chance to enjoy some of the benefits of having an empty nest.</p>
<p>Well, I think there are many folks walking in your shoes EXCEPT for those whose kids got fully or heavily funded grad degrees (e.g. research or TA or student employee tuition waiver), went to less expensive public schools or had employer subsidize or pay for them to attend grad school.</p>
<p>Glad the degrees paid off for your D in that at least she was able to get a job & one that is better-paying than previously. If she’s a good saver, she should be able to save a lot quickly & pay off the debt promptly.</p>
<p>I don’t always read the Journal, but I picked it up last night on my way home and saw the article. I read the headline, looked at the pictures, but didn’t read the whole thing. This way, it won’t happen to me. :)</p>
<p>I guess what worries me is that when students move home, their mental health can deteriorate and skills gotten through hard work and outrageous tuition expenses can get rusty if they are not using them at a job, avocationally, or in further education. </p>
<p>What will happen to some of these young adults in their twenties when they are competing for jobs a few years hence with the best and brightest of new grads, contemporaries who could afford grad school (or certificate programs) when FA was not forthcoming, and experienced workers willing to take pay cuts just to stay employed?</p>
<p>Also, if the odds of getting a job are only slightly better than playing the lottery, wouldn’t it be better to focus more on adding new skills than endlessly hoping for the “winning ticket”, once resumes have been sent to a large number of likely empoyers? I am thinking that along with budgeting for a college education, it is prudent to set aside some funds for re-education should the job market change dramatically in the interim, or a student miscalculate their chances to reach a goal (getting into medical school or other graduate school, getting a GPA high enough to meet recruiter standards.)</p>
<p>What also struck me in this article was that at least one of the young people had a STEM degree, and that the young people were not graduates of elite schools. A slightly different cross-section than is usually portrayed in this genre.</p>
<p>I’m apalled that parents let their kids sit around all day waiting for their dream job. Sorry - take what you can find and work your way up the ladder. Neither my husband, nor I received offers from our preferred employer when we graduated. We both took full-time jobs with the companies where we had worked part-time in college and away we went. </p>
<p>If you were an anthropology or gender studies major at a tier 3 school, did you really expect a $50,000/year job waiting for you upon graduation? Suck it up and take a job in retail or food service (restaurants) and work your way up. One of the best employers out there is Costco. My SIL had a journalism degree from a tier 2 school - she started as a secretary at a small PR firm and is now the administrator of a major law firm earning a 6-figure salary. </p>
<p>Expectations need to be tempered and parents need to stop coddling their kids.</p>
<p>Both H and I lived home for 2 years after we graduated from college, until we got married. We both worked, saved money, and because of that we were able to buy our first home 3 months after we got married. Neither of our mental health deteriorated. We weren’t coddled. We did something financially smart, and our parents were supportive. </p>
<p>My son now has a full-time job but is living with his grandparents. They are happy to have him. He does his own laundry. He’s saving a ton of money, and is hoping to find a roommate and a commutable/affordable apartment so he can move out. Again, a financially smart decision. If he had not found a job last summer he would probably still be living with us and keeping up his goal of 2 - 4 job applications per day, along with networking. He would probably also have a part-time job to keep him busy and earning some spending money. (At least, that was the back-up plan - but luckily he found a job).</p>
<p>nj2011mom, since when did allowing a 22 year old to live with a relative become “coddling”? Since when did making a financially smart decision, supported by parents and/or grandparents, become “expectations that need to be tempered”? This is not new. All of H’s siblings lived at home for at least a year after graduating from their undergrad. All are now successful, independent people with spouses and kids and houses and mortgages and jobs.</p>
<p>Edit - just read the whole article. Many of the parents in the article are delaying retirement or going into debt to support their 20-somethings. But also most of the kids in the article had part-time jobs in an attempt to pay their tens-of-thousands in student loans. It doesn’t seem realistic to me that these kids would be able to move out on their own, unless they default on their loans. </p>
<p>This is the worst employment market for new undergrads in several generations. Combine that with these kids spending far more to attend college than previous generations - even in-state schools - and you have a situation where they cannot support themselves upon graduation.</p>
<p>Once again I am thanking our guardian angel that S found a job in his field!</p>
<p>The expectation is to have self-supporting adults. If they’re living at home, and saving money while working towards goals that is great. If they’re just waiting for the “dream job” to land in their laps that is not so great.</p>
<p>I agree with gouf78. I was speaking with a friend of mine who was recounting her son’s job woes. He’s a recent grad, but seems to have expectations of the perfect job. It should be close to home (Mom and Dad’s home, that is) so he doesn’t have a long commute or have to move out of state, it should be with a big international company, it should be in his field, pay well, etc. etc. He has turned down good opportunities out of state, and also where he’d have a 50 min. commute. Where we live, mostly everyone has a commute that long, so IMO that was ridiculous. If you are young, unattached, and unemployed, wouldn’t you take anything reasonable? Apparently not.</p>
<p>I do not have a problem with a twenty-something living here, if they have a plan that goes beyond either loafing OR looking for a job for years on end, without success. If a young adult can find a job near the parental home,even if the job is not quite the “dream job”, it certainly makes economic sense to live home and save money.</p>
<p>We know several twentysomethings who have lived at home after graduating, however, unable to find a job after what would have been a reasonable amount of searching and networking just a few years back, and, yes, months of sending out job applications to no avail does seem to take a toll on mental health, especially for those who have been high achievers and have done “all the right things” and who have watched others with similar educational backgrounds (but the “right” connections and more luck) opt into the job market. </p>
<p>Quite a few attempted to get entry-level jobs not requiring a college degree - some were never hired (these can become hard to get in a tough economy, too, with fewer skills required but far more competition) and others were fired when they did not have the skills for these jobs - often quite different from those needed to perform a job requiring more education. I know several who were not able to either find or hold onto these “low-skill” jobs, even though they have found and retained higher-level jobs after getting a graduate degree, and not all have a diagnosed learning disability. And, yes, this type of experience (part of the reason they might have persisited through that college degree in the first place) also takes a toll on mental health.</p>
<p>The magic ticket for many of these older twenty-somethings seems to have been more education, usually in the form of a Master’s degree that is vocationally oriented and buids upon or complements skills developed during undergrad years or a community college certificate. It has helped if they have been willing to and could afford to relocate either by getting a job with a salary high enough to cover modest living expenses or receiving help from parents.</p>
<p>For the record, I would be disappointed but not unwilling to subsidize a child choosing a job in a high-cost area, rather than having them stay at home sending job applications into the wind and attempting to network with others fearful of keeping their own jobs - perhaps parents such as myself are part of the “problem.”</p>
<p>I don’t think a little help is a bad thing.</p>
<p>Both of my kids are out of school, working, and living on their own. But to get to this point, one needed a lease co-signed and a place to stay until a the lease started, and the other needed a loan to pay for moving expenses and furniture. Without this modest assistance, they would not have been able to manage.</p>
<p>It really wasn’t so long ago that young people typically lived with their parents until they got married – and maybe even afterwards. I don’t think the lesser amounts of support that many of us provide our grown kids are really a problem.</p>
<p>But if a young person is just sitting around not doing anything for months on end and has no plans, that is a problem.</p>
<p>I agree with nj2011mom. It sounds like the unfair burden for parents is that the kids are expecting continued financial support while they sit on the couch. It’s time for those kids to take any job and start learning skills that will be useful to a future dream employer.</p>
<p>I moved home after college, worked full time and I also kept my part time job because it paid almost as much as my full time job! I graduated during a recession and FT jobs were hard to come by. I literally knocked on doors and sent out over 400 resumes. I landed an entry level job at a no name company making $14K per year…that was nothing even in those days. I took what I could get and it has served me well. I received the most valuable training at this company that I have had during the course of my career. </p>
<p>My parents were not able to help me financially in college so everything was on my dime. I was very busy and was able to save a lot of money…which has paid off throughout my life. But my parents charged me rent which I gladly paid. Little did I know that they saved it for me so when I got married they gave me a wonderful wedding and a boatload of cash.</p>
<p>I think that it all has to do with expectations…I was the first in our family to graduate college…it was expected. It was expected that I would get a job, help out, and not complain. It was just expected.</p>
<p>I agree that I have no problem with a kid living with parents if they are employed and doing their part to live somewhat independently, such as doing their own laundry or contributing some $ to food or household expenses. My issue is with kids that GFG describes that will only take a job that ticks 100% of the boxes and turns down one that scores 90%. </p>
<p>Living with grandparents can be a wonderful thing for both sides. Your son probably has not spent that much time with them and I hope he can help them with little things that you will never hear about, such as getting up on a ladder to change a light, etc. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t be surprised if one of my kids returns home after college, as the NY/NJ metro area is quite expensive, however we will set expectations since they will be an adult.</p>
<p>There’s remarkable clarity that comes with a job search when you have to earn a living – you’re not as picky, and you don’t care if the job is meaningful or exciting or even in your field of study. Recent grads need family support, but not too much support. They also don’t need home to be too nice. I know kids who have huge bedrooms with enormous flat screen tvs and mini-fridges. No apartment they can afford on their own could ever be so nice.</p>
<p>This is the part that hit me in the face. “Kevin, a licensed pilot with aspirations to run an airport, says he knows someone more than twice his age who beat him for an airport managerial post this summer because the older man had more experience.” I assume this is the same 25 yr old Kevin from the first paragraph who graduated with a degree in finance in Decemeber. Did he really think he was ready to “run an airport”? I’m glad the guy with the experience got the job. Doesn’t it seem like a pilot job would be a good place to start or maybe financial analyst for the airport? Let’s hope it was a small airport.</p>
<p>In many cultures it’s perfectly normal, in fact expected, for the children to live at home until they get married. In this economy, expecting a recent grad to be able to support him/herself right out of college is unrealistic. I personally did not want to live with my parents after high school and tried to do anything to be independent. However, there were times where I had to come home for a spell until I got myself sorted out. I would imagine a similar scenario for my daughter unless she is very lucky and lands a really good job. That probably won’t happen until after grad school- since she is a junior in college I picture us supporting her for several more years! I can she that she is concerned about this scenario, too, and is out there hustling trying to get internships and part-time jobs to get experience.</p>
<p>The kid and the airport job was the one that put me over the edge. I don’t understand why at 25 he thinks he is qualified to manage an airport. It reminded me of the Holiday Inn commercials!</p>
<p>The kid who got me was the one who is told he’d have to pay his parents $100 per month to continue living at home when he gets a job- he said he would rather get an apartment. Does this young adult realize the cost of any apartment is far more than $100 per month? Hope any job he gets is enought o pay loans and support himself.</p>
<p>Life isn’t fair. We were only lucky enough to have one kid. Plenty of hard earned money so we’re set (we each came from lower income middle class homes). Kid chose to delay grad school and landed a good job. It helped that the fields he likes have job potential. Sure saves on our mental stress.</p>
<p>I know of kids whose parents can afford to support them- the mother knows her H is a pushover (he also doesn’t do the extra shopping and cooking). The one son quit a job over a year ago before getting another one because he didn’t like it that well. Now doing part time jobs while hoping for a job at a nonprofit- and he has a masters in addition to a top tier degree.</p>
<p>I noted in the article photo the nice upper middle class appearance of the home. The loss of a well paying job doesn’t mean you sell off things you own. Seems a bit strange for someone with a nice home to have to get unemployment insurance, but that’s the recession. You can live within your means and save money for retirement then life hands you a double blow-no job for you or kid.</p>
<p>Unbelievable amount of coddling by all these parents. A hard worker with a finance or a engineering degree can get a job in 90 seconds in North Dakota or Montana. Put the 1st tank of gas in their car and shove them out on the road. Some of this I feel is due to parents who just do not want to let go.</p>
<p>My parents did even after marriage. And after they moved out, we lived in an apartment until I was 7 years old. MY father is a CPA, we weren’t poor but there wasn’t an expectation that everyone graduates from college with high-paying job in hand and then immediately buys a house. When I was 10 my grandparents came to live with us until they died. In fact, when I was growing up many of my friends had grandparents living with them. I think we as a society have decided that we all need to be on our own as soon as possible for as long as possible and we’ve forgotten that there’s nothing wrong with helping our loved ones when they need help.</p>
<p>There’s a huge difference between helping someone out when they need it and enabling them to continue with dysfunctional behavior patterns.</p>