<p>I am the parent of 2 straight kids who have many gay friends. Because we are in the SF bay area, there are a lot of resources available for gay teens – and many kids may have grown up, as mine did, meeting many openly gay adults and at times attending gay-themed events (Gay pride parade etc.). So my experience here is that most gay males “come out” at around the time they hit puberty. This makes sense to me, since puberty would be the time any young person would start becoming more acutely aware of sexual urges and attraction. Again - this is in the context of a supportive social environment – both my kids attended high schools where there were openly gay male and female teachers on the faculty, so it would also be easy for such kids to find adult role models or an adult to confide in if they want support. It also would be fairly easy to find activities and groups geared to gay teenagers and under-21’s. </p>
<p>I was assuming that perhaps Zach’s community didn’t have such resources, and that may have been why the parents sought out a gay therapist. </p>
<p>In any case, while I didn’t prepare for it, I found that when my daughter was in high school and still young enough that I ended up driving her and her friends around (i.e., daughter under 16), I ended up being asked for dating/relationship by her gay friends. For example, one time a 15 year old boy asked me if I thought it would be o.k. for him to be dating a 22-year-old man. Not being a gay-relationship expert, I decided to answer the question the same way as I would have if a my daughter had – I talked about the different expectations that older people have in a relationship, the ways in which the younger person might get hurt. I was very much relieved when I learned that the boy merely had a crush on an older man, and did not actually have a relationship with the object of his affection. </p>
<p>I think I was asked this question simply because the boys felt uncomfortable talking to their own parents. I do think that it may be harder for gay boys because the “rules” about what is appropriate and not during the adolescent years are not as clear – and of course, in most cases, the gay kids have straight parents who probably aren’t very knowledgeable about it.</p>
<p>Anyway: to higherlead - young gay teenagers do not necessarily have sex. They do the things that other young teenagers do – starting with handholding, hugging and kissing, moving on to more when they feel ready. As noted, when I was asked for advice, I simply gave the boys the same answers I would give my daughter at the same age – I talked about the importance of relationships, of reserving sexual intimacy for a partner in a situation of deep love, trust, and mutual respect, etc. I am aware that my “advice” could be seen as naive – and I have no particular reason to think that it was heeded – but hey, that’s the kind of advice these boys are going to get if they go around asking somebody’s mom. It sounds pretty consistent with your statement, “I would want to raise a kid capable of stable long lasting human relationships.” – that is exactly what I hoped to encourage the gay teens to do. </p>
<p>I did have some issues with the way the article was written, but I think the point (though badly expressed) was to show a family that was accepting and supportive, perhaps hoping that reading that would encourage other families dealing with the same issue to do the same. I do not think a young gay teen needs a therapist to deal with his homosexuality, but he may need a therapist to help come to terms with his emotions in connection with accepting and expressing his sexual orientation.</p>
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