<p>Hey, I LOVE that, filmxoxo17!!!
Sorry but I do not consider marriage at 23 a young marriage, doomed to divorce. And any way you look at it a first baby at 34 is late and just a year away from having an amnio test to see if baby is okay.
The crowd on c.c. is always very interesting. People here value post grad education, later marriage, it’s always interesting. Oh, first two 15 mons. apart second two 13 mons.</p>
<p>mine are 8 years apart- while I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone- it has worked well for us.
I had an amnio the day I had my first and I was 24. I don’t think needing an amnio is any reason to have babies earlier than you might otherwise. I think that it is a good idea for most to have, even if you don’t want to know what sex.</p>
<p>I do think 23 is very young to be married and starting a family, research shows adult brains are not fully formed till age 25- before that are too impulsive and I think it takes at least that long to seperate lust from emotions that last longer.
I would rather see parents in their late 30’s early 40’s who want kids and are prepared for the demands that children make, than parents in their early 20’s who are having them because of pressures from wanna-be grandparents.</p>
<p>My sister has 5 kids because her religion dictates large families to assure place in heaven, and as far as I can tell she and her husband don’t even like kids once they aren’t babies anymore. She should have stopped after two and it isn’t just my zero population growth side speaking. She married when she was 18 and had her first at 19, and she has been overwhelmed from the get go.
I think if she had waited till she was perhaps 28 to start having children, she would have had a better idea of what she was getting into.</p>
<p>With both of us working and H attending grad school at night, the marriage would not have survived with D around…she ran “circles” around us!!! 
That’s why her sister did not appear until 3-1/2 yrs later!!! It was definitely not a fertility problem…the joke was “don’t even THINK pregnant!” LOL</p>
<p>Well if it’s so early for a woman to get married and have a baby at 23, then how come women are capable of having children at 15? It’s a matter of preference, or society, not biology.
What I notice is that my classmates were more inclined to get married earlier than my daughter’s classmates. I think there will be great reprocussions to the decisions women are making today and these are already being felt in places like Germany and Britain, where the birthrate is in decline.Many European countries are not reproducing themselves. If it were not for our immigration, we would be in the same position.</p>
<p>Backhand, the Country has a lot of unwanted, badly cared for children. The younger the mother, the more likely this situation is. I work with these families daily, The higher the level of education, the later marriage comes for this generation and past ones too. In affluent areas the average age of mothers is considerably higher than in middle and lower class areas. Woman with graduate degrees marry significantly later than those with BAs. There is also a later average age of marriage for woman who attended top colleges. </p>
<p>Divorce rates are lower for those whose first marriages happened later. It’s my feeling that we’ll see lower divorce rates as educated women continue to wait longer to marry and fulfill more of their personal potential. I also think we’ll see parents more prepared in every way to focus on raising children as they do it when they are more accomplished and more mature.</p>
<p>The biology that makes girls and boys capable of concieving is a matter of nutrition and species survival, nothing to do with actually being capable of emotionally, intellectually, financially and physically being able to raise a child for the next 20 years.</p>
<p>I haven’t seen any indication at all that the human race is in any danger of extinction except in how we treat the environment including other species that make up our world
<a href=“http://www.populationconnection.org/Factoids/[/url]”>http://www.populationconnection.org/Factoids/</a></p>
<p>First kid age 33, married 4 months later. </p>
<p>I only know of one couple who were married before age 25 who are still together. And I don’t think I know anyone of my generation or later (except a few acquaintances at work) who had children before age 30. Perhaps it’s not such a bad thing that they’re waiting longer: I hope my boys don’t rush marriage and babies until and unless they’re truly ready – presuming this is a path they actually want to take.</p>
<p>So, if your say, 22 yr old daughter wanted to get married you would oppose it? Just wondering?</p>
<p>Clearly you can’t tell a 22 year old what to do. I know that my parents have talked to me since I started to date about issues such as when best to settle down. I know my parents were very concerned that I might sacrifice my best opportunities to follow my boyfriend in the pursuit of his. They were open with both of us about it. </p>
<p>Both of my parents acknowledge that my mother and aunts, ivy grads, gave up a lot to marry and have kids relativelly early. They were all highly successful women who dropped out of the work force after the pull of the first baby. My mother long ago explained to me that in her day there was extreme peer and parental pressure to stay home with the children if you could afford to. She also explained the tug that she, a super successful business owner, felt when leaving us with someone else to care for us. I watched a favorite prof go through this.</p>
<p>So I’ll just say based on how I was raised, influences at school, stats on divorce, etc., it seems crazy to me to marry so young. I love my boyfriend and he just might be the one but I think we owe it to oueselves to get out in the world and do what we want to do as individuals before we make a judgement about whether we’re suited to be life partners. </p>
<p>This romantic young love thing is a Hollywood invention.</p>
<p>If my 22-year-old child wanted to marry, I personally would counsel them against it, yes. (Not “oppose” necessarily, since that could lead to rifts I’d prefer to avoid, but indicate that I thought it was too early, yes.) </p>
<p>But obviously and happily, there is no one single “right” approach! “YMMV” as we often used to say (“Your Mileage May Vary”).</p>
<p>I was married at 22 and my husband was 24 but we didn’t have kids until 6 years later. It does seem rather young to me now, but we did fine. I did turn down full fellowships to some top grad schools in my field so I could go to school closer to where my boyfriend (future husband) was working, and instead went to a less prestigious grad school. The same problem exists today, with young people trying to go to grad school or get started in their careers, and the difficulty of both members of the couple finding a desirable school/job in the same place. Everyone has to decide for themselves what to do regarding the balance between the most desirable school/job and being with their boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance (is there a generic word for this?) I can’t say I have any regrets about my path, but I can’t envision my kids settling down this young. We’ll see what happens in a few years.</p>
<p>I don’t know about this generation or that generation or any other generation. I am a candidate for oldest parent on these boards based on the fact that I did not get married or have any children until I was 40+.</p>
<p>H and I were both 23 when we married and had S at 30 and D at 34.5, waiting to have the kids until we could afford them and then having two miscarriages before the first kid. (DH admits that he knew then what he knows now, he wouldn’t have waited so long, i.e., it takes a lot of energy to raise kids.) My M and D were 37 and 47 respectively when they married, and I arrived on their third wedding anniversary. They had their careers, M as a pediatrician and D as a civil engineer, well underway by the time they met. M actually had three careers–M.D. (did not practice in the US), first head of utilization review for BC/BS in Boston, and Peace Corps volunteer (age 67-80). Not really having had any time to know my D (who died six months after I got married) made me realize how much I wished my parents had been younger.</p>
<p>I see kids of family and friends delaying marriage until close to 30, but knowing whom they’re going to marry while they’re in their early 20s, until they “have established careers, saved money, etc.” Then, as soon as they marry, the biological clock has ticked to the point that they feel the urgency to have a family within two years of the wedding if they’re going to have their two or three kids. Unfortunately, IMHO, that doesn’t leave much time for them as a couple before the little blessing arrives, and then, as we all know, it’s off to the races!</p>
<p>It seems to make more sense to get married younger (after getting to know each other), work through the career and financial issues together as you work through the kinks of permanent couplehood so that that foundation has been solidified before embarking on parenthood. Also, if they run into problems–related to either marriage or conception, there’s still time to find solutions. Just a thought.</p>
<p>Well, BHG, I’m 23 and no where NEAR marriage! Then again, I’ve never wanted to marry and certainly never wanted children. Having little siblings solidified that - I know how much work they are and really abhor the idea of creating humans and not being able to love them.</p>
<p>Friends are also light-years away from marriage. We’re just graduating from college, figuring out what we want to do with our lives, thinking about grad school or going to grad school - marriage just isn’t in the cards. A few friends are contemplating marriage; generally, they have been in relationships for years and aren’t thinking about grad school. </p>
<p>It’s also an issue of finding someone to marry - (no offense to anyone here) - but have you seen the twenty-something males recently? It’s all about sex and getting what they want within a month. I’m losing count of how many times I’ve been chucked for not having sex within a few weeks or a couple of months; completely lost count of how many times its happened to my friends. Good luck on finding someone to contemplate a long-term relationship with if he refuses to date anyone for more than a month without sex.</p>
<p>Dadofsam-
Yup- you probably win (though check with greybeard on that-- he professes to be up there in age-- but I don’t know how old he was when he married or procreated).
My h’s father was pushing 50 when my h was born. My h is a “child” – several years younger than I 
His father is 96 and doing remarkably well. I hope my h. has inherited those genes and will take care of me in my old age, which appears to be just around the corner :)</p>
<p>I’m curious to ask the op and others whose children have married young, what do these children do? What is their level of education and their aspirations?</p>
<p>My mom got married at 23, and while she’s very happy with my dad, she does say she wishes she waited longer and got to see more and experience more before settling down with him. She worked part-time when I was growing up and went to graduate school when I entered elementary school. She tells me now that I shouldn’t marry as young as she did, and I couldn’t agree more; I’m in no rush. Aside from going to grad school, I’d like to try to be as financially stable and emotionally and mentally mature as possible before entering marriage and having kids. The statistic that half of all marriages fail really makes me want to be sure about any huge life decisions. I feel this would be the only way it’d be fair both to myself and my future family. Perhaps, in previous generations, people were expected to grow up more quickly, while people take more time or more interest in discovering their separate identities today. </p>
<p>Too bad human physiology might not agree. Haha, along with the warning against premature marriage, my mom also says that if I want kids and have them too late, I’ll be too tired to fully devote myself to them, and pulling them through college on retirement’ll torture. I guess it’s all about finding a balance. The point of balance for me though and most of my friends, is definitely not and never will be marrying at 22 or 23.</p>
<p>I was 20 and DH was 28 when we married (btw, I was 18 when I first met him…oh, my poor dad!). I hope that doesn’t get me kicked off this board!!</p>
<p>BTW, my best friend from HS and DH’s brother both married (to different people) when they were “older” and guess who is divorced now? Yep, both of them. And here we are still together 
. I know, I know…we are the exception…</p>
<p>That said, I do hope my own sons will wait a little longer than I did. I feel like I did have the maturity, but we did struggle financially in those early years.
One of the best parts for me is that I am still very young myself and it won’t be too long until all the kids are gone. DH and I will certainly enjoy that time and will hopefully have several more healthy years together.</p>
<p>lol Dr Drew.
Zagat; D is 23 and a middle school teacher. Her husband is a college grad working as a graphic computer artist. D is expecting first child and will be staying home with it. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has a second soon too, complete her family (or the basic family) so after both are in first grade she can go back to work as teacher. They live in a condo in a secure community. It isn’t like a single home but will do for a while. The thing one must keep in mind today is, there are very good rates in the housing market and although homes are expensive one at 25 can get a longer term and easier rates.</p>
<p>Daughter was raised in the happy bubbly home with many siblings. I think she is well aware it is important her child have a sibling. Her husband also had younger siblings. And although a career can not be counted on forever, if you can just get through the little children years, then when they are in school go back to work somewhat, it all gets easier.Any of this doesn’t bother me, it’s LATER life that does. One must prepare for their 50’s, I see more folks in trouble losing their jobs and not being able to find a new one in their field. Age discrimination does exsist. </p>
<p>I think the most difficult experience must be for women who raise a child alone. That must be so difficult. However, concerning day care, there are fabulous situations and people out there who do a wonderful job. But the pressures on these women are enormous, they really need a support system.</p>
<p>I had my first at 19…and second at 29 (a month shy of 30). I can definitely say that I wouldn’t have wanted to have any after 32 or so. </p>
<p>I now have many friends in their early 40s who have young children. Some of them are really too uptight…too cold to do this, too hot to do that, too late to go here, to dark to go there…they really don’t seem to be able to relax enough to enjoy their children much. Most of them only have one child…and they dote on the child to the point that the poor children are so used to being the center of attention they have problems in playgroups or other social situations. I’m sure not all parents of older children have this problem. But, this is what I see. </p>
<p>Not to mention that all of these MBA holding mommies have flourishing careers that require their children to be in after school programs or have sitters/nannies/au pairs. </p>
<p>So, while we’re looking at how wonderful it is that women have children later on so that they can be more educated and successful, let’s look at this from the view of the child…which isn’t necessarily so rosy in these later-life births. </p>
<p>In my opinion, one way isn’t better than the other…they’re both very different…and both have sacrifices made by mother and child. </p>
<p>Didn’t Oprah do a show not long ago on the “later-life” mommies? I recall her discussing women who followed the misguided “have it all” plan…education & career first …and family last…and the show was about how many were surprised when they couldn’t conceive and have to take expensive and invasive routes to fertility.</p>