You tell me please...

<p>Long story short dd wants to invite a girl to b-day sleepover. The problem? The girl dropped her phone in the pool. I called the mom and she wasn't remorseful what so ever. I let it go......didn't think it should ruin her friendhsip....We replaced the phone (no insurance) to the tune of $400 for the one she wanted. So, I don't think this girl should be invited. dd says if the girl isn't invited she won't have a party then. This is the dd that has been so understanding and the most loving of all. I am shocked she can't see our point....By the way this girls dad told his daughter that it was just an accident and that we were the kind of parents that would sue.... I was stunned.!...Am I overreacting? Husband won't comment.....</p>

<p>I think you're overreacting just a tad. Yes, they probably should have helped replaced it, but it was, after all, an accident. And it's not the girl's fault the parents weren't helpful...and I doubt she has $400 to spend. Or even $200. Depends on how old she is, of course, but I just doubt it somehow. And, of course, you could've bought a cheaper phone than the one your D wanted. (Not trying to be rude or offensive, just playing Devil's Advocate.)</p>

<p>Anywho. It's a major bummer that the parents were so unhelpful, but I don't think you should take it out on the girl.</p>

<p>What is your point, exactly? I'm having trouble figuring out what exactly you are angry about.</p>

<p>If you didn't think this should ruin a friendship and have let it go, why would you want this girl excluded, and why are you posting about it on a message board? It sounds to me as if you want the friendship ruined and that you have not let it go, so I must be missing something.</p>

<p>I don't see your point. The friendship is between your D and the girl. If your D is still friends with the girl, I don't think that you should ban the girl from the party. I would feel differently if your reason for wanting the ban was the girl's doing something illegal at your party.</p>

<p>And if it was an accident, I can see why the other family wouldn't pay, particularly if you were expecting them to pay a couple of hundred dollars. They also may not have had the money -- something that may be true even if they seem to have a lot of money.</p>

<p>If it wasn't an accident, the fact that your D is so forgiving makes me think that maybe she provoked the incident in some way. There may have been, for instance, some general horseplay involved.</p>

<p>Well, in my miniscule corner of the world friends trump money every time. So EVEN if it wasn't an accident, the fact that your DD remains friends with "that girl" indicates she has forgiven the dripping phone incident. My humble advice is to be gracious about this (and be glad the girl's dad isn't your husband's business partner!).</p>

<p>I think it would be vindictive and unfair to exclude this girl, who is evidently important to your daughter. Doing so would certainly have a negative impact on the friendship. While I think the other family should have offered some monetary compensation, it's not right to punish the girl for their failure to do so. The end result could be difficulty and sadness for your daughter -- why would you want to cause that?</p>

<p>Wow! a $400 phone? Would you have been as upset is the phone had cost far less? Accidents happen whether something costs $40 or $400.</p>

<p>I agree with others. Your D is apparently still friends with the girl and wants her to her party. She is not mad at the girl about the phone. You are mad at the parents. Why wreck your D's relationship with her friend over this? I see a negative outcome for all concerned if you forbid this friend. I see a problem for your D and her friend (and other peers who will be privy to this) and I see a problem that could ensue between you and your D as it sounds like your D stongly wants this friend enough to give up her entire party if you won't let her invite her friend. </p>

<p>Do you really want all that?</p>

<p>Then, you say you called the parents about the accident with the phone and when they were not remorseful, you CHOSE to let it go as the friendship wasn't worth it. So, if you let it go, why are you NOW forbidding your D to be friends with this girl or to have her over at her party? If damaging the friendship wasn't worth it before, why is it now?</p>

<p>Also, you say it was an accident. Was it? If so, accidents happen. If she threw it in the pool to be malicious, different story. But then your D would be mad at her and she apparently is not. </p>

<p>You also say you spent $400 to get her the "phone she wanted" and I am not clear if the damaged phone was a $400 phone originally. Did you pay for a more expensive phone that your D now wanted? That's fine and your choice, but I am inferring that the damaged phone itself was not $400.</p>

<p>I still can't get over the fact that you spent $400 on a cell phone. That is a absolutely ridiculous. I didn't even get close to $400 for my high school graduation.</p>

<p>^Seriously...I might ASK one of my friends to drop my phone in their pool if I knew my parents would buy me a $400 replacement phone.</p>

<p>You answered your own question, you don't want to ruin the friendship. BUT, why would your daughter's friend repeat what her father said about you being the kind of people who would sue? There must have been further discussion between your daughter and the friend. I'd stay out of it, you made your decision, so let them stay friends. I wouldn't like the comment either, but I wonder why it was said, and what you might have said when discussing replacing the phone to the parents that they made that comment to their daughter.</p>

<p>If someone mentions the word sue, to me that sends a very clear message what kind of people they are. Completely uncalled for by my standards over just a phone falling in the pool..... If reversed, I would at least offered to pay half the amount of the cheaper phone she had (we upgraded our daughters phone)...I forgot to mention that when they both decided to let it go the girl called my daughter a week later and got mad at her and I heard my daughter say "Gee, I thought we put this behind us....So they keep it going and bringing it up.....I find it odd since it's not "a big deal"...</p>

<p>"husband wont comment"----sounds like a smart guy. LET IT GO COMPLETELY.</p>

<p>There are two ways to look at this - the girl who damaged the phone should pay for it but; why did she have the phone in the first place and was your D allowed to have others use her phone? If not, your D should pay for it.</p>

<p>My D once handed her phone to a friend who for some reason messed with the SIM chip and ended up dropping and breaking the SIM. He was very sorry for it and offered to pay and brought the money in to school the next day but I told my D the phone was HER responsibility and she shouldn't have handed it to this guy to mess with the SIM chip in the first place so I told her SHE (not I) had to pay for a new SIM chip. She agreed with my logic, we went and bought a new SIM chip (with her money) and that was that. </p>

<p>I also don't understand the $400 phone. I understand perhaps getting one up front if it's mostly subsidized by signing the contract but a replacement phone should be a cheapo since the first one wasn't taken care of adequately in the first place. That would lessen your pain (and your pocketbook's pain). A cheap used phone can be had for free if you try hard enough or at least very cheaply (check out eBay).</p>

I find it odd since it's not "a big deal"...


I agree and the 'they're the type that'll sue' comment is weird as well.</p>

<p>If my D was irresponsible enough to allow a friend to handle her phone around a pool and an accident occurred... well, it was an accident. But we would NOT be replacing it with a $400 phone.</p>

<p>Two lessons:<br>
1) Teenagers do not need $400 phones. There are many phones for half that amount that will make calls, text and take pictures. Teenagers are prone to lose phones/drop them into pools, etc. If you are naive enough to buy a teenager a $400 phone, then pony up the $5/month for the insurance.</p>

<p>2) You are being vindictive. Your D is friends with this girl. The only thing you object to is that the girl dropped the phone in the pool. The parents' comment that you are the type that would sue is very telling - but to me it says that the other parents recognize that YOU are someone who is more concerned with THINGS than relationships.</p>

<p>Let it go. You are being small and vindictive. Sorry to be mean, but you asked the question so I'm giving you my answer!</p>



<p>It sends a message about what kind of person they think YOU are.</p>

<p>I don't think its worth sacrificing a friendship over a thing.</p>

<p>My daughter is in India, with an internship. Before she left, I bought her a new digital camera. She has an nice apartment, but her first month in the country was tough because she didn't know anyone and its not a culture where young girls can really go out an about on their own -- so she pretty lonely. Then she met some ex pats and got invited to a party at a big estate. With a pool. By the time the evening was over everyone, including my daughter and her camera, had been pushed into the pool. My daughter was pretty ticked off.</p>

<p>I was angry when I heard about it too. But I told my d. "its only a camera; it can be replaced". She didn't want to hear that... but I figured that there were a lot worse things that could happen to her than the loss of a $150 camera. </p>

<p>There was a cell phone incident too, back in high school. One of my d's closest friends asked to use her cell phone when they were at a restaurant, and then somehow dropped it in the water glass. She was supposed to get paid back, but I don't think she ever did. Then again, this was the same kid whose parents invited her to come along when they were doing college visits to the Univ. of Chicago - we paid airfare but they provide hotel, transportation - and tours of 2 campuses that my d. probably would never have been able to visit otherwise. So maybe in the greater scheme of things, it wasn't really such a loss.</p>

<p>ellemenope - that's what I was thinking. If someone said that about me, my first thought would be "how did I give someone that impression?" not " how dare they say that." Would it be better if they had said, "They're the type of people who will hold a grudge and punish you for this."</p>