<p>When someone has complimented my daughters for her looks I usually say, “Thank you, it is not her finest quality though.”</p>
<p>Only on CC would this be a problem…honestly, I think a simple “Thank you” will suffice. If it makes you uncomfortable, change the subject.</p>
<p>A simple thank you, says my mother, should always suffice.</p>
<p>I agree with Oldfort and Ohiomom3000.</p>
<p>Although I would not complain or ever ask pity for my daughter, it’s not only the “ugly” who get singled out and picked on. Girls at both far ends of the “looks” spectrum are subject to being targeted - if they’re too ugly OR too pretty - especially by other girls. I’ve seen it happen not only to D, but to teammate a year older than her. They can’t win:if they’re quiet, they’re stuck up. If they’re friendly and outgoing, they must want to be the center of attention. When they play on a sports team and guys in the stands are yelling out their uniform number, somehow it’s their fault and the other girls on the team resent them.</p>
<p>Lately, the TV movies have told us that the pretty, rich girl is popular in hs despite being mean and selfish. The plain kids are nice. So the plain kids plot ways to humiliate the beautiful girl and everyone has a good laugh. Well in real life sometimes the pretty girl isn’t rich. Sometimes she’s nice. And smart. But it’s ok to pick on her, because she’s pretty so her life must be perfect, right?</p>
<p>Again, I’m not complaining about “the awful burdens of being good looking.” I’d be the first to admit that my daughter’s looks have opened many more doors for her than they have closed. She has no problem getting a date, or a job in a retail store. </p>
<p>But please remember that beauty doesn’t means your life’s path will be strewn with rose petals. Like most things in life, there are both positives and negatives. Resenting someone because they happen to have been born with pleasing features is just as bad as ignoring someone because they happen to have been born ugly.</p>
<p><a href=“beauty”>quote</a> IS less worthy that other attributes such as say intelligence, hard work, good character…because it doesn’t really add any extra value to the world.
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<p>Beauty can indeed add value in that people can use that beauty to bring attention to all manner of worthwhile things that might be ignored otherwise. Pretending that looks don’t matter doesn’t make it so. People are born with certain talents but it would be silly to ignore talent just because we are born with it. </p>
<p>I think it is a mistake to downplay attractiveness if it reaches the point of making someone feel uncomfortable about it. Like it or not, being uncomfortable about one’s looks can lead to psychological problems. </p>
<p>I also agree that accepting a compliment graciously is a great skill to have. A confident “thank you” goes a long way. A squirmy, uncomfortable, “aw shucks” goes a long way too - but not in the direction you want. I think it is particularly annoying when beautiful people pretend they are not and say ridiculous self deprecating things, rather than just “thank you.”</p>
<p>This is as good of a place as any to mention that while I am a big music fan, I didn’t listen to Pearl Jam in the beginning, because the lead singer was impossibly good looking. Even though they played locally, I bought into the idea that they were " posers" and “shallow”.</p>
<p>I say this, because eventually I did become a fan, a huge fan, enough that I have met several people in the band several times , traveled across the country to see the lead singer & my husband & I plan our vacations around their concerts. I have met friends from all over the world who are as big of fans as I am & I am very grateful that I have found this " hobby" which gives me so much pleasure.
But I kick myself knowing my * ten club # could have been lower if I hadn’t been hung up on the way Eddie looked*. :o</p>
<p>I agree- being good looking is only a problem on CC.
Although I do commiserate with people who are harassed for their appearance- at whatever place on the spectrum they feel they fit.</p>
<p>I know people who are extremely good looking & it can get in the way initially, but after a while you forget what they look like & you are relating to the person within- same with people who are less conventionally attractive.</p>
<p>Perhaps this is a problem on CC because there are certain types of attractiveness that people (unfairly) associate with being dumb.</p>
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<p>Oldfort, a woman of your intelligence is surely aware that someone cannot simply will a clear complexion into being. Haven’t you ever seen a person with severe acne, or scarring from severe acne? A person with rosacea? </p>
<p>It is probably somewhat easier to acquire a good haircut and well-fitted clothing–if one has the money.</p>
<p>Both of my girls had severe acne in high school, they got that from H (H has scarring from acne). I took them to a lot of doctors, facials, and daily cleansing (with me nagging when they were younger) to get the complexion they have now. D2 is still struggling with it, but D1 has very good complexion now. There are a lot of treatments out there, but it does time and money. One doctor used to “operate” on D1 by cutting those pimples open so they would heal faster, therefore prevent scarring.</p>
<p>For myself, I do take care of my skin with facial and cream. My mom said, “You only have one face.”</p>
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<p>I wouldn’t say that good looks is of no value so much as it is an example of unearned merit - again like inherited wealth. And both the wealth and the beauty can be easily gotten rid of if anyone truly feels burdened by these gifts.</p>
<p>thank you. and then begin a new conversation.</p>
<p>On the advantages of being a beautiful teen girl: D wants to work over Christmas break. We were at a popular teen store and she asked for an application. They had her fill out an application on the spot, and had her take the computer test on the spot, and called her references two days later and had a phone interview with her right after that. There was no “help wanted sign.” She has no prior experience. She just has the “look” of someone who would wear their clothes. As someone whose mother never had to worry about folks gushing over her daughter’s looks, it is fascinating to see the doors that being beautiful opens. The world isn’t fair, but it’s not likely to change any time soon.</p>
<p>Take full credit. I do that when people tell me how good looking my greyhound is.</p>
<p>…And, finally, let me just add that while there are many ‘pretty faces’ to be seen, they are as quickly forgotten as mass art, whereas the rare appearance of one with profound beauty (combining looks, poise, beauty of movement and of voice – one of the rarest qualities!) is such great pleasure that it can make one’s day – why? – because it reminds us that there is a living standard that comes close to the artist’s ideal of beauty, that there ARE Greek gods and godesses among us, and their presence does have its purpose – that of lifting our spirits fom the banalities and humdrum of our daily lives. Each of them lingers in our consciousness for quite some time afterward. It’s the effect they have. We don’t worship beauty for beauty’s sake, we worship it for what it does to our spirits. We like other ‘beautiful’, inanimate objects like buildings, clothing, boats, etc., but not to the extent that we adore beauty in human form – and we can see some of ourselves in it, whether a little or a lot, and that feels pretty (intended wordplay) good!</p>
<p>The cure for complexion issues is Accutane or other forms of treatment. Nothing to it except $$$.</p>
<p>The thing is that it could take a lot of time, skill, and money for the ‘average’ looking people to look ‘stunning’ good via makeup, a good hair cut, and fashion choices. Some people can get away with no makeup, sweats, and a bad hair day but most everyone else needs to work at it. </p>
<p>We as parents may frown upon seeing our princesses ‘wasting time’ on make-up and the like but as they progress from princesses to young adults and learn the basics, it becomes easier, cheaper, and less time consuming.</p>
<p>As someone who has had both severe acne and rosacea (thankfully, not at the same time), I’ll just say that zinc oxide ointment (diaper rash ointment) is the best skin treatment I ever found. Way more effective than anything a dermatologist ever prescribed (and I saw many over the years) and far cheaper. And safe enough to use on babies.</p>
<p>Not everyone can tolerate the side effects of accutane, unfortunately, although it does work well if you can take it and if you can afford it. It is extremely expensive. The other forms of treatment–antibiotics, drying lotions, etc–don’t work for many, if not most.</p>
<p>But in any case, a person need not be disfigured by extreme acne to simply be on the homely side. Or, god forbid, overweight. The ultimate sin. And a female who is either of those things is told often and forcefully that she is worth less than others, especially as an adolescent.</p>
<p>Nothing to Accutane except the slew of harsh side effects that some suffer. I can’t blame anyone with severe acne for taking it but what a shame there is no alternative for some than a potent systemic drug.</p>
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<p>Right, which is why is seems a little disingenuous to work hard at being beautiful and then turn around and complain about how awful it is to be beautiful. If it’s really that bad then ugly yourself up. Dump the make-up. Get a bad haircut. Stop shaving your legs and arm pits. Eat two dozen doughnuts every day. And shop for your clothes and shoes at discount stores. You’ll save money and all that unwanted beauty will be gone in no time.</p>
<p>Dont have a daughter, just a son. A son who was a beautiful baby. (I know–they all are.) A pretty kid. (Pretty enough to make the cover of his schols alumni magazine in first grade, and to grace the landing page of its first website in 5th grade.) But who went through a really unfortunate, awkward, gangly, pimply middle school experience. Which residual effects in terms of self confidence stayed with him though the 11th grade. Somehow in his senior year and into his freshman year of college, hes grown back into his face. And his happiness in college pictures practically glows through facebook, and he’s just freaking model gorgeous. And thats not just mom talking. I’m quoting others. ;-)</p>
<p>As nice as it is to be positively commented on (and lets be honest: it is). But hes gorgeous on the inside too. Likely formed during this awkward, gangly, pimply middle school years. When hes recognized by his faculty for whats on the inside (“always stands for whats right”) I know that his beauty is to the bone…and all the way through to his soul. Even sweeter.</p>