<p>"Charlotte Simmons Redux? "</p>
<p>What does that mean?</p>
<p>Her parents mentioned out of the blue they didn’t qualify for Pell Grant, etc. She pulled out a wad of $20’s in front of us & they went to eat @ fairly expensive restaurants for lunch & dinner instead of eating the meals provided by the college which were very good.
On the other hand, my D was left with $15 because that was all we had. GF is letting us borrow money for textbooks & provided some money for other items. Our only income was her full-time job prior to leaving for school. (awaiting disability/ single parent & father in contempt of court for non-payment of cs) Oh, not BJU…might seem normal…lol!!!</p>
<p>“I am Charlotte Simons” is a book, published a few years ago. It’s about a naive, low-income girl who goes to a (fictitious) prestigious university.</p>
<p>I agree that COULD explain why she didn’t bring the things she promised, and her lack of cell phone, and lack of experience with computers. Doesn’t explain the immaturity.</p>
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**
I totally don’t understand the microwave and new linens but no money for books. I knew cash somehow was an element of this drama. It sounds like you are stretched thin and for that I am sorry. Just because roomy’s folks flash some cash doesn’t mean they have financial prowess. Tell me you get that part.</p>
<p>I was responding to your post about her probably having financial issues. My point is we do but my D is responsible & does not help herself to the rm items. The mw was a graduation gift & she worked 53 hrs/ wk to buy the linens (her bed was not a twin @ home) Books cost ~ $600 (some had to be bought new due to edition required) My D is a double-major & has early classes, some before the cafeteria opens, therefore, she needed the fridge & mw to have a meal. Whether they have money or not is not the point, the behavior exhibited is.</p>
<p>Yours or hers. Sorry but I am just not buying your pitch for sympathy. Seems like you have met your match to me. It will work out. But YOU cannot work out your kid’s issues for her.</p>
<p>Oh, one other tidbit to show what type of behavior I’m talking about. When my D got to the room, the rm had put her belongings in both closets & didn’t move them. My D had to tell her she was moving things out of one so she would have a closet also. Nothing $$$ about that.</p>
<p>hazmat, maybe you need to reread the OP. You have some issues with me concerning this or you wouldn’t have sent two private messages in addition to your posts. Pitch for sympathy? Don’t want or need anyone’s, just responding to your posts which I see now I should not have done. As far as whose behavior…when her mother called my home @ 10 pm it then involved me. Have a nice day!</p>
<p>It sounds like your D is setting up boundaries. The RM does not need, nor is she entitled to 2 closets. I know of a student who was tripled and did not stand up for herself. She went for a year without any closet, bc she did advocate for herself. Your D is doing what she needs to do. </p>
<p>Just curious, though…why did your D spend so much money on linens when she did not have money for books, or any walking around money other than the $15? I know that I was able to purchase a comforter for $40, and sheets on sale for $10, without making much of an effort. Then again, I have boys. :). I am smiling now!</p>
<p>Touche. Rubber necking is my weakness I guess.</p>
<p>no where did I say she spent a lot on linens, actually ~$50 for the whole set (comforter, etc.) At the risk of being accused of seeking sympathy,the reason she has no more money than she does is because she was paying our electric, water, insurance, groceries, medical, etc. until disability money & back child support comes in. She worked those hrs. for that & to pay for gas to get to college.</p>
<p>PGPC125 - sounds like your gal has her hands a bit full - best advice - look out for herself - her priority is to herself - not to the roomy. You gal needs to assert herself and set limits with the roomy - so that they are in agreement - and if she needs help doing so - she can ask the RA for help in doing this (and I don’t mean that she needs to complain about roomy - but to maybe get some guidance on how to manage issues that come up.</p>
<p>She may need to address things right up front - like (make agreements between them) - use of the phone - especially when studying (or roomy can use her own cell outside the room) - (and if the room phone is to be used between them - make sure any long distance charges go to the correct roomy) - boyfriend is not to stay in the room (against the dorm/school rules) this HAS to/MUST be an agreement between roomies anyways - no one uses your gals car/and it is not available to the roomy for errands/etc… even if your gal is driving - or unless your gal agrees to take her someplace - which could be the start of issues.</p>
<p>Many schools really want dorm room doors closed and locked at all times - I know - hard to really do/enforce - for safety reasons - so your gal just needs to make sure she has her key with her at all times. I would agree with a lock box/lock file cabinet - for your gal to keep her important stuff in - and out of reach of the roomy - never know who one can trust.</p>
<p>It sounds as tho the roomy (and her family) have some issues that you and your gal really can’t get involved in - just make sure your gal stays her own course - does her own thing - and is able to nip things in the buttuski asap. Roomy may not be around for long - but til that happens - your gal may have to deal with/manage things - and if things get worse - then bring in the RA for help and guidance.</p>
<p>Maybe I just did not follow you, and I apologize if I was incorrect, but then what does this mean?</p>
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<p>I don’t think it is appropriate for cyberstrangers to question how the OP or her D choose to spend their money either at school or at home.
What they do with their money is not relevant to the issue, which is the need to set proper boundaries with both the roommate and her mother.</p>
<p>It is not appropriate for the mother to call the OP at 10pm, expecting the OP to get involved in her relationship with her D. It is not appropriate for the roommate to help herself to a bottle of juice without so much as a “May I?” or using the microwave oven without asking for permission even if the oven was in fact purchased with the idea that both would make use of it. The least the roommate could have said would have been: “I see you brought a MV oven. Great idea, do you mind if I use it?”
The OP’s D needs to spell out ground rules, early and without any apology. Not" I moved your stuff out of my close because I need the space" But"I moved your stuff out of my closet. If you need more space, try to reorganize yours." “Please ask before you help yourself to things I’ve bought. Unless I explicitly tell you that I intended to share with you, I bought them for my own use.”</p>
<p>Yeah, it does not sound very tactful; sorry, Zoosermom.</p>
<p>This has been a very interesting thread, with so shortage of colorful and unique details. It just occurred to me that this roommate and her family might be identifiable. I think you have posted the name of your daughter’s college in previous threads. Not to be paranoid, but someone may be reading this who knows the roommate and/or family or else connected to the college in some way. The last thing you need is another area of possible conflict. Just MHO.</p>
<p>It certainly sounds like the daughter worked 53 hours a week - supported her family in many ways due to circumstances - but also - out of this $$ was able to purchase her own set of linens and other items for herself. Sounds like a pretty ambitious and responsible gal who was helping her family as much as she could. Just MHO 
(Marite - point well taken.)</p>
<p>Even tho left with only $15 - it sounds like she has a work-study that should provide her with some funds as well - that is not that unusual for kids from families with out much income.</p>
<p>This gal just needs to be assertive with the roomy - which it sounds like she is being - and take care of herself - which it sounds like she is doing. Sometimes it is very difficult to live with someone who expects to just ‘take-take-take’ - not very responsible at all - but the OP’s gal sounds as tho she is working things out - and will need to keep an eye on things as she goes.</p>
<p>With if Jeepmom is correct, 53 hours per week of work is admirable. I read it as the OP’s D worked for 53 hours to pay for her own linens, meaning that the entire paycheck went to pay for linens. </p>
<p>Marite, I disagree with you. It is an issue, only bc the OP brought up the wad of 20’s that the roommate and her family had on hand, and that her D only had $15, and a family friend was lending money for books. If this were unimportant to the OP it would not have been brought up in the first place. 53 hours of work for linens was also brought into this post by the OP.</p>
<p>NEM - read up - about how the daughter has had to help the family with her income…^^^^^^^^^ - so makes alot of sense that she may have issues/concerns with the roomy and the behavior so far.</p>
<p>The OP’s gal sounds like a pretty responsible and mature gal IMHO - and is learning some valuable lessons along the way.</p>
<p>Read up on my post #73. To me, it just is not clear. Again, if the D were working 53 hours per week to help with family expenses, and did not spend a 53 hour paycheck on linens, only to be short on pocket money,and money to purchase books that is different.</p>
<p>Again, here is the quote from post #65:
</p>
<p>Roomie hell can be an exaggeration, a whiney drama queen situation or can truly be hell. I have had a D with a roomie who later flunked out and was bringing illegal drugs in, a roomie Dx with a personality disorder (just would have been nice to know that going in, what seemed reasonable to D was not reasonable to roomie) and another situation wherein 2 friends where the other paid in a triple and they did not want to be friends with D (different race, creed, or religion was at the base of that)</p>
<p>How it went, in a large part, was attributable to the propensity of my child to be or not be a DRAMA QUEEN in reaction. I highly recommend NOT being dramatic- just a waste of time & energy, even if things are not fair. I also highly recommend never going to RA or any one else in any emotional state other than mellow and reasonable- if they judged you to be the drama queen, then most complaints were dismissed- luckily my D’s did not play the drama queen, but I saw one of the roomies viewed as the main problem (which she was) thanks to us taking the low key approach. When my D felt drama coming on she would vent to me and stay mellow with any one in authority.</p>
<p>You definitely have some warning signs of problems, I see nothing wrong with coming here to learn quickly what some of us learned the hard way!</p>
<p>Tell your D to draw her lines in the sand immediately and not be taken advantage of by trying to be nice and get along with the roomie- this can happen to a “normal” kid rooming with a user or to a private kid rooming with a sharer. My d1 does not want to share her clothes with any one, my D2 (with her 2nd year roomie whom she chose) shared all their clothes all the time.</p>
<p>D1 had one roomie who even “borrowed” her undies- yuck! After that D did not want them back. So, be civil, be gracious, but be firm. Protect yourselves in all ways from users, it may be the style to which they are accustomed, it may be you really are “mean” by saying no, but whilst being polite your D needs to feel empowered to set simple limits. A hasp lock on the closet is not out of bounds. My same sharing D had a roomie who let other girls into D’s locked closet (they came that way at in that hall) when D was gone for the weekend…D does not mind sharing in general, but felt violated. The girls worked it out, but D was furious. The girls thought she would not notice and were not going to say anything, so it was rude, but D2 is great about telling people right up front how she expects to be treated, she seems to work things out more satisfactorily than D1 who is too busy being nice to protect herself and then ends up mad & dramatic for months.</p>
<p>So, don’t report anything, but set the rules and limit the exposure to things which can be taken/used/etc.</p>