<p>I feel a need to start this thread tonight, and will be brief and extremely confidential. Today a high school senior hanged himself to death in our town. My children and I know his family and him. He had everything going for him…looks, intelligence, athletic prowess and on the way to one of the top ivies. He was NOT the proverbial loner, but had many,many friends. For privacy and confidentiality i won’t say more about him. BUT, I need to reiterate things I’ve said before…we, parents, high school staff, friends of kids, our kids all need to take care of themselves, especially during the crunch toward college. The focus is, you all know it…GPAs, SAT/ACTs, Rank,ECs, blahblahblah. How much time does anyone think about the stress levels? How often do we get mad at our kids for acting-out and other less-than-nice behaviors, rather than looking beyond them to see what’s really up? Parents, schools and of course the kids get short-sighted at these times. Something is wrong with the system, and it’s up to individual families to find their way. By the way, I should add that this is all happening in a climate of affluence and a “Newsweek” level high school. I started this thread to not only try to feel a little better, but to maybe make a difference in some other kid’s life. Life is precious and can be so fleeting. Treasure your kids. thanks.</p>
<p>Oh, happycollegemom. My heart goes out to the family and all of you around them.</p>
<p>I know how this can rock your world. In our town, we had a teen suicide the month after hs graduation a couple of years ago and a 14-year-old teen hanging death just one year ago. In this case, it was an accidental death by the “choking game.” No less tragic, but suicidal hanging and accidental hanging can be hard to differentiate at first.</p>
<p>Neither of these boys were loners either. Many friends. And, Timmy, the boy who committed suicide was one of the very most popular kids at school. He did have mental health problems and he and his family were working very hard on them. Still, the depression took over long enough for him to think he could not go on. So very tragic. His problems were unknown to most, if not all of us, until his death.</p>
<p>One of the beautiful and courageous things Timmy’s family (the boy who committed suicide) did was to be public about it, in hopes of - just as you say - making a difference in another kid’s life. They wanted people to know that they were not ashamed of Timmy for the depression that he suffered. That there is no shame in suffering depression or bi-polar disorder. They hope that others will seek help and not feel any shame or reluctance to get it. They have started statewide awareness programs. As has the mom of the young boy who hanged himself playing the choking game.</p>
<p>Nothing takes away from the tragedy and shock of it. But maybe someday we will see less and less of all of this.</p>
<p>Again, my heart goes out to all in your community.</p>
<p>My heart goes out to all who are mourning this terrible loss.</p>
<p>It appears that now your community is not only in grief, but in danger. For some reasons that have not yet been discovered, teen suicide seems to beget teen suicide. I hope that your community can reach out to its young people and help them see that there is nothing “romanitc” in copy-cat death.</p>
<p>I sincerely hope and pray that this doesn’t happen. By virtue of your own post, you may have saved more lives than you know.</p>
<p>That is so sad. 
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your community.</p>
<p>My own sister tried to commit suicide about 4 years ago by popping a bunch of Tylenol/Motrin/Aspirin, but (thank God) told my mom what she’d done and my mom managed to get her to the hospital before anything serious happened.</p>
<p>Like the boys you have mentioned, she has lots of friends and nothing really seemed wrong. </p>
<p>From a teenager’s perspective, it’s really hard to attend a friend’s funeral.</p>
<p>My sophomore year, a young boy in my class was hit by a car and died two days later. He was in my Smaller Learning Community, and we were all hit pretty hard. It’s not really the same as suicide, but still, tragic. We all wore black ribbons for a while and we’re trying to do something for graduation since he would have graduated this year.</p>
<p>This is a really great thread…hats off to you for creating it.</p>
<p>i have to rush off to work now, but you all have put tears in my eyes! thank you for your support and support of me for bringing this to the public. i hope the 'right" kid out there finds this thread! i’ll be on later. with all my gratitude…</p>
<p>Thanks for opening this thread. I’ll mention here something I learned about a decade ago when researching for a personal webpage. It’s a known fact that May and October are the peak months for suicide all over the northern temperate zone, regardless of school years. That probably has to do with seasonal changes in daylight patterns. The United States has a lower suicide rate than most European countries, and that is thought to be because they are at more polar latitudes, with more variations in daylight. </p>
<p><a href=“http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suiciderates/en/[/url]”>http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suiciderates/en/</a> </p>
<p>So at this time of year, regardless of your child’s schooling situation, it is a good time to make sure you are maintaining an emotional connection to your child and staying aware of variation in your child’s sleep patterns and mood. Life is an adventure; there are lots of great reasons to keep on living. Make sure your children feel connected to adults who want to stay in the adventure.</p>
<p>My sympathies and condolences to all who loved this child.</p>
<p>A young girl in our community hung herself last year. Same kind of scenario…seemed like she had everything going for her. </p>
<p>Many adults in her life looked back and wondered if they had been aware and had maintained a connection to her. They had and she made a choice not to let any of them know how she was truly feeling.</p>
<p>happycollegemom,
Thanks for starting this thread, even though it must be such a sad time for all those who knew and loved this child. I will try to keep in mind what you have shared when I am tempted to “ride herd” on my high school aged kids. I know that I am adding extra stress to their lives in my attempt to help them stay focused. I need to pull back.</p>
<p>My condolences and love to any families who have faced this issue or who struggle with children who suffer from depression or other mental issues.</p>
<p>I think we all should pause to reflect on whether we, as parents are a part of the problem…are we pushing too much to keep up with the Jones…do we buy into the hype that little suzie has to get into a good college or she will be a failure…there is a fine line we walk between encouraging, supporting and pushing…and all are good when done with love and acceptance. What is really impt in the end? for me, healthy happy adults who can function on their own, contribute to society, believe in something, maybe fall in love and be satisfied with their life. (of course we would hope that they would live a moral life and obey the law)…sometimes we all get caught up in the deadlines, grades etc. </p>
<p>Incidents like this tend to recenter us all. Such a sad thing to think of someone so young checking out of life because it is too much and not fun. Life should be fun–especially if you are 14 or 17 years old.</p>
<p>Oh happycollegemom: My heart goes out to you, your family and your community.</p>
<p>This really puts things in perspective, how meaningless all the SAT, which school etc, is. It’s so sad that this young man couldn’t value himself with all his accomplishments and attributes. And so sad that he was too young to know that these feelings can pass.</p>
<p>Last year a friend of D’s died mysteriously. It could have been suicide, and it could have been effects of anorexia. The family didn’t say. She was attending college locally and was home when she passed away. All the kids (they were college sophmores) came home for her wake and huddled close. Another one of them was pregnant (happily). They certainly felt that their childhoods were over.</p>
<p>I hope the grief passes soon. My heart aches for this boy’s family.</p>
<p>What a tragedy. A young life wasted. Imagine his depair if he saw this as a way out.
However, all the blogs I have read so far talk about ‘family problems’ as the reason he did this. Nothing related to SAT or school at all.</p>
<p>My deepest condolences to the family and friends. A few years ago a friend’s son, a bright kid who was well-loved by everyone, broke up with his girlfriend, came home, found dad’s hunting rifle… Terrible tragedy! The entire high school showed up at the memorial service, I have never seen so many weeping young men and women… I do not think that his parents ever recover from this loss.</p>
<p>They say that at certain times of year- when acceptances/rejections come out, when kids get their grades, when they receive their SAT and other test scores, that they are very vulnerable </p>
<p>It is more than just the stress, it is their fear of disappointing those people around them, who have expectations that the young person doesn’t acheive or think they can achieve</p>
<p>Often its the kid who is afraid of hurting their parents, being embarrassed because they didn’t “succeed” as others thought they would.</p>
<p>And maybe part of the corrilation of the times of suicide may indeed be time change, it can also do with the pressures in the persons life at that time of year, and in combination…</p>
<p>So, what we as parents need to do is be careful what questions we ask, how we describe kids (even the description by the OP: who could live up to the image that this kid had to?- not saying anything about the OP, but the community as a whole) </p>
<p>We need to not send out signals that everything needs to be perfect, and that “failure” is totally acceptable</p>
<p>Who knows what triggered this young man’s death…but we as adults need to be aware of the messages we send, the expectations, and be sure our kids get a break, to be kids</p>
<p>again, with tears in my eyes i must thank all of you ! i felt a bit selfish when i started this thread because i thought it would help my pain, but NEVER did i think it would become what i’d hoped for and is doing…a living, experience of others’ shared loss, and hope for the kids who might come by to read this , as well as all of our own. keep your shared strength coming.</p>
<p>Any death is certainly sad, but the death of a young person seems especially devastating, when one thinks about the potential he or she had. And when suicide is the cause of death, one has to wonder what could have been done to help that person. I’m sure all who knew him are deeply affected by this, and even though who only knew of him are grieving as well. Things truly do get put into perspective at times like these, and if anything positive could come from it, I too hope that his death may help others get the help they need.</p>
<p>My thoughts and prayers are with you Happycollegemom. Thank you for your inspirational words: “Life is precious and can be so fleeting. Treasure your kids.”</p>
<p>I need to be reminded of this daily.</p>
<p>i just came from his wake…possibly the saddest thing i’ve ever seen…hundreds of crying teens, adults…a beautiful boy(open casket) surrounded by baby pictures, and athletic jerseys! lots of painful websites going up on web, but i’ll keep his name confidential here. seems it was a true suicide…for what??? to say this is a loss is a great understatement. thanks, all, and curiousmom, thanks for your words.</p>
<p>I don’t live in that town, but I was visiting someone, and saw the long lines of cars outside the funeral home. And kids crying. It is very very sad. Sorry for the loss of your friend’s child HCM. </p>
<p>I have also been reading various blogs on it, and the plans to honor him at prom and graduation. This touches the lives of people who never met him. He supposedly was a very happy well-adjusted kid, the last person you would have expected to end his life over something like this.</p>
<p>Thank you for this thread. I often think we – and even moreso our children – will look back upon this “largest-graduating-classes-in-US-history”/AP frenzy/everyone-should-go-to-college/Ivy-as-latest-fashion-accessory period in time and wonder WHAT we were all thinking.</p>
<p>Sleep deprivation and constant stress over periods of months or years are time-honored methods of torture and also a way of life for high-achieving high school students. I’ve worried a lot for my S’s, but have never found the right way to “check in” with them without getting laughed at or the proverbial eye-roll. We’re almost through the worst of it with youngest S graduating this year, but I would have appreciated guidance on HOW to approach your teen around this subject. Especially boys. </p>
<p>My heart goes out to the family who lost their teen. So very sad.</p>