<p>okay, I’m only a h.s senior, so don’t attack me, but I really wanna have a child by 24…yes and don’t go tsk tsk tsk, she don’t know what she’s talking about.
I’ve seen women have their baby like when they are 45, better than never, but I mean for a first child?..come on, you’re 50 the child is 5…that’s sad
I know I sound really teenlike, thinking everything is easy, I know it takes time and energy to support a child. I’m not saying my life would be so perfect as to have a child at 24 and be fine, but I’D LIKE TO.</p>
<p>aparent5, you said, “Docmom, I think today’s young women are aware of the possibilities of part-time, freelance, and private practice work, and I also think they are more aware that children are a parental responsibility and not only a maternal one. I agree that trade-offs and choices are necessary for everyone, but I think there are far more choices available to young people today than in the past.”</p>
<p>Well, maybe I didn’t make my post clear. I totally agree with your statement above. In fact, my point was that it can be a bit confusing for women trying to wade through all those options and what’s best for all involved. Shoot, I’m 44 and I still sometimes find myself wondering if I made the right choices in this area.</p>
<p>Mother of Two, I smiled reading your post. My mother was a professional who worked 60-70 hours a week and I love her dearly. But it would be patently untrue to say she was always available when we needed her, even though she did the best she could in this area. Her office was right next to our home, and we could go there and wait for her to come out of a patient room if we really needed to. Also, her career choice afforded all of us the option to go to the college of our choosing as well as some nice vacations. It was not right or wrong, it just was. She made her choice, I made mine, and I am in no way degrading people who choose a career. But to those who believe you can do it all and get the same outcome it is just not true. </p>
<p>If I could go back and pick today between having more time with my mom and going to an expensive college I’d choose the mom time. I think if you’d give most kids the choice they’d choose mom (or dad) at home. Who would say they didn’t want to spend more time with family, especially a parent? Anyway, it’s mostly about availability when they need you. We don’t sit around doing crafts together every day 
But I’d be missing some very big conversations, especially with my teens, if I wasn’t here most of the time. With them timing is everything, and there are windows of opportunity with them that I would miss if I was focusing heavily on work. And look, I still love my mom and still have a great relationship with her, even though I didn’t have that. It’s a choice; choices have consequences, both good and bad.</p>
<p>I admire anyone who works and raises kids at the same time, and I’m probably just a little envious as well. I would love to throw myself into my career - wish I could do both! I need a second life!</p>
<p>I was thnking about my friends who’re working out of the house now, and even thought they’re professional women, not one of them would choose to do what she’s doing now if she didn’t have to work…I’m sure they would do “something” to keep up with their fields, but they wouldn’t be doing the long hours and commutes that they’re doing…</p>
<p>Commuting sucks.
There are no two ways about it. One reason why we moved to the city when we had children, is for my husbands job. Although there seems to be more traffic these days going towards * Redmond* in the morning instead of toward * Seattle*. he likes being able to have a straight shot more or less down the viaduct to work rather than stuck in stop and go traffic.
Some families I hear about have really unbelieveable commutes</p>
<p>I think it would be very hard to get home in time at night with a demanding job…my husband has a 10 minute commute but still doesn’t get home before 7:45pm.</p>
<p>Thanks for clarifying, docmom.</p>
<p>In general I think as long as this remain’s a woman’s choice and a woman’s decision, we can be sure of two things: 1) women will feel guilty no matter which “choice” they make and 2) the workplace will never change to accommodate adult parents of both sexes. I don’t think this is healthy for women, men, or children. </p>
<p>Yesterday IRL I was talking with another mom on this topic and she recommended this Newsweek article, Mommy Madness, from a book by Judith Warner that is about to be published called Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety. Well worth reading for its emphasis on how mothers privatize our problems when the solutions need to be public. <a href=“http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/site/newsweek/[/url]”>http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6959880/site/newsweek/</a></p>
<p>Here is an article Warner also wrote for Elle, on how different her experience of mothering was in France: <a href=“http://www.elle.com/article.asp?article_id=6050§ion_id=36&page_number=1&magind=5791[/url]”>http://www.elle.com/article.asp?article_id=6050§ion_id=36&page_number=1&magind=5791</a></p>
<p>Jeez, first French women don’t get fat, and now they have an easier time as moms!</p>
<p>My parents got married young. My mom was 17 and my Dad was 18, and then just a year later they had me… I think that is one of the reasons I’m trying to so hard in college, because neither of my parents really had the chance to go because I came along, and I’ve seen first hand the consequences of being married and having kids that young…</p>
<p>If any of you are wondering, they are still together and had their 21st anniversey back in January.</p>
<p>my husband gets home at 2:30, but then again he has to be there at 5:30
For years he worked swing shift which really was awful for family life. he liked it cause it meant he was going the other direction to work from heavy traffic, but he had to be at work before kids got home from school, didn’t come home till midnight and was asleep in the morning when they left for school.
He only switched to 1st shift after 9/11 when they laid off so many in his industry, and he had to take a downgrade in pay and job title ( but not work description) to stay employed.
So he generally doesn’t work longer than an 8 or 10 hour day at very most, but he works many weekends, its cheaper to work the same employees longer even if they have to pay them overtime, than it is to hire additional workers apparently.</p>
<p>The reason there is so much emotion on both sides of the SAHM amd WM issue is that though they are taking different roads, both SAHMs & WMs are making big sacrifices to do what they are doing (less money/ less time with kids; losing ground in career/ doing a double-shift, etc.) Any time one does a very difficult job with significant sacrafices, it is painful to be told one is “doing it wrong,” even by implication.</p>
<p>I have been both. I was a working stepmom, then a SAHM for 10 years, then went back to work when kid #3 was 3 years old & in preschool. I prefered SAHM but finances dictated my return to work. It has been harder for me to parent kid #3 well than it was to do so with #2. I find I need “down time” when he needs still me to be “on duty.”</p>
<p>I marvel at some WMs I know who are way more patient, available, and nice than I am after putting in a long day at work. I don’t know how they do it. I find my energy level does not extend past the end of the work day if I have a 9-5 day.</p>
<p>Luckily I am my own boss so I can take time off or scale back my work without answering to anyone. With a 1/2 or 2/3 schedule, I can be a good mom too. The worst part for me is being less able to participate in my kids school. I was the queen vounteer as a SAHM and am a slacker volunteer now…</p>
<p>I agree with SBmom’s perceptive analysis of this whole situation.</p>
<p>I can see the commercial for the newest cell phone:</p>
<p>A working mom, who is also homeroom mom to her son’s kindergarten class. She comes to school one day to help the other homeroom mom’s with the Thanksgiving turkey project. The classroom noise level is incredible. She’s wearing a cell phone with an ear piece in her ear, listing to a conference call (on mute)for the approval of a new product launch at her Fortune 100 firm. At one point, someone on the conf call asks her if she approves of the budget fo the launch and the timing - she raises her hand to the class (all of whom have obviously been instructed previously to be silent once she does this)…the room falls silent…all of the students freeze…she un-mutes herself, says “I approve, let’s do it”…mutes herself again, smiles and the class resumes the noise level and turkey project…and her own 5 year old smiles widely and is obviously so glad to have his mommy as a homeroom mom.</p>
<p>While I can multitask as well as the next mom-
I lean more toward the Buddhist philosophy of at least being present in the present.
Have your attention focused on the task at hand instead of what comes next. Because something always comes next.
I realize this is easier said than done. but how much faster can we pace ourselves?</p>
<p>“I marvel at some WMs I know who are way more patient, available, and nice than I am after putting in a long day at work. I don’t know how they do it. I find my energy level does not extend past the end of the work day if I have a 9-5 day.”</p>
<p>I think that SBMom really hit the nail on the head here. It really does have a lot to do with personalities. I guess it is similar to any other “job” in that there are some people who are better suited to staying home with their children and some who are better suited to working while raising their children. Then of course those who are better suited to not have children at all…</p>
<p>As a single parent who has always had to work to support my family, I have to say that it can be mentally & emotionally exhausting to be stuck too many hours at home, dealing with housework & small kids. I mean, I used to find long weekends and vacations pretty overwhelming when the kids were small. Work could be tiring and stressful, too - but the demands were very different (usually). </p>
<p>So at least for me, I had more energy when part of my day was out-and-about doing things in the adult world – but it was also very nice to have a good reason for leaving my work behind when I came home. Raising kids and prioritizing many of their activities gave me the incentive and strength to say “no” when I had to at work, and the perspective to realize that my work was not all-important. For me, the real key was compartmentalizing and keeping work/home life separate as much as possible. </p>
<p>I mean, the bottom line is that it’s a lot easier to be fresh and cheerful at 6 p.m. if you haven’t been changing diapers and picking up toys all day long. </p>
<p>I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, in any case.</p>
<p>Funny, calmom, for me it is the opposite. </p>
<p>I am a one-track mind person who once I get into a groove wants to keep on rolling. I HATE changing gears from business to playful; on duty to off duty… </p>
<p>It was really easier for me to be in sweats all day, in “give-in-to-it” mode, rather than keeping an eye on the clock and having to remember that 2:00 appointment or phone call… And if I am at work for a long day it is hard for me to dial down and be “off.”</p>
<p>Different types do different things well…</p>
<p>That’s what happens with economic progress and the emancipation and empowerment of women. It’s typical of most more economically developed country. At least the US isn’t as bad as most European countries and Singapore.</p>