WWZD? What would Zaphod Do?

LFWB_dad · July 27, 2006, 9:26pm

<a href=“http://us.share.geocities.com/uksteve.geo/montana.wmv[/url]”>http://us.share.geocities.com/uksteve.geo/montana.wmv</a>

MamaSparrow · July 27, 2006, 10:03pm

My guess is that the Zaphod I have come to know and love would say, “Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!”

"All the highest ranks in the Navy – rear admiral, vice admiral, and admiral of the Navy – were created for just one man, the inimitable David Glasgow Farragut, hero of the Battle of Mobile Bay and other sea encounters. Farragut’s rise to the post of admiral in 1866 was the crowning moment in a career that began before he was a teenager and lasted for more than five decades.

Son of a Scots-Irish pioneer woman and a Spanish father, the Revolutionary War hero Jorge Farragut, young Farragut grew up hearing tales of sea adventure and derring-do. When his mother died, family friend Commodore David Porter adopted Farragut. Porter secured an appointment as midshipman for his 9-year-old charge. Cadets were educated and trained at sea – the U.S. Naval Academy was not established until 1845 – and before long, Midshipman Farragut was on the USS Essex.

During the War of 1812, the Essex sailed to South America, where the precocious Farragut took a captured British ship into Santiago, Chile. By all accounts, he conducted himself with calm courage during his ship’s defeat. After this excitement, 45 years of routine naval duty followed.

At the start of the Civil War, Farragut was nearly 60, a naval captain living with his wife in Virginia. A Southerner by birth, Farragut nonetheless pledged his allegiance to the Union cause and was given command of a heavy fleet. His orders: to open the mouth of the Mississippi by taking New Orleans. This Farragut did in April 1862. For his accomplishments, on July 16 of that year he was made the first rear admiral in the U.S. Navy. He had already earned another title, “Old Salamander,” when he ran his ships under heavy enemy fire between New Orleans’ forts

Sixteen months later, he took the last Confederate stronghold on the Gulf of Mexico in the celebrated Battle of Mobile Bay. The heavily guarded bay entrance was filled with mines, then known as torpedoes. Farragut’s cry of “Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!” is now the stuff of legend, but it was also good tactics. All but one of the fleet’s 18 ships passed safely through the channel, and in August 1864, Mobile Bay’s forts fell. “Old Salamander” returned to Union territory a hero."

Our dear Z is no less the hero…

Zaphod · July 27, 2006, 10:45pm

Oh, dear… Do I have a cult following? :o

Nah. More like “BATTERIES RELEASED!” :D

For you landlubbers out there, that means “Commence Firing”. ;)

Actually, I was a great shiphandler once. Even came up with my own manuver! When a person falls overboard, an OOD has one of two options.

The Anderson Turn:

<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anderson_turn[/url]”>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anderson_turn</a>

or the Williamson Turn:

<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Williamson_turn[/url]”>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Williamson_turn</a>

I, of course, being the studly SWO that I was, invented my own turn, now known famously as the Zaphod Turn:

<a href=“http://homepage.mac.com/luismulet/.Pictures/Other/Zaphod%20Turn.jpg[/url]”>http://homepage.mac.com/luismulet/.Pictures/Other/Zaphod%20Turn.jpg</a>

This new turn uses the concept of displaced temporal imaginings and is now taught in most of the (dis)reputable navigation schools in the central Asian deserts.

Please study it closely, as there will be a quiz next period. ;)

system · July 27, 2006, 11:03pm

Oh there are no Navy pilots down in hell!
DOWN IN HELL!
Oh there are no Navy pilots down in hell!
DOWN IN HELL!
Oh the place is full of ******, Army pilots, bombardiers
But there are no Navy pilots down in hell!
DOWN IN HELL!

Oh the Army & the Navy had a club!
HAD A CLUB!
Oh the Army & the Navy had a club!
HAD A CLUB!
Oh the Army paid the dues, and the Navy drank the booze.
Oh the Army & the Navy had a club!
HAD A CLUB!

Altogether!!!

SING GLORIOUS! VICTORIOUS!
ONE KEG O BEER FOR THE FOUR OF US!
SINGING GLORY BE TO GOD THAT THERE ARE NO MORE OF US,
CAUSE ONE OF US COULD DRINK IT ALL ALONE!
PASS THE BEER, PASS THE BEER, TO THE REAR OF THE CHORUS!

LMAspenOff!!!

system · July 27, 2006, 11:04pm

And don’t talk about people falling overboard. I’m a little sensitive at the moment…

Zaphod · July 27, 2006, 11:07pm

LOL!

Never knew that song would be such a hit! :D

Overboard isn’t the problem. It’s doing it in rough seas. In the dark. With sharks. :D

Go drink some Merlot. It’ll help. ;)

system · July 27, 2006, 11:24pm

I ARRRRRGH already. Its not helping.
Thanks. Now I’m wondering if he’s hurling over the side…in the dark…with sharks circling…

Zaphod · July 27, 2006, 11:37pm

Well, this is all supposing he doesn’t get sucked into the ship’s screws, of course…

Wanna go pop another bottle? :D

system · July 27, 2006, 11:41pm

yeshhh. :D

Greats viseo BFLWDad. ;)

Lets Sing!

Zaphod · July 27, 2006, 11:54pm

Some mothers have sons in the Army
Some mothers have sons overseas
But put down your service flag, mother
You’re son’s in the ROTC

RO, RO, You’re son’s in the ROTC, TC
RO, RO It sure sounds like bullsh** to me

Some join for the love of the service
Some join for the love of the sea
But I know a guy who’s a ROTC
He joined for the college degree

RO, RO, You’re son’s in the ROTC, TC
RO, RO It sure sounds like bullsh** to me

Thank you! Thank you very much! I’m here all week! :D

Spidermom · July 27, 2006, 11:57pm

Yikes. I just about biffed off the rotting, rusted fantail of the Lexington one very dark night. Still get nightmares about that loooooong look down at the water. Airdales aren’t supposed to die that way :)

shogun · July 27, 2006, 11:58pm

When Annapolis was but a mere dream, the brave (and possibly slightly tipsy) souls at West Point were singing,

"Come fill your glasses, fellows, and stand up in a row,
To singing sentimentally, we’re going for to go,
In the army there’s sobriety, promotion’s very slow,
So we’ll sing our reminiscences of Benny Havens, oh!

Chorus:
Oh, Benny Havens, oh! Oh, Benny Havens, oh!
So we’ll sing our reminiscences of Benny Havens, oh!

May the Army be augmented, promotion be less slow;
May our country in the hour of need be ready for the foe;
May we find a soldier’s resting-place beneath a soldier’s blow,
With space enough beside our graves for Benny Havens, oh!

And if amid the battle’s shock our banner e’er should trail,
And hearts that beat beneath its folds shall faint or basely fail,
(And hearts that beat beneath its folds should turn or basely quail,)
Then may some son of Benny’s with quick avenging blow,
Lift up the flag we loved so well at Benny Havens, oh!

From the courts of death and danger, from Tampa’s deadly shore,
There comes a wail of manly grief, “O’Brien is no more”,
In the land of sun and flowers his head lies pillowed low,
No more he’ll sing “Petite Coquette” or “Benny Havens, oh!”

When you, and I, and Benny, and General Jackson, too,
(When you and I and Benny, and all the others, too,)
Are called before the “final board” our course of life to view,
May we never “fess” on any point, but straight be told to go
(May we never “fess” on any point but “coldly max it throught,”)
And join the Army of the Blest with Benny Havens, oh!

Come fill up to our Generals, God bless the brave heroes,
They’re an honor to their country, and a terror to their foes;
May they long rest on their laurels and troubles never know,
But live to see a thousand years at Benny Havens, oh!

Here’s a health to General Taylor, whose “rough and ready” blow
(To General Taylor’s memory, whose rough and ready blow)
Struck terror to the rancheros of braggart Mexico;
May his country ne’er forget his deeds and ne’er forget to show
She holds him worthy of a place at Benny Havens, oh!

To the “veni, vidi, vici” man, Scott, the great hero,
Fill up the goblet to the brim, let no one shrinking go;
May life’s cares on his honored head fall light as flakes of snow,
And his fair fame be ever great at Benny Havens, oh!

To our comrades who have fallen, one cup before we go,
They poured their life-blood freely out pro bono publico;
No marble points the stranger to where they rest below,
They lie neglected far away from Benny Havens, oh!

Now Roe’s Hotel’s a perfect “fess”, and Cozzen’s all the go,
And officers as thick as hops infest “The Falls” below;
But we’ll slip them all so quietly, as once a week we go
To toast the lovely flower that blooms at Benny Havens, oh!

To the Army’s brave commanders let now our glasses flow
We’ll drink to Grant and Sherman and to the “subs” also,
To Thomas, Meade and Sheridan (these come in a propos),
We’ll toast them all with goblets full at Benny Havens, oh!
(Who hesitates to drink to them at Benny Havens, oh!)

To our kind old Alma Mater, our rock-bound Highland home,
We’ll cast back many a fond regret, as o’er life’s sea we roam,
Until on our last battlefield the lights of Heaven shall glow,
We’ll never fail to drink to her and Benny Havens, oh!

Another star has faded, we miss its brilliant glow,
For the veteran Scott has ceased to be a soldier here below;
And the country which he honored now feels a heartfelt woe,
As we toast his name in reverence at Benny Havens, oh!

When this life’s troubled sea is o’er, and our last battle’s through,
If God permits us mortals then His blest domain to view,
Then shall we see with glory crowned, in proud celestial row,
The friends we’ve known and loved so well at Benny Havens, oh!

Here’s a cup to brave McKinney, and all who like him die,
Their souls upon the battle smoke ascend the upper sky;
May the angels there attend him and show him where to go
And join his comrades gone before, with Benny Havens, oh!

In silence lift your glasses: a meteor flashes out,
So swift to death, brave Custer, amid the battle’s shout.
Death called - and crowned, he went to join the friends of long ago,
To the land of Peace, where now he dwells with Benny Havens, oh!

We drop a tear for Harrington, and his comrades, Custer’s braves,
Who fell with none to see the deeds that glorified their graves.
May their memory live forever, with their glory’s present glow;
They’ve nobly earned the right to dwell with Benny Havens, oh!

Come, fellows, let us join once more, ere to our homes we go,
And give a parting requiem to “Benny Havens, oh!”
Our fathers worship’d at his shrine, in days long, long ago,
Then why should we, their faithful sons, not love our “Havens, oh”.

The spirit of the olden gray, with boys, 'tis folly, true;
But then it proves “Esprit de Corps” when clothed in Army blue.
Then in the path our fathers trod let us not fail to go;
If it leads to fame and glory - or to Benny Havens, oh!

Their names shall sacred to us be for deeds done long ago;
For they are graved with gold and red on azure blue you know;
And as on us their mantles fell, our gratitude we’ll show,
By life remembrances of them and Benny Havens, oh!

Genial Barbour, the brave Mudge and Inge, oft went through drifted snow,
To have an hour’s pleasant chat, and make their spirits flow.
Clay, Crittenden and legions more, could never give a NO,
When asked to share the friendly cheer of Benny Havens, oh!

Did Arngold’s flying battery e’er make its aim to low -
Did Duncan’s ready howitzers e’er fail to reach the foe -
Did Canby brave, or Custer bold, e’er dread Modoc or Sioux -
Because of dark or moonlight raids on Benny Havens, oh!

From Nevada’s hoary ridges, from stormy coast of Maine,
From the lava beds and Yellowstone the story never waned:
Wherever duty called they went, their steps were never slow -
With “Alma Mater” on their lips, and Benny Havens, oh!

Their blood has watered Western plains and Northern wilds of snow,
Has stained Sierra’s highest peaks, where piercing winds e’er blow,
Has dyed deep red the Everglades, and deeper still, you know,
The sacred Montezuma shades and walls of Mexico.

But now the soften’d summer winds come whisp’ring to us low,
That he of whom we oft have sung, Death’s hand lies on his brow.
These granite hills surrounding us, by sun all set aglow,
May they be guardian angels to our Benny Havens, oh!

They may lead no front line regiment to face the blazing steel,
But they mold the gallant officers who win the victors’ seal;
They devote their martial talent to the men who’ll stem the foe;
And we know their souls will surely rest with Benny Havens, oh!1

Our halls are rich with trophies that have graciously been brought
By a nebula of athletes who’ve graced the fields of sport.
May their skill and courage aid them when they face the mortal foe
That they may march triumphantly to Benny Havens, oh!1

Every year new sons of West Point join the everlasting Corps
To maintain the lofty prestige of the ideals they adore,
For each living member wins acclaim wherever he may go;
And all at last lie peacefully with Benny Havens, oh!1

To Ripley Arnold, fellows, who rests here by the flow:
His shadow lies across this fort when evening sun gets low.
If you listen when its very quiet, you may hear his “Forward-Ho!”
So we’ll sing his reminiscences of Benny Havens, oh!2

Salute the major, fellows, our pride in him we show;
In meeting all adversity, straight-arrow he was so.
As Duty–Honor–Country helped Fort Worth begin to grow.
So we’ll sing his reminiscences of Benny Havens, oh"

Zaphod · July 28, 2006, 1:47am

Dude, drinking songs are supposed to be short so that they can be sung while drunk. Leave it to Army to turn a drinking song into a disertation!

Keep that in mind when calling them for artillery support. ;)

system · July 28, 2006, 10:37am

LOL LOL LOL What a hoot. I’d only remember the Benny Havens part. LOL

And I can now report, as of today, I do not have a hurling sailor ‘at the moment’. My first email! YAY!!

Cougar_62 · July 28, 2006, 11:08am

Shogun, did you wear out a keyboard typing that one? Also noticed you went over 1000 posts recently. Congratulations and thanks for all the help on these boards.

Jamzmom, congrats on the e-mail. Able Seaman Jamz is doing just fine and enjoying himself then?

I’m posting this elsewhere soon also, but Navy_Hornet just got her Dodmerb results posted. Took her physical on July 12th, results were posted as of July 27th. No remedials needed and it even says she’s “Potential Navigator Qualified” (20/60 or so without the contacts) for the Air Force. Of course, she’s still leaning heavily Navy-wise. Now we’ll have to wait for the Naval Academy waiver. Oh well, one mile stone at a time I guess.

Zaphod, I’m asssuming the first couple of turns are to pick up the first guy who went overboard and the rest of the turns are to pickup the extra sailors and equipment that went overboard during the first maneuvers? Looks pretty slick anyway.

aspen · July 28, 2006, 11:33am

Jamzmom, Here I am, behaving myself (not an easy task), and out of nowhere my moniker is taken in vain. LMaspenOff? Oh, the terrible things a mother’s stress will spawn.

Calm down. I’ve read that all males are born with an acute propensity for seasickness. It’s only after they begin telling lies that the seasickness stops.

Shogun, I think that Army drinking song is intended to hinder rather than encourage drinking. I bet the amount of time required to sing the song is long enough to sober up.

Zaphod. Pretty harsh on ROTC. Remember, It’s a sin to think evil of ROTC cadets, but it is seldom a mistake.

PackMom · July 28, 2006, 12:21pm

oh noooo…I would put my NROTC midshipman up against anybody out there. 
Tough as nails and and seems to have learned many an unsavory tune from his Marine Gunnery Sargent who ran all their drills this year.

Zaphod · July 28, 2006, 12:42pm

Negative.

In all seriousness (and you may as well start learning this stuff, because your USNA kids will be), the two turns are used in different circumstances.

The Anderson Turn is intended to return you to the point where you lost the man as quickly as possible. Two conditions are required, though. First, you must be able to see the man in question, and second, you must have initiated the turn almost immediately after the man went over.

The Williamson Turn is used when the man cannot be seen, or time has passed since he went over. Whereas the Anderson Turn brings you directly to where the man fell in one step, the Williamson Turn basically flips the ship’s head 180 degrees relative and sends it back down the track it was coming up from. As such, the chances of spotting the man are greatly increased, although care must be taken not to run the poor bugger over. Not a good thing to do with a warship.

The Zaphod Turn… Well, let’s just say that one requires some Merlot. ;)

boston_usmc · July 28, 2006, 7:26pm

hey Zaphod, not cool! don’t diss on the ROTC! lol :-)

Cougar_62 · July 28, 2006, 7:42pm

Thanks for the explanation Z, but what I really meant was all the turns in your diagram of the Zaphod Turn. Looks like it’s guaranteed to clear the decks when executed at high speed.

WWZD? What would Zaphod Do?

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